I wanted this one to be separate from the previous post because it means a lot to me.
First, and mostly because it won't make me cry as much (...as much!), I have a friend who is moving away; and I mean moving away... like, to another country away, and this is her first time moving out. That coupled with this time of year - Back to School - always makes me remember when I moved out. I was insecure, depressed even though I didn't know it then, and very guarded. I had to tell S that I am looking at her moving from my remembered perspective and from a mum perspective. Seemingly everything now has me flashing forward to when it could happen to Dania instead of when it happened to me. I had to tell S that if Dania is similar in the self-assuredness, strength, and character S has (and I don't mean as a knight!), then I honestly don't think I would worry so much about her moving out. I remember that I found 'me' in university and I was quite self-conscious at the end of high school. It was with a lot of friends and familial support in second and third year that I figured stuff out. (This is also not inspired in anyway by the recent news of Robin Williams, either... ya, right). I worry that Dania will have trouble finding 'her' when she doesn't necessarily have the knowledge of her past that she might want. Oh, goodness, the worry spiral... I thought it was bad before... now, I'm a Mom. This is the type of content that was touched on in adoption training but can never be properly addressed because it is so individually tailored. It was great that they gave the info about finding international adoption-specific psychiatrists. I feel like that wasn't something that was given out in the past because being adopted and different wasn't addressed as readily as it is now - seriously, who isn't different? Anyway, I have a few people that I look to and hope that Dania can one day embody some of their greatness. I look at my cousin and my good friend who each raised 2 girls who are about to hit the decade mark and are wonderful to be around and hope Dania is as well adjusted as these girls. I hope Dania finds role models in her personal life like I have! And to my friend about to embark on a new adventure, bravo! I don't feel a shred of friend worry for you... it's only mom worry hahaha.
The moment in Ontario that took me by complete surprise was with my own mum. Now, I have mentioned many times and to many people that Dania can throw fits. I have had one group of friends see an 'almost-there' level of fit (even Mike hasn't seen the worst!) but I had one overheard in Ontario. I don't know what the trigger was for this and she literally screamed-inhaled-screamed-inhaled on repeat for I don't know how long. She was exhausted, she was given food, she had bed and stories and Elmo... who knows? When she finally stopped and fell asleep (a loooooooong time later), I was reading and Mum came in and asked if that was what I meant by a tantrum. You bet. She then asked if I was ok. That was not what I expected. I don't know why exactly, maybe because no one has really witnessed one of her huge fits and maybe because I feel inadequate, but I felt like I was bound to be told what to do instead of what I had done as opposed to questioned that I was okay. Ten days later... I'm hugging Mum goodbye and about to get into the car to go to the airport when she tells me I'm a good mum and she doesn't know where I got my patience from. Woah. That struck me hard being told by my own mum, who I respect hugely for a gajillion reasons, that I'm a good mum when I don't feel that way in situations like that. It's true, I don't have a lot of patience usually; I'm quick to jump to worse case scenario and conclude the 'only' way a situation can turn out but when it comes to Dania? Anything goes. I don't know what's going on in that head of hers, so I have to just go with my gut and do what I do. Thanks Mum. Thanks for the upraising and the complement.
Wednesday, August 20, 2014
Tuesday, August 19, 2014
Home, Sweet Home
I only just realized that our recent trip to Ontario had us flying back to Halifax on the exact day, but one year later, that we landed in Halifax with Dania. I remember bringing her home that night and giving her a bath and putting her to bed and checking on her a few times (before crashing so hard that I didn't hear her cry in the night!). This time it was Dania who had the wonderful feeling of coming home because she understands what a home is now. It provides comfort for her! She even says now, "me, home!" and nods her head enthusiastically. If I hadn't been so tired at the airport, I probably would have been a bit more nostalgic and emotional! Ha!
The travelling was fine other than having too much stuff and not enough arms since Dania's aren't going to carry anything! She was not shy around Aunty Kitty and Grandpa when she saw them right away and even performed all her wacky dance moves for their entertainment. She went down to sleep okay (I do not think she ever slept really deep because she was always very tuckered out from all the excitement and has been sleeping 12+ hours a night here AND 2+ hour naps in the afternoons). In the morning, she wasn't shy around Gramma either and made herself right at home. She even surprised me by walking around the next day asking, "where Meeko?" She had already adjusted to a different dog and learned to say his name! We went to the beach with Grampa and visited her Great Grandparents and then headed North to my favourite place - the cottage.
Uncle Fil was an excellent driver and I will never be able to thank him, Kitty, and Mum enough for the constant availability of a car for us (and for the delicious lunches and dinners! I dreamed about those burritos and will totally make her next grilled cheese like the lumberjack). We hit the rock in the early evening and she grasped the fact that she needed to wear a life jacket in order to be by the water in a timely manner. She LOVED the boat ride over to the cottage and throwing rocks into the lake!
My favourite part of this trip home was seeing how much she remembered from the last one - which was baffling to me. She went there 2 months after landing in Canada and wasn't understanding English fully yet, hadn't really laughed until that trip (C and K were the laugh-riot trigger!) but still remembered where the 1 toy at my Nana and Papa's place was or the mini-trampoline and how she used it before she could even jump!
Other fun developments that have happened since this trip include her playing the crowd now (she changes the tone of her voice and everything), SINGING!, and starting to recognize emotions. Man, she really is adorable...especially when singing... I just have to say...
Now that we are home (which included a crash lawn mow, unpack, laundry, weeding, and grocery shop) she is starting to get into her clingy mode because Daddy isn't here... He called the other night, completely unexpected, and she was so confused because she is so used to Skype that she kept looking for him but couldn't see him and only sat there and said "Ga-Ga" (her Da-Da since she started that before the cleft repair). It was funny. He actually called twice and I have to say that I probably sounded like that drunk girl at a party because I was so rapid-fire full of stories of all she has done and interspersed with sappy "I love you's" that I'm sure I could have been an SNL character.
Now that we are back though, I have checked the status of her citizenship package and am happy to say that it is being processed (now, that could mean processed and then sent back because of an error or processed because it is good) so, it is at least there in the correct facility. I have also called the ophthalmologist since it has been over 3 months since we were referred to the Kids' Hospital eye doctors... the receptionist told me that her file shows the referral and that this clinic has a habit of only contacting you a month before your appointment. I figured something had been misplaced because I'm used to having a call with the appointment date being eons away. So, those are my serious sides of Dania tasks and they have been done. Now? Back to chalk drawings of Elmo, great books, and somersaults on the lawn!
The travelling was fine other than having too much stuff and not enough arms since Dania's aren't going to carry anything! She was not shy around Aunty Kitty and Grandpa when she saw them right away and even performed all her wacky dance moves for their entertainment. She went down to sleep okay (I do not think she ever slept really deep because she was always very tuckered out from all the excitement and has been sleeping 12+ hours a night here AND 2+ hour naps in the afternoons). In the morning, she wasn't shy around Gramma either and made herself right at home. She even surprised me by walking around the next day asking, "where Meeko?" She had already adjusted to a different dog and learned to say his name! We went to the beach with Grampa and visited her Great Grandparents and then headed North to my favourite place - the cottage.
Uncle Fil was an excellent driver and I will never be able to thank him, Kitty, and Mum enough for the constant availability of a car for us (and for the delicious lunches and dinners! I dreamed about those burritos and will totally make her next grilled cheese like the lumberjack). We hit the rock in the early evening and she grasped the fact that she needed to wear a life jacket in order to be by the water in a timely manner. She LOVED the boat ride over to the cottage and throwing rocks into the lake!
But she did not love the water! I thought for sure she would be fine but I think it was the fact that she couldn't touch or see the bottom that frightened her because she didn't even like it when Katie or I jumped in. She actually refused to say 'go' for us to run and jump. She completely tensed up if we put her in unexpectedly and just cried when she was expecting it. I did make her go in everyday though. Floated around with her to different things and tried to make it happy but didn't push it for more than 10 minutes each day. She was quite content to sit in the boat and watch us. She also gets cold so flipping fast! I mean, c'mon, her limbs are as thick as bananas!
We did discover the game 'where's Elmo?' at the cottage and we would hide him all over the place and she learned to look up and down and in all kinds of different spots... also to follow some verbal clues if she was struggling. It was hilarious to watch her and she played it for hours each day and got progressively MORE excited each time she found him. She slept pretty good up North. Everyone does though. It's the air - it makes you sleepy.
After the cottage trip, we just stayed at my childhood home and visited people and places within the city. I would have loved to venture further to visit more people but I knew that with her it would be harder. I also didn't want to over 'schedule' us and wear myself out too. I will never have enough time with 2 weeks to see all the awesome people back home! We did travel to Mississauga and have a lovely dinner on a yacht - I felt fancy there! It was pretty and sounded so nice when you were in the downstairs of the yacht (yes, downstairs; there were 3 floors) and the water lapped at the sides making nice ambient noise. Dania liked this boat too. I'm pretty sure she wanted to jump off (even though you couldn't see the bottom... I don't think she registered that and just saw the water!). It was something different and enjoyable and I can't wait to brag to Mike!
We went swimming at the Gretzky Centre with GG Miklos, went to friends' homes and met two gorgeous new little boys and played with their older siblings, impressed people with her gymnastic skills, ate a lot of chicken wings, started saying all kinds of new words (she said 'Howie' after seeing a grey striped cat! I was so touched that she clearly missed her kitty!), went to the zoo and kissed a lot of animals and reptiles!
Seriously, the woman from Ray's Reptiles wanted to keep Dania as part of the show!
We got lost in Brantford because so many intersections have changed, hesitated to hug people goodbye but never to kiss people goodbye, ate blizzards on Children's Wish day, and discovered the greatest place on Earth: A splash pad.
Water shooting in my face from a million different angles? Yes, please!
My favourite part of this trip home was seeing how much she remembered from the last one - which was baffling to me. She went there 2 months after landing in Canada and wasn't understanding English fully yet, hadn't really laughed until that trip (C and K were the laugh-riot trigger!) but still remembered where the 1 toy at my Nana and Papa's place was or the mini-trampoline and how she used it before she could even jump!
Other fun developments that have happened since this trip include her playing the crowd now (she changes the tone of her voice and everything), SINGING!, and starting to recognize emotions. Man, she really is adorable...especially when singing... I just have to say...
Now that we are home (which included a crash lawn mow, unpack, laundry, weeding, and grocery shop) she is starting to get into her clingy mode because Daddy isn't here... He called the other night, completely unexpected, and she was so confused because she is so used to Skype that she kept looking for him but couldn't see him and only sat there and said "Ga-Ga" (her Da-Da since she started that before the cleft repair). It was funny. He actually called twice and I have to say that I probably sounded like that drunk girl at a party because I was so rapid-fire full of stories of all she has done and interspersed with sappy "I love you's" that I'm sure I could have been an SNL character.
Now that we are back though, I have checked the status of her citizenship package and am happy to say that it is being processed (now, that could mean processed and then sent back because of an error or processed because it is good) so, it is at least there in the correct facility. I have also called the ophthalmologist since it has been over 3 months since we were referred to the Kids' Hospital eye doctors... the receptionist told me that her file shows the referral and that this clinic has a habit of only contacting you a month before your appointment. I figured something had been misplaced because I'm used to having a call with the appointment date being eons away. So, those are my serious sides of Dania tasks and they have been done. Now? Back to chalk drawings of Elmo, great books, and somersaults on the lawn!
Thursday, July 31, 2014
Last Big Step
Today, we got the certified true copies for her citizenship application!!! I will mail the whole package tomorrow morning. I have added sticky notes to every page indicating what it's intended use is. I also included 3 different head shots to choose from (2 of each, of course) and 2 different copies of my receipt of fee payment (1 filled out, one not... I had entered my address and such online but nothing printed out on the receipt except my name and all the blanks are there so I filled one out and included another fresh off the press). I'm so paranoid about it being sent back after the back and forth I played with Immigration to get the approval letter to be foreign adopted parents! My biggest concern with this is they will not like the affadavit of the translator because it is at the bottom of each translated page and because the photocopy is slightly skewed the bottom of the last sentence is cut off... still don't even have to guess at what it says, just literally showing two thirds of the letters. I also worry that it will be a problem when I've included 1 certified true copy of a document that is to be used for both official forms (the proof of adopted parents' citizenship and the grant of a minor [adopted] citizenship), for example, the proof of guardianship via the adoption certificate; there is 1 copy to be used for both forms. I hope, hope, hope that everything is okay so we don't keep sending things back and forth.
The lady at the courthouse doing the certified true copies today was a hoot and totally enamoured with Dania. She looked at the first copy and said, "well, I didn't expect I'd be reading Russian today!" and then asked about everything as she stamped and signed all my papers. She also way undercharged me which I totally appreciate. A few pages were stapled together (translations and document) and should have counted as 2 copies each but she only counted them as 1. She was still shocked at the total being $90 but I laughed and said while we were sending Russia documents, it was $60 a document for translation and certification as opposed to $13.50, so I was happy with that total!
So, now I have a brown paper package on the dining table that is to be sent tomorrow morning! YEAH!!!!
On different notes, Dania had some good strides in the clingy department where she slept at Mima's house here without Mama and Daddy putting her to bed or being there when she woke up. She did great! All in prep for Mike leaving again and me being in a wedding in August so she will be staying there again. She has also been doing really well with trying the b and p sounds as not initial sounds. She is saying 'maybe' and 'up' all the time now. She even said 'Rob' when pointing to our friend Rob. I have been so impressed. She is clearly watching our mouths closely still... but must be practicing in secret in all the mirrors in her room hahahaha. She has even been holding her hands on her lips when trying to say 'Big Bird' because I pinch mine together with my hands to show her. What a kid.
We are also about to embark on a trip to Ontario and my favourite place in the world - The Cottage. So many childhood memories so I hope to start creating them for her - tomorrow!
The lady at the courthouse doing the certified true copies today was a hoot and totally enamoured with Dania. She looked at the first copy and said, "well, I didn't expect I'd be reading Russian today!" and then asked about everything as she stamped and signed all my papers. She also way undercharged me which I totally appreciate. A few pages were stapled together (translations and document) and should have counted as 2 copies each but she only counted them as 1. She was still shocked at the total being $90 but I laughed and said while we were sending Russia documents, it was $60 a document for translation and certification as opposed to $13.50, so I was happy with that total!
So, now I have a brown paper package on the dining table that is to be sent tomorrow morning! YEAH!!!!
On different notes, Dania had some good strides in the clingy department where she slept at Mima's house here without Mama and Daddy putting her to bed or being there when she woke up. She did great! All in prep for Mike leaving again and me being in a wedding in August so she will be staying there again. She has also been doing really well with trying the b and p sounds as not initial sounds. She is saying 'maybe' and 'up' all the time now. She even said 'Rob' when pointing to our friend Rob. I have been so impressed. She is clearly watching our mouths closely still... but must be practicing in secret in all the mirrors in her room hahahaha. She has even been holding her hands on her lips when trying to say 'Big Bird' because I pinch mine together with my hands to show her. What a kid.
We are also about to embark on a trip to Ontario and my favourite place in the world - The Cottage. So many childhood memories so I hope to start creating them for her - tomorrow!
Love these 1-year-later shots. Thanks again to Jenine at Blue Vine Photography!
Thursday, July 24, 2014
Another Anniversary!
One year ago today, Mike and I were granted custody of Dania and we were taking this photograph as our first official family photo:
Now, one year later:
she still has about the same amount of hair.
Wow. I often get asked if I can remember life before her... yes, I can. It was just so much quieter and different and not as much love and worry busting out of me 24/7. I can remember life without her... just don't necessarily want to go back to that life! I also get asked a lot if we are going for number 2 now... well, I always said that if we adopted again I would want Dania to be old enough to weigh in on the matter. She might be more bothered over the fact that she was adopted than we could realize (this doesn't mean she doesn't see us as her parents, it just means she has internalized that she began by not being wanted by someone) and if going through the process would bother her then I don't think I could do it. If by some miracle I got pregnant, then that's another story. But in all honesty? I am so happy with just one to love and cherish with every morsel of my soul. I do hope that "Russia" will open it's mind and allow adoption to Canada again for the sake of all those little ones out there. I still think of Mak in the baby home and I have so many other faces that I saw everyday while there too! My beautiful girl is here though. Her citizenship is almost ready to be sent (by the end of next week is my goal).
We did the photo shoot with Blue Vine photography and wonderful Jenine in order to celebrate this remarkable milestone. I thought it was more for me to send to my family back home but when I saw the last photograph she took of me and Dania I started to cry. And I cried every time I thought about it for the next few days. A loving confidant asked me why I cried... I had to think about it and I realized it was because I still fear that she can be taken from me for political reasons. We struggled to get her and there was so much angst over the court day and so much precaution over dotting all the i's and crossing all the t's that I think I still felt like it wasn't permanent. This is a different feeling from the irrational fear that she will stop breathing at night since she sleeps with a blanket over her face (she's kind of like the bird in a cage that way, just have to move her and put the blanket back and she will settle) or that she will run into the street when I'm not looking for a second... it's so much scarier than that. It's so hard to put into proper words for me to convey to everyone else. It's just that I didn't realize it was there before, this deep-seated fear that since she is still not a Canadian citizen (hence my meltdown when I couldn't find her PR card!) that she is susceptible somehow - and I didn't really realize it until I saw that picture. Then it hit me when Jenine showed me (crying again right now) that this photo completely represented my reality. It was her and me and no one else around to intrude. We were in the middle of a field wearing coronas of sunlight and that is it. We are not inhibited by being out in the open and we are enjoying each other. That's it. Simplicity at its best. And it's my simplicity now.
For as long as I live, I may not have a photo that means as much to me as this one. Mama loves you Dania!
Sunday, July 13, 2014
She Just Blew My Mind Again.
Ok, let me set the stage for the normal, everyday: temper, temper, temper. This kid has a short, short fuse and it usually has to do with us trying to get her to do something like eat or speak a new sound. She will lash out and hit us, then start screaming, then throw herself on the ground and cry. The day might as well end there because it's a struggle for the rest of the day coming. It's usually me getting smacked in the face because I'm home all day with her. I have been trying soooo hard to get her to do the 'buh' sound and to have her not use the 'nnn' sound for when saying milk. These are old habits to break... and her temper is breaking me. I feel so bad because we encouraged the compensated sounds before the surgery (ie. Gaga for Dada) and now we say it isn't right and she loses it. Once she has temper tantrumed once, every little thing for the day does it, bumping her stroller while she is walking Elmo, not being able to use her fork properly, not getting something to stay in just the right spot. Nothing will make her happy. So, with this being said, I was dreading our latest speech pathology appointment, picturing her hitting the speech pathologist, screaming, and just getting angry the whole hour. Dania sat quiety, listened to what she was told, responded and tried sounds and words that she never would for us, and didn't throw any fit when she was denied a toy until she attempted the sound. For the whole hour. I think I sat there with my jaw hung open. She even let the speech pathologist touch her face and push her lips together! Unbelievable. I was so blown away when we left that appointment. She still doesn't have that patience with me now that I KNOW she can do it hahaha. She has a better time with the P and B being the start of the second syllable (apple, elbow). That is now the angle we are approaching things as opposed to initial sounds.
One thing that isn't making her frustrated, and that I am being impressed with, is the potty training. She still is unable to tell us when she has to pee and she doesn't look different or dance or give any body language to indicate that need yet, but she has been pooping on the toilet daily now. She is even pointing to her bum and walking to the toilet and going (twice in the last week!) instead of me just putting her on around her usual time and waiting. We let her play with the tablet on the toilet... her lap isn't big enough for books to not fall off!... and that allows her to relax and then she gets a few chocolate chips as a reward. It's working for both of us so I'm happy. Once she is consistent for a whole week I will try her without the diaper and start working on telling us when she has to pee.
Other than that, we are just outside as much as possible and enjoying the nice weather!
One thing that isn't making her frustrated, and that I am being impressed with, is the potty training. She still is unable to tell us when she has to pee and she doesn't look different or dance or give any body language to indicate that need yet, but she has been pooping on the toilet daily now. She is even pointing to her bum and walking to the toilet and going (twice in the last week!) instead of me just putting her on around her usual time and waiting. We let her play with the tablet on the toilet... her lap isn't big enough for books to not fall off!... and that allows her to relax and then she gets a few chocolate chips as a reward. It's working for both of us so I'm happy. Once she is consistent for a whole week I will try her without the diaper and start working on telling us when she has to pee.
Other than that, we are just outside as much as possible and enjoying the nice weather!
Tuesday, July 1, 2014
She Sucks!
Literally! The surgery worked! She can suck through a straw now!!!! It was 5 months to the day of her surgery (Jan. 27) that she finally used a straw and has continued to do so. Of course it was a double-caffeinated beverage that I was drinking and said, 'sure, you can have some because you can't use a straw,' and she takes a giant gulp as I watch the liquid go up the straw! I yelled out in surprise and startled her. We then got her a chocolate milk with a straw right away and I kept raising my arms and yelling in happiness and had to explain to the lady at the counter that she had been physically unable to do this before and had surgery and now - SUCK! She didn't seem to care ha ha ha! It was funny because just the day before I was forcing her to poise so I could take a pic of the roof of her mouth to see what progress the dent has made with filling in (if any!).
I know it was three days before I posted, but the days are busy now that we are always outside! This most wonderful news definitely couldn't wait long though ;)
She is proving to love summer and water just as much as me. And boy, oh boy! Her skin is going to be dark. Her region generally had the darker skin tones and she is going to follow suit for sure! She fights me with the sunscreen in the morning (mostly just the back of the neck which furthers my theory that she didn't like the bucket hats because they touched the back of her neck with their brims) but we get it on and reapply if we get wet but she is still going to be very obviously of darker than me (and Mike, well, he is always pale though so I'm not counting him) and I said it might be the first times that strangers might think she is not our biological child. I always LOVE playing along with people who say she has my smile or looks just like Mike. It's easier than explaining the whole story to a total stranger! LOL! Meanwhile, anyone who knows genetics would know that two blue-eyed people could not produce a dark brown-eyed child. Genetics was my favourite part of science in school! As her hair is growing in it is getting lighter though and might be more of a golden brown than a chestnut brown that I thought she would be. We shall have to wait and see!
I love that you can see the scar around the toothline that shows just how much was filled in!
She is proving to love summer and water just as much as me. And boy, oh boy! Her skin is going to be dark. Her region generally had the darker skin tones and she is going to follow suit for sure! She fights me with the sunscreen in the morning (mostly just the back of the neck which furthers my theory that she didn't like the bucket hats because they touched the back of her neck with their brims) but we get it on and reapply if we get wet but she is still going to be very obviously of darker than me (and Mike, well, he is always pale though so I'm not counting him) and I said it might be the first times that strangers might think she is not our biological child. I always LOVE playing along with people who say she has my smile or looks just like Mike. It's easier than explaining the whole story to a total stranger! LOL! Meanwhile, anyone who knows genetics would know that two blue-eyed people could not produce a dark brown-eyed child. Genetics was my favourite part of science in school! As her hair is growing in it is getting lighter though and might be more of a golden brown than a chestnut brown that I thought she would be. We shall have to wait and see!
Friday, June 20, 2014
Longest. Month. Ever.
I was astounded when I saw it has only been a month and 6 days since I last posted. I swear to gods this was the longest month ever.
First, Mike went back to work, so there was that adjustment to only having a helping hand in the evenings. Then he went to sea for 3 weeks so I went to being a single parent with Dania having only 2 weeks transition before he went away and absolutely no concept of what I mean when I saw Daddy will be back in 20 sleeps. The first week went alright. I was tired and let a lot of housework slide... then the weekend hit and all hell broke loose. Dania started trying to change her own diaper. Three full bedding washes and 4 days while double checking EVERYTHING in her room for any hint of eau de poop. Back into a onesie while she sleeps has worked so far since then. Then the dog decided to become insanely jealous or protective or something else stupid and unnecessary, but while we were playing in our next-door-neighbour's back yard, she must have continuously thrown herself against the patio screen door until knocking it off the tracks. The back yard is fenced in, but that doesn't mean the cat can't jump or climb it and run away. I was more pissed than anything at first because I know the cat is smart enough to come home. Then it started to get dark and still no Howie. We have a coyote population in this neighbourhood. Howie is an aggressive cat and would get eaten. I started to get upset. Just when I full on panicked and posted a help add on our neighbourhood facebook group, I hear the collar bell ringing and he jumps back over the deck and into my arms. PHEWF! THE NEXT DANG DAY! Leia decides to run away after barging out while Dania and I are coming inside. Seriously?!?! I just bought you a new squeak toy and a new ball that we can kick for you without you biting a hole in it! Ungrateful bitch. She's female... it's allowed. She ran around for over an hour and a half until a neighbour caught her. She will NOT come when you call her and you can't chase her because then she thinks it is a game. Plus, I have Dania and can't just leave her while I run after Leia's darts here and there. I got a pretty bad sunburn from this unexpected jaunt outside. (On another note, Mike is home now and she did run out again today as she went after the UPS guy when I had my hand full with the package he delivered and he stepped back for that one split second to shut the door - zoooom. Seriously, I'm over her. Anyone want a dog?)
Week 2 began with Dania suddenly not asking for Dada anymore. I thought that was weird. Then when someone she knew came over she went bananas and started scrambling up me wanting to be held, crying, screaming 'mamaaaaa,' and hyperventilating to the point of puking. This wasn't a stranger either. I thought maybe it was a one time event until she did it two more times with people coming over, and with me talking to someone on the street, AND with her Mima who comes to play with her every Wednesday morning. I honestly think she was panicking about Mike suddenly not being here and her not wanting me to go the same way. She may not remember leaving the orphanage exactly but it was the same thing, her familiarity GONE. The adoption training touched on this saying that the kids don't have specific memories but they still have the feelings associated with change and upset and she probably just didn't know how to deal with them. I had to keep assuring her over and over that I wasn't leaving. I also just kept saying Daddy was coming home but she doesn't understand that. It broke my heart. I pretty much carried her or at least held her hand constantly for week 3 of Mike's deployment. We went to other people's houses and she was great there, but did not like the thought of me out of sight. Even Mike's homecoming was marred by her confusion over not wanting to leave me but excited to see him. I think she was thinking she only gets one or the other of us now.
It's been one week of mike being home - and taken that long to feel like I have caught up on things. She is doing alright now. She still gets clingy when tired, but otherwise is her old self. She is loving the warmer weather and wants to be outside all the time. She discovered how much she loves slides and even makes them for her stuffed animals. She back flips off her bed, can go downstairs by herself if there are rungs to hold on to, and learned the sign language for cereal all by herself by watching it on Baby Einstein. Mike and I had no idea what she kept trying to tell us and then one day I saw the video clip and put it all together. She is telling us she wants cereal... clever girl.
Her last speech pathology was kind of a bust because she wanted just to hold on to me (it was while Mike was away) but she is definitely comfortable at that office now and next month should prove more successful. We missed her hearing appointment yesterday... oops, my bad... but they haven't even called to tell me I missed it. We will see what happens. Perhaps I wrote it down wrong and we have yet to miss it but will again since I don't know when it is... We are also still waiting on her referral to the eye clinic at the kid's hospital. If it hits the 2 month mark, I will call the eye doctor for another referral.
I'm getting excited because we will be swimming in the lake pretty soon! It is still just a tad too cold right now, but we can still play on the shore and in the sand! She LOVES sand and gravel. Each time I have to tell her not to throw it because (I swear this is what it is! I can see her devious mind churning) it's not the same handful I just told her she couldn't throw. After a bit, she gets it and just drops it after a 3-2-1 countdown. I had to make her shorts out of a bunch of old tights since her waist is still fitting in her 3-6 month shorts from LAST summer. She is all torso! Almost 33 inches now. She didn't seem to mind the transition to shorts and no socks. I think she prefers bare feet like me. I did find the cutest little sandals for her. They are actually thongs with a heel strap. Her ankles and feet are too skinny for any of the strappy sandals. She kept tripping on them. We did get one pair to wear in the water but the flip flops are her go-to pair now. No blistering between the toes and they didn't freak her out because I wear them. Just like the earrings.
Ok, I think I need a nap. Here are a couple pics. xoxo
First, Mike went back to work, so there was that adjustment to only having a helping hand in the evenings. Then he went to sea for 3 weeks so I went to being a single parent with Dania having only 2 weeks transition before he went away and absolutely no concept of what I mean when I saw Daddy will be back in 20 sleeps. The first week went alright. I was tired and let a lot of housework slide... then the weekend hit and all hell broke loose. Dania started trying to change her own diaper. Three full bedding washes and 4 days while double checking EVERYTHING in her room for any hint of eau de poop. Back into a onesie while she sleeps has worked so far since then. Then the dog decided to become insanely jealous or protective or something else stupid and unnecessary, but while we were playing in our next-door-neighbour's back yard, she must have continuously thrown herself against the patio screen door until knocking it off the tracks. The back yard is fenced in, but that doesn't mean the cat can't jump or climb it and run away. I was more pissed than anything at first because I know the cat is smart enough to come home. Then it started to get dark and still no Howie. We have a coyote population in this neighbourhood. Howie is an aggressive cat and would get eaten. I started to get upset. Just when I full on panicked and posted a help add on our neighbourhood facebook group, I hear the collar bell ringing and he jumps back over the deck and into my arms. PHEWF! THE NEXT DANG DAY! Leia decides to run away after barging out while Dania and I are coming inside. Seriously?!?! I just bought you a new squeak toy and a new ball that we can kick for you without you biting a hole in it! Ungrateful bitch. She's female... it's allowed. She ran around for over an hour and a half until a neighbour caught her. She will NOT come when you call her and you can't chase her because then she thinks it is a game. Plus, I have Dania and can't just leave her while I run after Leia's darts here and there. I got a pretty bad sunburn from this unexpected jaunt outside. (On another note, Mike is home now and she did run out again today as she went after the UPS guy when I had my hand full with the package he delivered and he stepped back for that one split second to shut the door - zoooom. Seriously, I'm over her. Anyone want a dog?)
Week 2 began with Dania suddenly not asking for Dada anymore. I thought that was weird. Then when someone she knew came over she went bananas and started scrambling up me wanting to be held, crying, screaming 'mamaaaaa,' and hyperventilating to the point of puking. This wasn't a stranger either. I thought maybe it was a one time event until she did it two more times with people coming over, and with me talking to someone on the street, AND with her Mima who comes to play with her every Wednesday morning. I honestly think she was panicking about Mike suddenly not being here and her not wanting me to go the same way. She may not remember leaving the orphanage exactly but it was the same thing, her familiarity GONE. The adoption training touched on this saying that the kids don't have specific memories but they still have the feelings associated with change and upset and she probably just didn't know how to deal with them. I had to keep assuring her over and over that I wasn't leaving. I also just kept saying Daddy was coming home but she doesn't understand that. It broke my heart. I pretty much carried her or at least held her hand constantly for week 3 of Mike's deployment. We went to other people's houses and she was great there, but did not like the thought of me out of sight. Even Mike's homecoming was marred by her confusion over not wanting to leave me but excited to see him. I think she was thinking she only gets one or the other of us now.
It's been one week of mike being home - and taken that long to feel like I have caught up on things. She is doing alright now. She still gets clingy when tired, but otherwise is her old self. She is loving the warmer weather and wants to be outside all the time. She discovered how much she loves slides and even makes them for her stuffed animals. She back flips off her bed, can go downstairs by herself if there are rungs to hold on to, and learned the sign language for cereal all by herself by watching it on Baby Einstein. Mike and I had no idea what she kept trying to tell us and then one day I saw the video clip and put it all together. She is telling us she wants cereal... clever girl.
Her last speech pathology was kind of a bust because she wanted just to hold on to me (it was while Mike was away) but she is definitely comfortable at that office now and next month should prove more successful. We missed her hearing appointment yesterday... oops, my bad... but they haven't even called to tell me I missed it. We will see what happens. Perhaps I wrote it down wrong and we have yet to miss it but will again since I don't know when it is... We are also still waiting on her referral to the eye clinic at the kid's hospital. If it hits the 2 month mark, I will call the eye doctor for another referral.
I'm getting excited because we will be swimming in the lake pretty soon! It is still just a tad too cold right now, but we can still play on the shore and in the sand! She LOVES sand and gravel. Each time I have to tell her not to throw it because (I swear this is what it is! I can see her devious mind churning) it's not the same handful I just told her she couldn't throw. After a bit, she gets it and just drops it after a 3-2-1 countdown. I had to make her shorts out of a bunch of old tights since her waist is still fitting in her 3-6 month shorts from LAST summer. She is all torso! Almost 33 inches now. She didn't seem to mind the transition to shorts and no socks. I think she prefers bare feet like me. I did find the cutest little sandals for her. They are actually thongs with a heel strap. Her ankles and feet are too skinny for any of the strappy sandals. She kept tripping on them. We did get one pair to wear in the water but the flip flops are her go-to pair now. No blistering between the toes and they didn't freak her out because I wear them. Just like the earrings.
Ok, I think I need a nap. Here are a couple pics. xoxo
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