Ontario

Holy moly, it's been a while since I posted but we've been super busy.   Mike is in and out to sea and it makes life that bit more difficult.   Dania and I did just go to Ontario and had a wonderful time.  We had a hell of a ride there though.  Delayed 5 hours so that we landed after 10 pm when we were supposed to land at 5.  I had planned it so she would hopefully nap on the plane and then be in a good mood when we got to Gramma's house.  Nope!  She didn't get to bed (without nap) until what would have been 1:30 am AST.  We both crashed hard that first night.

She played in the snow with Aunt Kitty, went to the butterfly conservatory, let me catch up with great friends and played with their kids, saw all of her great-grandparents on my side of the family, jumped a lot on a trampoline, and had a 3rd birthday party!  I'm so glad I did do it there because Mike now won't be here on a weekend when I would have a party at home and therefore, I don't want to!   Too much work for just me!  She had a rocking good time at the early birthday party though!  She had tonnes of cousins to run around with, pizza, a Frozen DQ cake, and lots of people fawning all over her.  I loved it too because I got to see so many people and have a huge catch-up/show off period.  Dania sang Happy Birthday to herself with everyone, blew out the candle (twas not possible last year!), and entertained people by singing Let it Go.

She's not going to remember the birthday anyway... but we have lots of people who will!   It was also a party that was a breeding ground for germs.  A whole bunch of us got sick, starting with 1 person vomiting at the end of the night (you know it's a good party when...) and the result has been sick days from work, rescheduled appointments, and me and Dania sitting around like lumps on a log not wanting to move much.  We just eat a lot of oatmeal.   She seems to be getting a bit of her energy back today though.  I am still fatigued and it's in my throat and chest now but it keeps moving around so I'm hoping it will move on soon!  I just realized that this is my first big sickness since she's been with us.  I am now synonymous with the Nyquil/Dayquil commercial parents...  guh.

Good thing she's been singing along to songs a lot more and singing them on her own so that she keeps me entertained!

New Years Resolution

Well, Dania must have made a resolution to lose weight because she suddenly  has decided not to eat.  UGH!  It is absolutely painful.  I know most kids do this, but she's tiny and needs to eat.  She is potty training and her tights already don't stay up without a diaper!  Seriously!  She cries, screams, fights, throws herself around in the chair, won't be bartered with or bribed.  She won't swallow!  She holds a bite of food in her mouth and just lets it turn to liquid (48 minutes was the longest!).  I just want her to have 1 bite, always try something, but she isn't even taking 1 bite of her fav foods at supper.  I know it's not a painful reason because I broke down after day 6 and got her a Happy Meal and she scarfed that thing down in less than 10 minutes!  Oh, my!  It's just a crappy dinner hour and a half.  Mike and I can't talk over her yelling and we are constantly trying to reassure her and remind her that if she just has 1 bite and swallows that's okay.  She is so smart though that I honestly think she is waiting for us to break down and just let her get away from the dinner table without a bite and demand crackers.  If she has a bite of something new and she doesn't like it, fine, no problem, we will find you something else.  But I keep making stuff I know she has eaten before and she just screams.  I tell our friends this and then she goes and eats all her food and her friends' food at our weekly Sunday dinner.  What the heck!?  Well, if I thought it was over, I was wrong.  It's been 2 days since that and both nights have been:

And then she is fine once her feet hit the floor!  Even when she looks like this she does cute things that make us try not to laugh!  HA!

On the plus side, no accidents today and we were even in and out of the bitter, windy outdoors several times!  

Wow,  I just noticed that this probably has the most exclamation points in any of my other posts.

Pantomime Time

For the fourth year in a row, I've participated in the annual pantomime at a local community theatre.  No, not MIME... pantomime.

Pantomime (informally panto), is a type of musical comedy stage production, designed for family entertainment. It was developed in England and is generally performed during the Christmas and New Year season. Modern pantomime includes songs, slapstick comedy and dancing, employs gender-crossing actors, and combines topical humour with a story loosely based on a well-known fairy tale. It is a participatory form of theatre, in which the audience is expected to sing along with certain parts of the music and shout out phrases to the performers. (Thank you Wikipedia).

Anyhow, it's the reason I've been missing several nights a week from home and super busy and unable to update.  Once the show opened, I am the busiest I get all year.  This year, I was excited to bring Dania to a dress rehearsal to see Mama on stage and to hear some of the songs.  The kid doesn't sit to watch anything longer than 15 minutes so I didn't want to bring her to an actual performance and leave an empty seat for the majority of the show.  She totally blew my mind and stayed for 1 hour 16 minutes!  That was the entire first act and 2/3 of the show!  She LOVED it!  I have to say, I loved seeing her from the stage and it was adorable how she wasn't quite heavy enough to keep the folding seat down completely.  Whenever a song started, she'd start dancing and the seat would fold up and down.  I come out on stage and hear her say, 'Mama!'  Adorable.  She would even participate when encouraged...it might have come late, but she still did.  For example, "Say 'hi' to Lightning everyone!" (Lightning is the horse) and 5 minutes later you could hear her say "HI LIGHTNING!"  The other actors kept telling me about stuff she'd do or say while they were on stage.  She also loved the dog puppet one actor always had on him.  Every time he came on stage I could hear her repeat "baby dog" and say 'hi' to it.  She kept talking about it at home too.  I had to tell her that he wasn't a baby because his name was Ol' Feller.  Well, he became Ol' Baby Dog from that point on.  She would also tell everyone "Mama blue eyes, Mama play" because I had sparkling blue eye shadow on as my character's name was Sapphire.  After she saw me on stage, she actually got excited when I would prepare to leave in the evening.  'Mama sing, Mama dance, Mama play' and then constantly repeat Ol' Baby Dog over and over and sing the name.  She talked about Ol' Baby Dog so much I had to bring her in before the show one night so she could see and talk to the puppet personally.  My coactor was so awesome and sat with her and the dog for a good bit of time while Dania just kept hugging and kissing and petting the dog.  She still sings his name every day!  

I gotta say, this kid LOVES to sing.  She has even become obsessed with the song Let it Go from Frozen.  Now, she hasn't watched the movie, but she will watch the music video 21 times back-to-back no problem.  I was even told in the grocery store that she was a good singer as another lady recognized the song... I wasn't even prompting Dania, she was all on her own.  

She is also loving Christmas music.  Mike always has it on in the car and of course every store plays it.  She is always bopping her head or dancing.  I'm actually very excited for Christmas this year.  I have put over 250 hours into building her a doll house.  I started in July.  Photos will come when I can show off the WHOLE thing.  

She also just had a visit from Gramma for a few days.  It was great watching them together.  Plus, she got Christmas gifts early, not that she gets what Christmas is, she just got excited because she got new stuff!  Above is her Elsa and Olaf and she also got a scooter.  She carries Elsa everywhere.  So cute.

Proud to be Canadian!

It's official!  Dania is Canadian!  We got the certificate in the mail yesterday and it was issued November 12!   Only 4 days shy of 15 months of her landing on Canadian soil and she is now Canadian!  I was so happy when I walked in the door and Mike said, "guess who is Canadain?!?!"  She had no idea why I was making her hold the certificate and smile but she did it anyway and looks SO proud!

Transition

A lot has happened and that is why it has taken so long to post again!

Firstly, I received a letter from Canadian Citizenship Services asking me to mail her actual permanent resident card as it gets sent back to immigration officials once citizenship is granted.  This must mean I filled out the forms correctly!  Yeah!   It was definitely not a document asked for in the initial package (just a certified true copy) and if they are asking for it now, I would think that would mean they are ready to grant it but, just like an old passport, they can't have a legal document flitting around that could be misused.   It is now in the self-addressed envelope (postage not paid with a fancy government prepaid stamp grrr) ready to be dropped in the mailbox.

We also had a followup eye appointment.  This went okay.  She def didn't want to sit still for the evaluations this time, probably because she can see all the cool stuff in the office now.   We have some homework from them.  I have the kids version of the letter eye charts (house, apple, circle, square) and I am to work on those with her at home while covering one side of her glasses at a time.  The worry is that because her prescription is much stronger on the one side that she might only really be using one side to look at things.  Basically, I have to first get her used to having one glasses lens covered and then work up to having naming lines on that eye chart.  We go back in January for them to look at this specifically.

Halloween was an interesting experience for her.  She had no idea what it all meant and won't remember it, but totally had fun knocking on doors and saying trick or treat.  Daddy collected the candy for her so I don't even think she really understood that she was getting candy.  She doesn't ask for it now with the bag sitting in Mike's office.  She just liked that she could finally go touch all the pumpkins on everyone's porch!

She has now also transitioned into daycare one day a week!  I really needed the day and I needed her to learn to be in a big group because she just shuts down if it is a group bigger than four or five kids.  By shutting down I mean standing and staring, and not taking-it-all-in staring... zombie staring where she isn't focused on anything.  It's obvious anxiety or feelings of some sort being stirred up from when she was in the orphanage and I want that worked out before she can go to preschool in 3-1/2 months!  We got into one where she knows one boy (who will be moving up to preschool at the end of this month so he can't become a crutch) to help her out and she clearly was happy about that!
     We did a transition week where I stayed with her the first day and we played for 2 hours.  She took in the room and the kids and was clingy but she definitely wanted to participate.
     The second day I stayed for an hour and then left here there for 2.  She cried a lot.  I could tell when I picked her up that she'd been crying (she is going to be an ugly crier.  Instant red blotches and super puffed up eyes).  I guess she had kept saying, "I need Mama!"  Heartbreaker!
     Day three had me dropping her and leaving right away and her staying for lunch.  The ladies told me she cried for a little at the beginning but then settled in and participated in the crafts and stories.  Got a little sad outside because they think she thought she was going home when they got her dressed for outdoors, but she cheered up and ran around.  Then she ate a good bowl of quinoa and many handfuls of grapes.   She was very excited to see me and we have now worked out that when she gets said and says, "no Mama go," that I ask her if Mama comes back, to which she responds, "yeeeaaaaa," in a sad voice.  Hahaha!  I also noticed that she has started to ride her scoot-around at home by standing on the back wheel rod and holding the handlebars and kicking with her one leg so it is more like a scooter.  I noticed that a lot of the kids do this on the playground so she obviously took that to heart!
     Day four she cried for about 5 minutes when I left her and then was fine.  She stayed for nap this day too.  They said she got upset when she woke up, understandable though since she's never waken up here before!  I picked her up shortly after nap time was done and she was quite gibberish-full on the way home!
     The last transition day, her first full day, they said she cried for about 30 seconds and then had a great day.  She did art and participated in the stories, napped, ate some lunch (good to hear that it's not just us that she doesn't want to eat her whole meal for!), and had a great time.  She is definitely more vocal since this week (screeching! grrrr) but my hope was that it helps her speech develop and I think that will come very quickly for her.  My other hope is that it helps her stick up for herself and become more assertive.  Right now, she lets herself have her toys taken from her, gives up her places in line on playground equipment (even if she is sitting at the top of the slide she will move if she sees another kid is halfway up the ladder) and her turn in games.  She lets herself be pushed and doesn't say anything and I don't like that.   I don't want her to turn into a mean kid, I just want her to know that everyone gets a turn equally and that includes her!

She is singing a lot more and even making up her own songs.  She's starting to get into jigsaw-style puzzles.  She is still pretty combative with me over anything that sounds remotely like me trying to get her to speak properly, but is also picking up on my emotions and becoming sympathetic to moods other than sad and crying.  She is getting her colours down and definitely has all her letters now.  Getting much better at telling us when she has to go to the bathroom.  She is a lot of fun and still makes me smile every morning when she says, "hi Mama!"

Speech with Glasses

We had our first speech pathology with glasses on and it was fantastic.  The speech pathologist was so impressed and ecstatic with her attention and participation and (still blows my mind) patience.  She was clearly watching the lip and tongue directions and trying to mimic in a more intense manner.  The speech pathologist even jumped to different activities now that Dania wasn't bending so close and clearly could see flash cards and books better.  Dania was awesome.  The B and P is becoming much more deliberate.  Still not as tolerant at home if I ask her to try again.  Next will be the D and T.  We have to work on getting her to stick her tongue out when she attempts to say those sounds because that will get it out of the back of her throat and then we can get her to retract the tongue once she is doing that consistently.  It's too hard to explain to her to put it behind her teeth at the top of her mouth... she can't see us doing that.  We are also to start working on three-word sentences.  Already have been doing so, but she gave us a whole bunch of scenarios to incorporate.  She also blew bubbles for the first time.  Well, blew bubbles with her mouth and not her nose for the first time ahahaha.  I don't know if it was the glasses and she could see what we were doing better or if she just finally put 2 and 2 together and figured out she could make more bubbles that way.  I was happy!  Still won't do the harmonica at home... just holds it in her mouth and hums!

Aside from speech, her little temper is starting to become the wonderful terrible two's temper.  Everything I suggest is met with NOOOOOO! with a full-body tense up and tipping her head to the side to shout it over her shoulder.  Sigh.  She's starting to understand options and conditions we are putting on things; you can have more cereal if you eat this piece of pear.   She is blowing my mind with letter recognition.  Now that she can see she is pointing out letters on signs all over the place and accurately stating which letter it is.   She got very excited at the F in the word "fresh" at the store today.  She picks her alphabet cereal out of the bowl and knows the letters perfectly too.

Her seasonal obsession right now is pumpkins.  SO excited when she sees them on people's steps during our Leia walks.  What is with the sudden barrage of white pumpkins this year?  They are out in equal numbers to the orange... weird.  She pats and kisses every pumpkin close enough to touch - the outside displays at the grocery store take about 20 minutes to walk past hahaha.  It's cute.  I've started to just tell her they are too heavy for us and she leaves them.   That's a new word for her, 'heavy.'  Except she uses it for anything that is difficult.  If she can't get up the stairs alone, they are heavy.  If she cannot put the box of cereal in the cupboard because she is trying to do it sideways, it is heavy.  Puzzle piece not fitting?  Heavy.  I'm trying not to say 'hard' when I correct her because hard is a texture we are working on too!  I always laugh when she says heavy because it makes me think of in Back to the Future when Marty McFly keeps saying things are heavy, in keeping with his 80's slang, and Doc Brown thinks there is something different with the gravitational pull in the future because of these comments.

Swimming lessons are getting better!  I think the water was just too cold and the place was too chaotic for her on that first lesson.  She is enjoying them now and kicking and falling off the wall to us in the water.  She had a pool party on the weekend for a friend's birthday and she had a ball there.  Our local pool is a wave pool so you can sit up in the shallow end and let the waves knock you around.   Water in her face?  Yes, please!  Weirdo hahaha.  Man, I love her.

She doesn't always need the waves to knock her over as she loves to fall down all on her own hahaha.

The only other thing going on now is that because our adoption agency is defunct (just disappeared after a year of no work) we have this contract with Russia saying we would provide post-placement reports for the next 2 years, but now have no one to send them too.  Asking around online, some people are doing them up themselves and then sending them to their orphanage's regional Ministry of Education but on the other hand, we had given the agency a bunch of money in trust to complete this for us and ensure proper translation, legalization, and delivery of the document.  I'm of one mind that if Russia doesn't want us to adopt their kids anymore than they can't be that concerned about how she is doing presently.  I feel a bit bad because we said in court that we would do this and our judge was so nice, and the money we gave the agency would have been spent on this anyway so it would have been gone (just being spent over a longer period of time instead of disappearing all at once) so we don't have that amount to 'double spend', and our social worker has retired now.   The other mind I have is that maybe providing successful post-placement reports will help to lift the ban of adoption as they see how great all their kids are doing.  I also do want the orphanage to know how she is doing as we donated a bunch of money on her behalf to help others with clefts and other physical ailments.  Big sigh.  It's like the government 'threat' will hang over me for a long time now!

A Whole New World

We picked up her glasses today and it was amazing to watch her response.  I was so curious to see what would happen because she can see things, just not clearly.  As soon as they were on and she took a look at the lady who just fitted her, she started nodding her head up and down to see through and then above the lenses.  We all giggled.  The lady then took the glasses off because she realized the arms were too long.  She couldn't find shorter arms, so they are on order, but she got a head strap and put the glasses back on her and made it so they wouldn't slide down her bridge-less nose.  She ran around a bit and then she stood up and it kind of dawned on her that it was different on a bigger scale.  Her mouth actually dropped open and she was looking around the store as a 'big picture' for the first time.  SO ADORABLE!  We went for a walk in the mall and went under the skylight and when she was looking she said, "woooOOOOoow!" because she could see the details of the clouds through the skylight!  She also ran to a store that had a shelf of stuffed animals on a front display - like, ran from far away because she saw what it was!  I let her play with those for a bit and then wanted to take her to the book store.  She sat on the ground and opened a book and did the "wooOOOOooow!" again.  She doesn't always do this for books but I cannot say whether it was for the new clarity and being able to take in a page as a whole or if it was because there was a shiny spot on the page; either way, she didn't keep hitting herself with the pages while she looked at the book because she wasn't as stooped over!

Now, after a whole weekend, I can say that they have made a bigger difference then I imagined.  She giggles and laughs SO much more now - which I adore!  She can see our expressions better and mimics so much more.  She stood under a tree on a walk and just stared up (I'm assuming noticing the layers of leaves for the first time), she saw all the fun stuff at the waterfront at the same time Mike and I saw it, she pays attention to things for a longer time in general!   She watched the small tv we have in the upstairs for the first time ever!  I took her downstairs and she sat in a chair instead of standing directly in front of the big screen - not for a very long time though.  What can I say?  Old habits die hard!  She skyped with my family and giggled more at their faces because she could see them clearer too (and also at the little face of her in the corner because THAT was now like looking in a mirror for her).  She has not tried to take them off herself since we left the store on Friday morning.  She asked once to have them off but when I shot her down she just kept doing what she was doing without a fuss.  I think it's the strap on the back of her head pushing her hair that bothers her more than the actual glasses.  She has not fought us once when we put them on after waking her up in the morning or at nap.  AND, my fav, she can actually lay in bed beside me while we read bedtime stories.  She doesn't have to sit up each time I turn the page to see the smile on Gerald's face that she knows is there!  Then, she also doesn't cause a stink when we take them to say goodnight.  It has been an absolute joy to watch her with her new eyes.  

(crap, I thought I'd get through that whole thing without tearing up and there I go on the last sentence.)

Home, Sweet Home

I only just realized that our recent trip to Ontario had us flying back to Halifax on the exact day, but one year later, that we landed in Halifax with Dania.  I remember bringing her home that night and giving her a bath and putting her to bed and checking on her a few times (before crashing so hard that I didn't hear her cry in the night!).  This time it was Dania who had the wonderful feeling of coming home because she understands what a home is now.  It provides comfort for her!  She even says now, "me, home!" and nods her head enthusiastically.  If I hadn't been so tired at the airport, I probably would have been a bit more nostalgic and emotional!  Ha!

The travelling was fine other than having too much stuff and not enough arms since Dania's aren't going to carry anything!  She was not shy around Aunty Kitty and Grandpa when she saw them right away and even performed all her wacky dance moves for their entertainment.  She went down to sleep okay (I do not think she ever slept really deep because she was always very tuckered out from all the excitement and has been sleeping 12+ hours a night here AND 2+ hour naps in the afternoons).   In the morning, she wasn't shy around Gramma either and made herself right at home.  She even surprised me by walking around the next day asking, "where Meeko?"  She had already adjusted to a different dog and learned to say his name!  We went to the beach with Grampa and visited her Great Grandparents and then headed North to my favourite place - the cottage.

Uncle Fil was an excellent driver and I will never be able to thank him, Kitty, and Mum enough for the constant availability of a car for us (and for the delicious lunches and dinners!  I dreamed about those burritos and will totally make her next grilled cheese like the lumberjack).  We hit the rock in the early evening and she grasped the fact that she needed to wear a life jacket in order to be by the water in a timely manner.  She LOVED the boat ride over to the cottage and throwing rocks into the lake!

But she did not love the water!  I thought for sure she would be fine but I think it was the fact that she couldn't touch or see the bottom that frightened her because she didn't even like it when Katie or I jumped in.  She actually refused to say 'go' for us to run and jump.  She completely tensed up if we put her in unexpectedly and just cried when she was expecting it.  I did make her go in everyday though.  Floated around with her to different things and tried to make it happy but didn't push it for more than 10 minutes each day.  She was quite content to sit in the boat and watch us.  She also gets cold so flipping fast!  I mean, c'mon, her limbs are as thick as bananas!

We did discover the game 'where's Elmo?' at the cottage and we would hide him all over the place and she learned to look up and down and in all kinds of different spots... also to follow some verbal clues if she was struggling.  It was hilarious to watch her and she played it for hours each day and got progressively MORE excited each time she found him.   She slept pretty good up North.  Everyone does though.  It's the air - it makes you sleepy.

After the cottage trip, we just stayed at my childhood home and visited people and places within the city.  I would have loved to venture further to visit more people but I knew that with her it would be harder.  I also didn't want to over 'schedule' us and wear myself out too.  I will never have enough time with 2 weeks to see all the awesome people back home!  We did travel to Mississauga and have a lovely dinner on a yacht - I felt fancy there!  It was pretty and sounded so nice when you were in the downstairs of the yacht (yes, downstairs; there were 3 floors) and the water lapped at the sides making nice ambient noise.  Dania liked this boat too.  I'm pretty sure she wanted to jump off (even though you couldn't see the bottom... I don't think she registered that and just saw the water!).  It was something different and enjoyable and I can't wait to brag to Mike!

We went swimming at the Gretzky Centre with GG Miklos, went to friends' homes and met two gorgeous new little boys and played with their older siblings, impressed people with her gymnastic skills, ate a lot of chicken wings, started saying all kinds of new words (she said 'Howie' after seeing a grey striped cat!  I was so touched that she clearly missed her kitty!), went to the zoo and kissed a lot of animals and reptiles!

Seriously, the woman from Ray's Reptiles wanted to keep Dania as part of the show!

We got lost in Brantford because so many intersections have changed, hesitated to hug people goodbye but never to kiss people goodbye, ate blizzards on Children's Wish day, and discovered the greatest place on Earth:  A splash pad.

Water shooting in my face from a million different angles?  Yes, please!

My favourite part of this trip home was seeing how much she remembered from the last one - which was baffling to me.  She went there 2 months after landing in Canada and wasn't understanding English fully yet, hadn't really laughed until that trip (C and K were the laugh-riot trigger!) but still remembered where the 1 toy at my Nana and Papa's place was or the mini-trampoline and how she used it before she could even jump!

Other fun developments that have happened since this trip include her playing the crowd now (she changes the tone of her voice and everything), SINGING!, and starting to recognize emotions.  Man, she really is adorable...especially when singing... I just have to say...

Now that we are home (which included a crash lawn mow, unpack, laundry, weeding, and grocery shop) she is starting to get into her clingy mode because Daddy isn't here... He called the other night, completely unexpected, and she was so confused because she is so used to Skype that she kept looking for him but couldn't see him and only sat there and said "Ga-Ga" (her Da-Da since she started that before the cleft repair).   It was funny.   He actually called twice and I have to say that I probably sounded like that drunk girl at a party because I was so rapid-fire full of stories of all she has done and interspersed with sappy "I love you's" that I'm sure I could have been an SNL character.

Now that we are back though, I have checked the status of her citizenship package and am happy to say that it is being processed (now, that could mean processed and then sent back because of an error or processed because it is good) so, it is at least there in the correct facility.   I have also called the ophthalmologist since it has been over 3 months since we were referred to the Kids' Hospital eye doctors... the receptionist told me that her file shows the referral and that this clinic has a habit of only contacting you a month before your appointment.  I figured something had been misplaced because I'm used to having a call with the appointment date being eons away.   So, those are my serious sides of Dania tasks and they have been done.  Now?  Back to chalk drawings of Elmo, great books, and somersaults on the lawn!

Last Big Step

Today, we got the certified true copies for her citizenship application!!!  I will mail the whole package tomorrow morning.  I have added sticky notes to every page indicating what it's intended use is.  I also included 3 different head shots to choose from (2 of each, of course) and 2 different copies of my receipt of fee payment (1 filled out, one not... I had entered my address and such online but nothing printed out on the receipt except my name and all the blanks are there so I filled one out and included another fresh off the press).  I'm so paranoid about it being sent back after the back and forth I played with Immigration to get the approval letter to be foreign adopted parents!  My biggest concern with this is they will not like the affadavit of the translator because it is at the bottom of each translated page and because the photocopy is slightly skewed the bottom of the last sentence is cut off... still don't even have to guess at what it says, just literally showing two thirds of the letters.  I also worry that it will be a problem when I've included 1 certified true copy of a document that is to be used for both official forms (the proof of adopted parents' citizenship and the grant of a minor [adopted] citizenship), for example, the proof of guardianship via the adoption certificate; there is 1 copy to be used for both forms.  I hope, hope, hope that everything is okay so we don't keep sending things back and forth.

The lady at the courthouse doing the certified true copies today was a hoot and totally enamoured with Dania.  She looked at the first copy and said, "well, I didn't expect I'd be reading Russian today!" and then asked about everything as she stamped and signed all my papers.  She also way undercharged me which I totally appreciate.  A few pages were stapled together (translations and document) and should have counted as 2 copies each but she only counted them as 1.  She was still shocked at the total being $90 but I laughed and said while we were sending Russia documents, it was $60 a document for translation and certification as opposed to $13.50, so I was happy with that total!

So, now I have a brown paper package on the dining table that is to be sent tomorrow morning!  YEAH!!!!

On different notes, Dania had some good strides in the clingy department where she slept at Mima's house here without Mama and Daddy putting her to bed or being there when she woke up.  She did great!  All in prep for Mike leaving again and me being in a wedding in August so she will be staying there again.  She has also been doing really well with trying the b and p sounds as not initial sounds.  She is saying 'maybe' and 'up' all the time now.  She even said 'Rob' when pointing to our friend Rob.  I have been so impressed.  She is clearly watching our mouths closely still... but must be practicing in secret in all the mirrors in her room hahahaha.  She has even been holding her hands on her lips when trying to say 'Big Bird' because I pinch mine together with my hands to show her.  What a kid.

We are also about to embark on a trip to Ontario and my favourite place in the world - The Cottage.  So many childhood memories so I hope to start creating them for her - tomorrow!

Love these 1-year-later shots.  Thanks again to Jenine at Blue Vine Photography!

Another Anniversary!

One year ago today, Mike and I were granted custody of Dania and we were taking this photograph as our first official family photo:

Now, one year later:

she still has about the same amount of hair.

Wow.   I often get asked if I can remember life before her... yes, I can.  It was just so much quieter and different and not as much love and worry busting out of me 24/7.   I can remember life without her... just don't necessarily want to go back to that life!  I also get asked a lot if we are going for number 2 now... well, I always  said that if we adopted again I would want Dania to be old enough to weigh in on the matter.  She might be more bothered over the fact that she was adopted than we could realize (this doesn't mean she doesn't see us as her parents, it just means she has internalized that she began by not being wanted by someone) and if going through the process would bother her then I don't think I could do it.  If by some miracle I got pregnant, then that's another story.  But in all honesty?  I am so happy with just one to love and cherish with every morsel of my soul.   I do hope that "Russia" will open it's mind and allow adoption to Canada again for the sake of all those little ones out there.  I still think of Mak in the baby home and I have so many other faces that I saw everyday while there too!  My beautiful girl is here though.  Her citizenship is almost ready to be sent (by the end of next week is my goal).  

We did the photo shoot with Blue Vine photography and wonderful Jenine in order to celebrate this remarkable milestone.  I thought it was more for me to send to my family back home but when I saw the last photograph she took of me and Dania I started to cry.  And I cried every time I thought about it for the next few days.  A loving confidant asked me why I cried... I had to think about it and I realized it was because I still fear that she can be taken from me for political reasons.  We struggled to get her and there was so much angst over the court day and so much precaution over dotting all the i's and crossing all the t's that I think I still felt like it wasn't permanent.  This is a different feeling from the irrational fear that she will stop breathing at night since she sleeps with a blanket over her face (she's kind of like the bird in a cage that way, just have to move her and put the blanket back and she will settle) or that she will run into the street when I'm not looking for a second... it's so much scarier than that.  It's so hard to put into proper words for me to convey to everyone else.  It's just that I didn't realize it was there before, this deep-seated fear that since she is still not a Canadian citizen (hence my meltdown when I couldn't find her PR card!) that she is susceptible somehow - and I didn't really realize it until I saw that picture.  Then it hit me when Jenine showed me (crying again right now) that this photo completely represented my reality.  It was her and me and no one else around to intrude.  We were in the middle of a field wearing coronas of sunlight and that is it.  We are not inhibited by being out in the open and we are enjoying each other.  That's it.  Simplicity at its best.  And it's my simplicity now.  

For as long as I live, I may not have a photo that means as much to me as this one.  Mama loves you Dania!

She Sucks!

Literally!  The surgery worked!  She can suck through a straw now!!!!  It was 5 months to the day of her surgery (Jan. 27) that she finally used a straw and has continued to do so.  Of course it was a double-caffeinated beverage that I was drinking and said, 'sure, you can have some because you can't use a straw,' and she takes a giant gulp as I watch the liquid go up the straw!  I yelled out in surprise and startled her.  We then got her a chocolate milk with a straw right away and I kept raising my arms and yelling in happiness and had to explain to the lady at the counter that she had been physically unable to do this before and had surgery and now - SUCK!  She didn't seem to care ha ha ha!  It was funny because just the day before I was forcing her to poise so I could take  a pic of the roof of her mouth to see what progress the dent has made with filling in (if any!).

I love that you can see the scar around the toothline that shows just how much was filled in!

I know it was three days before I posted, but the days are busy now that we are always outside!  This most wonderful news definitely couldn't wait long though ;)

She is proving to love summer and water just as much as me.  And boy, oh boy!  Her skin is going to be dark.  Her region generally had the darker skin tones and she is going to follow suit for sure!  She fights me with the sunscreen in the morning (mostly just the back of the neck which furthers my theory that she didn't like the bucket hats because they touched the back of her neck with their brims) but we get it on and reapply if we get wet but she is still going to be very obviously of darker than me (and Mike, well, he is always pale though so I'm not counting him) and I said it might be the first times that strangers might think she is not our biological child.  I always LOVE playing along with people who say she has my smile or looks just like Mike.  It's easier than explaining the whole story to a total stranger! LOL!  Meanwhile, anyone who knows genetics would know that two blue-eyed people could not produce a dark brown-eyed child.  Genetics was my favourite part of science in school!  As her hair is growing in it is getting lighter though and might be more of a golden brown than a chestnut brown that I thought she would be.  We shall have to wait and see!

Longest. Month. Ever.

I was astounded when I saw it has only been a month and 6 days since I last posted.  I swear to gods this was the longest month ever.

First, Mike went back to work, so there was that adjustment to only having a helping hand in the evenings.  Then he went to sea for 3 weeks so I went to being a single parent with Dania having only 2 weeks transition before he went away and absolutely no concept of what I mean when I saw Daddy will be back in 20 sleeps.  The first week went alright.  I was tired and let a lot of housework slide... then the weekend hit and all hell broke loose.  Dania started trying to change her own diaper.  Three full bedding washes and 4 days while double checking EVERYTHING in her room for any hint of eau de poop.  Back into a onesie while she sleeps has worked so far since then.  Then the dog decided to become insanely jealous or protective or something else stupid and unnecessary, but while we were playing in our next-door-neighbour's back yard, she must have continuously thrown herself against the patio screen door until knocking it off the tracks.  The back yard is fenced in, but that doesn't mean the cat can't jump or climb it and run away.  I was more pissed than anything at first because I know the cat is smart enough to come home.  Then it started to get dark and still no Howie.  We have a coyote population in this neighbourhood.  Howie is an aggressive cat and would get eaten.  I started to get upset.  Just when I full on panicked and posted a help add on our neighbourhood facebook group, I hear the collar bell ringing and he jumps back over the deck and into my arms.  PHEWF!  THE NEXT DANG DAY!  Leia decides to run away after barging out while Dania and I are coming inside.  Seriously?!?!  I just bought you a new squeak toy and a new ball that we can kick for you without you biting a hole in it!  Ungrateful bitch.  She's female... it's allowed.  She ran around for over an hour and a half until a neighbour caught her.  She will NOT come when you call her and you can't chase her because then she thinks it is a game.  Plus, I have Dania and can't just leave her while I run after Leia's darts here and there.  I got a pretty bad sunburn from this unexpected jaunt outside.  (On another note, Mike is home now and she did run out again today as she went after the UPS guy when I had my hand full with the package he delivered and he stepped back for that one split second to shut the door - zoooom.  Seriously, I'm over her.  Anyone want a dog?)

Week 2 began with Dania suddenly not asking for Dada anymore.  I thought that was weird.  Then when someone she knew came over she went bananas and started scrambling up me wanting to be held, crying, screaming 'mamaaaaa,' and hyperventilating to the point of puking.  This wasn't a stranger either.  I thought maybe it was a one time event until she did it two more times with people coming over, and with me talking to someone on the street, AND with her Mima who comes to play with her every Wednesday morning.  I  honestly think she was panicking about Mike suddenly not being here and her not wanting me to go the same way.  She may not remember leaving the orphanage exactly but it was the same thing, her familiarity GONE.  The adoption training touched on this saying that the kids don't have specific memories but they still have the feelings associated with change and upset and she probably just didn't know how to deal with them.  I had to keep assuring her over and over that I wasn't leaving.  I also just kept saying Daddy was coming home but she doesn't understand that.  It broke my heart.  I pretty much carried her or at least held her hand constantly for week 3 of Mike's deployment.  We went to other people's houses and she was great there, but did not like the thought of me out of sight.  Even Mike's homecoming was marred by her confusion over not wanting to leave me but excited to see him.  I think she was thinking she only gets one or the other of us now.

It's been one week of mike being home - and taken that long to feel like I have caught up on things.  She is doing alright now.  She still gets clingy when tired, but otherwise is her old self.  She is loving the warmer weather and wants to be outside all the time.  She discovered how much she loves slides and even makes them for her stuffed animals.  She back flips off her bed, can go downstairs by herself if there are rungs to hold on to, and learned the sign language for cereal all by herself by watching it on Baby Einstein.  Mike and I had no idea what she kept trying to tell us and then one day I saw the video clip and put it all together.  She is telling us she wants cereal... clever girl.

Her last speech pathology was kind of a bust because she wanted just to hold on to me (it was while Mike was away) but she is definitely comfortable at that office now and next month should prove more successful.  We missed her hearing appointment yesterday... oops, my bad... but they haven't even called to tell me I missed it.  We will see what happens.  Perhaps I wrote it down wrong and we have yet to miss it but will again since I don't know when it is...  We are also still waiting on her referral to the eye clinic at the kid's hospital.  If it hits the 2 month mark, I will call the eye doctor for another referral.

I'm getting excited because we will be swimming in the lake pretty soon!  It is still just a tad too cold right now, but we can still play on the shore and in the sand!  She LOVES sand and gravel.  Each time I have to tell her not to throw it because (I swear this is what it is!  I can see her devious mind churning) it's not the same handful I just told her she couldn't throw.  After a bit, she gets it and just drops it after a 3-2-1 countdown.  I had to make her shorts out of a bunch of old tights since her waist is still fitting in her 3-6 month shorts from LAST summer.  She is all torso!  Almost 33 inches now.  She didn't seem to mind the transition to shorts and no socks.  I think she prefers bare feet like me.  I did find the cutest little sandals for her.  They are actually thongs with a heel strap.  Her ankles and feet are too skinny for any of the strappy sandals.  She kept tripping on them.  We did get one pair to wear in the water but the flip flops are her go-to pair now.  No blistering between the toes and they didn't freak her out because I wear them.  Just like the earrings.

Ok, I think I need a nap.  Here are a couple pics.  xoxo

Mother's Day and 1 Year

March had us beginning our long stretch of annual celebrations.  The next stretch of dates is May 11: 1 year from when we left for Russia the first time, May 13: 1 year to when we met her, May 17: 1 year from submitting our official paperwork for court, and May 19: 1 year from the end of our first trip.  Yeah!!!!

How did I celebrate?  I got her photo taken for her citizenship application!  Yeah!  Hopefully that whole package can be mailed off shortly.  Have to double check everything and pay the fees and then as long as everything is good to go, she will be Canadian officially!

We had dinner with our new friends who also adopted from Russia.  Dania was much more talkative this time around.  She really took a shine to their middle son, aged 7 or 8, and is so happy she can say I's name!  We got to watch their video they made of her trip and look through the photo book they made.  The city they adopted through, Kazan, was sooooo different from Sterlitimak.  It was a big city and had touristy spots and lots to see.  It was okay for them to stay in a hotel and go out on their own hahaha.  Such a different experience that way!

We have had our 6-month followup visit to the eye doctor and now he isn't happy with how her muscles have failed to develop with her.  She is definitely nearsighted now.  She is worse in the right eye.  He had thought it was slight enough before that it would grow with her, but I guess not.  It's funny because I feel like she has fine eyesight now... she sees things far away (like the book the lady reads to the group at the library) and doesn't lean in as close to books now.  He referred us to the kids hospital (again) so we now await an appointment with their eye doctors.  At least she won't need a barrage of blood work for this!  I did forget to submit her requisition at her surgery to double check for rubella and chicken pox vaccinations, and I've been waiting for a reason to go back to the hospital to get it done... eye appointment is a PERFECT reason.

We are also going to be seeing the speech pathologist every 3 to 4 weeks now.  We go again next week.  We shall see what happens now.  We are very much working on getting her to blow with her mouth (working with bubbles, harmonicas, noise makers) and the 'B' sound.  I am curious if it is someone else doing these activities with her if she will be less frustrated; she should benefit from your classic student-teacher relationship.

On top of it all, we just had our first week of big change with Mike back at work.  It went okay.  I need to learn to relax a bit more.  I see a mess and if I can't clean it right away I start to get upset.  For example, Leia was sick on the floor and I had to let it sit there until I could ensure Dania was happy and distracted and Leia was okay.  It sat there for about 45 minutes before I could get to it to clean it thoroughly.  GUH!  I just feel very hurried when it comes to anything not Dania related.  All my time with her though?  HILARIOUS!  She wants to be outside as much as possible and I am SO okay with that.  I love heading out right after breakfast and playing in the sun.  I've been on a few stroller walks with her too (thanks again to everyone who helped gift us that gem!)  Last year I didn't get to go on really long walks but she is okay with it now for sure!  As long as cars pass us every once in awhile lol!  She gibbers away about everything, reads to herself aloud now, tries to sing, pretends to be the dog in more ways than I like, and makes me laugh and feel soooo happy to see the light in those brown eyes.

Oh!  We got her ears pierced!  I was sick of her being called a boy (even with the frilly red coat with the butterfly broach).  I had thought about after seeing a friend's cute pictures of her daughter.  The extra sparkle was just adorable with the round face and cheeks.  I mentioned it to Mike and we went the next day.  She sat there quietly and suspiciously while the lady marked her lobes.  They kept commenting on how small and dainty her features were.  I had never noticed before, but she doesn't have a lot of lobe!  Mike sat on the chair and held Dania on his lap while the ladies lined up the piercing guns.  1...2...3 BANG!  Done.  She gasped, did the silent cry while tears welled, let out the cry, I picked her up, they showed her a bucket of lollipops and she was done crying.  It was about 6 seconds of crying in total.  She then kept pointing to her ears and then to mine.  I really think she understood what had just happened.  I take mine out every night so sometimes in the morning I don't have them in and she will point out the difference, but all in all, she is so fine with it that I'm not even worried about infection from hand transfer.  She did take one out while refusing to go down for a nap.  These are the standard piercing studs that snap into place so she must have pulled HARD!  I woke her up and she pointed to her lobe and said "OOOWWwwwwWWWW."  Right away I knew where to look, the window ledge.  Sure enough, both pieces were on the floor by the window ledge.  She likes to stand and look out her window while she poops or is anti-sleep.  She was a little pissed about having it put back in but that, so far, was the only bad instance of her handling them.  The lady had mentioned they can get pinched too tight and I'm wondering if she did that and then counteracted... she just looks so cute!!!

Oh, also, she is shooting up in height again.  She has grown almost 2 inches since her birthday!  That's almost an inch a month!  GIANT!

Big Strides

In my opinion, she has just had three big moments in the last 30 hours! 

(Wow!  Two entries in less than a week! hahaha)

First stride:  She laughed at something that she observed as opposed to something that someone was doing to her or at her.  Up until now, she has only really laughed if we were making faces at her, tickling her, or playing games WITH her.  Last night, she was watching her friend D dance around and pretend to be a Lego character.  She all of a sudden started laughing at him!  I asked him to do it again and she laughed again.  She never cared that he wasn't doing it FOR her benefit (he was actually demonstrating a character from the movie for my benefit).  This made me sooooo happy.  She followed this up by seriously trying to mimic him but because she cannot jump, it was just a lot of arm throwing and grunting hahaha.

Second stride:  She tried to play WITH someone tonight.  We had a friend over for an hour, or so, and normally these two will play independently beside each other, or Dania will watch her play and then play with the toy once E has moved on.  Now, as of lately, she has understood chasing games because of E but she has never played with a toy with someone.  Tonight, she picked up a block that E was playing with and wanted to add it to the stack.  Of course, E didn't want to have help because she is completely capable and promptly tried to take the block from Dania and do it herself, but again, this was a new concept in her attitude and habits.

Third stride:  Her first 'mine' moment, or what I imagine to be a mine moment since I can't understand what she is actually saying hahaha!  Later tonight, E picked a toy out of the box, a light-up microphone, and began singing and dancing.  Dania walked over and began pointing and indicating to me that she wanted it.  When I told her that E was playing with it first, she wanted nothing to do with that and did her typical angry tense-up and squeal.  She did this several times and I encouraged her to make E's plush frog dance to E's singing instead...which placated her for the moment.  I was really curious as to when she would have a 'mine' moment because she spent her first 17 months in a place where she had no 'mine.'

So, in the wake of these strides (again, in my opinion) I have compiled this little comparison photo.  Six months and ten days difference.  She has 4 inches of height, a few pounds of weight, and an unknown amount of muscle! 

She still has that perfect nose and HUGE eyelashes!  (That sentence just made me smile HUGE!)

Busy, Busy, Busy

Yes, I would have liked to type sooner but life (OLYMPICS!!!) got in the way!  I also type for my job so, sometimes I just want to hide the keyboard!

First and foremost, Dania is completely healed.  She came through that like a complete trooper.  The followup with the surgeon was great and he was very happy with how the closure looked.  She definitely doesn't have as much food out the nose while eating, that's the biggest change, but she also has been trying to talk a whole lot more.  She isn't necessarily making the different sounds that she couldn't before but she is watching my mouth again (I hadn't really realized that had stopped) and she is repeating syllables.  She really, really wants to talk.  She will need to do a lot of work still.  Really, with English, she is only 9 months old.

She also turned 2 last month!!!  What an exciting day!  I made two cakes, one for her first birthday and one for her second, and we had a little shindig.  I know she was overwhelmed with the amount of people.  She hung around my legs and wanted to be held a lot while people were arriving and then she stayed quiet and kind of just bounced from person to person.  I had asked that if people wanted to bring gifts that they bring books because she loves them so much.  I had asked people to think of their fav kids' books or ones their kids enjoyed and to pass on the fun.  She has spent so many hours going through all of them over and over again ever since the party!

What I am working on with her is trying to get her to finish the sentences in the books I am reading to her.  Kids' books are so repetitive and she definitely knows what is coming next but she doesn't quite grasp this concept.  She will follow along with me and then if I leave a blank she stares at me and taps her collar bone because my first strategy was pointing at her hahaha!  She will repeat it after me but just isn't quite there yet.  The speech pathologist said to make sure we follow her lead in the books and not to force the story to progress how it always goes... which is what we've been doing with the Grover book.  She knows what page she wants and what words she wants to hear!

She has developed her temper and her demands of us are growing in volume too.  She is thankfully not pulling her hair out anymore when she gets angry... she just slams the floor or tries to hit us.  She finally had a tantrum in front of friends so that people can believe me when I say she is feisty and can be very difficult!  She is always so complacent in front of people and she did give me a black eye in one of her fits, but having eye-witnesses felt good! hahaha!  We try very hard to curb her hitting and we give her options but if she is not happy with those options we do not bend over backwards to change anything.

She is also sleeping in a big bed now - I say as she is currently walking around in her room instead of sleeping - and she usually goes to bed much quicker now.  She does not always have a nap, but we give her quiet time and she just plays in her room.  I have also developed a theory that she goes crazy around full moon time...she must have Russian werewolf inside her.

I just checked and the full moon is tomorrow hahaha! 

On the administrative side of things, I got her a SIN card so we can set up an RESP for her and so that I had another piece of government issued identification for her citizenship application.  I have it filled out, just needed the extra ID and a new picture to send with it.

She continues to amaze me, make me giggle, and frustrate the hell out of me on a daily basis and it is the best.

Primary Closure

What a whirlwind few days!  Sunday night I packed up the bags, put her to bed early, drank a lot of wine so I could sleep, and then tried to wrap my mind around how her world was about to change...again!  Of course I had moments where I fretted about losing her and over reacted about everything that could go wrong, but I woke up ready and calm on Monday morning.

Day 1

We got her to the pre-op room early, early (she was second surgery, only after a suture removal), and began our wait.  She hadn't eaten and I had to keep saying no to her drink requests but she was in such good spirits.  She was wonderful and happy and only a little hesitant when they took her away.  We moved to the waiting room.  My biggest concern was if there was going to be a reaction to the anesthesia - we would know about that right away.  About 20 minutes later the ear surgeon comes out and tells us the tubes are in and they were starting the cleft - well, I guess the anesthesia was okay!  When it hit the 2 hour mark I started to get antsy... the surgeon had estimated 1.5 - 2 hours.  I had to remind myself that it was 2 hours starting AFTER the anesthesia and tubes.  I resolved to sit patiently still.  I looked up and the surgeon was walking out to us and said it had all gone well.  He said her muscles were strong and moved well, which should help her speech development, and that everything closed over like he expected.  They had to cut the tissue up into the hard pallet so that he could stretch it enough but he had said that might have had to happen too.  He assured us again that it was all good, kept asking if we had any questions, and said they would call us in an hour or two when she was ready to be taken to her room.  Mike and I heaved a big sigh and finally felt safe to go eat lunch!  Almost as soon as we walked back into the waiting room (30 minutes tops) the surgeon came back and said he had just checked on her and they would be calling us soon!  He said she was reaching for her mouth so they had to put the braces on her arms, but we expected that since she sucks on her fingers.  I was surprised that they were calling us now.  The phone rang and we went back to see her in recovery.  She was hyperventilating and clearly very upset.  The nurse said she thought we would calm her down better than anything else.  She saw me and said "hiii" like she does from her crib every morning, and then she started wailing - it was a strange, stuffy-sounding wail, but it broke my heart.  The nurse told me to sit and she handed her to me and I just began singing and talking.  She stopped crying and just did the big, racking sighs.  She eventually drifted off and Mike and I sat there holding and petting her for over an hour.  She was attached to IV fluid and a morphine infusion and was swollen and slightly bruised around the mouth.  My poor baby.

At around 2:30pm, the nurse came and took us to our room and we moved her to a crib.  She looked at Mike and asked, 'up?' in that same stuffy voice but that made me feel good that she is still in there and not traumatized.  She slept and we waited for her to wake up again.  She would wake up and be upset that she couldn't touch her hair or wipe her eyes and the tubes clearly bothered her.  She would reach for us and we did our best to console her.  I even climbed into the crib for 4 hours and held her.  When she woke up again, she asked for something to drink!  Good sign since she was on IV fluid and finally feeling thirsty!  She tolerated a little water and then Mike took her and held her until the morning. 

Day 2

The resident surgeon came in with his entourage and checked her mouth.  He said the wound looked dry and intact and that they would take her off the IV this morning.  He also said our primary surgeon would be in later.  Once the IV was out she ate a LOT compared to all of our expectations!  Another good sign!  Then the diapers started needing to be changed.  Yeah to fluid passing through her no problem.  She was still receiving morphine every 4 hours with her acetaminophen but being off the infusion made her so much more herself.  She did get really fussy just after lunch but we could tell it was because she was tired and angry that things felt different. She didn't seem to have problems swallowing food or water though!  It was the new sensation of suction that was hurting her.  She kept sucking her tongue to the new roof of her mouth and causing it to hurt!  After her much needed nap she asked for Elmo (which we had packed) and wanted to go for walks.  We went to the activity room and the play room, where the clown and her entertained each other, and she was so much herself that it felt amazing.
Now, I say she was herself personality and spirit, but there are things that are obviously different.  The first big thing, which we never had even considered, is that the tone of her voice is different!  She is even higher pitched than before.  She is nasally, more from the blood and swelling, but there is a definite 'Minnie Mouse' quality that was not there before!  She already had such a girly sing-song voice that it cracks me up to hear her now.  She also snores now, which I had never heard before.  It makes sense if you consider that they do surgery to make the soft palate smaller to reduce snoring and she didn't even have one before!  hahaha!  It is also refreshing to not see food come out her nose right after eating - although the blood right now is not so fun.  It keeps scabbing over so she can't breathe!  (The bath when we got home cleaned a lot of that though!)
At the end of this day she went to sleep in the crib by herself.  She was fussy because she knew we were right there but she did eventually fall asleep after spending the day with limited pain medication.  Success!

Day 3
After a visit from the resident and his students, we were told we were clear to leave today if we felt comfortable with that.  He was happy with what he was seeing and hearing of her progress.  The primary surgeon came in after that and said very much the same thing.  I told him that we wanted to try her without the morphine this morning just to see if she could tolerate the pain, and then we would be comfortable taking her home.  She had a good morning eating and reading books.  She went about 6 hours without morphine and then she through another fit  (again, I think it was because she was woken up every four hours so she never really got a good sleep) and eventually I think it was hurting her in her throat and mouth because she was crying so much.  We called for the morphine to help her sleep.  The nurse brought the magic and she fell asleep not long after and woke again in good spirits.  The surgeon came in while she slept and I said we were ready because I think being in her own home will do her better and he agreed wholeheartedly.  He said that all they were doing was pain control and we can do that at home as long as we felt okay with that.  He was still very assuring that everything was going well and made sure all of our questions were answered.  He wants to see us in 3 weeks for followup.  When she woke up, we ate lunch, packed, and were officially discharged.  She was quite dopey in the car but perked up when we got home.  She ate a small dinner, played a whole lot, and started to crash early.  We gave her a bath, which seemed to make her happy, and gave the ears a chance to be 'cleaned.'  I use quotations because the amount of scabbing in there doesn't allow for us to really go in and clean and know we won't hurt anything, so we just let her lay underwater and then I removed what scabs I could from the outer opening.  Poor kid.  So full of scabs.  Anyway, she is at home now and asleep in her crib.  She has only had two doses of morphine today and will hopefully have a good sleep - her first in three days.  Hopefully, Mike and I will too!

Kid is an incredible survivor.  She proves it again by blowing all my worries out the window for the newest giant upset in her life!  

Before! 

After! 

Ontario Trip

We were a little apprehensive about the plane ride since the last one was such a trial... but she was perfect!  What a peach that charmed everyone and now waves 'hi' and 'bye' almost all of the time (we practiced with people coming on and off the plane.  When we landed in Ontario she was clingy towards me... she had never been like that.  I think she was nervous about the change in environment and wanted to make sure I was not going anywhere - melt my heart!  She is completely attached to us and that is the evidence right there.  By the next morning, though, I think she had remembered Aunt Kitty and Uncle Fil (they were the most recent visitors), it took her a bit longer with gramma and grampa.  Just like we did when she first came here, we took it easy with introduction and tried not to do more than one face a day.  There were two parties though, and at those she was a complete charmer again. 

The first party was my cousin J's wedding.  She was quiet at first and then discovered the wall of mirrors!  She walked around with my cousin C's kids and they watched over her and Dania was great.  She didn't get a full length nap that afternoon so she was a little cranky at the restaurant after the ceremony but, all in all, the day was a success!  And she looked darn cute too!

We went to the aquarium in Toronto too.  AMAZING!  It opened the day we arrived in Ontario so it was still VERY new and just a stellar place to visit!  She loved it too.  She likes water so we had a feeling she would the view.  She liked when the sharks swam over top of her.  She was a little hesitant about the glass floors, clearly they were confusing her because they were see through but she wasn't falling in... It was enjoyable for us to watch her mind work.

On this trip she developed so many new habits.  She now goes crazy before bed every night.  It was a once in a while event before, but now she loooves to make herself dizzy and run around from person to person.  She also is more melodic with her talking.  She still isn't saying words but she sounds more like she is having a conversation for sure!  She also is a lot more approachable to people.  She always was easy going with new faces, thanks to the orphanage, but she is a lot more immediately interactive.  She still initial breaks the ice by pointing out her eye, but a visit with O and M had her nodding and waiting for them to mimic her.  She nods, shrugs, tilts her head in a creepy-twins-from-The-Shining manner, head rolls, and will all out laugh now!  She has somersaulted on her own, likes to be startled, and play peek-a-boo!

Dania met and had dinner with her 4 great-grandparents that live in Brantford.  Papa Jim was waiting when the elevator doors opened and yelled down the hall to Nana, "told you I was going to meet her first!"  It was wonderful.  He also declared he was going to hold her first and kind of sent Nana to get her something so he could sit in the chair with Dania!  At her other great-grandparents' it was cute to see Dania sit in the same little rocking chair that I remember sitting in when I was little, as did my mum and gramma!  Perfect! 

To end the whole visit with a bang we had a meet and greet planned and the entire world came to visit!  She looked amazing again... in a unicorn dress, no less!  I loved unicorns as a kid so I HAD to buy this dress when I saw it!

  

Even with 55 people in the room, Dania was not shy!  She actually reached from person to person and went looking for the food she liked best (pretzels) and would let herself be picked up to converse with all of the strangers.  I keep saying it, but it means the world to me how many friends and family came to see Dania and the generosity from everyone!  It was an amazing evening and hear and see Dania giggle and laugh so much now made all the pre-trip apprehensions worth it!  

 

We are back to reality now and will be starting with the doctors again on Monday!  Phew!  What an adventure.  And the plane ride back?  It was great.  She was the best behaved kid on the plane, so much so that she actually started mimicking one other girl who was crying - it sounded like she was making fun of her!  Eeesh.  Had to try and stop that!  She didn't get to nap and was cranky and out of sorts when she went down to bed but she was just fine after a good sleep-in!

I have also just noticed that a lot of her 3-6  month clothes don't fit now!  Yeah!!!!  She's growing!  I love this kid!  She makes me laugh soooo much!