Zombie Hands and Mindless Chatter

It was a loooong, long month.

THE FUN:
We met another family in Halifax who adopted from Russia.  Absolutely wonderful to hear their story, see the similarities and differences.  Their little girl, I,  was brought home a month before Dania.  I really liked hearing the difference between staying in small-town Russia (as we did) and a bigger city, like where we drove for court.  So many differences and yet, sooo much the same.  It was too bad Dania cowered in my shoulder in shyness.  Big phase right now!  Although, she did exclaim the next youngest's name over and over because it was the same as her BFF: E's.  That was funny to me, but she would bury her face in me as soon as she said it and pointed.  Neighbours are laughing because last year she would dash across the lawn to be lifted up by them and now she won't pass their driveway if they are standing in it!  It makes me feel good that I know she feels safe with me and knows who our close friends are.  Although, I have this underlying feeling nagging at me that she will be a pushover and not assertive in social situations.  Hell, she's 2!  I know she will go through a gajillion phases!

Mum came to visit too.  What a cute visit for Dania with her Gramma.  She recognized her (slowly) thanks to Skype and was looking for her the morning after she left.  I loved watching mum warm Dania's hands and tell her that she used to warm mine the same way - I have also been warming Dania's the same way too.  *tear*  It was short and sweet but I love when anyone can see Dania as Dania and not a short excerpt.

Spring is here (I hope it stays) and we are outside more.  She is running around the big circuit in the neighbourhood (as long as no one is in their driveway) and completely halts to point at and follow every single car that passes us.  She has been enthralled with the kids on bikes and scooters and met a few other little kids that I didn't even know lived here!  Okay, so I met them and she hid behind my leg until she said she wanted to eat and walked away...

THE BAD:
Holy illness, Batman!  She had a diaper rash that we were treating with Penaten until it started to get pebbly and then I thought it was a yeast infection spreading.  It didn't get better when treated with antifungal or antibiotic cream.  She also had what I thought was a staph infection on her nose (I had one there in grade 3 and remember it vividly) and was treating it with antibiotic ointment.  BUT! when she woke up with sores around her mouth and on her hands I knew something was going on.  I was told by a friend that hand, foot, mouth was going around the city so, I read up on that and her symptoms matched... except the sore throat.  I didn't know if she wasn't eating because of feeling ill or sore throat.  Either way, I knew we had to hit up a doctor that morning.  We did and I said how I first thought it was staph on her nose and yeast on her diaper area and now I think it's something else... He took one look at her face and said staph infection for sure.  He wrote a prescription.  He asked to see her diaper area.  Now, as of that morning, it had totally migrated away from any area that lead me to think yeast or diaper rash... it was now all around the outside of the diaper and the onesie and diaper leg holes kept rubbing the sores.  He said it was definitely the same staph infection there because it wasn't on her privates but on the outer edges.  Sheesh.  I felt awful.  She wasn't sleeping and it had to be because she was uncomfortable every time she shifted.  Ugh.  I'm so sorry Dania!!!  So, 10 days of oral antibiotics and 15 days of topical antibiotics was what we went home with.
     The next morning she looked worse.  It was spreading on her face and her hands were covered in blisters.  I said they were zombie hands.  My sister said they looked like octopus tentacles - which I totally agree with- but we had already taught her to hold her arms out and walk like a zombie... Anyway, I called 811 to talk to the nurses and they said it would be 3 days before we saw any improvement in the actual sores.  Her face cleared up within 24 hours, her bum stopped spreading but scabbed up, her hands looked awful and she is SO a picker like me and keeps pulling the loose skin off and handing it to me... which makes her look more like a zombie.
So, Easter weekend hits and we are to host dinner.  On Good Friday, Mike wakes up feeling crappy.  He has spots on his hands.  Holy zombie jesus!  (please don't take offense, I'm just working the zombie/raised from the dead plus her zombie hands connection - no insult intended!)  I tell him to call 811 immediately and find out whether we need to get him to a doctor or if we can treat at home knowing what Dania has and if we should cancel dinner plans because of contagiousness.  Well, he is suspected of hand, foot, mouth according to the nurse.  He goes to a walk-in that thankfully said they could fit him in on the holiday (yeah! no ER!) and the doc confirms the hand, foot, mouth diagnosis and the only thing he can do is ride it out.  His mouth and throat became SO sore-filled and bad that he could hardly swallow.  We had to cancel all of our dinner plans... and I was already exposed so there was nothing I could do but I was probably okay if I hadn't been exhibiting symptoms.  I went to the movies everyday and spent a lot of time in the basement.  Man, oh, man!

All is good now.  Hahahaha.  Dania looks as if she has scar tissue where all of her sores and blisters had been but I know it won't in time because the ones on her face didn't scar and her diaper area is clearing nicely.  It is smooth skin on her diaper-leg line but pink like a peeled sunburn.  Her hands are still slightly zombie-like hahaha.  She still pulls skin off and the healing pink spots are there but she can bend at her knuckles without the fluid-filled blisters being on the joints to hurt her.

Man, I felt so bad.  I felt like I should have known sooner that it was something else.  I felt like I should have gone with my gut that it was staph and gone to see a doc before the weekend.  Sigh.

Oh, well.  She is that little bit tougher because of it.  She also chats up a storm now.  I laugh so hard at her talking because it just sounds like, 'ga la, na, la, ga, la, laaaaa.  Maa, NAAAA,' over and over again in her postsurgery adorably high-pitched voice.  I think she was actually talking to the dog ont he walk today and telling her to hurry up and run with her.  It is a hoot and she put on a show for Aunt Kitty yesterday so someone else has witnessed this hilarity too!

Ok, that is all now that the storm has passed...well, this storm.  We just found out Mike is being posted to a ship (by just, I mean, 2 weeks before he goes back to work and a year ahead of planned schedule since he was told last year he wasn't getting on a ship) and will be sailing for weeks at a time.  I fear for Dania because she doesn't get a big transition from both of us 24/7 to no Daddy at all... I fear for me because I seriously don't know how I can do this without him coming home in the evening so I can do my transcription and the cleaning.  I am having full-on panic attacks because I had become okay with staying home with her - but she was a year older and a year more adjusted and able to tell me what was wrong or what she wanted.  Now?  she throws herself on the floor and hits her head as hard as she can... eek.  I know I won't be able to keep my job at Shoppers Drug Mart while he is at sea and that makes me sad.  I didn't want to be in management there again, but I enjoyed what I did there now.  We are also on too-short of notice to find day care and also couldn't afford it...if we had known this was happening we would have saved for it.  Man, oh man.  So much in such a short (feels like a forever-lengthed) month.

On a completely different note, anyone who has read Divergent will enjoy that movie - I loved it - and Oculus was actually freaky.  I am a huge scary movie snob and this one still has me hesitating in mirrors (but I always found mirrors a source of scary! lol).  It didn't over-show the ghost/monster and had a story and suspense and the ending did not suck!  YEAH!  LOL

Until next time...

Day 4

I love all the comments!  Yes, we do read them.  Katie:  Those are just in the special room and those are new since the last trip, the toy cupboard is still only filled with hard toys.  Thanks everyone for following!

It is now the end of the day and one sleep (yah, right) away from court.  We went over the procedure again today, nothing new since last time.  Then they went over our statements with us... just have to say that I was the only one who didn't have to change a thing!  Ahem!  Pat on my back!  We also got to feed the girls dinner today.  Dania was a hungry little one and ate with no problems.  Drinking is a bit harder as that can come up and out the nose a lot easier!  If she uses a sippy cup she has better flow control, that's what they did last time, but this time we just had a regular cup.

We also had a change to discuss the third trip.  They want us to coordinate our flights so we all take off and land at the same time - makes sense.  I feel like we are going to have a skype flight booking date very soon.  They have contact with the rep in Moscow.  They will email her and find out how many days we need in Moscow and then we will book.

As for the cute part of the day (every moment spent with her, of course), she fell asleep in my arms again today.  I'm starting to think she should nap at 11:00 and not 12:30! LOL  The time zone change will mess that up anyway!

She LOVES to sing with me!  I start singing and she now starts to sing too and bob her head or bounce.  Freaking adorable.  I know all kids do it, but this just PROVES music IS its own language!  She doesn't care that she can't understand me!  Videos later, promise.  For now, these will suffice...

This is her "oh, wow!" smile.

 This is her gut busting "so hilarious" smile.

Cute hat!

Family pic!

So, now tomorrow is it.  I am not so nervous about court as I thought I would be.  I know I won't cry during my speech because I can hold it in when being watched.  I'm sure I will cry when she makes her decision and gives her verdict.  Either way.  

We will also have a few moments before court to ask the case social worker current situations of Dania's parents and grandparent's to ease (hopefully) our minds as to a smaller chance for appeal (because I do feel like we will get custody now, we have to).  

I can't believe court is TOMORROW!  I feel like I've been on such a crazy-ass roller coaster and have just gone around the final turn and am about to coast into the exit...  Let's hope it doesn't derail!

Day 3 and Mind Blown

Just got back from our evening visit which was much more active than the morning one...

We just kind of hid on a swing and pretended she was awake and let her nap.  She obviously needed it if she did that 20minutes into our visit!

This evening though, we did laps of the building and sang and danced.  She now mimicks our clapping and feet stomping.  As soon as she is in our arms she is reaching for our mouths so we can make noise and pat her hand on it so it "warbles."  You know what I mean, right?  I can't explain it properly.

Now for the mind blow!  This would definitely NOT have happened if the couple from Ontario hadn't been with us.  They adopted a few years ago befor the wait times changed.  The judge has agreed that if we are awarded custody we can take her after only 10 days!  HOLY TIME DIFFERENCE, BATMAN!  This means, if we are granted custody and no one appeals she is officially ours on August 6th and we are to take her to Moscow from the baby home August 9th, and then we will be back in Canada by, probably, the 16th.  Then they went to the passport officials and negotieated getting the passports made in 1 or 2 days!  We were instantly overjoyed and then looked at each other with panic in our eyes.  How the heck are we going get all we need and flights and hotel in Moscow with only 11 days and one pay in between!?!?!  Then we look at her - it will happen.  Just look at that face:

...how can we NOT make it happen?  My "due" date just was shortened by 4 weeks!  The reps and lawyer seem confident that this will all work out.  I'm a little nervous, except I don't feel it at all with her - but, heck, I'm a mom, I worry!

It's time to make lists of things to get.  Good 14 hour layover activity hahaha!

This shorter wait time also is better for her remembering us!  She is always reaching up to be held so I'm hoping the 11 days we won't see her will be short enough that she will reach for us when we see her in August!  If not, she will at least remember a lot quicker than she did after 2 months.  I love her!

And I love watching her and Mike together!

Ok, we go over the hearing procedures tomorrow and then it's court the next day.  Let's tackle that now.

FLIGHTS BOOKED!!!!!

AHHHHHH!  It feels amazing but this is when shit hit the fan last time.  I KNOW I shouldn't think that, but if I hold a little of that terror in perspective than if it does fall apart we won't be so heart broken as if we were SURE.  (Even though I am secretly sure.  I even had a dream family showed up to appeal the custody, an aunt and cousin, but it was denied because the judge still thought we would take better care of her).

OK, before I get into flight details I must pass along a wonderful email I received.  I save every email I have in regards to this adoption - it is all to show Kid how much support was there BEFORE anyone knew who she was!  This was one that especially struck me.  This is from a good friend who has been a huge supporter from the start - funnily enough, she even wrote in my yearbook that I would probably have more kids than anyone one of 'us'... maybe not more, but clearly the most public process!

"I noticed something today in your words. You sound so much like a "traditionally" expectant mom. So excited and wanting to tell everyone about your upcoming arrival, just as a pregnant woman displays and rubs her tummy, just so people know it's a baby and not a big lunch. Overwhelming fear that something will go wrong. Crying uncontrollably. Aching to hold her. And finally at the very end, just desperately wanting it to be a month ahead so you can just begin your life together. As emotionally draining as it is, I'm so thrilled that you're experiencing all these things :-) "

She is a mum x2 so this feels great and is sincerely not something I had considered before.  I am pretty sure every lady I knew who was pregnant wishes that last month to fly by... LOL!  Just another fun juxtaposition.  

OK, back to flights.

We booked because Mike got the confirmation email that our visas were in the mail.  Hello?  Murphy's Law?  You mean we could have made the appointment on April 23rd? LOL!  I am glad we have more time to still get stuff sorted out.  Especially because it gave me the time to get a chest x-ray, sort out the update on our home study (phone conference tomorrow), and research places to stay in Moscow (still not booked as of now).

We fly out of Halifax on May 11th (transfer in Toronto, transfer in Istanbul) and land in Ufa on the morning of the 13th.  Our appointment with the Ministry of Education is on the 13th at 1pm.  Then we drive to the baby home and stay there until the night of the 16th.  

We fly to Moscow on the 16th.  Our medicals are all day the 17th.  We spend one extra day on the 18th in order to save 900 each on our flights home, the morning of the 19th.  

We return on the 20th.

Phew!

EEEEEEEEEEEEE!   

Determination

Now that the dates are "set" I feel like this is more real.  We are playing it safe and waiting until we have a better idea from the visa centre about timing before we purchase tickets.  I feel like it WILL work though.  I have this over riding sense of determination.  It was not apparent the first time because I was so excited and naively happy with the situation.  Now, I'm a bit smarter and I know what could happen, there is this determination that is growing from the pit of my stomach.  I want this to work SO bad!

It may sound like I'm setting myself up for heart ache again but, if Dania does fall through, I will have learned something else besides caution and trust in fate.  I will probably curse fate and not know what this new found knowledge is until I calm down and stop hurting, but I will have learned.

In the meantime, I have been trying to firm up our budget for the first trip.  We will need to buy Roubles to pay for the clinic in Moscow and we will need US cash for everything else.  I have asked CHOC to double check that no fees have changed with the turn of the new year.  She will return the info to me on Wednesday.

I also have a doctor's appointment to obtain the blood work requisitions for my rushed HIV test and for the other possible Rouble saving tests we can get here for free. 

I also keep monitoring flights.  They are more expensive now than at Christmas - what the?  The money difference is not as big of a setback since, hopefully, we will not need a return ticket for Kid!