Transition

A lot has happened and that is why it has taken so long to post again!

Firstly, I received a letter from Canadian Citizenship Services asking me to mail her actual permanent resident card as it gets sent back to immigration officials once citizenship is granted.  This must mean I filled out the forms correctly!  Yeah!   It was definitely not a document asked for in the initial package (just a certified true copy) and if they are asking for it now, I would think that would mean they are ready to grant it but, just like an old passport, they can't have a legal document flitting around that could be misused.   It is now in the self-addressed envelope (postage not paid with a fancy government prepaid stamp grrr) ready to be dropped in the mailbox.

We also had a followup eye appointment.  This went okay.  She def didn't want to sit still for the evaluations this time, probably because she can see all the cool stuff in the office now.   We have some homework from them.  I have the kids version of the letter eye charts (house, apple, circle, square) and I am to work on those with her at home while covering one side of her glasses at a time.  The worry is that because her prescription is much stronger on the one side that she might only really be using one side to look at things.  Basically, I have to first get her used to having one glasses lens covered and then work up to having naming lines on that eye chart.  We go back in January for them to look at this specifically.

Halloween was an interesting experience for her.  She had no idea what it all meant and won't remember it, but totally had fun knocking on doors and saying trick or treat.  Daddy collected the candy for her so I don't even think she really understood that she was getting candy.  She doesn't ask for it now with the bag sitting in Mike's office.  She just liked that she could finally go touch all the pumpkins on everyone's porch!

She has now also transitioned into daycare one day a week!  I really needed the day and I needed her to learn to be in a big group because she just shuts down if it is a group bigger than four or five kids.  By shutting down I mean standing and staring, and not taking-it-all-in staring... zombie staring where she isn't focused on anything.  It's obvious anxiety or feelings of some sort being stirred up from when she was in the orphanage and I want that worked out before she can go to preschool in 3-1/2 months!  We got into one where she knows one boy (who will be moving up to preschool at the end of this month so he can't become a crutch) to help her out and she clearly was happy about that!
     We did a transition week where I stayed with her the first day and we played for 2 hours.  She took in the room and the kids and was clingy but she definitely wanted to participate.
     The second day I stayed for an hour and then left here there for 2.  She cried a lot.  I could tell when I picked her up that she'd been crying (she is going to be an ugly crier.  Instant red blotches and super puffed up eyes).  I guess she had kept saying, "I need Mama!"  Heartbreaker!
     Day three had me dropping her and leaving right away and her staying for lunch.  The ladies told me she cried for a little at the beginning but then settled in and participated in the crafts and stories.  Got a little sad outside because they think she thought she was going home when they got her dressed for outdoors, but she cheered up and ran around.  Then she ate a good bowl of quinoa and many handfuls of grapes.   She was very excited to see me and we have now worked out that when she gets said and says, "no Mama go," that I ask her if Mama comes back, to which she responds, "yeeeaaaaa," in a sad voice.  Hahaha!  I also noticed that she has started to ride her scoot-around at home by standing on the back wheel rod and holding the handlebars and kicking with her one leg so it is more like a scooter.  I noticed that a lot of the kids do this on the playground so she obviously took that to heart!
     Day four she cried for about 5 minutes when I left her and then was fine.  She stayed for nap this day too.  They said she got upset when she woke up, understandable though since she's never waken up here before!  I picked her up shortly after nap time was done and she was quite gibberish-full on the way home!
     The last transition day, her first full day, they said she cried for about 30 seconds and then had a great day.  She did art and participated in the stories, napped, ate some lunch (good to hear that it's not just us that she doesn't want to eat her whole meal for!), and had a great time.  She is definitely more vocal since this week (screeching! grrrr) but my hope was that it helps her speech develop and I think that will come very quickly for her.  My other hope is that it helps her stick up for herself and become more assertive.  Right now, she lets herself have her toys taken from her, gives up her places in line on playground equipment (even if she is sitting at the top of the slide she will move if she sees another kid is halfway up the ladder) and her turn in games.  She lets herself be pushed and doesn't say anything and I don't like that.   I don't want her to turn into a mean kid, I just want her to know that everyone gets a turn equally and that includes her!

She is singing a lot more and even making up her own songs.  She's starting to get into jigsaw-style puzzles.  She is still pretty combative with me over anything that sounds remotely like me trying to get her to speak properly, but is also picking up on my emotions and becoming sympathetic to moods other than sad and crying.  She is getting her colours down and definitely has all her letters now.  Getting much better at telling us when she has to go to the bathroom.  She is a lot of fun and still makes me smile every morning when she says, "hi Mama!"

Vindicated!

I got a call yesterday from the Eye Clinic saying they had a cancellation today and could we make it at 9:45?  Heck yes, we can!  I have been waiting for this because as she grows more and does not stop looking at things close up, I feel more and more that she needs glasses.  I know she can see far away shapes, like, she knows a slide is a slide... but she never really looks at things unless she can hold it to her nose.  

Long story short - she needs glasses... big time.  The doctor looks in her right eye with a lens and says, "oh my, are you ever myopic!"  She is -7.5 in one eye and -5 in the other and then has astigmatism on top if it.  This kid has NEVER seen anything in the distance in focus!  I am SO excited to take her for her first walk or to even look at a book and not have her bend right over it and block the text!  They said kids with myopia are usually the ones that keep their glasses on without trouble because they are actually SEEING now!  This is also something that she will live with forever so it's best that we got on top of it now.  I dropped her prescription off and got her fitted for baby glasses on the way back from the appointment and they should be ready in a week and a half!  I'm hoping that by next weekend my baby girl will see!

Long story long... and it's gonna be long because I find it SO fascinating!

First of all, I was worried she was going to be cranky because she, like me, is not a morning person.  She wants to be left alone to enjoy her coffee (cereal) and then do something quiet (read) until she wakes up.   I got her a muffin and she was fine.  Even hugged the muffin before eating it.  When we get to the hospital she is excited because she remembers the elevators - better than remembering the surgery!  Ha!  We ride up 6 floors, register, and after a quick "WooOOOOOwwww!" at the fish tank and before she can even play with the toys they are calling her name.  We go into the room and I sit her on my lap in 'the chair' and she gets quiet.  I notice the Sesame Street finger puppets and start playing with her while the optometrist came in to do the initial evaluation.

I was really keen to know what they did since I knew babies can't say their answers... she started with pupil reaction to light, then to reacting to light from different angles.  She did some focus testing by having her look through a prism at an image that has now been split into 2 images to see if she flicks focus back and forth between the two.  She had a flashlight with an end that had 1 one light, 2 green lights, and 1 red light in a diamond pattern and put on the red-green glasses and had her point to the lights (she even counted them aloud).  She did distance testing by turning a television on and off.  She had these slats that were grey with a square that was made of grey and white lines located somewhere on it.  The slats started with very wide lines, making the square very obvious.  She would (blind to the location herself so as not to unintentionally suggest the answer) flip the slat over and have Dania point to the square.  She nailed it.  LOL!  They also did some perception testing with 3D images... Dania didn't like those very much, or, at least, wouldn't touch the images.  She would say her sound for 'ball' and point but not actually try to touch the 3D ball - I guess that happens a lot with little kiddos.  She did some other light testing that I have no idea what it did because I saw the back of her head and it didn't look any different from the initial testing - it might have been different coloured lights and the pupil reaction.  So, all in all?  This part took about 30 minutes and she sat so well and they kept commenting on that.  They also took an oral history from me and I told them about the adoption and that it was noted in her info given to us.  I told them that I have always noticed she looks at things closely and doesn't pay attention to things farther away for very long and that my gut said it wasn't attention span because she will sit and play with her Leapfrog reader for an hour!  I told them how it was my family doc that referred us to the eye doctor and how we saw him once, he told us to come back with the drops, and then he told us she was near sighted and referred us to the people that can deal with kids properly.  Then she had to put the dilating drops in her eyes.  Enter the tears - that I think were more from boredom and sitting still than anything.  Now we had to go to the waiting room and wait for the drops to kick in.

She played, happily, and seemingly unaffected by the drops.  She was not walking weird or seemingly having a messed up depth perception from the drops.  She did disregard the books quickly and opted for staring at the fish tank at length.  After about 30 minutes she asked me for Pocoyo.  Now, this is a show on youtube that we watch sometimes and I wasn't about to say 'no' when I had no idea how much longer we were going to be.   I also knew her vision must be screwy by now so I pull out my phone, find the show, press play, and her name is called.  So, we are now going into this next part with an anticlimactic Pocoyo experience...

She was so good!  It blew my mind her patience!  She wouldn't have this for me at home but she is also an inquisitive girl and was fascinated by the new activities going on close to her.  She did ask for Pocoyo in between every lens trial though!  So, this new session involved the Ophthalmology fellow and a student.  They were both so nice and very patient and clearly used to working with kids (automatically lowered their chairs, put smiles on their faces and raised the tones of their voices).  This was the part where an adult sits behind the big lens machine and looks at the alphabet chart (I know it has a real name) and tells the doc if number 1 or number 2 is more focused.  For a kid?  They have mum sit Kid on her lap and gently keep her head forward (I say gently because I'm sure for the 3 times I had to adjust Dania that others have had to do 30 or just brace their child's head).  I think she has this fear/reverence for doctors.  She has a love/hate relationship with them because the first bit of her life was composed of a lot of poking and prodding - especially in the mouth and ears - but has now experienced long-term results and 'get's it.'  Anyway!  He started with her right eye, chose a lens strength that was to an extreme (I don't know what extreme!) and holds it to her eye with a light scope and looks at her inner eye reaction.  This is where he exclaimed, "oh my!  Are you ever myopic!"  He then tries a bunch of different strengths and just like with adults, flicks back to the one he thinks is right while going to extremes and ever-so-slight variances.  He finds the one he thinks is good and then starts on the adjustment for her astigmatism.  After about 15 minutes, he finds the right combo for the right eye.  This whole time she has sat so still on my lap and listened to every direction from the doctor.  He would say, 'oh, chin down,' and I knew he was talking to me but she would then put her chin to her chest and he would laugh, 'oh, not that much!' and she would bring it up a little.  He kept telling her how smart she was.  Made me really proud!  It takes a bit longer for the left eye because she's done this all before now.  He starts getting her eye to look at the right spot by saying, 'HEL-looooo!'  To which she immediately says it back.  The student is laughing off to the side and making his hand creep up on her and making faces - he's going to be good with little ones!  After about 35 minutes total, the doc has the right combo and writes me a prescription and we sit and chat about what it means and I ask all my questions about what it was he was actually doing so I understood it enough to tell it here!  At this point, I do put Pocoyo on the phone for her to watch!  They laughed at the dancing that ensued.

The fellow told me that this was something that couldn't be corrected.  She will need glasses forever.  Ok, no big deal.  I had initially thought it might be correctable but I am not as concerned with her keeping them on because she will wear sunglasses outside for a long time and I wear glasses and she points that out a lot.  I think about how my prescription has a similar astigmatism to Dania's but that my eyes are 7 times and 5 times better than hers and I get major headaches if I sit at the computer without them.  What does she get?!?!  It makes me wonder if she has ever seen far away to understand near and far!?  After a lot of my questions were answered, the fellow goes to get the ophthalmologist and she comes in to talk to us.

She sits down and immediately begins asking about Russia.  What region is she from?  How much history do you know?  What tests did she have over there?  How come it took so long to get here?  Okay, the last one?  Not a Russia thing... that was the Eye Clinic and Canadian health care system.  I made sure she knew that  (and please, I am not knocking it at all!  I LOVE our healthcare.  I just felt slightly off put because of this sudden barrage of questions and nothing to do with the eyes!).  She takes a big breath after she asks what age we brought her home and then tells me that was the same age her son was when she brought him home from Moscow!  HOLY MOLY!  Seriously?!?!?!  What are the odds?!?!  It's been 6 years for her now since her adoption but as soon as she told me that she instantly warmed up and seemed so involved and concerned.  She explained that her region was important because of ethnic physical features (wider set eyes, flatter bridge of nose, almond eyes) to be taken into consideration but also because she was curious about our knowledge of hereditary syndromes.  It's none, by the way.  She said that there are syndromes from that region related to cleft palate and myopia that would be worth considering for the long run.  She asked if I would be okay with a referral to genetic medicine for testing to see if the 2 problems are genetically related or not.  I have no problem with that!  I was excited when she said it!  So fascinating!  I do a lot of genetic transcriptions in my job and was giddy at the thought of being part of this unique world;  moreover, it would almost be like being given a link to her past that we don't know!  This would be something that, if relevant, would affect any biological offspring and her long-term healthcare.  Such syndromes, the most obvious being Stickler's syndrome, which I had heard of (thank you new job!) can progress quickly without intervention and treatment (aka, eyesight and hearing getting worse without aid) and can affect connective tissues and cause joint pains/arthritis in the long run.  Despite what it can cause, just knowing can help with future healthcare needs.  I have to wonder if this ophthalmologist hadn't adopted from Russia herself if Dania's file would have stuck out in her immediate thoughts like this (remember, only yesterday she was given the file)?  I mean, I do not doubt that this connection would have been brought up eventually by one of the many specialists but now that we have these 2 conditions to work with and a woman who recognized the regional relevance, we have a starting point for possible special action.  SO DANG FASCINATING!

So much of Dania has seemed 'meant to be' in this process... this is a scientific aspect that I never could have predicted!

As I said, we went to the glasses store that was recommended as specializing in little ones and would also consider the flat bridge of her nose and we had frames within 10 minutes of walking into the store.  I didn't expect a wide array of choice with what is considered 'baby' frames.  I got to choose dark copper versus gold and then the colour of her plastic arm cover that wraps around her ears.  Either way, the store kept proclaiming how good she was and she only had to sit for a total of 2 minutes (three times with different widths of glasses and twice for the pupil distance measure).  At this point, she was asking for the ice cream I promised her for good behaviour.  HAHAHAHA!  We did get a pumpkin pie blizzard to share, but we also walked away with the order of glasses to be delivered in a week and a half!  SO EXCITING!  Seriously, like, beyond exciting to think that she will really see for the first time because she was worse than I had thought!  She won't have to stop and work to see things and will be able to catch things at a glance or in dimmer lighting!  WOW!  I can't wait!  I can't even explain to her what she is about to experience!  HOLY MOLY!

Assignment #1

Please write down 3 – 5 sentence answers to the questions below and e-mail the completed assignment to me:

1. What has drawn you to consider the adoption of a child from Russia?
2. What do you know about the adoption of a child from Russia?
3. Do you know someone who has adopted a child either from Russia or from another country?
4. If so, what has been their experience?
5. What is your fantasy of the child you would like to adopt?
6. How do you imagine your adopted child fitting into your family?
7. What challenges do you think you may face adding a child to your family?
8. What do you think may be some of the challenges for your adopted child?
9. What life experience or knowledge do you have that makes you feel prepared to manage these challenges?
10. What behaviors or problems would you consider intolerable, unacceptable or beyond your capacity to manage?
11. What if your child manifested some of those problems, would you still be committed to them?                                                                                                                                                             So, I am an over achiever and wrote WAY more than 3-5 sentences.  I went back and edited my answers to not look crazy LOL!  It took me two hours!  I never had to think about my answer, just started typing.  I love this.  I'm leery about publishing my answers because I share other people's stories to which I have no right to publish.  I will save everything for Kid though.  There will be no hiding our hopes and fears and dreams for Kid!

Now that Most People Know...

Monday we were sent an email from CHOC that asked us to see how fast we could process travel visas because there was a feeling that there would be an offer soon, possibly for December 24th.  I was at work and I was completely floored!  NEVER did we expect to even 'possibly' hear this soon.  It has been five weeks since our papers were sent over to Russia!

I immediately jumped on to the visa applications and it turns out it takes 12 days to process.  I told CHOC and said I would await their call.  This is when CHOC tells me they won't be calling.  They have to offer a possible child to our provincial government first and then NS offers us the child.  Wheels started turning.  I asked if CHOC was able to tell me when they have forwarded an offer or even any of the details regarding the child.  CHOC tells me they are not able to tell me ANYTHING.  OK!  I start to buzz because how else would CHOC have a possible date and be encouraging us to fill out visas if there hasn't been an offer?  I now knew I wouldn't sleep...

Wednesday morning I'm at work on the phone with a food representative and my cell phone rings.  I see it is an unknown caller and know that Family Services always appears as unknown.  I immediately hung up on the rep and answered the cell.  It was the head of Family Services!!!

Lo and Behold!  We are being offered a boy!  He just turned two at the end of October.  The description we received is as follows:

The boy is active, emotional, sociable, he speaks by simple words, understands orders, can walk.

And the photo melted me. 

He has a name but if everything goes according to plan we will be Canadianizing it slightly when custody is official.  His name is Makerov Maxim.  Instantly I was enamoured with Makerov (I've always liked names with v's) and had shortened it to Mak.  I find out a few hours later that Russians often go by their middle names.  Too late.  He isn't a Max to us, he's a Mak.  We won't say the first name until we know we have custody but for now, Mak Miklos?  sounds awesome!

We have told people but still request no public postings until we have the date - which I now know will come on MONDAY!

This is so amazing and so wonderful.  It is hard to describe the emotions that I went through but I will give it a go -

I didn't react to the call the way I expected.  There was a not a blubbery mess of tears.  I was definitely and  obviously happy and excited but I am pretty sure I was in a state of shock for 36-ish hours.  I immediately called Mike and told him and then ran around the store telling everyone.  I even saw the teller from the bank who sold me the last bank draft for the Russian Consulate and I showed him the photo and hugged him (only to later think that might have been uncomfortable for him)!  I was told several times that I was visibly shaking and stayed that way all night and next day.  Mike and I were both pretty speechless sitting together that night.  We just kept asking 'are you alright' and then smiling.  Our minds were made up even though we had a doctor looking over the file we were pretty sure nothing was going to stop us from pursuing this boy.

Thursday started the same way Wednesday night ended - I was buzzing.  I started to tell friends and family (beyond the parents whom already knew now) and it wasn't until reading one response that the immense awesomeness of this situation hit me like a tonne of bricks!  There are two ways that I can best describe the feeling.  One is that it felt like I literally shed a second skin and that it was so heavy that the sudden lightness made me fall to the floor.  I had dropped to my knees and just started bawling and laughing.  The second way is that suddenly Mak became three dimensional.  Up to this moment he had been the picture and nothing more.  I had even stood in his room the previous night but couldn't see him there.  Now I could picture holding his hand, him coming down the stairs with me standing at the bottom, eating breakfast with him, him rocking in the chair with me... it was an endless flood of three-dimensional opportunity!

WOW!

WOW WOW WOW WOW WOW!

More to come when I know more too.  Monday, as soon as I have the date, my status will be updated for the world to see my joy!

It's Ready to Go!

Wow! Surprise to me! We don't have to wait for the letter from the CIC. CHOC emailed me the invoices for the Russian fees saying it's ready to go as soon as they receive the payment. YEAH! That was sooner than I thought. They can just forward on the letter from CIC whenever it arrives, since it's not really a complete form without Kid's name anyway! I had another vision too. I really think Kid's a boy. Strange since we both went into this process assuming a girl - no reason why, we just did. I also feel like June is going to be a key month. Hell, I was crying at work when I figured all this out yesterday! YEAH!!!!