It was a loooong, long month.
THE FUN:
We met another family in Halifax who adopted from Russia. Absolutely wonderful to hear their story, see the similarities and differences. Their little girl, I, was brought home a month before Dania. I really liked hearing the difference between staying in small-town Russia (as we did) and a bigger city, like where we drove for court. So many differences and yet, sooo much the same. It was too bad Dania cowered in my shoulder in shyness. Big phase right now! Although, she did exclaim the next youngest's name over and over because it was the same as her BFF: E's. That was funny to me, but she would bury her face in me as soon as she said it and pointed. Neighbours are laughing because last year she would dash across the lawn to be lifted up by them and now she won't pass their driveway if they are standing in it! It makes me feel good that I know she feels safe with me and knows who our close friends are. Although, I have this underlying feeling nagging at me that she will be a pushover and not assertive in social situations. Hell, she's 2! I know she will go through a gajillion phases!
Mum came to visit too. What a cute visit for Dania with her Gramma. She recognized her (slowly) thanks to Skype and was looking for her the morning after she left. I loved watching mum warm Dania's hands and tell her that she used to warm mine the same way - I have also been warming Dania's the same way too. *tear* It was short and sweet but I love when anyone can see Dania as Dania and not a short excerpt.
Spring is here (I hope it stays) and we are outside more. She is running around the big circuit in the neighbourhood (as long as no one is in their driveway) and completely halts to point at and follow every single car that passes us. She has been enthralled with the kids on bikes and scooters and met a few other little kids that I didn't even know lived here! Okay, so I met them and she hid behind my leg until she said she wanted to eat and walked away...
THE BAD:
Holy illness, Batman! She had a diaper rash that we were treating with Penaten until it started to get pebbly and then I thought it was a yeast infection spreading. It didn't get better when treated with antifungal or antibiotic cream. She also had what I thought was a staph infection on her nose (I had one there in grade 3 and remember it vividly) and was treating it with antibiotic ointment. BUT! when she woke up with sores around her mouth and on her hands I knew something was going on. I was told by a friend that hand, foot, mouth was going around the city so, I read up on that and her symptoms matched... except the sore throat. I didn't know if she wasn't eating because of feeling ill or sore throat. Either way, I knew we had to hit up a doctor that morning. We did and I said how I first thought it was staph on her nose and yeast on her diaper area and now I think it's something else... He took one look at her face and said staph infection for sure. He wrote a prescription. He asked to see her diaper area. Now, as of that morning, it had totally migrated away from any area that lead me to think yeast or diaper rash... it was now all around the outside of the diaper and the onesie and diaper leg holes kept rubbing the sores. He said it was definitely the same staph infection there because it wasn't on her privates but on the outer edges. Sheesh. I felt awful. She wasn't sleeping and it had to be because she was uncomfortable every time she shifted. Ugh. I'm so sorry Dania!!! So, 10 days of oral antibiotics and 15 days of topical antibiotics was what we went home with.
The next morning she looked worse. It was spreading on her face and her hands were covered in blisters. I said they were zombie hands. My sister said they looked like octopus tentacles - which I totally agree with- but we had already taught her to hold her arms out and walk like a zombie... Anyway, I called 811 to talk to the nurses and they said it would be 3 days before we saw any improvement in the actual sores. Her face cleared up within 24 hours, her bum stopped spreading but scabbed up, her hands looked awful and she is SO a picker like me and keeps pulling the loose skin off and handing it to me... which makes her look more like a zombie.
So, Easter weekend hits and we are to host dinner. On Good Friday, Mike wakes up feeling crappy. He has spots on his hands. Holy zombie jesus! (please don't take offense, I'm just working the zombie/raised from the dead plus her zombie hands connection - no insult intended!) I tell him to call 811 immediately and find out whether we need to get him to a doctor or if we can treat at home knowing what Dania has and if we should cancel dinner plans because of contagiousness. Well, he is suspected of hand, foot, mouth according to the nurse. He goes to a walk-in that thankfully said they could fit him in on the holiday (yeah! no ER!) and the doc confirms the hand, foot, mouth diagnosis and the only thing he can do is ride it out. His mouth and throat became SO sore-filled and bad that he could hardly swallow. We had to cancel all of our dinner plans... and I was already exposed so there was nothing I could do but I was probably okay if I hadn't been exhibiting symptoms. I went to the movies everyday and spent a lot of time in the basement. Man, oh, man!
All is good now. Hahahaha. Dania looks as if she has scar tissue where all of her sores and blisters had been but I know it won't in time because the ones on her face didn't scar and her diaper area is clearing nicely. It is smooth skin on her diaper-leg line but pink like a peeled sunburn. Her hands are still slightly zombie-like hahaha. She still pulls skin off and the healing pink spots are there but she can bend at her knuckles without the fluid-filled blisters being on the joints to hurt her.
Man, I felt so bad. I felt like I should have known sooner that it was something else. I felt like I should have gone with my gut that it was staph and gone to see a doc before the weekend. Sigh.
Oh, well. She is that little bit tougher because of it. She also chats up a storm now. I laugh so hard at her talking because it just sounds like, 'ga la, na, la, ga, la, laaaaa. Maa, NAAAA,' over and over again in her postsurgery adorably high-pitched voice. I think she was actually talking to the dog ont he walk today and telling her to hurry up and run with her. It is a hoot and she put on a show for Aunt Kitty yesterday so someone else has witnessed this hilarity too!
Ok, that is all now that the storm has passed...well, this storm. We just found out Mike is being posted to a ship (by just, I mean, 2 weeks before he goes back to work and a year ahead of planned schedule since he was told last year he wasn't getting on a ship) and will be sailing for weeks at a time. I fear for Dania because she doesn't get a big transition from both of us 24/7 to no Daddy at all... I fear for me because I seriously don't know how I can do this without him coming home in the evening so I can do my transcription and the cleaning. I am having full-on panic attacks because I had become okay with staying home with her - but she was a year older and a year more adjusted and able to tell me what was wrong or what she wanted. Now? she throws herself on the floor and hits her head as hard as she can... eek. I know I won't be able to keep my job at Shoppers Drug Mart while he is at sea and that makes me sad. I didn't want to be in management there again, but I enjoyed what I did there now. We are also on too-short of notice to find day care and also couldn't afford it...if we had known this was happening we would have saved for it. Man, oh man. So much in such a short (feels like a forever-lengthed) month.
On a completely different note, anyone who has read Divergent will enjoy that movie - I loved it - and Oculus was actually freaky. I am a huge scary movie snob and this one still has me hesitating in mirrors (but I always found mirrors a source of scary! lol). It didn't over-show the ghost/monster and had a story and suspense and the ending did not suck! YEAH! LOL
Until next time...
Showing posts with label depression. Show all posts
Showing posts with label depression. Show all posts
Wednesday, April 30, 2014
Monday, February 18, 2013
Feeling Better
Well, I do feel better now. I'm still sad and I get angry easily, but it isn't as all-consuming as it was last month. I now sing and dance around like normal. I have gained the weight I lost at the end of last year (boo!) but I'm not as lethargic so I feel I will turn it around again soon.
I do feel very self-conscious about any decision I make. I think it is all stemming from whether, or not, this adoption was the correct path for Mike and me. It has been quite hard but my worry over what I can't control with this is leaking into even simple decisions, like which kind of cheese to buy?
I still haven't began my artsy endeavours but I hope to soon. In the meantime I am hoping my soon-to-expire travel visa means I WILL get the call to go just after.
I hope...
I do feel very self-conscious about any decision I make. I think it is all stemming from whether, or not, this adoption was the correct path for Mike and me. It has been quite hard but my worry over what I can't control with this is leaking into even simple decisions, like which kind of cheese to buy?
I still haven't began my artsy endeavours but I hope to soon. In the meantime I am hoping my soon-to-expire travel visa means I WILL get the call to go just after.
I hope...
Sunday, February 3, 2013
Counciling Homework
I was told to find a project. My first instinct was to find something that had to do with Kid - so I felt progress towards the adoption. I had been shown the adoption maternity photos and enlisted the help of Paul Clarke Photography and created some beautiful images.
Thank you so much Paul.
This is not a "normal" subject matter and hope to create more in the future.
They have given me something to look at and to focus. I honestly haven't been able to do yoga since this fell through. I can't quiet my mind (also why I can't sleep) thus making yoga near impossible to enjoy. Now I can hopefully make a focal point in my room to concentrate on. I'm still scared to try so it might take another week.
My councilor also told me I had to do at least two days with a physical activity to start physically working my anger out of me. I will hopefully jump on the elliptical tomorrow after work. I will see how I feel. I miss the stretching and "sinking in" from yoga and hope to work towards it. I would love to go outside and run but the stupid snow won't stop!
I had excitement from a project for the home. I made a rolling spice rack for the kitchen.
It is now done and I feel I did it too fast. sigh.
I look forward to learning how to knit and crochet.
The councilor tried some art therapy with me since she knew I liked arty things. She wanted me to go with my gut instinct and I blacked out an entire page and couldn't do it fast enough. Then wrote a bunch of angry words on the next page. She said we had to pull those feelings through the blackness in order to make the blackness less all-encompassing. I agree. Part of it is admitting what I'm angry about. I took the journal I had started for Mak and turned it into a journal for me. I wrote about how I was angry that I felt forced to celebrate on Christmas when I didn't feel like it - it was, after all, the first day we were supposed to spend with Mak! I wrote about the stupid customers at work. I wrote about the rudeness and inconsiderateness of the agency recently. I don't want to go into details of what happened this week because I feel like there is a chance this blog could bite us in the ass if I do. Needless to say it had me in the basement at work crying and screaming obscenities and throwing around metal sign holders. It felt good. I wrote and wrote and wrote.
The councilor also asked me to start singing again. She had asked if I enjoyed singing and I said yes but that I didn't realize until that moment that I had stopped. I don't sing in the shower. I stopped playing my music while cooking or doing other activities. I don't sing along with the radio. She told me to start even if it feels stupid and forced. She said eventually it will feel normal again and it's another physical activity that will help me surmount this grief mountain.
Well, that's it now. Even writing on here feels like something I SHOULD be doing instead of WANTing to do. Life doesn't feel natural - if that makes any sense. It will. That was part of the reason I sent out the Christmas cards this week. It was something I would normally do; it was something I had planned on doing; I felt the need to complete that task.
In the meantime, I will start singing, run twice a week and work up to yoga, learn to knit/crochet, and continue to be a bitch because all of that feels like a good thing. LOL!
This is not a "normal" subject matter and hope to create more in the future.
They have given me something to look at and to focus. I honestly haven't been able to do yoga since this fell through. I can't quiet my mind (also why I can't sleep) thus making yoga near impossible to enjoy. Now I can hopefully make a focal point in my room to concentrate on. I'm still scared to try so it might take another week.
My councilor also told me I had to do at least two days with a physical activity to start physically working my anger out of me. I will hopefully jump on the elliptical tomorrow after work. I will see how I feel. I miss the stretching and "sinking in" from yoga and hope to work towards it. I would love to go outside and run but the stupid snow won't stop!
I had excitement from a project for the home. I made a rolling spice rack for the kitchen.
It is now done and I feel I did it too fast. sigh.I look forward to learning how to knit and crochet.
The councilor tried some art therapy with me since she knew I liked arty things. She wanted me to go with my gut instinct and I blacked out an entire page and couldn't do it fast enough. Then wrote a bunch of angry words on the next page. She said we had to pull those feelings through the blackness in order to make the blackness less all-encompassing. I agree. Part of it is admitting what I'm angry about. I took the journal I had started for Mak and turned it into a journal for me. I wrote about how I was angry that I felt forced to celebrate on Christmas when I didn't feel like it - it was, after all, the first day we were supposed to spend with Mak! I wrote about the stupid customers at work. I wrote about the rudeness and inconsiderateness of the agency recently. I don't want to go into details of what happened this week because I feel like there is a chance this blog could bite us in the ass if I do. Needless to say it had me in the basement at work crying and screaming obscenities and throwing around metal sign holders. It felt good. I wrote and wrote and wrote.
The councilor also asked me to start singing again. She had asked if I enjoyed singing and I said yes but that I didn't realize until that moment that I had stopped. I don't sing in the shower. I stopped playing my music while cooking or doing other activities. I don't sing along with the radio. She told me to start even if it feels stupid and forced. She said eventually it will feel normal again and it's another physical activity that will help me surmount this grief mountain.
Well, that's it now. Even writing on here feels like something I SHOULD be doing instead of WANTing to do. Life doesn't feel natural - if that makes any sense. It will. That was part of the reason I sent out the Christmas cards this week. It was something I would normally do; it was something I had planned on doing; I felt the need to complete that task.
In the meantime, I will start singing, run twice a week and work up to yoga, learn to knit/crochet, and continue to be a bitch because all of that feels like a good thing. LOL!
Thursday, January 24, 2013
Good Grief...
Seriously - good grief.
I went to a grief councilor today. It was recommended to me. I never thought that all the anger I have is grief but, HELLO!, one of the classic five stages of grief! It was the first of a few, and a major 'get to know you,' sessions. I did get a lot out of it and I look forward to the next one. I feel bad always talking to Mike about things because he doesn't see things the same way or always knows what to say.
I told her about how work is such a trigger for my anger and that I'm not used to it. She said that it's ok and good that I'm letting myself feel that anger by leaving the work floor and either crying or breathing it out by myself for a few minutes. She also said it's good that I have cried.
She said I needed to do more for myself. She said that if I hadn't wanted to "do" Christmas that that was ok and I could have stood my ground because it was what I needed (and now I have residual anger over that whole holiday too!). She told me that I also needed to find something for me because I went from having hope,things to do to feel productive about the adoption, AND my play to having nothing to do -all in one shot. She also told me to continue writing. As previously stated, I was writing in a journal to Kid once he had a name... I stopped after saying that I lost him. She suggested turning it into a journal for me or starting a new one for this in between stage plus the new proposal.
She said I needed a project for Kid too. I spent all this time prepping for Kid and now I have nothing left to do so, make something useful to do! I'm going to go to the fabric store tomorrow and look over patterns and see what's out there. She told me where to look for community art/active classes. I just missed the sign up for the winter session but at least I know where to look later on. She said I also needed to take an hour to myself, at least 3 times a week, in order to FEEL and accept the grief. I can feel angry or cry, or whatever, but I need to do that and then leave it there...
I DO feel a bit better all around though. We did something positive for ourselves in order to re-establish our hope (or maybe, mainly, just mine). I think it worked. I saw the fruits of our results today and I am quite satisfied. I will share it all on here eventually... a bit more time..
In the next week I plan to take those hours, go to the fabric store to explore a new project, and continue to write for me. I was going to by a new journal as my original intent was to leave my writings for Mak if this fell through (I had thought if it fell through it'd be because of my medication and not because his Mom came back)but he won't be coming to Canada and learning English and I'm not paying a translator to make my writings Russian. Ergo, I thought I should continue to write in that beautiful journal (which I had been saving for a special writing occasion) and poor into it all of my ugly thoughts. Then, for future reference and hopefully, all my the ugliness will be sandwiched between the beauty and hope of my want and being a mum.
Good grief!
I went to a grief councilor today. It was recommended to me. I never thought that all the anger I have is grief but, HELLO!, one of the classic five stages of grief! It was the first of a few, and a major 'get to know you,' sessions. I did get a lot out of it and I look forward to the next one. I feel bad always talking to Mike about things because he doesn't see things the same way or always knows what to say.
I told her about how work is such a trigger for my anger and that I'm not used to it. She said that it's ok and good that I'm letting myself feel that anger by leaving the work floor and either crying or breathing it out by myself for a few minutes. She also said it's good that I have cried.
She said I needed to do more for myself. She said that if I hadn't wanted to "do" Christmas that that was ok and I could have stood my ground because it was what I needed (and now I have residual anger over that whole holiday too!). She told me that I also needed to find something for me because I went from having hope,things to do to feel productive about the adoption, AND my play to having nothing to do -all in one shot. She also told me to continue writing. As previously stated, I was writing in a journal to Kid once he had a name... I stopped after saying that I lost him. She suggested turning it into a journal for me or starting a new one for this in between stage plus the new proposal.
She said I needed a project for Kid too. I spent all this time prepping for Kid and now I have nothing left to do so, make something useful to do! I'm going to go to the fabric store tomorrow and look over patterns and see what's out there. She told me where to look for community art/active classes. I just missed the sign up for the winter session but at least I know where to look later on. She said I also needed to take an hour to myself, at least 3 times a week, in order to FEEL and accept the grief. I can feel angry or cry, or whatever, but I need to do that and then leave it there...
I DO feel a bit better all around though. We did something positive for ourselves in order to re-establish our hope (or maybe, mainly, just mine). I think it worked. I saw the fruits of our results today and I am quite satisfied. I will share it all on here eventually... a bit more time..
In the next week I plan to take those hours, go to the fabric store to explore a new project, and continue to write for me. I was going to by a new journal as my original intent was to leave my writings for Mak if this fell through (I had thought if it fell through it'd be because of my medication and not because his Mom came back)but he won't be coming to Canada and learning English and I'm not paying a translator to make my writings Russian. Ergo, I thought I should continue to write in that beautiful journal (which I had been saving for a special writing occasion) and poor into it all of my ugly thoughts. Then, for future reference and hopefully, all my the ugliness will be sandwiched between the beauty and hope of my want and being a mum.
Good grief!
Thursday, January 17, 2013
Deep Breath
Three months ago was when we sent off our dossier to Russia. This was when we first expected to possibly hear something. What a past few months!
Today was the first day I started to feel like "before this bad business." Funnily enough, it was listening to my boss and my British coworker exchange meanings of culturally derived slang. They both were saying the same word but didn't realize it and I had the pleasure of hearing the whole thing. It was just the pronounciation of the a (as in apple vs. all) that was different but my boss thought there was a silent t and she couldn't understand him at all! I was almost doubled over laughing at them trying to say it in the opposing person's familiar manner. All over ONE syllable!
It has also helped talking things out more to Mike and letting him know how ANGRY I have been. This really is the first time in this whole process that I have felt really bitter over some people that have kids when I can't. Angry to the point where I'm biting back comments and shaking at the restraint to not lash out at the person screaming at her kid or putting cola in his bottle.
I also went to see my psychiatrist. I was so afraid to because than the visit is on my medical record and Russia already sees me as 'tainted' somehow because I have depression and mood problems that have been under control for the past 7 years... Trust me, if I was an out of control depressive than I would have lost it by now. She refereed me to some counseling options through Mike's work that I wasn't aware existed. I just need grief counseling essentially. It seems as if the one stage I can't get past is, you guessed it, anger! LOL!
Soon.
I've started a new positive project for this journey and look forward to seeing the results in a few weeks. I will, of course, share them as soon as I have them.
Thanks for listening.
Today was the first day I started to feel like "before this bad business." Funnily enough, it was listening to my boss and my British coworker exchange meanings of culturally derived slang. They both were saying the same word but didn't realize it and I had the pleasure of hearing the whole thing. It was just the pronounciation of the a (as in apple vs. all) that was different but my boss thought there was a silent t and she couldn't understand him at all! I was almost doubled over laughing at them trying to say it in the opposing person's familiar manner. All over ONE syllable!
It has also helped talking things out more to Mike and letting him know how ANGRY I have been. This really is the first time in this whole process that I have felt really bitter over some people that have kids when I can't. Angry to the point where I'm biting back comments and shaking at the restraint to not lash out at the person screaming at her kid or putting cola in his bottle.
I also went to see my psychiatrist. I was so afraid to because than the visit is on my medical record and Russia already sees me as 'tainted' somehow because I have depression and mood problems that have been under control for the past 7 years... Trust me, if I was an out of control depressive than I would have lost it by now. She refereed me to some counseling options through Mike's work that I wasn't aware existed. I just need grief counseling essentially. It seems as if the one stage I can't get past is, you guessed it, anger! LOL!
Soon.
I've started a new positive project for this journey and look forward to seeing the results in a few weeks. I will, of course, share them as soon as I have them.
Thanks for listening.
Tuesday, July 24, 2012
Fate is a Gut-Wrencher
Bashkortostan is the only region that agreed to look at our file and try to work with it. Mike and I have had a lot of heart-to-hearts and examined as many 'what ifs' as we could think of and decided to go ahead and try. There has to be a reason that only one region is willing to look at our dossier!
Last Thursday night
I had left messages at the numbers that were forwarded to me by CHOC. The couple from Richmond Hill phoned back and was so extrememly helpful I probably cried a hundred times. The first thing I asked about was the 8 specialist exams that we have to go through as it plagues me the most as what can ruin us. The couple (henceforth referred to as D & S) told us not to include the depression on the medical forms. I mentioned my doctor couldn't legally refrain from mentioning it because of the current prescriptions. They then said to mention it as minimally as possible. My form says, "patient had a depressive episode in 2003, on medication to prevent relapse." I hope that is minimal enough to not warrent concern on their end. As for the actual exams done by the specialists there, they sound like they are very much a procedural matter and not particular at all (thank gods!) It sounds like you spend less than 10 minutes with each and then wait for the HIV test results. Easy... but still, they are nerve wracking for me.
I asked about the orphanage next. D told me it is run by a group of ladies, and she thinks they might be volunteers, and they obviously care so much for the kids. She said it was clean and well run and that they were so grateful for the donations of diapers. She said the kids were well mannered and well fed. The food is very plain, oatmeal, potatoes, juice, not a lot of milk, but that there is enough that no kid looked hungry. They were proposed a girl. She was just over one year old and their process was quite quick and such a lovely experience.
S told me about all the contacts that we would meet if we get the chance to go over. There are two apartments where we could stay and the drivers and the adoption representatives, and he remains in contact with all of them. S & D are also going through their second adoption now. He told me about the court hearing and how it seems intimidating at first (big court room in Moscow, prepared statements, etc) but he said it also seemed as if the lawyers seemed bored as they probably do many of these a day. D said when she started her statement she brokedown and completely deviated from it to speak directly from the heart. She said she had the judge in tears. At the end of it the judge leaves the room to review everything, then comes back in to make her ruling. It was after hearing this that I decided if we could make it to the judge we would be ok. The love we have to give and who we are will outshine any marks on our medical records. S also told me he was told in Russia the stats arethat if the children are not placed in a good home that they will likely end up in jail or dead by the time they are 25. He felt that the lawyers knew that. He also asked CHOC how many adoptions they have had that didn't go through and the answer was three. Two of those three were because the parents changed their minds. I like those odds.
We are going to meet with D & S in August. We will meet their little girl, who is now almost 4, and see photos of the actual orphanage where Kid will hopefully be. We will see pictures of the city and hear more about their experience. We have a tentative timeline for the trips and will be able to put it better together once we see and hear about another's experience in the same place.
Present Day:
Big deep breath.
The dossier is being prepared (translated, notarized) CHOC is contacting our provincial government and finalizing the forms we need. We also have to acquire one last letter from the psychiatrist.
After, all I can do now is hope they accept the dossier as a workable one.
Last Thursday night
I had left messages at the numbers that were forwarded to me by CHOC. The couple from Richmond Hill phoned back and was so extrememly helpful I probably cried a hundred times. The first thing I asked about was the 8 specialist exams that we have to go through as it plagues me the most as what can ruin us. The couple (henceforth referred to as D & S) told us not to include the depression on the medical forms. I mentioned my doctor couldn't legally refrain from mentioning it because of the current prescriptions. They then said to mention it as minimally as possible. My form says, "patient had a depressive episode in 2003, on medication to prevent relapse." I hope that is minimal enough to not warrent concern on their end. As for the actual exams done by the specialists there, they sound like they are very much a procedural matter and not particular at all (thank gods!) It sounds like you spend less than 10 minutes with each and then wait for the HIV test results. Easy... but still, they are nerve wracking for me.
I asked about the orphanage next. D told me it is run by a group of ladies, and she thinks they might be volunteers, and they obviously care so much for the kids. She said it was clean and well run and that they were so grateful for the donations of diapers. She said the kids were well mannered and well fed. The food is very plain, oatmeal, potatoes, juice, not a lot of milk, but that there is enough that no kid looked hungry. They were proposed a girl. She was just over one year old and their process was quite quick and such a lovely experience.
S told me about all the contacts that we would meet if we get the chance to go over. There are two apartments where we could stay and the drivers and the adoption representatives, and he remains in contact with all of them. S & D are also going through their second adoption now. He told me about the court hearing and how it seems intimidating at first (big court room in Moscow, prepared statements, etc) but he said it also seemed as if the lawyers seemed bored as they probably do many of these a day. D said when she started her statement she brokedown and completely deviated from it to speak directly from the heart. She said she had the judge in tears. At the end of it the judge leaves the room to review everything, then comes back in to make her ruling. It was after hearing this that I decided if we could make it to the judge we would be ok. The love we have to give and who we are will outshine any marks on our medical records. S also told me he was told in Russia the stats arethat if the children are not placed in a good home that they will likely end up in jail or dead by the time they are 25. He felt that the lawyers knew that. He also asked CHOC how many adoptions they have had that didn't go through and the answer was three. Two of those three were because the parents changed their minds. I like those odds.
We are going to meet with D & S in August. We will meet their little girl, who is now almost 4, and see photos of the actual orphanage where Kid will hopefully be. We will see pictures of the city and hear more about their experience. We have a tentative timeline for the trips and will be able to put it better together once we see and hear about another's experience in the same place.
Present Day:
Big deep breath.
The dossier is being prepared (translated, notarized) CHOC is contacting our provincial government and finalizing the forms we need. We also have to acquire one last letter from the psychiatrist.
After, all I can do now is hope they accept the dossier as a workable one.
Friday, July 20, 2012
As it is now...
As it stands now it is what it is. The doc appointment didn't leave me with the review I wanted but it is still favourable... And scary. It has taken me six sleeps to be able to coherently figure out my thoughts and, you know, we still have a solid grasp that hints are right - but I also believe that' s parenting. It#s a big giant grey area.
Ok, so I now have a yes checked on the vital medical form that was only given to us after we submitted our home study and paid six grand. All of the new info regarding these new forms says we will be rejected. I am so upset and angry that the agency did not forward this super vital black and white medical exam to us prior to all of our correspondence. It would have saved then work and us heart ache. Ok, at this time there is still a few hours left in the Ontario business day for the agency. We have no answer to emails and no answer to phonecalls...repeatedly... Like, super major repeatedly. At this point I have assumed choc has messed up our application. Why didn't this form come before we paid? How much will we get back even though we assume an argument will ensue because we signed papers. In our defense we signed things and did things long distantly and concurrently. If this form had been given to us from the start it would have saved choc work and us heartache. We are prepared for court to settle this.
Mike is my super hero. He is on the phone while I am incoherent. He has already contacted our second choice agency ( he didn't remember it was our second choice but knows they will work out of province. This is an agency for Bolivia. He has flat out asked then about my depressive episode and how it would factor in our case. A return back, within an hour, says it wouldn't.
It is now six our time and we call it quits for contacting Ontario. We now discuss an age that we finally decide, "ok, enough. We won't be parents.". Without prior discussion we had both said the same time frame.
Four sleeps later
A different employee at choc has emailed me that our case worker has left. This accounts for no answers last Friday. She answers that she doesn't think a region would work with us. I look at Russia like Canada and see the divisions as provinces. I know that is not the technical term for them but either way only one light work with us. One out of 14 or 16 in the biggest nation in out of world thinks I might not be ok to be a mum. Might!
I tell the new choc contact that I need more than a might in order to continue this process. I know no adoption is final until the court hearing, but I need to know a region will look at us and accept us as hopeful parents1
This one region will. She sends all kinds of info that makes it sound hard and scary. It all sounds like what you would read on aNy tourism website. It has to list the worst in order to prepare everyone.
We still need to wait on our decision to go ahead. I know this region will try, but we also now need an 8 medical specialist exam while we are there, including a psychiatrist. This scares me as it is the only doc that could block us.
I want to know will they be looking at history or how we are prepared to deal with the special needs of an adoptive child... Choc can't give me those answers, they give me phone numbers of other couples who have adopted through this region. I now wait to discuss with them, mainly the medical exams.
Ok, so I now have a yes checked on the vital medical form that was only given to us after we submitted our home study and paid six grand. All of the new info regarding these new forms says we will be rejected. I am so upset and angry that the agency did not forward this super vital black and white medical exam to us prior to all of our correspondence. It would have saved then work and us heart ache. Ok, at this time there is still a few hours left in the Ontario business day for the agency. We have no answer to emails and no answer to phonecalls...repeatedly... Like, super major repeatedly. At this point I have assumed choc has messed up our application. Why didn't this form come before we paid? How much will we get back even though we assume an argument will ensue because we signed papers. In our defense we signed things and did things long distantly and concurrently. If this form had been given to us from the start it would have saved choc work and us heartache. We are prepared for court to settle this.
Mike is my super hero. He is on the phone while I am incoherent. He has already contacted our second choice agency ( he didn't remember it was our second choice but knows they will work out of province. This is an agency for Bolivia. He has flat out asked then about my depressive episode and how it would factor in our case. A return back, within an hour, says it wouldn't.
It is now six our time and we call it quits for contacting Ontario. We now discuss an age that we finally decide, "ok, enough. We won't be parents.". Without prior discussion we had both said the same time frame.
Four sleeps later
A different employee at choc has emailed me that our case worker has left. This accounts for no answers last Friday. She answers that she doesn't think a region would work with us. I look at Russia like Canada and see the divisions as provinces. I know that is not the technical term for them but either way only one light work with us. One out of 14 or 16 in the biggest nation in out of world thinks I might not be ok to be a mum. Might!
I tell the new choc contact that I need more than a might in order to continue this process. I know no adoption is final until the court hearing, but I need to know a region will look at us and accept us as hopeful parents1
This one region will. She sends all kinds of info that makes it sound hard and scary. It all sounds like what you would read on aNy tourism website. It has to list the worst in order to prepare everyone.
We still need to wait on our decision to go ahead. I know this region will try, but we also now need an 8 medical specialist exam while we are there, including a psychiatrist. This scares me as it is the only doc that could block us.
I want to know will they be looking at history or how we are prepared to deal with the special needs of an adoptive child... Choc can't give me those answers, they give me phone numbers of other couples who have adopted through this region. I now wait to discuss with them, mainly the medical exams.
Monday, July 9, 2012
Fwd: Another sigh.
Sent from my HTC
----- Forwarded message -----
From: "q_mik@yahoo.com" <WgzwsLIlZ/xE7uUNLr2heg==
>
To: <jessmik.russia@blogspot.com>
Subject: Another sigh.
Date: Mon, Jul 9, 2012 6:08 pm
It looks like certain regions in Russia will not accept you if you are medicated for anything. Me with my mood disorder, or asthma, thyroid etc. Wow! I'm very upset by this but I know I have to keep moving forward with the process and keep hoping... It is just getting hard when I keep having curveballs thrown at me. Bah! Still waiting to hear from my doctor now...
Sent from my HTC
Saturday, July 7, 2012
Jessa 3.0
30th birthday today.
It's just a number... but I find myself sad. I think it's because I truly expected to be a mother by this age. Especially because I met Mike at 23 and KNEW with all my heart that this was a man I wanted to marry and have kids with him. It didn't turn out that way... it's ok, I'm just bummed.
We are also looking at a later timeline for our name getting to Russia. Mike had his appointment with the base doctors and they ticked off 'yes' under mental disease on our additional forms. The form I previously mentioned that if a 'yes' appears it won't even be a considered application... shit. I got quite upset that day. Mike is supposed to be the easy one for that form! He is, of course, appealing to the doctors and telling them why we need it to say 'no.' His appointment is at the end of August - the time when I wanted our whole dossier being sent to Russia. Sigh. At least CHOC is doing their job by ensuring we aren't going to pay to apply just to be denied. God, I hope this works out.
I had some follow up appointments with some specialists in regards to trying to find out why I can't conceive. Still no answers but I officially had the funniest/strangest comment said to my by a doctor. The doc who did my cervical biopsy last year had me in to double check there were no changes. It was quick and easy but as she was leaving, with one breath, she says, "well, you have a great cervix and a great purse. Bye!"
Who says that in the same sentence?!?!
So, I can at least take heart knowing that if Russia doesn't like my head problems I have a great cervix and purse.
It's just a number... but I find myself sad. I think it's because I truly expected to be a mother by this age. Especially because I met Mike at 23 and KNEW with all my heart that this was a man I wanted to marry and have kids with him. It didn't turn out that way... it's ok, I'm just bummed.
We are also looking at a later timeline for our name getting to Russia. Mike had his appointment with the base doctors and they ticked off 'yes' under mental disease on our additional forms. The form I previously mentioned that if a 'yes' appears it won't even be a considered application... shit. I got quite upset that day. Mike is supposed to be the easy one for that form! He is, of course, appealing to the doctors and telling them why we need it to say 'no.' His appointment is at the end of August - the time when I wanted our whole dossier being sent to Russia. Sigh. At least CHOC is doing their job by ensuring we aren't going to pay to apply just to be denied. God, I hope this works out.
I had some follow up appointments with some specialists in regards to trying to find out why I can't conceive. Still no answers but I officially had the funniest/strangest comment said to my by a doctor. The doc who did my cervical biopsy last year had me in to double check there were no changes. It was quick and easy but as she was leaving, with one breath, she says, "well, you have a great cervix and a great purse. Bye!"
Who says that in the same sentence?!?!
So, I can at least take heart knowing that if Russia doesn't like my head problems I have a great cervix and purse.
Tuesday, June 19, 2012
I Feel Even More "Broken"
I recieved an email today, from CHOC, telling me that the mental health issues are a real concern. We have to have additional medical forms filled out, revise our homestudy to omit any details and descriptions, and hope for the best... I don't like it. I feel like it's another diagnosis telling me I'm not having kids.
The medical form asks the doctors if we suffer from a list of diseases. If we have any 'yes' answers I was told Russia will not accept us. They take the mental and physical health of the prospective parents very seriously. I feel like yelling back, "I take MY health seriously too!" The category that could break us is listed as Mental Disease. Yes or No. That's it. I guess I have to see if my doctor considers what I have a disease or not. Myself? I do not. It's a condition which is very manageable, much like acne or male patterned baldness. I had a good bout of depression nine years ago, but I never had a "Major Depressive Episode" as described in many Government of Canada health reports (and wikipedia) - I just googled and read so much because this is so upsetting to me and I wanted to see if minor depression is repeatedly cited as a disease. I will have to discuss this with my doctor and hope for the best outcome... because the current outcome isn't looking so hot.
And even if he does fill it out in my favour, Russia might still say 'no.' I have emailed CHOC and asked about their experiences with couples like Mike and I being denied. I'm scared as hell to read that answer. I have to stay proactive though - if I don't I might actually accquire a mental disease because blind hope might drive me mad.
The medical form asks the doctors if we suffer from a list of diseases. If we have any 'yes' answers I was told Russia will not accept us. They take the mental and physical health of the prospective parents very seriously. I feel like yelling back, "I take MY health seriously too!" The category that could break us is listed as Mental Disease. Yes or No. That's it. I guess I have to see if my doctor considers what I have a disease or not. Myself? I do not. It's a condition which is very manageable, much like acne or male patterned baldness. I had a good bout of depression nine years ago, but I never had a "Major Depressive Episode" as described in many Government of Canada health reports (and wikipedia) - I just googled and read so much because this is so upsetting to me and I wanted to see if minor depression is repeatedly cited as a disease. I will have to discuss this with my doctor and hope for the best outcome... because the current outcome isn't looking so hot.
And even if he does fill it out in my favour, Russia might still say 'no.' I have emailed CHOC and asked about their experiences with couples like Mike and I being denied. I'm scared as hell to read that answer. I have to stay proactive though - if I don't I might actually accquire a mental disease because blind hope might drive me mad.
Tuesday, June 12, 2012
and the depression bites me in the ass again...
We hit hitch number one today. Our social worker called to say that she has found out Russia may have a problem with the mental health aspects of our medical assessments. We both have battled depression but I will always be on medications and my psychiatrist noted as such. She also noted there was nothing leading her to believe that I couldn't parent a kid. In the long run I don't think this will really stop our adoption but it was my biggest concern that my mental health history would be a hindrance. It looks like CHOC will decide if we need more medical forms filled out once they have reviewed our dossier. GAH! just another hiccup that i caused...
I got the money order today though... tomorrow we mail out the package once we write a cover letter to ask that they pay attention to the mental health issues and get us the forms that need to be filled out. Our social worker did say we could open the packcage. I have our approval letter!!!! It is clearly just for us and not something we need to forward to CHOC. Is it weird I want to frame it?
I got the money order today though... tomorrow we mail out the package once we write a cover letter to ask that they pay attention to the mental health issues and get us the forms that need to be filled out. Our social worker did say we could open the packcage. I have our approval letter!!!! It is clearly just for us and not something we need to forward to CHOC. Is it weird I want to frame it?
Thursday, May 3, 2012
Likeness
I got a little sad today when I realized I won't have that seeing-the- "likeness" between Kid and our baby pictures. That is one thing that I love seeing in kids and their parents... the genetic resemblences. I love how quickly it changes - like when Sophie was born and how she looked so much like the women from Tori's side of the family, but now she looks so much like Eric. It's amazing what genes can do. I loved genetics best in biology class and learning about dominant traits and how they can be passed with recessive too. I know that because Mike was blonde as a kid and I am blonde now any genetic kid would have had blonde hair (can only be present when two recessive genes are present, therefore we can only each pass on a recessive gene creating the recessive gene in kid), and the same goes for blue eyes. (Yes, I probably really dumbed that down and someone like Tori, who is a genius when it comes to this stuff, could point out flaws. Just go with it, k?) I got sad, almost like a nostalgic sad, when I thought of how I wouldn't be able to say, "that's Mike's impish grin," or, "the shape and colour of his eyes are the same as mine." This is part of the loss with which I have to deal. I figure Kid will eventually look like us anway because he'll adopt our mannerisms and people can say, "look at how he stands. That's so Jessa." Just as long as he doesn't hand talk as much as Mike! I just wanted to share because I said I would share as much as I can about this whole process and well, I've got nothing but time to think now.
Our Homestudy was hand delivered to the Provincial Goverment today. Now awaiting the stamp of approval.
Our Homestudy was hand delivered to the Provincial Goverment today. Now awaiting the stamp of approval.
Monday, April 23, 2012
Triggers
This is a hard one to wrap my head around because it can be so unexpected. This whole adoption process can trigger hard feelings in Kid, Mike and me, and others around us. The night terrors in all the kids of our co-students were all result of a trigger. One was going to daycare for the first time, one was after a surgery, all were seemingly normal things to the parents but all triggered an unsafe feeling in the kids. These possible triggers are carried forever too. There was an adoptee who, in her late 20's, went back to visit her orphanage to find out about herself and was instantly brought back to it all by the smell of the orphanage. Amazing.
For my own possible triggers I have to look into the future and see how Kid might possibly grow. I have to realize that when Kid has a kid it might be even harder for me since I couldn't now. There were stories of how the adoptive mum couldn't even listen to her kid talk about her growing pregnancy because of how it would trigger her own feelings of inadequacies. Another thing I never thought of but I can see me having troubles with that as I hate 'failure' and no matter what not being able to get pregnant has me feeling like I've failed someone. I feel better being forewarned about this possibility so I can hopefully not struggle so much when and if this situation occurs.
The triggers in those around us was nothing Mike or I had considered and now we are quite worried. We have someone close to us who was adopted and it never once crossed our minds that this process could trigger problems for her. We were both shaking after watching the video about Jenny's struggle to deal with who she was before she was a Fero. She had so much supressed anger since her adoptive parents didn't want to talk about her adoption or who could possibly be her biological parents. She felt a constant need to succeed and please others because she didn't want to not fit in or be seen as a failure. She clearly did a lot of things that she thought she should do but things that didn't make her happy. Without the honesty between her and her parents, Jenny kept that anger repressed and acted out through substance abuse, promiscuity and spending lots of money on clothes. Mike and I are both scared that as this person close to us watches Kid go through a similar situation it could either trigger more problems or make her want to stay at a distance. If anything does happen we hope it's that this person will help our kid understand how to better handle not-knowing. I hope we cause more good than harm with the whole adoption... it's just another part of the big picture which we did not consider and we don't want to hurt anyone.
On a more positive note, we have our last meeting for our home study this Thursday morning! It's so exciting to think we are just that much closer to having our name in Russia!
For my own possible triggers I have to look into the future and see how Kid might possibly grow. I have to realize that when Kid has a kid it might be even harder for me since I couldn't now. There were stories of how the adoptive mum couldn't even listen to her kid talk about her growing pregnancy because of how it would trigger her own feelings of inadequacies. Another thing I never thought of but I can see me having troubles with that as I hate 'failure' and no matter what not being able to get pregnant has me feeling like I've failed someone. I feel better being forewarned about this possibility so I can hopefully not struggle so much when and if this situation occurs.
The triggers in those around us was nothing Mike or I had considered and now we are quite worried. We have someone close to us who was adopted and it never once crossed our minds that this process could trigger problems for her. We were both shaking after watching the video about Jenny's struggle to deal with who she was before she was a Fero. She had so much supressed anger since her adoptive parents didn't want to talk about her adoption or who could possibly be her biological parents. She felt a constant need to succeed and please others because she didn't want to not fit in or be seen as a failure. She clearly did a lot of things that she thought she should do but things that didn't make her happy. Without the honesty between her and her parents, Jenny kept that anger repressed and acted out through substance abuse, promiscuity and spending lots of money on clothes. Mike and I are both scared that as this person close to us watches Kid go through a similar situation it could either trigger more problems or make her want to stay at a distance. If anything does happen we hope it's that this person will help our kid understand how to better handle not-knowing. I hope we cause more good than harm with the whole adoption... it's just another part of the big picture which we did not consider and we don't want to hurt anyone.
On a more positive note, we have our last meeting for our home study this Thursday morning! It's so exciting to think we are just that much closer to having our name in Russia!
Tuesday, February 21, 2012
Safety Inspection
We had our third social worker visit this past Friday. She did our home safety inspection and concluded we have a safe home (excepting the sword hanging in mike's office). She was impressed with the waterline in Kid's room too!
After the inspection we discussed parenting strategies and how we would like to raise our child and how we think it will be difficult with the language barrier and the special needs of an orphan. We tossed around a lot of hypotheticals and we will go over more at the international adoption schooling in April. She mentioned that the school is especially beneficial because we don't think of things like nipples for bottles being a different shape in North America and therefore making it hard for a baby to eat. Makes perfect sense but I never would have thought of that!
We also went over our finances and I am just waiting for one tax assessment reprint and then all of our paperwork is in place! I went and got a letter written from my psychiatrist saying that I don't have a trigger for my depression (ie stress) and that I was always a functional member of society and sought out help to get better whenever my episodes got bad. The social worker said that with that letter and her observations from my stories and surveys the depression will not be an issue. She said as of right now the only hold up for processing our home study would be if we needed another piece of paperwork for proof of something... so we should be good once she calls all of our references.
She's received three and an email saying the longest distance reference is on its way! Once she has them all she will call all of the people (wow, that was a lot of double ls) and discuss their responses to compile another part of her report. Probably only one more visit but this one will have a big wait because of calling everyone.
I'm hoping that our report is submitted to the NS government by the end of April and then we should be approved by the end of June and our name in Russia by the end of summer! We also have realized we don't know what the breakdown of the "russian fees" are and therefore don't know how much of it will be doubled if we get two kids! That may put a kink in the hope for siblings and a quicker adoption... I have written CHOC and await their response. I don't think their fees will have any difference because all of the work they do is before we have an invitation and a name, or two. It will be everything overseas and then the immigration documents that need doubling... I hope it's not completely doubled! Eep!
We got our first home made clothing. Gramma Lolly knit the cutest cardigan and hat set. She made it bigger so I hope we get a child young enough to fit it, but it will look cute on a teddy if not! Bright primary colour stripes on a cream background makes it great for boy or girl. Where ever you are Kid, you are so loved already!
After the inspection we discussed parenting strategies and how we would like to raise our child and how we think it will be difficult with the language barrier and the special needs of an orphan. We tossed around a lot of hypotheticals and we will go over more at the international adoption schooling in April. She mentioned that the school is especially beneficial because we don't think of things like nipples for bottles being a different shape in North America and therefore making it hard for a baby to eat. Makes perfect sense but I never would have thought of that!
We also went over our finances and I am just waiting for one tax assessment reprint and then all of our paperwork is in place! I went and got a letter written from my psychiatrist saying that I don't have a trigger for my depression (ie stress) and that I was always a functional member of society and sought out help to get better whenever my episodes got bad. The social worker said that with that letter and her observations from my stories and surveys the depression will not be an issue. She said as of right now the only hold up for processing our home study would be if we needed another piece of paperwork for proof of something... so we should be good once she calls all of our references.
She's received three and an email saying the longest distance reference is on its way! Once she has them all she will call all of the people (wow, that was a lot of double ls) and discuss their responses to compile another part of her report. Probably only one more visit but this one will have a big wait because of calling everyone.
I'm hoping that our report is submitted to the NS government by the end of April and then we should be approved by the end of June and our name in Russia by the end of summer! We also have realized we don't know what the breakdown of the "russian fees" are and therefore don't know how much of it will be doubled if we get two kids! That may put a kink in the hope for siblings and a quicker adoption... I have written CHOC and await their response. I don't think their fees will have any difference because all of the work they do is before we have an invitation and a name, or two. It will be everything overseas and then the immigration documents that need doubling... I hope it's not completely doubled! Eep!
We got our first home made clothing. Gramma Lolly knit the cutest cardigan and hat set. She made it bigger so I hope we get a child young enough to fit it, but it will look cute on a teddy if not! Bright primary colour stripes on a cream background makes it great for boy or girl. Where ever you are Kid, you are so loved already!
Saturday, January 21, 2012
Home Study part 2
Me to Mike: "I'm sorry I busted you on your trying marajuana."
Mike to me: "I'm sorry I didn't praise you as much as you praised me."
Three hours earlier...
Our social worker showed up at 1pm and we thought with the discussions and home safety inspection we'd be about two hours. We didn't even have time to do the inspection. We had so much good discussion and some laughs and I really feel relieved after this visit. Before this I was worried that my depression would be something that could count against me. I figured anyone looking at my file would see that it's something I will have to be medicated on forever and will more than likely grow accustomed to my meds and have to change when I start to become unstable. When Donelda discussed all this with me and I flat out asked her if that would be a negative strike towards us she made me feel a gajillion times better by saying that from what she sees in me should would say that, if anything, my history has made me more self aware and more attuned to what others are feeling. It doesn't seem that I have a trigger, such as piling on the responsibility of kids, it's just something I have and have control of. Man! That made me feel so much better to have her describe me like that! She said that if I had brushed off the fact that I had depression and tried to make light of the fact I will always have it she would have then been concerned.
We discussed the surveys Mike and i filled out about our upbringings and our values, etc. She said from what she can see we have very similar pasts and seem to have a good understanding of each other. She liked that Mike described himself as a piler and me as a filer. And speaking of descriptions, one of the survey questions was to check off all the descriptions that you would use to describe your spouse. I checked off all that applied, and as she was reading them out Mike looked embarrassed. Then before she could read his answers he says, "um, just so you know, I didn't check ALL of them, just the top ones." I had to laugh at that. Very predictable and logical (which are ones I ticked on his descriptions).
And then the discrepancies between our surveys: "How long were you and your partner together before establishing a marriage or domestic relationship?" Mike had 3-4 years and I had less than a year! Mike didn't finish reading the question hahaha! He thought it was only about marriage. The other discrepancy was when i checked that we both had used marajuana. Mike didn't check anything on his self. He looked shocked and when I said, "you told me you tried it!" he replied, "oh ya, I forgot!" Oh, Mikey!
During this visit we also were given separate surveys to fill out and discuss individually. These were questions about any possible illegal or criminal activity we may have been involved in, victims of, or started. These are done privately in case one partner has kept this silent from the other. I can understand that and feel fortunate that neither of us has anything like this. I had to laugh and share the story from Nana and Papa's anniversary where Tori thanked our uncles for never molesting us! She laughed too. And this was an awesome segway into when how awesome and close I am with family members. She looked at the photo on the living room wall of the Mikloses from Katie and Fil's wedding and loved it. Nana and Papa, she says you look like a gorgeous couple!
After three hours of discussions like this we finally had to call it quits and schedule the next meeting. It will be the 17th of February and this one will have the home tour. In the meantime, she will email us another survey. She will also be emailing out a survey to our references soon and then when she receives them back she will call!
I feel good. I feel like progress has been made.
Mike to me: "I'm sorry I didn't praise you as much as you praised me."
Three hours earlier...
Our social worker showed up at 1pm and we thought with the discussions and home safety inspection we'd be about two hours. We didn't even have time to do the inspection. We had so much good discussion and some laughs and I really feel relieved after this visit. Before this I was worried that my depression would be something that could count against me. I figured anyone looking at my file would see that it's something I will have to be medicated on forever and will more than likely grow accustomed to my meds and have to change when I start to become unstable. When Donelda discussed all this with me and I flat out asked her if that would be a negative strike towards us she made me feel a gajillion times better by saying that from what she sees in me should would say that, if anything, my history has made me more self aware and more attuned to what others are feeling. It doesn't seem that I have a trigger, such as piling on the responsibility of kids, it's just something I have and have control of. Man! That made me feel so much better to have her describe me like that! She said that if I had brushed off the fact that I had depression and tried to make light of the fact I will always have it she would have then been concerned.
We discussed the surveys Mike and i filled out about our upbringings and our values, etc. She said from what she can see we have very similar pasts and seem to have a good understanding of each other. She liked that Mike described himself as a piler and me as a filer. And speaking of descriptions, one of the survey questions was to check off all the descriptions that you would use to describe your spouse. I checked off all that applied, and as she was reading them out Mike looked embarrassed. Then before she could read his answers he says, "um, just so you know, I didn't check ALL of them, just the top ones." I had to laugh at that. Very predictable and logical (which are ones I ticked on his descriptions).
And then the discrepancies between our surveys: "How long were you and your partner together before establishing a marriage or domestic relationship?" Mike had 3-4 years and I had less than a year! Mike didn't finish reading the question hahaha! He thought it was only about marriage. The other discrepancy was when i checked that we both had used marajuana. Mike didn't check anything on his self. He looked shocked and when I said, "you told me you tried it!" he replied, "oh ya, I forgot!" Oh, Mikey!
During this visit we also were given separate surveys to fill out and discuss individually. These were questions about any possible illegal or criminal activity we may have been involved in, victims of, or started. These are done privately in case one partner has kept this silent from the other. I can understand that and feel fortunate that neither of us has anything like this. I had to laugh and share the story from Nana and Papa's anniversary where Tori thanked our uncles for never molesting us! She laughed too. And this was an awesome segway into when how awesome and close I am with family members. She looked at the photo on the living room wall of the Mikloses from Katie and Fil's wedding and loved it. Nana and Papa, she says you look like a gorgeous couple!
After three hours of discussions like this we finally had to call it quits and schedule the next meeting. It will be the 17th of February and this one will have the home tour. In the meantime, she will email us another survey. She will also be emailing out a survey to our references soon and then when she receives them back she will call!
I feel good. I feel like progress has been made.
Thursday, January 12, 2012
Reflections
I realize that I am missing out on many aspects of the whole 'bringing a child into the world' experience. I just ask that you don't remind me... especially with a head tilt and the raised tone of voice; "You'll never get to feel the baby move inside of you!"
I know. Trust me.
So, I have chosen to look at the positive aspects of having Kid and NOT being pregnant. I am also assuming that Kid will be at least a year old because most of the adopted Russians are, and with that being said, here are the top ten reasons why having my kid this way rocks:
10) Right away Kid is going to be able to indicate what hurts or what is wrong. Even with a language barrier there is still pointing.
9) Speaking of language, Kid is going to understand two different alphabets... Kid may not know he can do this, but he be able to for a small while. If Kid is older he may be able to maintain his awesome double alphabetic knowledge! Genius in the making?
8) I will not get a big belly and worry about losing the 'baby weight' afterwards.
7) I can play tackle football right up until the moment Kid becomes ours... and immediately after too.
6) More than likely I won't have to worry about sleep training or having a child not sleep through the night. I imagine it will be scary sleeping away from the orphanage but eventually Kid will realize he's here to stay.
5) I can continue to enjoy my wine nights.
4) I will not have the discomfort or swelling that comes with carrying a baby for 40 weeks.
3) I will always have a winning hockey team whether it is Russia or Canada. Ok, maybe not always, but you have to admit, my odds are pretty darn good.
2) If I wanted to take up smoking or cocaine I wouldn't have a guilty conscience.
and the number one reason:
1) Kid will be able to hug me right from the start. There's nothing better than being hugged back and I imagine Kid's hugs will be the best!
Another awesome aspect, although I don't know if this is necessarily an advantage, is that Kid will have three birthdays in my eyes. The first will be Kid's actual day of birth. The second will be the day we meet him. The last will be the day we land in Canada! Fantastic reasons to celebrate but does that mean more presents???
I know. Trust me.
So, I have chosen to look at the positive aspects of having Kid and NOT being pregnant. I am also assuming that Kid will be at least a year old because most of the adopted Russians are, and with that being said, here are the top ten reasons why having my kid this way rocks:
10) Right away Kid is going to be able to indicate what hurts or what is wrong. Even with a language barrier there is still pointing.
9) Speaking of language, Kid is going to understand two different alphabets... Kid may not know he can do this, but he be able to for a small while. If Kid is older he may be able to maintain his awesome double alphabetic knowledge! Genius in the making?
8) I will not get a big belly and worry about losing the 'baby weight' afterwards.
7) I can play tackle football right up until the moment Kid becomes ours... and immediately after too.
6) More than likely I won't have to worry about sleep training or having a child not sleep through the night. I imagine it will be scary sleeping away from the orphanage but eventually Kid will realize he's here to stay.
5) I can continue to enjoy my wine nights.
4) I will not have the discomfort or swelling that comes with carrying a baby for 40 weeks.
3) I will always have a winning hockey team whether it is Russia or Canada. Ok, maybe not always, but you have to admit, my odds are pretty darn good.
2) If I wanted to take up smoking or cocaine I wouldn't have a guilty conscience.
and the number one reason:
1) Kid will be able to hug me right from the start. There's nothing better than being hugged back and I imagine Kid's hugs will be the best!
Another awesome aspect, although I don't know if this is necessarily an advantage, is that Kid will have three birthdays in my eyes. The first will be Kid's actual day of birth. The second will be the day we meet him. The last will be the day we land in Canada! Fantastic reasons to celebrate but does that mean more presents???
Wednesday, November 16, 2011
Funny how Things turn out...
I spent many years working towards a P.B.Ed. in Ontario and a B.Ed in Nova Scotia and I never wanted to really teach. I applied for Practical Nursing a year ago because I want to help people heal. I had wanted to be pregnant and have a child by next September so that I could take a year of maternity and start towards my LPN in 2013. As any good teacher knows: things don't go as planned.
I was accepted into my program. I thought they might make me brush up on some sciences first but they didn't list any conditions. Awesome. Although, now I need the tuition for something more... a calling that I was never in denial about. I think about how I would have reacted to such an abrupt change a few years ago - not well, to say the least. And now? I am proud that if I can't go to school in two years to do what I really want career-wise that I will be doing something more important! I also figure that if they accepted me now they will accept me in five years. Or maybe this adoption process will open up a new way I can help heal people by helping them complete their families. It's just like the when and the age of Kid - who knows?
I was accepted into my program. I thought they might make me brush up on some sciences first but they didn't list any conditions. Awesome. Although, now I need the tuition for something more... a calling that I was never in denial about. I think about how I would have reacted to such an abrupt change a few years ago - not well, to say the least. And now? I am proud that if I can't go to school in two years to do what I really want career-wise that I will be doing something more important! I also figure that if they accepted me now they will accept me in five years. Or maybe this adoption process will open up a new way I can help heal people by helping them complete their families. It's just like the when and the age of Kid - who knows?
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