Crying in the Car!

"Is there anybody going to listen to my story all about the girl who came to stay..."

I put in the Across the Universe soundtrack so I could put "I've Just Seen a Face" on repeat and the opening track started.  The opening line for "Girl" had me smile and burst into tears as I stared at her picture that I have propped up on our dash.  It was just too perfect - I hope!

It also made me feel lucky to know that I have so many people listening to my story about the the girl who is hopefully coming to stay.

I have attached our official request for adoption so you can see how all of our documents look.  Everything is dual-language for us, our documents, our meetings, our socializing!

The second page had all the official stamps and notarized signatures.  It was completely in Russian so I don't know if there was anything that should be edited out for our own safety!  It has about 3 round, official, purple-inked stamps.  Everyone important in Russia has these stamps.  They are all over many of our documents.  At the clinic I was joking with Mike over who will have the biggest circle on the page.  It was like a mini bragging contest.  These stamps often have the profession written across the middle and then more information around the circumference.  As soon as you see one of these stamps come out you know it's serious business. 

Day 4

We just left the orphanage for the last time this trip.  Kind of a perfect ending so there were no tearful goodbyes:

 I was singing "I've Just Seen a Face" and she just leaned in and relaxed completely and fell asleep!

We are now going to nap and then head to the airport for Moscow.  I will go into all of the boring details I didn't provide yesterday lol!
First, as we were waiting for Dania to be brought to us this morning, we see a train of kids coming down the stairs (they have a railing specifically for tiny people on the main staircase!) and I make eye contact with the child at the head of the line.  It was HIM!  He has fairer hair, and even his eyes look lighter, but I knew it immediately.  He smiled and said 'hi' in Russian.  Then, outside, he kept running over to us.  I didn't feel a tug in the heart or punch in the gut as I expected I would.  I was just happy we saw him and he looked so happy to be running around outside.  And boy, did he run!  He was the kid that had to keep yelling at to make him come back!

I'm not sure if the home study is still being done on his mother, but CHOC said he wasn't on any registry now.  Either way, he looked happy.  All of the kids do, actually.  It's nice.  They were all outside playing with their little groups of 4-7 kids.  The orphanage psychologist was walking around taking photos and she even took one of the three of us.  The inside of the orphanage has nice bulletin boards, much like an elementary school, with photos plastered all over.  E was pointing out all of the Canadian adoptees to us!

Ok, so, the details.  First of all, I think CHOC is confused about things.  Either they don't understand how things work over here or they keep getting the cases confused and giving us the wrong info.  Most of it is the same procedural info, just wrong cities.  This trip is the ONLY time we go to Moscow.  Court is in Ufa.  The only reason we have to go to Moscow is for the clinic appointments that we have tomorrow (that are the only thing making me feel barfy now).  Also, we do not bring Dania to court with us.  Just photos of the three of us interacting.  CHOC sent me all the fee lists for Moscow and listed it as needed for trip two, so you can see how I was confused!

Yesterday, we went to the notary and gave power of atorny to V, our lawyer, so he can pick up or request any documents, make signatures, appeals, speak for us, etc. while we are in Canada.  He then went over the format of the proceeding.  First we are all introduced and we say we trust our lawyer and translator.  Then the translator makes a declaration that they understand what it is to provide a false translation.  Then we state our purpose and say we have no appeals to change our case as stated.  It is all very formal and to the point.  On our side of the room will be us, our translator, A, and our lawyer, V.  The other side will have the prosecutor, the inspector (aka, social worker, who will observe us three together one day next trip) and the director of the orphanage speaking on behalf of Dania's interests.  After all of the introductions the judge asks us for our statements.  We have been given templates to follow as she will be looking for specific points to be made.  Mike speaks first and his is very informative of our living situation, why we are doing this, what annual income is, the basics to it all.  My speech is more about the child and our visits (aka, the emotional speech).  Then the prosecutor's side states if it is Dania's best interest to be adopted or not (by the way, we found out yesterday that Dania's mother is currently in prison.  Our rep here, E, looks at us and says 'well, that's good for us! lol!) and the inspector says her opinion as to whether we were seen to be a good fit.  We show the judge our paperwork showing our request to visit the child in the baby home, our request for formal adoption.  We state what her new name will be and request permission for the new birth certificate. The prosecutor side will show the papers that terminated parental rights of Dania's parents, and that no other family accepted the offer of her.  They will also be showing her medical files here.  Once all this is done, the judge asks us for our final word.  We basically say that we love her and want to include her in our family.  Then the judge will go to her chambers, go through our file, 10-15 minutes V says, and comes out to make her ruling.  

That's it.  Today, E,A,and V are taking our signed request to the ministry of education and it will be forwarded to the supreme court of Moscow for approval for court.  When the minisitry gets it back is when we get our official date.  V says it should be between the 10th and 20th of July.

 Here is a full shot of her outside outfit!

Our second trip should have at least 4 days before court, for us to spend more time with Dania.  Russian law states 10 days are to be spent but V says it can be give or take a few.  These days will get us reacquainted with Dania, and allow the inspector to come visit.  We are also encouraged to bring photos of her spending time with us to add to her album that we left with her tutor.  We are also supposed to schedule one day after the court date in case the hearing needs to be pushed back a day (this has only happened once, due to illness of the judge).  So, if all goes well tomorrow and at court, at this point she is ours providing there are no sudden claims from her family.  We then leave and V will gather up all the proper documents, get Dania a passport, and we come back in 30 days to bring her home.  

Yes, mum, she pretty much has all her teeth and I think she is obsessed with the size of mine...

We were given a lot of paperwork regarding how to behave and what to say or not to say in court.  Pretty straight forward.  We were also warned not to be alarmed at her new name on the birth certificate since, like ours, it isn't a direct translation as there are sometimes no latin characters for our English pronunciations.  I never would have known!  We were told never to ask questions of the prosecutor's side, even if prompted, because it may show that we are not familiar with Dania or her case.  We shouldn't be alarmed when they read out her medical file because there are several different Russian words for everything and it may sound different from the ones the doctor at the orphanage said to us.  There was more, but it will all be mentioned in future blog posts with specific details when they occur.  

That is it for now.  I may or may not post in Moscow until the airport home.  I am glad we have the extra day now since we will not be returning on the next two trips!  Hopefully tomorrow goes smoothly (BARF!) and I look forward to being a tourist for a day!

Our family, hopefully!  It already feels like    

                                                                                                                                                    one!

Day 3

A lot of boring procedure about the court session next trip and getting power of atorny for our lawyer... I won't bore you with that, instead, I will tell you what had me crying today.  I was thinking of songs to sing to Dania and this one popped into my head and I was done.

"I've Just Seen A Face"

I've just seen a face
I can't forget the time or place
Where we just meet
She is just the girl for me
And I want all the world to see
We've met, mmm-mmm-mmm-m'mmm-mmm

Had it been another day
I might have looked the other way
And I'd have never been aware
But as it is I'll dream of her
Tonight, di-di-di-di'n'di

Falling, yes I am falling
And she keeps calling
Me back again

I have never known
The like of this, I've been alone
And I have missed things
And kept out of sight
But other girls were never quite
Like this, da-da-n'da-da'n'da

Falling, yes I am falling
And she keeps calling
Me back again

You can see why I thought this was an appropriate song even though they wrote for a different purpose.  Well, it's still love, just a different kind.

Katie, Happy Birthday!  You donated 240 diapers to your (hopefully) future niece.  

Nothing But Photos

Istanbul

Russian Cat!

She makes this face when playing.  She also makes a kind of roar!  And she was singing and dancing.  So FUN!

I was pretending to eat her hand.  Then she pretended to eat her other one.

Loves flying!

Going for the nose pick again.

Clinic Appointments Made

OK, our last appointment for the first trip is now made.  We go for the medicals in Moscow on the 17th.  So, potential timeline is: leave here on the 10th, land in Ufa on the 12th, meeting with the ministry on the 13th and the onto the orphanage, 4 days in the orphanage city, back to Moscow night of the 16th, clinicals all day on the 17, fly home either late that night or early 18th morning.  Boo yah!

I also want to mention that the couple I speak to, D & S, just got an offer for a girl too!  We don't think they can get their visas in time to visit simultaneously but we are very excited for them and hope our paths cross soon! They are going to be very helpful with the list of questions regarding the trip!  Ie, does the couple we stay with have voltage converters?  What are Russia's standards on car seats since we won't have one over there?  Lol!

I'm also looking forward to the new round of training.  I loved the course and how it made Mike and I think.  The course we took was very Chinese-based so a Russia specific will be nice.  It will also help us with the Russian culture and help us with how to help Kid understand her background.

Added two hours later:  we just received the info about the training course.  It sounds very much like a college soc/psych course that is very Russian specific.  There are five hours of video conference and 45 hours of online coursework.  CHOC employees had to go through training in order to become an accredited authority to the Russians.  Of course, there is a fee, sigh, but it is much less than anything else and sounds reasonable considering the personalization and "marking" they will do.  The course is organized by a different employee of CHOC but it will still be nice to have a "face-to-face" meeting with someone from the agency!  The information email said they really spent time making this course to accommodate all clients who didn't live in the GTA. We appreciate that!

Day 2 of Round 2

This time feels different.  Maybe it's because we already have done this once.  Maybe it's because we want it that much more.  Maybe it's because it's spring(ish) so we are a little lighter at heart anyway.  Maybe it's because the first time obviously wasn't right.

I don't know why but she feels different.  I swear to gods that when I first received Mak's pic I immediately looked for signs of FAS. I was happy and surprised and all of the good feelings, but I even mentioned that it took a few days for him to feel like ours.  It took three days before I could picture him living with us.  If I'm completely honest, I was upset about how long it took to sink in.  I'd been expecting it so why wasn't it nothing but joy?  Maybe because life is never ONLY joy... Unlike receiving Mak's photo and proposal, when she told me girl my heart clicked (probably because we went into this whole parenting gig wanting a girl - it really doesn't matter but we had both been more familiar with baby girls).  I was then told about the cleft pallet and the near-sightedness.  As soon as that photo came through on my email my 'world' clicked.  I didn't even look for the hint of the cleft pallet or for signs of FAS; I looked at those eyes and cheeks and cried.

I don't want to sound like I'm setting myself up for a bigger hurt since I want this more.  I'm just being honest here.  Maybe it's because she's looking into the camera and 'at me.'  Maybe it's because I REALLY wanted to add fairies and mermaids to the nursery and to buy ruby slippers for fancy occasions.  Maybe it's because this time really DOES feel different.  I mean, of course it's going to feel different, but it's not producing the hesitation and fear I expected.  I am the worrier and always have been.  But this feels different.

I have even worried less about the Russian part.  I don't care what the doctors say about me when I'm there.  I'm not concerned about where we stay.  The first time I felt like I wasn't getting enough support from CHOC but this time I'm thinking that I'm going to make my itinerary and then TELL CHOC when we need rides and from where.  We will make the appointments and stay with the proper host family, but I'm not going to ask as many questions as opposed to stating what we need.

I also want to add a few coincidences.  I found the fun coincidences with Mak too, but people who believe in fate will always look for those 'meant-to-be' circumstances.

My "niece," S, drew me a photo two Christmases ago.  The caption that explained what the drawing was said: This is a picture of your little girl.  She is happy.  Thank you for my pickle.  This is officially the first prediction! LOL!
My friend H, she was in the play with me and saw me when I brought the news of Mak, said to me that night that she "didn't know" about him; that she saw us with a girl.  She has been right about all the pregnancies she's predicted to me...

The only other circumstance I can explain is that we had a girl name picked out.  One that took A LOT of debating.  We had chosen Clara in honour of Canadian olympian Clara Hughes and of the lead role in the Nutcracker (Russian Ballet shout out!).  Last month, my 'brother' here had the chance to see Clara speak.  I flipped when I saw this!  I started banging the table and yelling in my protest and jealousy.  Then he had the nerve to say, "who is that?"  (When I relayed this comment to my sister she subsequently responded with 'kick him out of Canada').  I broke our vow of silence about the names.  To me and Mike, it's a jinx to say what we want to name Kid until Kid is actually ours.  I told P that Clara Hughes is SUCH a big deal that we were naming a possible daughter after her!  Well, as soon as I said it I felt like the name was now used.  Although, the dream of the girl who liked math and video games was named Clara.  Anywho, one of the other names we had discussed was Daenerys.  She is a character from Game of Thrones and I adore her!  We loved the thought of the nicknames Dany, or even Khaleesi.  Well... Dania... ya...

Ok.  The other big difference I have to state is my lack of hesitation to share.  We knew about Mak for a few days before we made it public.  I (even before I told Mike since he was MIA for 4 hours!) waited about 30 minutes before telling people and calling long distance!  I had such great support when the first one fell through that I wanted to share it ALL this time.

I also want to give a great shout out to cousin C who had NO idea what was going on since her iPhone doesn't accept the photos I messaged her!  That was one of the best reactions!

Thanks to all who have phoned or messaged their well-wishes.  This time is different.  This time the good thoughts are fueling it from the very beginning.  This time, if it falls through, we will all keep up the hope and remember that '3rd time's the charm!'

xoxo

ps.  Visa applications are short of 4 Mike signatures before they are ready to go!

pps.  here is our other photo of her!

Yup! Murphy's Law!

Well, it's a Tuesday!

I'm in the middle of a meeting at work, this afternoon, when the call for 'Jessica' comes through.  Only the government calls me that.  My Stomach twisted.

Then it flips when she tells me we have another proposal.
Flips further when she says a 1-year-old girl.

This is Dania.

We are in the process of filling out visas again.  CHOC says they want us to be there for April 18, but the visas won't be ready in time.  Tomorrow we will hopefully have a new date worked out - with a proper 30-day wait for the visas.

I'm over the moon here.

I was planning on a new post for tomorrow (which was supposed to be another Wednesday without a call):  I had a dream that we had been offered a girl.  She was supposed to be 2 but was the size of a 5-year-old and liked Math and video games.  I jolted awake thinking, 'oh no! Mike's girl not mine!' but then I thought, 'how does the orphanage afford video games?'

Have to make more calls but I will update asap!
xoxo
and thanks for all the well wishes... it's worked!

Daydream

The daydream that constantly brings tears to my eyes is this:  Mike and I are on the plane coming home from Russia.  There is a little blonde haired boy in the seat between us.  He looks to be about two.  He's slumped over sleeping on Mike's arm and Mike is tilted towards him sleeping too.  I can't stop smiling.