We will be finishing our last full day in Russia, hopefully!
Today started out with me reading in the waiting room. Clearly I didn't learn the first time and decided to publicly cry by reading about when Nia sees her daughter for the first time. I get my chest X-ray and proceed to shop for some wedding cards to mail.
I am now standing in Chapters staring at the kids blankets, books, baby shower gifts, etc. with a trembling lower lip and the threat of more tears. I can't even bring myself to touch all the super soft animals! I admit to myself I am terrified.
I am so scared that something will go wrong with Dania. I keep pushing away this cloud of terror but it has overtaken me today. I want this to work so badly that it makes me want to throw up. I ache to hold her. I felt that instant connection to her picture that wasn't there with Mak. INSTANT! I am so happy at the thought of her that I want to tell every stranger I see about our upcoming adventure but I am so scared to love her as much as I already do. That scares me to the core because it is a set up for extreme heart break.
Now I am at home, after driving home through tears and sniffles, and I don't even know what to think. I want it to be a month from now so the first trip is done. I want to have a court date with a known end date of thirty days after that!
I want her!
I want to be a mom.
Wednesday, April 17, 2013
Tuesday, April 16, 2013
More Documents!
We just received word we need an update from our social worker and new police reports since both are dated for April 30th, 2011, and will be expired for court. I sent out the emails to the social worker and will go to the police station tomorrow. I'm also going to get a chest x-ray tomorrow and hopefully save a few dollars when we visit.
My mum also gifted me the book "Instant Mom" by Nia Vardalos. I started reading it in Starbucks today, before my doctor's appointment. I was in tears by the end of the prologue. I will NOT be able to read this one in public. In the next part, page 2, Nia says something that I think every person struggling with becoming a parent should know: "Anyone who ever wondered how much they could love a child who did not spring from their own loins, know this: it is the same."
My mum also gifted me the book "Instant Mom" by Nia Vardalos. I started reading it in Starbucks today, before my doctor's appointment. I was in tears by the end of the prologue. I will NOT be able to read this one in public. In the next part, page 2, Nia says something that I think every person struggling with becoming a parent should know: "Anyone who ever wondered how much they could love a child who did not spring from their own loins, know this: it is the same."
Thursday, April 11, 2013
Clinic Appointments Made
OK, our last appointment for the first trip is now made. We go for the medicals in Moscow on the 17th. So, potential timeline is: leave here on the 10th, land in Ufa on the 12th, meeting with the ministry on the 13th and the onto the orphanage, 4 days in the orphanage city, back to Moscow night of the 16th, clinicals all day on the 17, fly home either late that night or early 18th morning. Boo yah!
I also want to mention that the couple I speak to, D & S, just got an offer for a girl too! We don't think they can get their visas in time to visit simultaneously but we are very excited for them and hope our paths cross soon! They are going to be very helpful with the list of questions regarding the trip! Ie, does the couple we stay with have voltage converters? What are Russia's standards on car seats since we won't have one over there? Lol!
I'm also looking forward to the new round of training. I loved the course and how it made Mike and I think. The course we took was very Chinese-based so a Russia specific will be nice. It will also help us with the Russian culture and help us with how to help Kid understand her background.
Added two hours later: we just received the info about the training course. It sounds very much like a college soc/psych course that is very Russian specific. There are five hours of video conference and 45 hours of online coursework. CHOC employees had to go through training in order to become an accredited authority to the Russians. Of course, there is a fee, sigh, but it is much less than anything else and sounds reasonable considering the personalization and "marking" they will do. The course is organized by a different employee of CHOC but it will still be nice to have a "face-to-face" meeting with someone from the agency! The information email said they really spent time making this course to accommodate all clients who didn't live in the GTA. We appreciate that!
I also want to mention that the couple I speak to, D & S, just got an offer for a girl too! We don't think they can get their visas in time to visit simultaneously but we are very excited for them and hope our paths cross soon! They are going to be very helpful with the list of questions regarding the trip! Ie, does the couple we stay with have voltage converters? What are Russia's standards on car seats since we won't have one over there? Lol!
I'm also looking forward to the new round of training. I loved the course and how it made Mike and I think. The course we took was very Chinese-based so a Russia specific will be nice. It will also help us with the Russian culture and help us with how to help Kid understand her background.
Added two hours later: we just received the info about the training course. It sounds very much like a college soc/psych course that is very Russian specific. There are five hours of video conference and 45 hours of online coursework. CHOC employees had to go through training in order to become an accredited authority to the Russians. Of course, there is a fee, sigh, but it is much less than anything else and sounds reasonable considering the personalization and "marking" they will do. The course is organized by a different employee of CHOC but it will still be nice to have a "face-to-face" meeting with someone from the agency! The information email said they really spent time making this course to accommodate all clients who didn't live in the GTA. We appreciate that!
Wednesday, April 10, 2013
More Training
Russia has set forth regulations for adoption training more specific to the Russian regulations. The course has to be minimum 30 (and up to 80) hours of training with
certificate, and a confirmation should be provided that the provider of
the courses is authorized to conduct them (copy of the provider's
license/authorization letter).
Topics to be covered include:
*The decision to adopt internationally
* What is international adoption like for a child?
* Building the family together and resolving emotional issues
* Understanding and building attachment
* Managing behavior and building new skills
* Addressing educational issues
* Parental survival skills
* Professional medical and psychological help for your child
Luckily, CHOC has designed a course specific to Russia and it can be done via Skype. They will be contacting us when they set up a time, hopefully over several evenings ora few weekends.
In the meantime, I have made our budget... more than we thought. Sigh. I don't understand why flights are more now than at the end of last year. I over guesstimate always' though' so maybe it won't be as bad as we think.
No tickets booked yet, but we probably leave one month today!
certificate, and a confirmation should be provided that the provider of
the courses is authorized to conduct them (copy of the provider's
license/authorization letter).
Topics to be covered include:
*The decision to adopt internationally
* What is international adoption like for a child?
* Building the family together and resolving emotional issues
* Understanding and building attachment
* Managing behavior and building new skills
* Addressing educational issues
* Parental survival skills
* Professional medical and psychological help for your child
Luckily, CHOC has designed a course specific to Russia and it can be done via Skype. They will be contacting us when they set up a time, hopefully over several evenings ora few weekends.
In the meantime, I have made our budget... more than we thought. Sigh. I don't understand why flights are more now than at the end of last year. I over guesstimate always' though' so maybe it won't be as bad as we think.
No tickets booked yet, but we probably leave one month today!
Tuesday, April 9, 2013
New Dates
May 13 is our new appointment with the Ministry in Ufa! I am so glad we are in the middle of the month and not at the end. CHOC is now looking to make our clinic appointments in Moscow for the 17-ish.
Time to make new budgets and order foreign currency and prepare to meet Dania!l
Time to make new budgets and order foreign currency and prepare to meet Dania!l
Thursday, April 4, 2013
GAH!
The visa centre guarenteed that we will NOT receive our visas in time for our appointment on the 24th. I am so upset. GAH! Russia and Canada need to fast track their communications for situations like this - no espionage anywhere near us!!!
Mike spent some time on the phone with the visa centre so we are 100% sure we cannot do anything to rush receiving them before the 24th. TWO DAYS!
It's ok. Breathe. Think of the Counting Crows song that you were crying to in the car on the way home from work today, "Round here she's always on my mind. Round here, hey man, I got lots of time."
CHOC has emailed their reps that this appointment must be changed and the visa situation is completely out of our hands. Of course, I freak out and think this will count against us somehow. I had to email CHOC back and make sure Dania wouldn't be re-proposed to a couple that could make it there sooner. Mike spoke with our rep at CHOC and said she was very empathetic to the situation and new we must be upset that this couldn't work our right now. I was too upset to call and talk!
Better now. Breathing now. Stomach not in knots waiting to see if our visas will make it.
I am pissed because I was going to make up our budget of US cash and Roubles needs tomorrow but now I fully can't because I don't know how many days we will be needing to pay translators, housing, drivers, etc. GAH!
Our hope is that we can keep our medical appointment on the 29th and make that the beginning of the trip. That is a HUGE hope though since Russia goes on vacation May 1 - 6 and the 9th. We would need a whole stable of horses' horseshoes up our asses!
What progress has been made? Well, Mike and I both got our HIV tests for the visas. We also got a few other tests so we can hopefully save a bit of money at the medicals in Moscow. Mike was able to get a chest x-ray too so that should help too; maybe with the extra weeks I will be able to get one too.
I will keep schooling and keep crocheting and hope that the next appointment is not too late in May - I just want to meet you Dani!
GAH! More waiting!
ps. The meow mix song does nothing. This glass of wine does though...
Mike spent some time on the phone with the visa centre so we are 100% sure we cannot do anything to rush receiving them before the 24th. TWO DAYS!
It's ok. Breathe. Think of the Counting Crows song that you were crying to in the car on the way home from work today, "Round here she's always on my mind. Round here, hey man, I got lots of time."
CHOC has emailed their reps that this appointment must be changed and the visa situation is completely out of our hands. Of course, I freak out and think this will count against us somehow. I had to email CHOC back and make sure Dania wouldn't be re-proposed to a couple that could make it there sooner. Mike spoke with our rep at CHOC and said she was very empathetic to the situation and new we must be upset that this couldn't work our right now. I was too upset to call and talk!
Better now. Breathing now. Stomach not in knots waiting to see if our visas will make it.
I am pissed because I was going to make up our budget of US cash and Roubles needs tomorrow but now I fully can't because I don't know how many days we will be needing to pay translators, housing, drivers, etc. GAH!
Our hope is that we can keep our medical appointment on the 29th and make that the beginning of the trip. That is a HUGE hope though since Russia goes on vacation May 1 - 6 and the 9th. We would need a whole stable of horses' horseshoes up our asses!
What progress has been made? Well, Mike and I both got our HIV tests for the visas. We also got a few other tests so we can hopefully save a bit of money at the medicals in Moscow. Mike was able to get a chest x-ray too so that should help too; maybe with the extra weeks I will be able to get one too.
I will keep schooling and keep crocheting and hope that the next appointment is not too late in May - I just want to meet you Dani!
GAH! More waiting!
ps. The meow mix song does nothing. This glass of wine does though...
Monday, April 1, 2013
Determination
Now that the dates are "set" I feel like this is more real. We are playing it safe and waiting until we have a better idea from the visa centre about timing before we purchase tickets. I feel like it WILL work though. I have this over riding sense of determination. It was not apparent the first time because I was so excited and naively happy with the situation. Now, I'm a bit smarter and I know what could happen, there is this determination that is growing from the pit of my stomach. I want this to work SO bad!
It may sound like I'm setting myself up for heart ache again but, if Dania does fall through, I will have learned something else besides caution and trust in fate. I will probably curse fate and not know what this new found knowledge is until I calm down and stop hurting, but I will have learned.
In the meantime, I have been trying to firm up our budget for the first trip. We will need to buy Roubles to pay for the clinic in Moscow and we will need US cash for everything else. I have asked CHOC to double check that no fees have changed with the turn of the new year. She will return the info to me on Wednesday.
I also have a doctor's appointment to obtain the blood work requisitions for my rushed HIV test and for the other possible Rouble saving tests we can get here for free.
I also keep monitoring flights. They are more expensive now than at Christmas - what the? The money difference is not as big of a setback since, hopefully, we will not need a return ticket for Kid!
It may sound like I'm setting myself up for heart ache again but, if Dania does fall through, I will have learned something else besides caution and trust in fate. I will probably curse fate and not know what this new found knowledge is until I calm down and stop hurting, but I will have learned.
In the meantime, I have been trying to firm up our budget for the first trip. We will need to buy Roubles to pay for the clinic in Moscow and we will need US cash for everything else. I have asked CHOC to double check that no fees have changed with the turn of the new year. She will return the info to me on Wednesday.
I also have a doctor's appointment to obtain the blood work requisitions for my rushed HIV test and for the other possible Rouble saving tests we can get here for free.
I also keep monitoring flights. They are more expensive now than at Christmas - what the? The money difference is not as big of a setback since, hopefully, we will not need a return ticket for Kid!
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