It was a loooong, long month.
THE FUN:
We met another family in Halifax who adopted from Russia. Absolutely wonderful to hear their story, see the similarities and differences. Their little girl, I, was brought home a month before Dania. I really liked hearing the difference between staying in small-town Russia (as we did) and a bigger city, like where we drove for court. So many differences and yet, sooo much the same. It was too bad Dania cowered in my shoulder in shyness. Big phase right now! Although, she did exclaim the next youngest's name over and over because it was the same as her BFF: E's. That was funny to me, but she would bury her face in me as soon as she said it and pointed. Neighbours are laughing because last year she would dash across the lawn to be lifted up by them and now she won't pass their driveway if they are standing in it! It makes me feel good that I know she feels safe with me and knows who our close friends are. Although, I have this underlying feeling nagging at me that she will be a pushover and not assertive in social situations. Hell, she's 2! I know she will go through a gajillion phases!
Mum came to visit too. What a cute visit for Dania with her Gramma. She recognized her (slowly) thanks to Skype and was looking for her the morning after she left. I loved watching mum warm Dania's hands and tell her that she used to warm mine the same way - I have also been warming Dania's the same way too. *tear* It was short and sweet but I love when anyone can see Dania as Dania and not a short excerpt.
Spring is here (I hope it stays) and we are outside more. She is running around the big circuit in the neighbourhood (as long as no one is in their driveway) and completely halts to point at and follow every single car that passes us. She has been enthralled with the kids on bikes and scooters and met a few other little kids that I didn't even know lived here! Okay, so I met them and she hid behind my leg until she said she wanted to eat and walked away...
THE BAD:
Holy illness, Batman! She had a diaper rash that we were treating with Penaten until it started to get pebbly and then I thought it was a yeast infection spreading. It didn't get better when treated with antifungal or antibiotic cream. She also had what I thought was a staph infection on her nose (I had one there in grade 3 and remember it vividly) and was treating it with antibiotic ointment. BUT! when she woke up with sores around her mouth and on her hands I knew something was going on. I was told by a friend that hand, foot, mouth was going around the city so, I read up on that and her symptoms matched... except the sore throat. I didn't know if she wasn't eating because of feeling ill or sore throat. Either way, I knew we had to hit up a doctor that morning. We did and I said how I first thought it was staph on her nose and yeast on her diaper area and now I think it's something else... He took one look at her face and said staph infection for sure. He wrote a prescription. He asked to see her diaper area. Now, as of that morning, it had totally migrated away from any area that lead me to think yeast or diaper rash... it was now all around the outside of the diaper and the onesie and diaper leg holes kept rubbing the sores. He said it was definitely the same staph infection there because it wasn't on her privates but on the outer edges. Sheesh. I felt awful. She wasn't sleeping and it had to be because she was uncomfortable every time she shifted. Ugh. I'm so sorry Dania!!! So, 10 days of oral antibiotics and 15 days of topical antibiotics was what we went home with.
The next morning she looked worse. It was spreading on her face and her hands were covered in blisters. I said they were zombie hands. My sister said they looked like octopus tentacles - which I totally agree with- but we had already taught her to hold her arms out and walk like a zombie... Anyway, I called 811 to talk to the nurses and they said it would be 3 days before we saw any improvement in the actual sores. Her face cleared up within 24 hours, her bum stopped spreading but scabbed up, her hands looked awful and she is SO a picker like me and keeps pulling the loose skin off and handing it to me... which makes her look more like a zombie.
So, Easter weekend hits and we are to host dinner. On Good Friday, Mike wakes up feeling crappy. He has spots on his hands. Holy zombie jesus! (please don't take offense, I'm just working the zombie/raised from the dead plus her zombie hands connection - no insult intended!) I tell him to call 811 immediately and find out whether we need to get him to a doctor or if we can treat at home knowing what Dania has and if we should cancel dinner plans because of contagiousness. Well, he is suspected of hand, foot, mouth according to the nurse. He goes to a walk-in that thankfully said they could fit him in on the holiday (yeah! no ER!) and the doc confirms the hand, foot, mouth diagnosis and the only thing he can do is ride it out. His mouth and throat became SO sore-filled and bad that he could hardly swallow. We had to cancel all of our dinner plans... and I was already exposed so there was nothing I could do but I was probably okay if I hadn't been exhibiting symptoms. I went to the movies everyday and spent a lot of time in the basement. Man, oh, man!
All is good now. Hahahaha. Dania looks as if she has scar tissue where all of her sores and blisters had been but I know it won't in time because the ones on her face didn't scar and her diaper area is clearing nicely. It is smooth skin on her diaper-leg line but pink like a peeled sunburn. Her hands are still slightly zombie-like hahaha. She still pulls skin off and the healing pink spots are there but she can bend at her knuckles without the fluid-filled blisters being on the joints to hurt her.
Man, I felt so bad. I felt like I should have known sooner that it was something else. I felt like I should have gone with my gut that it was staph and gone to see a doc before the weekend. Sigh.
Oh, well. She is that little bit tougher because of it. She also chats up a storm now. I laugh so hard at her talking because it just sounds like, 'ga la, na, la, ga, la, laaaaa. Maa, NAAAA,' over and over again in her postsurgery adorably high-pitched voice. I think she was actually talking to the dog ont he walk today and telling her to hurry up and run with her. It is a hoot and she put on a show for Aunt Kitty yesterday so someone else has witnessed this hilarity too!
Ok, that is all now that the storm has passed...well, this storm. We just found out Mike is being posted to a ship (by just, I mean, 2 weeks before he goes back to work and a year ahead of planned schedule since he was told last year he wasn't getting on a ship) and will be sailing for weeks at a time. I fear for Dania because she doesn't get a big transition from both of us 24/7 to no Daddy at all... I fear for me because I seriously don't know how I can do this without him coming home in the evening so I can do my transcription and the cleaning. I am having full-on panic attacks because I had become okay with staying home with her - but she was a year older and a year more adjusted and able to tell me what was wrong or what she wanted. Now? she throws herself on the floor and hits her head as hard as she can... eek. I know I won't be able to keep my job at Shoppers Drug Mart while he is at sea and that makes me sad. I didn't want to be in management there again, but I enjoyed what I did there now. We are also on too-short of notice to find day care and also couldn't afford it...if we had known this was happening we would have saved for it. Man, oh man. So much in such a short (feels like a forever-lengthed) month.
On a completely different note, anyone who has read Divergent will enjoy that movie - I loved it - and Oculus was actually freaky. I am a huge scary movie snob and this one still has me hesitating in mirrors (but I always found mirrors a source of scary! lol). It didn't over-show the ghost/monster and had a story and suspense and the ending did not suck! YEAH! LOL
Until next time...
Showing posts with label hope. Show all posts
Showing posts with label hope. Show all posts
Wednesday, April 30, 2014
Thursday, January 23, 2014
A Whole Lot of Anxiousness (3 weeks of drafts)
Jan. 9th: We had our social worker visit today and it went swimmingly, or course. She was a little shy at first but then D was able to see her be silly in a comfortable environment. The visit was so we can report on Dania's physical, social, and emotional growth. We had to report on our ENT visits and update them with the date of the surgery.
NOTE: Now, I did not post anything too far in advance of the surgery just because (like not buying clothes before she was ours) I didn't want to jinx anything. I have been saving my drafts with all my fears and anxiety and EVERYTHING that has to do with the operation.
We also got the phone call about the surgery date today, just after I said to Mike, "well, they haven't called and wouldn't 2 weeks before, right? So, it must be next month." WRONG! Apparently this woman did not have our right phone number - which has been properly attached to Dania's health card since September as I have confirmed it at every one of her appointments... Whatever, we just need to wait for the package in the mail and spend a whole day in pre-op. It is scheduled. I was instantly nervous.
Jan. 16th: We received the pre-op package today. It contains hospital instructions as to parking, staying for a few nights, and procedure on the day of the operation. We also have our schedule for the pre-op day on the 23rd. It will be a loooooong day; they estimate 8 - 3:30. Guh. No nap that day - she will be a pill for the last appointment for sure! Poor kid. More needles, x-rays, and being taken to 3 different offices where none of her toys or anything familiar will be. I have been getting a slowly growing pit in my stomach. I know the whole procedure will be harder on Mike and me than it will on Dania. I am scared for her frustrations at having her arms braced. I am already sad for her because, as we all know, when something is different in your mouth you constantly poke it with your tongue and it is going to hurt. It will be different for her to eat, talk, and BREATHE! Our basic human instinct of breathing is going to feel so foreign and possibly scary because her nose and mouth won't feel like they are taking in as much air! I am also preparing for the after care and hoping that no one will come visiting until she is comfortable again. It is hard to not visit someone so precious when she is hurting, but we really will need our space at the beginning.
Jan. 23rd: Today was preop day. First of all, I have to say that she was an amazing trooper and I cannot believe she wasn't melting down after 7 hours when we got to our last appointment. We woke her before 7 am and left the pediatrician's office at 3pm. GUH! Our first appointment was in the oral maxillofacial clinic. We signed the consent forms, went over her history and had some pictures taken of her cleft.
Then we went to the second building to meet the nurse that will be there for her on Monday. He was so nice. We got the tour of day surgery and the low down about where we will be staying after the surgery. We were told how there should be a liaison nurse going back and forth between the OR and the waiting room and were shown the phone that they call as soon as a surgery is finished. They expect anyone waiting to pick it up and pass along the news that the surgeon will be coming out to speak to so-and-so. We then wait until she wakes up and is stable before we can see her. We will probably get there at 7 am and get to see her around lunch, as long as everything goes as planned.
Then we went and got her blood work done (the only real tears of the day) and went to talk to the surgeon again. He was just as nice as I remember and thorough and seemed pleased to be able to help. He laughed when I asked about brushing her teeth after; I said I had not seen anything about it in all the literature we were given. He said it is because this is normally done before the teeth are present and laughed. He said it was a good question and addressed it right away. He went over pain control and antibiotics and how this is just the primary closure...it could always lead to more operations down the line as she heals and grows. It was a lot of the same but it was good to hear it all again.
We then had a lunch break where she charmed the waitress at Smitty's - still in a good mood. After lunch we went to the pediatrician and waited forever. All 3 of us looked tired at this point. We waited a good while just to have the pediatrician tell us this was actually an unnecessary visit really. Just what we want to hear as she is being robbed of her nap! She has a runny nose but her lungs are clear so the pediatrician cleared her and completed the required forms and sent us on our way. She said the anesthesiologist will make the final call Monday morning since he is the one putting her to sleep; sometimes he can be really picky about runny noses or the chance of cold. She asked how we thought she was attaching and adapting and I told her how Dania blows my mind with how well she is understanding us and handling everything. That was when she said, "well, that is really you. You should congratulate yourself because it is not always like this for orphans and if she is blooming so successfully it is because she watches you and imitates you." That felt amazing to be told we have modeled a good routine and showed her the right attention and affection. I mean, I know we are doing well and have a wonderful situation, but to have this seasoned professional say it made me want to cry... and I was tired.
She crashed almost as soon as we were on the road. What a good kid.
On an almost different note, our magazine interview was published and another local couple looked up this blog and contacted me. They brought their little girl home a month before us and had a cleft lip and pallet surgery last fall. Their girl is from a different city, about half way between Moscow and Ufa, but the timing and overlap between sources of information seems to be similar. We are going to meet up after Dania is heeled and ready for play-dates again.
Well, 4 more sleeps and it is go-time. We appreciate the love and well-wishes but respectfully request that there are no drop-ins and visits from anyone at the hospital and none after discharge until we say she is up to it. This is important as we don't know if this could cause any setback in her development and she is going to be pretty friggin' miserable. We don't show up and try to hug you when you are feeling gross, can't talk, spitting blood, and dopey... offer her the same respect even though she is tiny, please!
NOTE: Now, I did not post anything too far in advance of the surgery just because (like not buying clothes before she was ours) I didn't want to jinx anything. I have been saving my drafts with all my fears and anxiety and EVERYTHING that has to do with the operation.
We also got the phone call about the surgery date today, just after I said to Mike, "well, they haven't called and wouldn't 2 weeks before, right? So, it must be next month." WRONG! Apparently this woman did not have our right phone number - which has been properly attached to Dania's health card since September as I have confirmed it at every one of her appointments... Whatever, we just need to wait for the package in the mail and spend a whole day in pre-op. It is scheduled. I was instantly nervous.
Jan. 16th: We received the pre-op package today. It contains hospital instructions as to parking, staying for a few nights, and procedure on the day of the operation. We also have our schedule for the pre-op day on the 23rd. It will be a loooooong day; they estimate 8 - 3:30. Guh. No nap that day - she will be a pill for the last appointment for sure! Poor kid. More needles, x-rays, and being taken to 3 different offices where none of her toys or anything familiar will be. I have been getting a slowly growing pit in my stomach. I know the whole procedure will be harder on Mike and me than it will on Dania. I am scared for her frustrations at having her arms braced. I am already sad for her because, as we all know, when something is different in your mouth you constantly poke it with your tongue and it is going to hurt. It will be different for her to eat, talk, and BREATHE! Our basic human instinct of breathing is going to feel so foreign and possibly scary because her nose and mouth won't feel like they are taking in as much air! I am also preparing for the after care and hoping that no one will come visiting until she is comfortable again. It is hard to not visit someone so precious when she is hurting, but we really will need our space at the beginning.
Jan. 23rd: Today was preop day. First of all, I have to say that she was an amazing trooper and I cannot believe she wasn't melting down after 7 hours when we got to our last appointment. We woke her before 7 am and left the pediatrician's office at 3pm. GUH! Our first appointment was in the oral maxillofacial clinic. We signed the consent forms, went over her history and had some pictures taken of her cleft.
Then we went to the second building to meet the nurse that will be there for her on Monday. He was so nice. We got the tour of day surgery and the low down about where we will be staying after the surgery. We were told how there should be a liaison nurse going back and forth between the OR and the waiting room and were shown the phone that they call as soon as a surgery is finished. They expect anyone waiting to pick it up and pass along the news that the surgeon will be coming out to speak to so-and-so. We then wait until she wakes up and is stable before we can see her. We will probably get there at 7 am and get to see her around lunch, as long as everything goes as planned.
Then we went and got her blood work done (the only real tears of the day) and went to talk to the surgeon again. He was just as nice as I remember and thorough and seemed pleased to be able to help. He laughed when I asked about brushing her teeth after; I said I had not seen anything about it in all the literature we were given. He said it is because this is normally done before the teeth are present and laughed. He said it was a good question and addressed it right away. He went over pain control and antibiotics and how this is just the primary closure...it could always lead to more operations down the line as she heals and grows. It was a lot of the same but it was good to hear it all again.
We then had a lunch break where she charmed the waitress at Smitty's - still in a good mood. After lunch we went to the pediatrician and waited forever. All 3 of us looked tired at this point. We waited a good while just to have the pediatrician tell us this was actually an unnecessary visit really. Just what we want to hear as she is being robbed of her nap! She has a runny nose but her lungs are clear so the pediatrician cleared her and completed the required forms and sent us on our way. She said the anesthesiologist will make the final call Monday morning since he is the one putting her to sleep; sometimes he can be really picky about runny noses or the chance of cold. She asked how we thought she was attaching and adapting and I told her how Dania blows my mind with how well she is understanding us and handling everything. That was when she said, "well, that is really you. You should congratulate yourself because it is not always like this for orphans and if she is blooming so successfully it is because she watches you and imitates you." That felt amazing to be told we have modeled a good routine and showed her the right attention and affection. I mean, I know we are doing well and have a wonderful situation, but to have this seasoned professional say it made me want to cry... and I was tired.
She crashed almost as soon as we were on the road. What a good kid.
On an almost different note, our magazine interview was published and another local couple looked up this blog and contacted me. They brought their little girl home a month before us and had a cleft lip and pallet surgery last fall. Their girl is from a different city, about half way between Moscow and Ufa, but the timing and overlap between sources of information seems to be similar. We are going to meet up after Dania is heeled and ready for play-dates again.
Well, 4 more sleeps and it is go-time. We appreciate the love and well-wishes but respectfully request that there are no drop-ins and visits from anyone at the hospital and none after discharge until we say she is up to it. This is important as we don't know if this could cause any setback in her development and she is going to be pretty friggin' miserable. We don't show up and try to hug you when you are feeling gross, can't talk, spitting blood, and dopey... offer her the same respect even though she is tiny, please!
Saturday, July 27, 2013
I Know THE Best People
I will never be able to express the relief and gratitude I felt when I came home and saw this:
and some friends hiding amidst the bounty of love from a whole lot of amazing people.
Now, I have to admit that we did know something was going on because in the Moscow airport we read a comment someone had made on a photo and then saw 5 other photos of cute t-shirts. I realized that people were helping us out and I turned to Mike with tears in my eyes and then he started crying. We had just had a horrible few hours struggling to get through to the travel agent and the apartment rental place. I was feeling overwhelmed and a little defeated. Seeing the picture of the I Love my Mommy shirt and other cute clothes made me calm down and feel better.
You all will never be able to understand how much this means to me. I have 8 more days here and they are going to be a lot less stressful than I imagined. I have gone through everything and it is all wonderful and perfect.
The trip is now over and it won't be long until the third trip is upon me and then HOME!
Now, I have to admit that we did know something was going on because in the Moscow airport we read a comment someone had made on a photo and then saw 5 other photos of cute t-shirts. I realized that people were helping us out and I turned to Mike with tears in my eyes and then he started crying. We had just had a horrible few hours struggling to get through to the travel agent and the apartment rental place. I was feeling overwhelmed and a little defeated. Seeing the picture of the I Love my Mommy shirt and other cute clothes made me calm down and feel better.
You all will never be able to understand how much this means to me. I have 8 more days here and they are going to be a lot less stressful than I imagined. I have gone through everything and it is all wonderful and perfect.
The trip is now over and it won't be long until the third trip is upon me and then HOME!
Tuesday, July 23, 2013
Day 4
I love all the comments! Yes, we do read them. Katie: Those are just in the special room and those are new since the last trip, the toy cupboard is still only filled with hard toys. Thanks everyone for following!
It is now the end of the day and one sleep (yah, right) away from court. We went over the procedure again today, nothing new since last time. Then they went over our statements with us... just have to say that I was the only one who didn't have to change a thing! Ahem! Pat on my back! We also got to feed the girls dinner today. Dania was a hungry little one and ate with no problems. Drinking is a bit harder as that can come up and out the nose a lot easier! If she uses a sippy cup she has better flow control, that's what they did last time, but this time we just had a regular cup.
We also had a change to discuss the third trip. They want us to coordinate our flights so we all take off and land at the same time - makes sense. I feel like we are going to have a skype flight booking date very soon. They have contact with the rep in Moscow. They will email her and find out how many days we need in Moscow and then we will book.
As for the cute part of the day (every moment spent with her, of course), she fell asleep in my arms again today. I'm starting to think she should nap at 11:00 and not 12:30! LOL The time zone change will mess that up anyway!
She LOVES to sing with me! I start singing and she now starts to sing too and bob her head or bounce. Freaking adorable. I know all kids do it, but this just PROVES music IS its own language! She doesn't care that she can't understand me! Videos later, promise. For now, these will suffice...
This is her "oh, wow!" smile.
This is her gut busting "so hilarious" smile.
Cute hat!
Family pic!
It is now the end of the day and one sleep (yah, right) away from court. We went over the procedure again today, nothing new since last time. Then they went over our statements with us... just have to say that I was the only one who didn't have to change a thing! Ahem! Pat on my back! We also got to feed the girls dinner today. Dania was a hungry little one and ate with no problems. Drinking is a bit harder as that can come up and out the nose a lot easier! If she uses a sippy cup she has better flow control, that's what they did last time, but this time we just had a regular cup.
We also had a change to discuss the third trip. They want us to coordinate our flights so we all take off and land at the same time - makes sense. I feel like we are going to have a skype flight booking date very soon. They have contact with the rep in Moscow. They will email her and find out how many days we need in Moscow and then we will book.
As for the cute part of the day (every moment spent with her, of course), she fell asleep in my arms again today. I'm starting to think she should nap at 11:00 and not 12:30! LOL The time zone change will mess that up anyway!
She LOVES to sing with me! I start singing and she now starts to sing too and bob her head or bounce. Freaking adorable. I know all kids do it, but this just PROVES music IS its own language! She doesn't care that she can't understand me! Videos later, promise. For now, these will suffice...
This is her "oh, wow!" smile.
This is her gut busting "so hilarious" smile.
Cute hat!
Family pic!
So, now tomorrow is it. I am not so nervous about court as I thought I would be. I know I won't cry during my speech because I can hold it in when being watched. I'm sure I will cry when she makes her decision and gives her verdict. Either way.
We will also have a few moments before court to ask the case social worker current situations of Dania's parents and grandparent's to ease (hopefully) our minds as to a smaller chance for appeal (because I do feel like we will get custody now, we have to).
I can't believe court is TOMORROW! I feel like I've been on such a crazy-ass roller coaster and have just gone around the final turn and am about to coast into the exit... Let's hope it doesn't derail!
Monday, July 22, 2013
Day 3 and Mind Blown
Just got back from our evening visit which was much more active than the morning one...
We just kind of hid on a swing and pretended she was awake and let her nap. She obviously needed it if she did that 20minutes into our visit!
This evening though, we did laps of the building and sang and danced. She now mimicks our clapping and feet stomping. As soon as she is in our arms she is reaching for our mouths so we can make noise and pat her hand on it so it "warbles." You know what I mean, right? I can't explain it properly.
Now for the mind blow! This would definitely NOT have happened if the couple from Ontario hadn't been with us. They adopted a few years ago befor the wait times changed. The judge has agreed that if we are awarded custody we can take her after only 10 days! HOLY TIME DIFFERENCE, BATMAN! This means, if we are granted custody and no one appeals she is officially ours on August 6th and we are to take her to Moscow from the baby home August 9th, and then we will be back in Canada by, probably, the 16th. Then they went to the passport officials and negotieated getting the passports made in 1 or 2 days! We were instantly overjoyed and then looked at each other with panic in our eyes. How the heck are we going get all we need and flights and hotel in Moscow with only 11 days and one pay in between!?!?! Then we look at her - it will happen. Just look at that face:
...how can we NOT make it happen? My "due" date just was shortened by 4 weeks! The reps and lawyer seem confident that this will all work out. I'm a little nervous, except I don't feel it at all with her - but, heck, I'm a mom, I worry!
It's time to make lists of things to get. Good 14 hour layover activity hahaha!
This shorter wait time also is better for her remembering us! She is always reaching up to be held so I'm hoping the 11 days we won't see her will be short enough that she will reach for us when we see her in August! If not, she will at least remember a lot quicker than she did after 2 months. I love her!
And I love watching her and Mike together!
Ok, we go over the hearing procedures tomorrow and then it's court the next day. Let's tackle that now.
Sunday, July 21, 2013
Day 2
We visited her again before dinner yesterday and she was totally fine with us. We did about 20 laps of the party room because she is so happy and proud of herself to be almost walking. She grins the whole time. We just played around with different toys and she was more talkative.
Today, we just got back from our morning visit, and I have to say that turquoise blue is her colour. It was the first time we had seen her in it, and they brought her out in this pretty blue dress with darker turquoise tights and her eyes just popped! We went outside this morning and, again, all she wanted to do was walk. We put her down and each held a hand and did a lap of the building. A little harder on the uneven ground but she would coo with each step, almost as if she was saying "left, right, left, right," and we just let her lead us where ever she wanted. For another lap, I would run ahead and turn around to watch her and she would smile really big and lean forward and try to almost run. It was so funny, her feet just couldn't move fast enough. We also had her going back and forth between us and when she would try to turn around to run to the other person she would turn her body but not her feet and still try to go forward. She will definitely be moving on her own so very soon.
We also finally got to meet the couple from Richmond Hill, D & S. Their little one is in the same group as Dania, I recognized her. She is about 6 months younger but already bigger than Dania! LOL! It was so good to finally meet these people in 3D. When we were calling the names that CHOC gave us as references for the process, these were the only people who called back, and then it just happened that our timelines synched up! Perfect!
We will be going back this afternoon. Neither of us feels as tired as we did last time. We must have had better times for our flights, plus less layover time, to make us feel rested this much sooner. She tuckers us out though! She tuckered herself out too! She led us over to a bench swing and we sat her on it backwards so she could dangle her legs, lean her chest onto the back and hold onto the back as well. She sat and watched her feet over the ground and completely hypnotized herself hahaha. After about ten minutes, I all of a sudden touched her back and she jumped and snapped out of it. She was just so much more animated today. Even the reps here said that they felt she has had such positive changes and they really think a lot had to do with meeting us and having the one-on-one attention for the five straight days. She said she feels no worry in her heart that Dania will thrive in our care. That was the first time I wanted to cry today! HA!
Remember I kept saying I had butterflies...
These were from last night.
Today, we just got back from our morning visit, and I have to say that turquoise blue is her colour. It was the first time we had seen her in it, and they brought her out in this pretty blue dress with darker turquoise tights and her eyes just popped! We went outside this morning and, again, all she wanted to do was walk. We put her down and each held a hand and did a lap of the building. A little harder on the uneven ground but she would coo with each step, almost as if she was saying "left, right, left, right," and we just let her lead us where ever she wanted. For another lap, I would run ahead and turn around to watch her and she would smile really big and lean forward and try to almost run. It was so funny, her feet just couldn't move fast enough. We also had her going back and forth between us and when she would try to turn around to run to the other person she would turn her body but not her feet and still try to go forward. She will definitely be moving on her own so very soon.
We will be going back this afternoon. Neither of us feels as tired as we did last time. We must have had better times for our flights, plus less layover time, to make us feel rested this much sooner. She tuckers us out though! She tuckered herself out too! She led us over to a bench swing and we sat her on it backwards so she could dangle her legs, lean her chest onto the back and hold onto the back as well. She sat and watched her feet over the ground and completely hypnotized herself hahaha. After about ten minutes, I all of a sudden touched her back and she jumped and snapped out of it. She was just so much more animated today. Even the reps here said that they felt she has had such positive changes and they really think a lot had to do with meeting us and having the one-on-one attention for the five straight days. She said she feels no worry in her heart that Dania will thrive in our care. That was the first time I wanted to cry today! HA!
Remember I kept saying I had butterflies...
These were from last night.
Saturday, July 20, 2013
And Then She Was There...
...and nothing else mattered.
REWIND 48 HOURS
After hanging up with my sister just before boarding the plane, I was thinking about how she said Mum said I seemed too calm. I was an internal wreck... just had to maintain sanity so they would let me out of the country and into two others! Seriously, it has been such a roller coaster that I feel exhasted. I was excited to leave. I was beyond ecstatic to see Dania again. I was nervous about connections. I cried myself to sleep the night before because I was so happy to be going finally!
In JFK I started crying because I was thinking about the future and how to announce it was 'official' once the appeal period was over. It makes me so happy to think I could do that one day next month! Then, on the plain to Moscow (which was delayed and making me nervous because our connection was going to be quite close) the fear took over. What if this was court didn't go well? What if someone from her family appealed the custody? What if this was the last trip we would ever make to see her? I cannot begin to explain the gut-wrenching, heart-draining sorrow at the thought of saying good bye to her for the last time EVER on Thursday. It is so unknown that I couldn't stop dwelling on it and I cried for a good three hours straight on the plane. Oh, dear. I didn't sleep hardly, I felt like vomiting almost constantly, I had just unearthed this all-consuming fear and it was awful.
We landed in Moscow and made the connection with only a little time to spare. We made up an hour in the air, thankfully. We landed in Ufa and as soon as I saw our driver, A, waiting for us I began to smile. As I stepped out into the Ufa air I started crying again because it felt like returning to a place as familiar and comfortable as home. I pretended to sleep from the airport to Sterlitimak, but I was really watching the countryside through my sunglasses while silently weeping from expectation.
I did sleep - from sheer exhaustion - but when I woke up the butterflies were back and so were the tears in the car on the way to the orphanage. There was no one in the office to answer our doorbell rings and just knowing she was in the building and we were unknown and outside made my heart hurt. Shortly, someone answered. I didn't recognize her and didn't understand her. The doctor came out and recognized us and directed us upstairs and we realized this is the moment we were waiting for.
And then she was there and nothing else mattered.
Damn, I'm crying now too! But because I can't stop smiling and I'm so happy I can share this finally!
She was clearly overwhelmed once in my arms. She wasn't as stressed as last time but the change in routine had upset her and the crocodile tears started. We knew we would have to take it slow and hope that she would eventually remember us. We set her down with some toys and the lack of head rubbing was glaringly apparent. She was obviously more comfortable. When she was on the ground, and a little more distanced, she stopped the tears and began to play hesitantly. I sang the whole time and within the hour she was smiling at us, handing us toys, inviting us to play with her, crawling a little, reaching out to be held, and just being wonderful. Sigh. I love her so much.
She looks a little more solid. She isn't walking on her own but can hold just one hand and walk with much steadier legs. Her hair is a bit longer, fuller, lighter, and she looks a tiny bit tanned.
She was definitely way more relaxed on this first day than she was by the end of day 2 last trip. She was cooing very quietly and clearly enjoying the one-on-one time. She spent a looooong time staring at my teeth! LOL! I think she remembers those more than anything else ha ha ha!
So, now it is lunch break (and probably nap time for both of us). I didn't take a lot of photos because we didn't want to overwhelm her, but I HAD to, of course. For your viewing pleasure...
REWIND 48 HOURS
After hanging up with my sister just before boarding the plane, I was thinking about how she said Mum said I seemed too calm. I was an internal wreck... just had to maintain sanity so they would let me out of the country and into two others! Seriously, it has been such a roller coaster that I feel exhasted. I was excited to leave. I was beyond ecstatic to see Dania again. I was nervous about connections. I cried myself to sleep the night before because I was so happy to be going finally!
In JFK I started crying because I was thinking about the future and how to announce it was 'official' once the appeal period was over. It makes me so happy to think I could do that one day next month! Then, on the plain to Moscow (which was delayed and making me nervous because our connection was going to be quite close) the fear took over. What if this was court didn't go well? What if someone from her family appealed the custody? What if this was the last trip we would ever make to see her? I cannot begin to explain the gut-wrenching, heart-draining sorrow at the thought of saying good bye to her for the last time EVER on Thursday. It is so unknown that I couldn't stop dwelling on it and I cried for a good three hours straight on the plane. Oh, dear. I didn't sleep hardly, I felt like vomiting almost constantly, I had just unearthed this all-consuming fear and it was awful.
We landed in Moscow and made the connection with only a little time to spare. We made up an hour in the air, thankfully. We landed in Ufa and as soon as I saw our driver, A, waiting for us I began to smile. As I stepped out into the Ufa air I started crying again because it felt like returning to a place as familiar and comfortable as home. I pretended to sleep from the airport to Sterlitimak, but I was really watching the countryside through my sunglasses while silently weeping from expectation.
I did sleep - from sheer exhaustion - but when I woke up the butterflies were back and so were the tears in the car on the way to the orphanage. There was no one in the office to answer our doorbell rings and just knowing she was in the building and we were unknown and outside made my heart hurt. Shortly, someone answered. I didn't recognize her and didn't understand her. The doctor came out and recognized us and directed us upstairs and we realized this is the moment we were waiting for.
And then she was there and nothing else mattered.
Damn, I'm crying now too! But because I can't stop smiling and I'm so happy I can share this finally!
She was clearly overwhelmed once in my arms. She wasn't as stressed as last time but the change in routine had upset her and the crocodile tears started. We knew we would have to take it slow and hope that she would eventually remember us. We set her down with some toys and the lack of head rubbing was glaringly apparent. She was obviously more comfortable. When she was on the ground, and a little more distanced, she stopped the tears and began to play hesitantly. I sang the whole time and within the hour she was smiling at us, handing us toys, inviting us to play with her, crawling a little, reaching out to be held, and just being wonderful. Sigh. I love her so much.
She looks a little more solid. She isn't walking on her own but can hold just one hand and walk with much steadier legs. Her hair is a bit longer, fuller, lighter, and she looks a tiny bit tanned.
She was definitely way more relaxed on this first day than she was by the end of day 2 last trip. She was cooing very quietly and clearly enjoying the one-on-one time. She spent a looooong time staring at my teeth! LOL! I think she remembers those more than anything else ha ha ha!
So, now it is lunch break (and probably nap time for both of us). I didn't take a lot of photos because we didn't want to overwhelm her, but I HAD to, of course. For your viewing pleasure...
The big tears and small bit of fear.
Then the smile we know and love was being flashed at us very soon... and I know mine is probably just as big!
Thursday, July 11, 2013
Booked for Round 2.
HOLY MOLY! 8 Sleeps and we leave to see her. 10 sleeps and we see her!
I almost immediately began coming the flight sites for our travels. Goal was to keep the round trip for both under 5 grand - success!
I had actually ordered the foreign currency for this coming Friday about 1 hour before the confirmation came, just in case. Perfect! So, that is already off the to-do list.
We leave Halifax for Toronto on the 18th. Then we connect to New York, Moscow, and, finally, Ufa. We are to be met by K and A, our host and driver, respectively, from the last trip. We arrive in Ufa on the 19th in the evening, so, we wait until the next morning to go to the orphanage! The couple from Ontario are also coming on this trip because, as predicted, they have their court at the same time. It will be nice to finally meet them! We had a meeting set up last summer but it fell through due to emergency.
I AM SO EXCITED TO HUG HER AND KISS HER WARM FACE!
If you read the previous post, the email stated that the day before had a new law passed that extends the wait period in between court from 30 to 40 days. I didn't even care because the END IS IN SIGHT!!! I can count down to a specific now and not just cross the days off the calendar! EXCITING! As my cousin T put it, I'm 7 weeks from my "due date." I HAVE a due date!
So, we pack over the next few days. Pick up the money of Friday. Recheck our packing a gajillion times to ensure we have clothing for really hot and mild weather (plus court clothes). Then we travel!
I am not as nervous about these next steps as I thought I would be. I'm sure, when I am standing in court, I will sweat like a pig in heat, but I will try to portray calmness. The 24th is a big step in deciding our fate. We will hopefully be granted custody that day and then just have to wait out the appeal and processing period and go back at the beginning of September.
Holy moly!
As a reminder, this is on my desktop and I watch it daily. I love her little growl at 46, or so, seconds.
https://www.facebook.com/photo.php?v=10151607111258967&set=vb.500713966&type=3&theater
The one on my desktop isn't so pixelated and her her sweet features are defined, making her brown eyes even more deep!
SOON!
I almost immediately began coming the flight sites for our travels. Goal was to keep the round trip for both under 5 grand - success!
I had actually ordered the foreign currency for this coming Friday about 1 hour before the confirmation came, just in case. Perfect! So, that is already off the to-do list.
We leave Halifax for Toronto on the 18th. Then we connect to New York, Moscow, and, finally, Ufa. We are to be met by K and A, our host and driver, respectively, from the last trip. We arrive in Ufa on the 19th in the evening, so, we wait until the next morning to go to the orphanage! The couple from Ontario are also coming on this trip because, as predicted, they have their court at the same time. It will be nice to finally meet them! We had a meeting set up last summer but it fell through due to emergency.
I AM SO EXCITED TO HUG HER AND KISS HER WARM FACE!
If you read the previous post, the email stated that the day before had a new law passed that extends the wait period in between court from 30 to 40 days. I didn't even care because the END IS IN SIGHT!!! I can count down to a specific now and not just cross the days off the calendar! EXCITING! As my cousin T put it, I'm 7 weeks from my "due date." I HAVE a due date!
So, we pack over the next few days. Pick up the money of Friday. Recheck our packing a gajillion times to ensure we have clothing for really hot and mild weather (plus court clothes). Then we travel!
I am not as nervous about these next steps as I thought I would be. I'm sure, when I am standing in court, I will sweat like a pig in heat, but I will try to portray calmness. The 24th is a big step in deciding our fate. We will hopefully be granted custody that day and then just have to wait out the appeal and processing period and go back at the beginning of September.
Holy moly!
As a reminder, this is on my desktop and I watch it daily. I love her little growl at 46, or so, seconds.
https://www.facebook.com/photo.php?v=10151607111258967&set=vb.500713966&type=3&theater
The one on my desktop isn't so pixelated and her her sweet features are defined, making her brown eyes even more deep!
SOON!
Tuesday, July 2, 2013
The Movement is Moving More
I just got an email from CHOC saying the signed letter has been notarized and is on its way to Russia! Yeah!
I was also out with a friend to find a dress for her and I found a great dress for court! I wanted to wear a dress as it would be cooler than pants and a blouse, but I needed the right type so it looked presentable but not over/under suited for the occasion. I have sun dresses and dresses for weddings... nothing in between. I also still wanted it to have personality because I don't want to look dour or dowdy. Hopefully I will wear it soon!
We also purchased a bedding set for the room. It's water animal themed, has an octopus, seahorse, turtle etc on the comforter. It was a super deal online and I figured that wasn't a jinx item because we will need sheets and blankets no matter what. It will match with the walls in the room and can be adjusted to any age or easily made more "girly" if someone wanted a girly-girl room *cough* mermaids *cough*.
Here's hoping for a court date for my birthday present from Russia!
I was also out with a friend to find a dress for her and I found a great dress for court! I wanted to wear a dress as it would be cooler than pants and a blouse, but I needed the right type so it looked presentable but not over/under suited for the occasion. I have sun dresses and dresses for weddings... nothing in between. I also still wanted it to have personality because I don't want to look dour or dowdy. Hopefully I will wear it soon!
We also purchased a bedding set for the room. It's water animal themed, has an octopus, seahorse, turtle etc on the comforter. It was a super deal online and I figured that wasn't a jinx item because we will need sheets and blankets no matter what. It will match with the walls in the room and can be adjusted to any age or easily made more "girly" if someone wanted a girly-girl room *cough* mermaids *cough*.
Here's hoping for a court date for my birthday present from Russia!
Wednesday, June 12, 2013
Totally Selfish!
I just spent a few wonderful days back home with the family. I had a cousin getting married down south and was unable to afford to attend so my father offered to fly me out to keep him and his parents company. Unfortunately, the grandparents were unable to attend due to insurance difficulties, so we all celebrated simultaneously with the southern bunch! Congratulations A & C!!!
Home has left me feeling soulfully elated. It was so weird for me to keep hearing how great of a thing I'm doing. I never know what to say when something like that is said to me. I mean, for example, my dad was speechless. Anyone who knows my father will know that that is a huge thing. He is always of an opinion. He couldn't form words to tell me what he wanted to say. He also said he was on the phone with his sister and she was the same way.
Honestly, this is not about saving a child. I'm doing this for purely selfish reasons. I'm doing this because I want to be a mum and I don't want to go through IVF. To me, this is my only option. It's all about the feeling I get thinking about holding her and playing with her. Totally selfish!
I'm also beginning to get more frightened by the fact that I feel like she is ours already. I hope that I don't jinx myself. I want her so bad! I'm making plans, I'm writing thank you cards from her, I'm visiting people. That scares me so much because she isn't yet even mine! I guess this scariness has been counteracted with the good feelings from the folks and the grandfolks because right now I just feel good.
I found the orphanage on Google Earth. I will post satellite pictures but I must do a few adjustments to keep the anonymity since it doesn't really have an address. It is hidden amidst some apartments and not visible from the street.
We also have our last training session tomorrow night!
Home has left me feeling soulfully elated. It was so weird for me to keep hearing how great of a thing I'm doing. I never know what to say when something like that is said to me. I mean, for example, my dad was speechless. Anyone who knows my father will know that that is a huge thing. He is always of an opinion. He couldn't form words to tell me what he wanted to say. He also said he was on the phone with his sister and she was the same way.
Honestly, this is not about saving a child. I'm doing this for purely selfish reasons. I'm doing this because I want to be a mum and I don't want to go through IVF. To me, this is my only option. It's all about the feeling I get thinking about holding her and playing with her. Totally selfish!
I'm also beginning to get more frightened by the fact that I feel like she is ours already. I hope that I don't jinx myself. I want her so bad! I'm making plans, I'm writing thank you cards from her, I'm visiting people. That scares me so much because she isn't yet even mine! I guess this scariness has been counteracted with the good feelings from the folks and the grandfolks because right now I just feel good.
I found the orphanage on Google Earth. I will post satellite pictures but I must do a few adjustments to keep the anonymity since it doesn't really have an address. It is hidden amidst some apartments and not visible from the street.
We also have our last training session tomorrow night!
Tuesday, May 28, 2013
Passport Photo
I received an email from our translator today. The team is in Sterlitamak with the couple from Richmond Hill. They took Dania's passport photo today. The translator took a photo of it and sent it to us!
I miss her.
It's been one week and one day since we returned.
I've had a few long conversations with my mum, sister, and a few friends here, but I've been rather reserved with my excitement. I do most of my big emotional blubbering while alone. One cousin called me on it today, and I have to admit that it is because I am still guarded about her being mine. She isn't yet and I don't want to jinx it! I keep it all in but then I randomly explode at random people and have to tell them everything! I did this with the receptionist at the vet, the hair dresser, and a random store clerk. I pull out the photos, can't stop talking, and usually start crying. As soon as I leave I feel guilty because I just got all excited and she isn't even mine. All of these people have asked to meet her when she is here... what if it doesn't happen? I also have so much excitement and eagerness drummed up amidst my family and friends... what if I disappoint them too? I know I shouldn't worry, but how can I not?!?!
GAH!
Back to the photo... sweetest passport photo ever...
It's been one week and one day since we returned.
I've had a few long conversations with my mum, sister, and a few friends here, but I've been rather reserved with my excitement. I do most of my big emotional blubbering while alone. One cousin called me on it today, and I have to admit that it is because I am still guarded about her being mine. She isn't yet and I don't want to jinx it! I keep it all in but then I randomly explode at random people and have to tell them everything! I did this with the receptionist at the vet, the hair dresser, and a random store clerk. I pull out the photos, can't stop talking, and usually start crying. As soon as I leave I feel guilty because I just got all excited and she isn't even mine. All of these people have asked to meet her when she is here... what if it doesn't happen? I also have so much excitement and eagerness drummed up amidst my family and friends... what if I disappoint them too? I know I shouldn't worry, but how can I not?!?!
GAH!
Back to the photo... sweetest passport photo ever...
Saturday, May 25, 2013
Crying in the Car!
"Is there anybody going to listen to my story all about the girl who came to stay..."
I put in the Across the Universe soundtrack so I could put "I've Just Seen a Face" on repeat and the opening track started. The opening line for "Girl" had me smile and burst into tears as I stared at her picture that I have propped up on our dash. It was just too perfect - I hope!
It also made me feel lucky to know that I have so many people listening to my story about the the girl who is hopefully coming to stay.
I put in the Across the Universe soundtrack so I could put "I've Just Seen a Face" on repeat and the opening track started. The opening line for "Girl" had me smile and burst into tears as I stared at her picture that I have propped up on our dash. It was just too perfect - I hope!
It also made me feel lucky to know that I have so many people listening to my story about the the girl who is hopefully coming to stay.
I have attached our official request for adoption so you can see how all of our documents look. Everything is dual-language for us, our documents, our meetings, our socializing! 
The second page had all the official stamps and notarized signatures. It was completely in Russian so I don't know if there was anything that should be edited out for our own safety! It has about 3 round, official, purple-inked stamps. Everyone important in Russia has these stamps. They are all over many of our documents. At the clinic I was joking with Mike over who will have the biggest circle on the page. It was like a mini bragging contest. These stamps often have the profession written across the middle and then more information around the circumference. As soon as you see one of these stamps come out you know it's serious business. 
Monday, May 20, 2013
Day 6 Tourists in Moscow and day 7 travels
After doing the old Arbat district yesterday,
we headed towards the centre of Moscow and revolution square. We didn't go into the Kremlin armory, I really had no desire, it was just cool to see how enclosed and separated it is from the rest of the city. Moscow is a series of concentric circular roads and the river cuts through the middle and the Kremlin and Red Square are situated in the centre. We saw the outside of tombs and museums and churches, St. Basil's Cathedral being the most impressive and famous.
We also ended up in a massive underground mall. This is why Russia feels more like Toronto than Europe, massive malls with major brand name stores. We walked around for about four hours and decided to head back to the apartment. When crossing major roads there are underground tunnels, which is nice, and we get the feeling it really wouldn't matter if we just ran across the road anyway. Russians do what they want! They park where they want, enter rooms when they want, cross streets, etc.
It was nice being a tourist for 36 hours!
We got up bright and early on the 19th, oh, i swear it is only dark for about 5 hours here. In Sterlitimak, it was still light out at 11 pm and started getting bright between 4 and 5, and headed to the airport. We flew to Warsaw and then to Toronto. It was too hard to sleep because it was during the day for everyone else but after midnight for us. We were flying with the sun, so it was never dark, and everyone else was awake and active. Our plane had purple seats...I liked it! We landed in TO at 8pm, 4am for us. Our flight wasn't until the next morning so we got a room in the Sheraton and slept and showered... so nice! If we didn't do that there is no way we would feel 'human' when we landed in Halifax at 9ish!
Best. Trip. Ever.
Let's do this two more times, ok?
I look forward to "do you have anything to declare?". "Yes, one kid."
we headed towards the centre of Moscow and revolution square. We didn't go into the Kremlin armory, I really had no desire, it was just cool to see how enclosed and separated it is from the rest of the city. Moscow is a series of concentric circular roads and the river cuts through the middle and the Kremlin and Red Square are situated in the centre. We saw the outside of tombs and museums and churches, St. Basil's Cathedral being the most impressive and famous.
We also ended up in a massive underground mall. This is why Russia feels more like Toronto than Europe, massive malls with major brand name stores. We walked around for about four hours and decided to head back to the apartment. When crossing major roads there are underground tunnels, which is nice, and we get the feeling it really wouldn't matter if we just ran across the road anyway. Russians do what they want! They park where they want, enter rooms when they want, cross streets, etc.
It was nice being a tourist for 36 hours!
We got up bright and early on the 19th, oh, i swear it is only dark for about 5 hours here. In Sterlitimak, it was still light out at 11 pm and started getting bright between 4 and 5, and headed to the airport. We flew to Warsaw and then to Toronto. It was too hard to sleep because it was during the day for everyone else but after midnight for us. We were flying with the sun, so it was never dark, and everyone else was awake and active. Our plane had purple seats...I liked it! We landed in TO at 8pm, 4am for us. Our flight wasn't until the next morning so we got a room in the Sheraton and slept and showered... so nice! If we didn't do that there is no way we would feel 'human' when we landed in Halifax at 9ish!
Best. Trip. Ever.
Let's do this two more times, ok?
I look forward to "do you have anything to declare?". "Yes, one kid."
Saturday, May 18, 2013
Day 5 Moscow
The clinic visits were successful... phew! The hospital felt like a fancy bank as it was all marble and crown molding, really swanky and non-sterile feeling. Our translator was great and very assuring for both of us. We saw 7 different specialists, one doctor counted for two signatures, and got our chests x-rayed. It took about 4 hours.
After, we celebrated. We walked the Arbat pedestrian street, which is a touristy area close to our apartment, and just checked it all out. We ate at the Moscow Hard Rock Cafe and relaxed. After dinner we went to one of the pubs across from our apartment and stayed on the patio into the night. It felt good to sit and talk about so much that was non adoption related.
People keep asking me how I can seemingly hold it together. I did cry once we were all done yesterday, but I can say it is because she isn't mine yet. I have to be guarded. Even if I am 99% in love with her I have to have that 1% that I could cling to if it all fell apart. If I didn't have that small portion of doubt inside me, I would be completely crushed if something went wrong. Even though it feels wrong to stay guarded, (trust me, I don't feel it when we are with her) I have to be so in order to keep going. When she is in my arms in the rocking chair in her room, I will let everything wash over me 100%. so, this is why I am seemingly composed. Survival.
Gods I miss her already. I hope she misses us too.
After, we celebrated. We walked the Arbat pedestrian street, which is a touristy area close to our apartment, and just checked it all out. We ate at the Moscow Hard Rock Cafe and relaxed. After dinner we went to one of the pubs across from our apartment and stayed on the patio into the night. It felt good to sit and talk about so much that was non adoption related.
People keep asking me how I can seemingly hold it together. I did cry once we were all done yesterday, but I can say it is because she isn't mine yet. I have to be guarded. Even if I am 99% in love with her I have to have that 1% that I could cling to if it all fell apart. If I didn't have that small portion of doubt inside me, I would be completely crushed if something went wrong. Even though it feels wrong to stay guarded, (trust me, I don't feel it when we are with her) I have to be so in order to keep going. When she is in my arms in the rocking chair in her room, I will let everything wash over me 100%. so, this is why I am seemingly composed. Survival.
Gods I miss her already. I hope she misses us too.
Thursday, May 16, 2013
Day 4
We just left the orphanage for the last time this trip. Kind of a perfect ending so there were no tearful goodbyes:
I was singing "I've Just Seen a Face" and she just leaned in and relaxed completely and fell asleep!
We are now going to nap and then head to the airport for Moscow. I will go into all of the boring details I didn't provide yesterday lol!
First, as we were waiting for Dania to be brought to us this morning, we see a train of kids coming down the stairs (they have a railing specifically for tiny people on the main staircase!) and I make eye contact with the child at the head of the line. It was HIM! He has fairer hair, and even his eyes look lighter, but I knew it immediately. He smiled and said 'hi' in Russian. Then, outside, he kept running over to us. I didn't feel a tug in the heart or punch in the gut as I expected I would. I was just happy we saw him and he looked so happy to be running around outside. And boy, did he run! He was the kid that had to keep yelling at to make him come back!
Here is a full shot of her outside outfit!
Yes, mum, she pretty much has all her teeth and I think she is obsessed with the size of mine...
Our family, hopefully! It already feels like
We are now going to nap and then head to the airport for Moscow. I will go into all of the boring details I didn't provide yesterday lol!
First, as we were waiting for Dania to be brought to us this morning, we see a train of kids coming down the stairs (they have a railing specifically for tiny people on the main staircase!) and I make eye contact with the child at the head of the line. It was HIM! He has fairer hair, and even his eyes look lighter, but I knew it immediately. He smiled and said 'hi' in Russian. Then, outside, he kept running over to us. I didn't feel a tug in the heart or punch in the gut as I expected I would. I was just happy we saw him and he looked so happy to be running around outside. And boy, did he run! He was the kid that had to keep yelling at to make him come back!
I'm not sure if the home study is still being done on his mother, but CHOC said he wasn't on any registry now. Either way, he looked happy. All of the kids do, actually. It's nice. They were all outside playing with their little groups of 4-7 kids. The orphanage psychologist was walking around taking photos and she even took one of the three of us. The inside of the orphanage has nice bulletin boards, much like an elementary school, with photos plastered all over. E was pointing out all of the Canadian adoptees to us!
Ok, so, the details. First of all, I think CHOC is confused about things. Either they don't understand how things work over here or they keep getting the cases confused and giving us the wrong info. Most of it is the same procedural info, just wrong cities. This trip is the ONLY time we go to Moscow. Court is in Ufa. The only reason we have to go to Moscow is for the clinic appointments that we have tomorrow (that are the only thing making me feel barfy now). Also, we do not bring Dania to court with us. Just photos of the three of us interacting. CHOC sent me all the fee lists for Moscow and listed it as needed for trip two, so you can see how I was confused!
Yesterday, we went to the notary and gave power of atorny to V, our lawyer, so he can pick up or request any documents, make signatures, appeals, speak for us, etc. while we are in Canada. He then went over the format of the proceeding. First we are all introduced and we say we trust our lawyer and translator. Then the translator makes a declaration that they understand what it is to provide a false translation. Then we state our purpose and say we have no appeals to change our case as stated. It is all very formal and to the point. On our side of the room will be us, our translator, A, and our lawyer, V. The other side will have the prosecutor, the inspector (aka, social worker, who will observe us three together one day next trip) and the director of the orphanage speaking on behalf of Dania's interests. After all of the introductions the judge asks us for our statements. We have been given templates to follow as she will be looking for specific points to be made. Mike speaks first and his is very informative of our living situation, why we are doing this, what annual income is, the basics to it all. My speech is more about the child and our visits (aka, the emotional speech). Then the prosecutor's side states if it is Dania's best interest to be adopted or not (by the way, we found out yesterday that Dania's mother is currently in prison. Our rep here, E, looks at us and says 'well, that's good for us! lol!) and the inspector says her opinion as to whether we were seen to be a good fit. We show the judge our paperwork showing our request to visit the child in the baby home, our request for formal adoption. We state what her new name will be and request permission for the new birth certificate. The prosecutor side will show the papers that terminated parental rights of Dania's parents, and that no other family accepted the offer of her. They will also be showing her medical files here. Once all this is done, the judge asks us for our final word. We basically say that we love her and want to include her in our family. Then the judge will go to her chambers, go through our file, 10-15 minutes V says, and comes out to make her ruling.
That's it. Today, E,A,and V are taking our signed request to the ministry of education and it will be forwarded to the supreme court of Moscow for approval for court. When the minisitry gets it back is when we get our official date. V says it should be between the 10th and 20th of July.
Here is a full shot of her outside outfit!
Our second trip should have at least 4 days before court, for us to spend more time with Dania. Russian law states 10 days are to be spent but V says it can be give or take a few. These days will get us reacquainted with Dania, and allow the inspector to come visit. We are also encouraged to bring photos of her spending time with us to add to her album that we left with her tutor. We are also supposed to schedule one day after the court date in case the hearing needs to be pushed back a day (this has only happened once, due to illness of the judge). So, if all goes well tomorrow and at court, at this point she is ours providing there are no sudden claims from her family. We then leave and V will gather up all the proper documents, get Dania a passport, and we come back in 30 days to bring her home.
Yes, mum, she pretty much has all her teeth and I think she is obsessed with the size of mine...
We were given a lot of paperwork regarding how to behave and what to say or not to say in court. Pretty straight forward. We were also warned not to be alarmed at her new name on the birth certificate since, like ours, it isn't a direct translation as there are sometimes no latin characters for our English pronunciations. I never would have known! We were told never to ask questions of the prosecutor's side, even if prompted, because it may show that we are not familiar with Dania or her case. We shouldn't be alarmed when they read out her medical file because there are several different Russian words for everything and it may sound different from the ones the doctor at the orphanage said to us. There was more, but it will all be mentioned in future blog posts with specific details when they occur.
That is it for now. I may or may not post in Moscow until the airport home. I am glad we have the extra day now since we will not be returning on the next two trips! Hopefully tomorrow goes smoothly (BARF!) and I look forward to being a tourist for a day!
Our family, hopefully! It already feels like
one!
Saturday, May 11, 2013
The Plan
ohmigosh!ohmigosh!ohmigosh!
We leave today!
Here is the plan for trip the first. (ps, feeling fine today. We both slept until about 5:30, when we both were tossing and turning and kidding ourselves that we could fall back asleep. The I screamed us both awake when I dreamt that a rocking horse came into our room and put it's face on the bed right beside mine. what the?):
We fly to Toronto, small layover there. Fly overnight to Istanbul, layover there, then fly to UFA.
We land the morning of the 13th. Our CHOC rep and driver meets us at 9. We go over our appointments, ask all questions about procedure, then head to the Ministry of Education in Ufa for our first government appointment. At this meeting we get to see all the information they have on Dania, fill out lots of paperwork, and ask any questions we have. I also believe this is the point we schedule the court date, after signing our commitment papers. Then we drive to Sterlitamak, where the orphanage is, and meet our host family (the husband of which is our driver) and Dania!
The 14th is when we have the Canadian designated medical practitioner check out Dania. This gives us more information to bring home for our government. Then spend the rest of the day with her.
The 15th is a whole day at the orphanage. Well, we always go "home" for our own meals, which is within walking distance of the orphanage, apparently, but the rest of the time is with her.
The 16th we spend most of the day with Dania. We must travel back to Ufa to fly to Moscow at 20:00. We travel from the airport to our apartment for a late check in (this is a one hour time difference already)! This apartment has free wifi, so if we are not able to upload photos and updates before this date we will definitely do it this night!
The 17th is our appointments at the clinic. We can walk from our apartment, (and thanks to google maps I was able to print directions in Russian and English!), and the appointment time will probably be first thing - we find out for sure with our initial meeting with the CHOC rep in Ufa. Then, the rest of the eve is ours. We are within a 5 minute walk from the pedestrian area with all the fun restaurants and bars so we will probably celebrate our "doneness" for this trip. At this point there is literally NOTHING we can do to change anything until we say our word to the judge. Then we will get some sleep.
The 18th is our bonus day! We stay the extra day and save about 1500 on flights! We get to be tourists! We will go see the Red Square, possible go inside the Kremlin, and all other big sights in this area (all within 15 minute walk from our apartment!). Then we hit the hay and ready for travel home.
The 19th, we fly out at 10:00. We will, most likely, have to be up and leave before 0600 from the apartment so we will be turning in early the night before. This is it though! We will be leaving Moscow for Warsaw at 10, Warsaw to Toronto after a 6ish hour layover, then first thing in the morning on the 20th we fly Toronto to Halifax. It will really be almost the 22nd for us though! Yeah welcomed jet lag!
I will keep doing little posts from the airports when the wifi kicks in. It will be a grand adventure for sure!
xoxo
j
We leave today!
Here is the plan for trip the first. (ps, feeling fine today. We both slept until about 5:30, when we both were tossing and turning and kidding ourselves that we could fall back asleep. The I screamed us both awake when I dreamt that a rocking horse came into our room and put it's face on the bed right beside mine. what the?):
We fly to Toronto, small layover there. Fly overnight to Istanbul, layover there, then fly to UFA.
We land the morning of the 13th. Our CHOC rep and driver meets us at 9. We go over our appointments, ask all questions about procedure, then head to the Ministry of Education in Ufa for our first government appointment. At this meeting we get to see all the information they have on Dania, fill out lots of paperwork, and ask any questions we have. I also believe this is the point we schedule the court date, after signing our commitment papers. Then we drive to Sterlitamak, where the orphanage is, and meet our host family (the husband of which is our driver) and Dania!
The 14th is when we have the Canadian designated medical practitioner check out Dania. This gives us more information to bring home for our government. Then spend the rest of the day with her.
The 15th is a whole day at the orphanage. Well, we always go "home" for our own meals, which is within walking distance of the orphanage, apparently, but the rest of the time is with her.
The 16th we spend most of the day with Dania. We must travel back to Ufa to fly to Moscow at 20:00. We travel from the airport to our apartment for a late check in (this is a one hour time difference already)! This apartment has free wifi, so if we are not able to upload photos and updates before this date we will definitely do it this night!
The 17th is our appointments at the clinic. We can walk from our apartment, (and thanks to google maps I was able to print directions in Russian and English!), and the appointment time will probably be first thing - we find out for sure with our initial meeting with the CHOC rep in Ufa. Then, the rest of the eve is ours. We are within a 5 minute walk from the pedestrian area with all the fun restaurants and bars so we will probably celebrate our "doneness" for this trip. At this point there is literally NOTHING we can do to change anything until we say our word to the judge. Then we will get some sleep.
The 18th is our bonus day! We stay the extra day and save about 1500 on flights! We get to be tourists! We will go see the Red Square, possible go inside the Kremlin, and all other big sights in this area (all within 15 minute walk from our apartment!). Then we hit the hay and ready for travel home.
The 19th, we fly out at 10:00. We will, most likely, have to be up and leave before 0600 from the apartment so we will be turning in early the night before. This is it though! We will be leaving Moscow for Warsaw at 10, Warsaw to Toronto after a 6ish hour layover, then first thing in the morning on the 20th we fly Toronto to Halifax. It will really be almost the 22nd for us though! Yeah welcomed jet lag!
I will keep doing little posts from the airports when the wifi kicks in. It will be a grand adventure for sure!
xoxo
j
Friday, May 10, 2013
1 More Sleep
Oh.My.Gods.
BARF! (not!) I awoke, today, with a sense of calm. I've had a few people ask me how I think I will be when we first meet her. My answer to them has been surprisingly composed. For some reason, in the face of grand moments, I can rein in my usual tearful reactions and focus. For example, I cry at every engagement announcement of friends and bawl like a baby at weddings. My own? Stone cold composed (enough of a difference that my dad even commented on it before walking me down the aisle)... until after it was all done. I believe that is how I will be for this as well.
My to-do list today?
-get Howie ready for pick up in an hour.
-ask a neighbour if she will pick up our mail
-charge the kobo
-watch last night's Grey's and Glee
-try to eat what's left in the fridge, or give it away
That's it. I've done everything else.
A good friend is taking us out tonight for a celebration dinner. We wanted to patio it up, but it's raining (of course) so we will find another plan. It will be nice and I appreciate how excited she is for us. She is also a teacher and has been sharing in the adoption story of one of her students who was fostered and then just adopted by those parents at the beginning of this year. I will always smile when I remember her telling me that at parent-teacher interviews she shared my story with the mom-to-be and all they did was talk about adoption! She gets me more than most people and knows that I love hearing stories about that student.
She also shared this with me today, coincidence that it was written just a few days ago???
Source: http://www.kathylynnharris.com/dear-moms-of-adopted-children/
by author Kathy Lynn Harris
First, a quick note: I wrote this piece after reading an essay written by Lea Grover in the Huffiington Post, titled “Dear Less-Than-Perfect Mom.”
The post by Lea was wonderful, and it made me think about us moms who
found our sweet babies through adoption, and how we face unique
challenges. I hope you enjoy it, whether you are the parent of an
adopted child or not. Happy early Mother’s Day, everyone.
——————————————————————————————————————
Dear Mom of an Adopted Child,
I met you in adoption education class. I met you at the agency. I met you at my son’s school. I met you online. I met you on purpose. I met you by accident.
It doesn’t matter. The thing is, I knew you right away. I recognize the fierce determination. The grit. The fight. Because everything about what you have was a decision, and nothing about what you have was easy. You are the kind of woman who Makes.Things.Happen. After all, you made this happen, this family you have.
Maybe you prayed for it. Maybe you had to convince a partner it was the right thing. Maybe you did it alone. Maybe people told you to just be happy with what you had before. Maybe someone told you it simply wasn’t in God’s plans for you to have a child, this child whose hair you now brush lightly from his face. Maybe someone warned you about what happened to their cousin’s neighbor’s friend. Maybe you ignored them.
Maybe you planned for it for years. Maybe an opportunity dropped into your lap. Maybe you depleted your life-savings for it. Maybe it was not your first choice. But maybe it was.
Regardless, I know you. And I see how you hold on so tight. Sometimes too tight. Because that’s what we do, isn’t it?
I know about all those books you read back then. The ones everyone reads about sleep patterns and cloth versus disposable, yes, but the extra ones, too. About dealing with attachment disorders, breast milk banks, babies born addicted to alcohol, cocaine, meth. About cognitive delays, language deficiencies. About counseling support services, tax and insurance issues, open adoption pros and cons, legal rights.
I know about the fingerprinting, the background checks, the credit reports, the interviews, the references. I know about the classes, so many classes. I know the frustration of the never-ending paperwork. The hours of going over finances, of having garage sales and bake sales and whatever-it-takes sales to raise money to afford it all.
I know how you never lost sight of what you wanted.
I know about the match call, the soaring of everything inside you to cloud-height, even higher. And then the tucking of that away because, well, these things fall through, you know.
Maybe you told your mother, a few close friends. Maybe you shouted it to the world. Maybe you allowed yourself to decorate a baby’s room, buy a car seat. Maybe you bought a soft blanket, just that one blanket, and held it to your cheek every night.
I know about your home visits. I know about your knuckles, cracked and bleeding, from cleaning every square inch of your home the night before. I know about you burning the coffee cake and trying to fix your mascara before the social worker rang the doorbell.
And I know about the followup visits, when you hadn’t slept in three weeks because the baby had colic. I know how you wanted so badly to show that you had it all together, even though you were back to working more-than-full-time, maybe without maternity leave, without the family and casseroles and welcome-home balloons and plants.
And I’ve seen you in foreign countries, strange lands, staying in dirty hotels, taking weeks away from work, struggling to understand what’s being promised and what’s not. Struggling to offer your love to a little one who is unsettled and afraid. Waiting, wishing, greeting, loving, flying, nesting, coming home.
I’ve seen you down the street at the hospital when a baby was born, trying to figure out where you belong in the scene that’s emerging. I’ve seen your face as you hear a nurse whisper to the birthmother that she doesn’t have to go through with this. I’ve seen you trying so hard to give this birthmother all of your respect and patience and compassion in those moments—while you bite your lip and close your eyes, not knowing if she will change her mind, if this has all been a dream coming to an abrupt end in a sterile environment. Not knowing if this is your time. Not knowing so much.
I’ve seen you look down into a newborn infant’s eyes, wondering if he’s really yours, wondering if you can quiet your mind and good sense long enough to give yourself over completely.
And then, to have the child in your arms, at home, that first night. His little fingers curled around yours. His warm heart beating against yours.
I know that bliss. The perfect, guarded, hopeful bliss.
I also know about you on adoption day. The nerves that morning, the judge, the formality, the relief, the joy. The letting out of a breath maybe you didn’t even know you were holding for months. Months.
I’ve seen you meet your child’s birthparents and grandparents weeks or years down the road. I’ve seen you share your child with strangers who have his nose, his smile … people who love him because he’s one of them. I’ve seen you hold him in the evenings after those visits, when he’s shaken and confused and really just wants a stuffed animal and to rest his head on your shoulder.
I’ve seen you worry when your child brings home a family tree project from school. Or a request to bring in photos of him and his dad, so that the class can compare traits that are passed down, like blue eyes or square chins. I know you worry, because you can protect your child from a lot of things — but you can’t protect him from being different in a world so intent on celebrating sameness.
I’ve seen you at the doctor’s office, filling out medical histories, leaving blanks, question marks, hoping the little blanks don’t turn into big problems later on.
I’ve seen you answer all of the tough questions, the questions that have to do with why, and love, and how much, and where, and who, and how come, mama? How come?
I’ve seen you wonder how you’ll react the first time you hear the dreaded, “You’re not my real mom.” And I’ve seen you smile softly in the face of that question, remaining calm and loving, until you lock yourself in the bathroom and muffle your soft cries with the sound of the shower.
I’ve seen you cringe just a little when someone says your child is lucky to have you. Because you know with all your being it is the other way around.
But most of all, I want you to know that I’ve seen you look into your child’s eyes. And while you will never see a reflection of your own eyes there, you see something that’s just as powerful: A reflection of your complete and unstoppable love for this person who grew in the midst of your tears and laughter, and who, if torn from you, would be like losing yourself.
BARF! (not!) I awoke, today, with a sense of calm. I've had a few people ask me how I think I will be when we first meet her. My answer to them has been surprisingly composed. For some reason, in the face of grand moments, I can rein in my usual tearful reactions and focus. For example, I cry at every engagement announcement of friends and bawl like a baby at weddings. My own? Stone cold composed (enough of a difference that my dad even commented on it before walking me down the aisle)... until after it was all done. I believe that is how I will be for this as well.
My to-do list today?
-get Howie ready for pick up in an hour.
-ask a neighbour if she will pick up our mail
-charge the kobo
-watch last night's Grey's and Glee
-try to eat what's left in the fridge, or give it away
That's it. I've done everything else.
A good friend is taking us out tonight for a celebration dinner. We wanted to patio it up, but it's raining (of course) so we will find another plan. It will be nice and I appreciate how excited she is for us. She is also a teacher and has been sharing in the adoption story of one of her students who was fostered and then just adopted by those parents at the beginning of this year. I will always smile when I remember her telling me that at parent-teacher interviews she shared my story with the mom-to-be and all they did was talk about adoption! She gets me more than most people and knows that I love hearing stories about that student.
She also shared this with me today, coincidence that it was written just a few days ago???
Source: http://www.kathylynnharris.com/dear-moms-of-adopted-children/
by author Kathy Lynn Harris
Dear Moms of Adopted Children
——————————————————————————————————————
Dear Mom of an Adopted Child,
I met you in adoption education class. I met you at the agency. I met you at my son’s school. I met you online. I met you on purpose. I met you by accident.
It doesn’t matter. The thing is, I knew you right away. I recognize the fierce determination. The grit. The fight. Because everything about what you have was a decision, and nothing about what you have was easy. You are the kind of woman who Makes.Things.Happen. After all, you made this happen, this family you have.
Maybe you prayed for it. Maybe you had to convince a partner it was the right thing. Maybe you did it alone. Maybe people told you to just be happy with what you had before. Maybe someone told you it simply wasn’t in God’s plans for you to have a child, this child whose hair you now brush lightly from his face. Maybe someone warned you about what happened to their cousin’s neighbor’s friend. Maybe you ignored them.
Maybe you planned for it for years. Maybe an opportunity dropped into your lap. Maybe you depleted your life-savings for it. Maybe it was not your first choice. But maybe it was.
Regardless, I know you. And I see how you hold on so tight. Sometimes too tight. Because that’s what we do, isn’t it?
I know about all those books you read back then. The ones everyone reads about sleep patterns and cloth versus disposable, yes, but the extra ones, too. About dealing with attachment disorders, breast milk banks, babies born addicted to alcohol, cocaine, meth. About cognitive delays, language deficiencies. About counseling support services, tax and insurance issues, open adoption pros and cons, legal rights.
I know about the fingerprinting, the background checks, the credit reports, the interviews, the references. I know about the classes, so many classes. I know the frustration of the never-ending paperwork. The hours of going over finances, of having garage sales and bake sales and whatever-it-takes sales to raise money to afford it all.
I know how you never lost sight of what you wanted.
I know about the match call, the soaring of everything inside you to cloud-height, even higher. And then the tucking of that away because, well, these things fall through, you know.
Maybe you told your mother, a few close friends. Maybe you shouted it to the world. Maybe you allowed yourself to decorate a baby’s room, buy a car seat. Maybe you bought a soft blanket, just that one blanket, and held it to your cheek every night.
I know about your home visits. I know about your knuckles, cracked and bleeding, from cleaning every square inch of your home the night before. I know about you burning the coffee cake and trying to fix your mascara before the social worker rang the doorbell.
And I know about the followup visits, when you hadn’t slept in three weeks because the baby had colic. I know how you wanted so badly to show that you had it all together, even though you were back to working more-than-full-time, maybe without maternity leave, without the family and casseroles and welcome-home balloons and plants.
And I’ve seen you in foreign countries, strange lands, staying in dirty hotels, taking weeks away from work, struggling to understand what’s being promised and what’s not. Struggling to offer your love to a little one who is unsettled and afraid. Waiting, wishing, greeting, loving, flying, nesting, coming home.
I’ve seen you down the street at the hospital when a baby was born, trying to figure out where you belong in the scene that’s emerging. I’ve seen your face as you hear a nurse whisper to the birthmother that she doesn’t have to go through with this. I’ve seen you trying so hard to give this birthmother all of your respect and patience and compassion in those moments—while you bite your lip and close your eyes, not knowing if she will change her mind, if this has all been a dream coming to an abrupt end in a sterile environment. Not knowing if this is your time. Not knowing so much.
I’ve seen you look down into a newborn infant’s eyes, wondering if he’s really yours, wondering if you can quiet your mind and good sense long enough to give yourself over completely.
And then, to have the child in your arms, at home, that first night. His little fingers curled around yours. His warm heart beating against yours.
I know that bliss. The perfect, guarded, hopeful bliss.
I also know about you on adoption day. The nerves that morning, the judge, the formality, the relief, the joy. The letting out of a breath maybe you didn’t even know you were holding for months. Months.
I’ve seen you meet your child’s birthparents and grandparents weeks or years down the road. I’ve seen you share your child with strangers who have his nose, his smile … people who love him because he’s one of them. I’ve seen you hold him in the evenings after those visits, when he’s shaken and confused and really just wants a stuffed animal and to rest his head on your shoulder.
I’ve seen you worry when your child brings home a family tree project from school. Or a request to bring in photos of him and his dad, so that the class can compare traits that are passed down, like blue eyes or square chins. I know you worry, because you can protect your child from a lot of things — but you can’t protect him from being different in a world so intent on celebrating sameness.
I’ve seen you at the doctor’s office, filling out medical histories, leaving blanks, question marks, hoping the little blanks don’t turn into big problems later on.
I’ve seen you answer all of the tough questions, the questions that have to do with why, and love, and how much, and where, and who, and how come, mama? How come?
I’ve seen you wonder how you’ll react the first time you hear the dreaded, “You’re not my real mom.” And I’ve seen you smile softly in the face of that question, remaining calm and loving, until you lock yourself in the bathroom and muffle your soft cries with the sound of the shower.
I’ve seen you cringe just a little when someone says your child is lucky to have you. Because you know with all your being it is the other way around.
But most of all, I want you to know that I’ve seen you look into your child’s eyes. And while you will never see a reflection of your own eyes there, you see something that’s just as powerful: A reflection of your complete and unstoppable love for this person who grew in the midst of your tears and laughter, and who, if torn from you, would be like losing yourself.
Tuesday, May 7, 2013
4 Sleeps
Ok, so, 4 more sleeps.
BARF!
I feel like there should be more to do or that I will be forgetting something major. We pick up the money later this week (don't even get me started on the bank calling and saying they didn't think they could get enough roubles by the end of this week. That was why I called in the order 4 weeks ago so they would have time!), and I will have the envelopes for the proper recipients ready to be filled.
BARF!
Leia will be going to Mike's parents' place. Howie will be going with K & T and I have his bag already started with everything he needs. I am half packed with a written list of all that needs to still go in or go in my purse. I filled small bottles of our current shampoos, body washes, lotions, so that we smell like us when we meet her. I want our smell to hopefully be a comforting memory for her. Luckily, I use baby lotion on myself so I will smell like what I will eventually (hopefully) rub on her.
BARF!
We have our next set of readings and our next quiz for training; that will be for the plane/airports. Holy moly. Planes! For reals this time. BARF!
I have an envelope with all of our itineraries, our reservations for our apartment in Moscow, printed in English AND in Russian, and directions to walk from the apartment to the doctor clinic. I also have forms that we must fill out once we have more information on her. I have my camera batteries charged. I have our visas and our small photo book for Dania. All of this is the important info that, while we travel, I will probably keep unzipping my bag and touching every 20 minutes just to make sure it is all still there.
BARF!
BARF!
I feel like there should be more to do or that I will be forgetting something major. We pick up the money later this week (don't even get me started on the bank calling and saying they didn't think they could get enough roubles by the end of this week. That was why I called in the order 4 weeks ago so they would have time!), and I will have the envelopes for the proper recipients ready to be filled.
BARF!
Leia will be going to Mike's parents' place. Howie will be going with K & T and I have his bag already started with everything he needs. I am half packed with a written list of all that needs to still go in or go in my purse. I filled small bottles of our current shampoos, body washes, lotions, so that we smell like us when we meet her. I want our smell to hopefully be a comforting memory for her. Luckily, I use baby lotion on myself so I will smell like what I will eventually (hopefully) rub on her.
BARF!
We have our next set of readings and our next quiz for training; that will be for the plane/airports. Holy moly. Planes! For reals this time. BARF!
I have an envelope with all of our itineraries, our reservations for our apartment in Moscow, printed in English AND in Russian, and directions to walk from the apartment to the doctor clinic. I also have forms that we must fill out once we have more information on her. I have my camera batteries charged. I have our visas and our small photo book for Dania. All of this is the important info that, while we travel, I will probably keep unzipping my bag and touching every 20 minutes just to make sure it is all still there.
BARF!
Wednesday, April 24, 2013
Video Session #1
Before I dive into the Skype session, I want to mention that I sat and chatted with out social worker today. It was great to hear her jokingly say, "wipe that smile off your face." Do you think people can tell I'm excited?
Gut wrenching excited.
Our first video session was initially a justification as to how this course differs from other adoptive training courses. Good to know that it will be VERY Russian specific as to the laws, process, environment, etc.
We then began to discuss our motivations for becoming an adoptive parent. She went over many character traits and considerations that an adoptive parent must have, which are, most of the time, above and beyond a biological parent. She said openness to loving friends as much as family is a sign of a good adoptive parent candidate. (I think we have that one in the bag considering we consider so many friends a part of our family!) She also said that adoption needs to be approached with a rational and emotional sense of decision making skills. She said she could tell from our report answers that Mike was rational and I was emotional and she was glad we were working together! One of the traits she mentioned was advocacy. She mentioned how you have to advocate for your adoptive child more than a biological one. You have to ensure that they are understood, ie explaining behaviour or odd remarks to a teacher. Most of these traits were discussed in the provincial course but she just put so much more emphasis on adopting the institutionalized child.
She is a child psychologist and has also been helping facilitate adoptions for almost 20 years. She spoke next about the signs of adjustment disorders and was able to give many personal experiences for examples. She also enforced the fact that unless many of the signs are present at the same time the child usually will adjust in a reasonable amount of time. She said trust is the biggest problem because they have no consistency in an institution and therefore can't trust that the person who put them to sleep will be the person to wake them up, etc. She said showing that consistency of presence at home is so important. She also mentioned the children could hoard food, regressing in habits (in Russia, it is mandatory for kids to use the potty and feed themselves with a spoon by 12 months! It's mostly because they don't have time to deal with all of the children over a year old who are completely capable of walking to the potty on their own.), over eating, and resisting rules and love. Interesting fact about resisting us as new parents: the child is more likely to distance herself from the male while still in the institution, and then the female once they are moved home - but only when the male isn't present.
After discussing the signs and special needs of the children we talked about what a good parent needs to provide; again, things we discussed in our provincial course.
She talked about what questions to ask when we go over there regarding their history. She spoke about how important it is to ask about the psychological history as well as the medical history. She also explained how some children are classified as 'foundlings' and do not have a history because when they were found abandoned the police essentially started the history right there. We will be asking right away if she was a foundling or not. It is Russian law that once custody is given to us (hopefully) the social services have to have signed consent from the biological parents if they are known. This is the 30 day appeal period. Russia wants every chance to keep their citizens in their country. If her parents are known, I'm hoping they realize we can help her by loving her and repairing her cleft pallet and, even though we take her to Canada, keeping her aware of where she came from.
It was a really enjoyable lecture/discussion. She told us this next part is all about the law and it is the boring part LOL! She said we will be quizzed after but there is no passing grade; we simply discuss the answers. She said she tried to make it as relevant and to-the-point as possible.
I do have to leak one of my fears here, since it is becoming more relevant now. When we first started there was a lot of talk over my mental health. We were bounced around by CHOC because they weren't convinced Russia would want to work with us. The medicals is where we will be 'cross examined' about this, if it is an issue for them. It simply states I had a major depressive episode 10 years ago and am on medication to stabilize my mood - and this doesn't mean I am sad without the pills... it just means that everything makes me cry! Happy, sad, surprised, scared... everything is just felt so much more because my middle ground isn't there. I hope beyond hope that this is not an issue. The woman tonight also mentioned how Russian doctors like to over diagnose everything. We will see what happens. All I can do is show the judge how much she already means to Mike and me and how this 'problem' isn't even a nuisance for either of us.
She talked about being prepared for over there... I do feel prepared - with undertones of being scared! It is all in a good way though. The excitement over shines everything else. As I said, once we ask about her parents (hopefully the first big sigh of our trip) and go through the medicals (second big sigh) the only one left for the second trip is the court hearing (and if we don't get that first big sigh, this turns into a 30-day-on-the-edge-of-my-seat-with-puckered-everything kind of expectation). .
Gut wrenching excited.
Our first video session was initially a justification as to how this course differs from other adoptive training courses. Good to know that it will be VERY Russian specific as to the laws, process, environment, etc.
We then began to discuss our motivations for becoming an adoptive parent. She went over many character traits and considerations that an adoptive parent must have, which are, most of the time, above and beyond a biological parent. She said openness to loving friends as much as family is a sign of a good adoptive parent candidate. (I think we have that one in the bag considering we consider so many friends a part of our family!) She also said that adoption needs to be approached with a rational and emotional sense of decision making skills. She said she could tell from our report answers that Mike was rational and I was emotional and she was glad we were working together! One of the traits she mentioned was advocacy. She mentioned how you have to advocate for your adoptive child more than a biological one. You have to ensure that they are understood, ie explaining behaviour or odd remarks to a teacher. Most of these traits were discussed in the provincial course but she just put so much more emphasis on adopting the institutionalized child.
She is a child psychologist and has also been helping facilitate adoptions for almost 20 years. She spoke next about the signs of adjustment disorders and was able to give many personal experiences for examples. She also enforced the fact that unless many of the signs are present at the same time the child usually will adjust in a reasonable amount of time. She said trust is the biggest problem because they have no consistency in an institution and therefore can't trust that the person who put them to sleep will be the person to wake them up, etc. She said showing that consistency of presence at home is so important. She also mentioned the children could hoard food, regressing in habits (in Russia, it is mandatory for kids to use the potty and feed themselves with a spoon by 12 months! It's mostly because they don't have time to deal with all of the children over a year old who are completely capable of walking to the potty on their own.), over eating, and resisting rules and love. Interesting fact about resisting us as new parents: the child is more likely to distance herself from the male while still in the institution, and then the female once they are moved home - but only when the male isn't present.
After discussing the signs and special needs of the children we talked about what a good parent needs to provide; again, things we discussed in our provincial course.
She talked about what questions to ask when we go over there regarding their history. She spoke about how important it is to ask about the psychological history as well as the medical history. She also explained how some children are classified as 'foundlings' and do not have a history because when they were found abandoned the police essentially started the history right there. We will be asking right away if she was a foundling or not. It is Russian law that once custody is given to us (hopefully) the social services have to have signed consent from the biological parents if they are known. This is the 30 day appeal period. Russia wants every chance to keep their citizens in their country. If her parents are known, I'm hoping they realize we can help her by loving her and repairing her cleft pallet and, even though we take her to Canada, keeping her aware of where she came from.
It was a really enjoyable lecture/discussion. She told us this next part is all about the law and it is the boring part LOL! She said we will be quizzed after but there is no passing grade; we simply discuss the answers. She said she tried to make it as relevant and to-the-point as possible.
I do have to leak one of my fears here, since it is becoming more relevant now. When we first started there was a lot of talk over my mental health. We were bounced around by CHOC because they weren't convinced Russia would want to work with us. The medicals is where we will be 'cross examined' about this, if it is an issue for them. It simply states I had a major depressive episode 10 years ago and am on medication to stabilize my mood - and this doesn't mean I am sad without the pills... it just means that everything makes me cry! Happy, sad, surprised, scared... everything is just felt so much more because my middle ground isn't there. I hope beyond hope that this is not an issue. The woman tonight also mentioned how Russian doctors like to over diagnose everything. We will see what happens. All I can do is show the judge how much she already means to Mike and me and how this 'problem' isn't even a nuisance for either of us.
She talked about being prepared for over there... I do feel prepared - with undertones of being scared! It is all in a good way though. The excitement over shines everything else. As I said, once we ask about her parents (hopefully the first big sigh of our trip) and go through the medicals (second big sigh) the only one left for the second trip is the court hearing (and if we don't get that first big sigh, this turns into a 30-day-on-the-edge-of-my-seat-with-puckered-everything kind of expectation). .
Monday, April 22, 2013
Reservations Done
Booked our apartment for the stay.
http://www.booking.com/hotel/ru/weekend-apart-arbat.en.html
This seems like a newer place because the reviews aren't numerous, but the ones that are there are great. Plus, it's within walking distance of the Red Square, the Kremlin AND our medical appointment offices. We may still have to pay the agency for a driver the day of the medicals because I think they come with us as a translator, but we might not have to for sight seeing - if it is still daytime.
The google streetview shows the building covered in scaffolding and construction, that's why I think it's new. The signs under the scaffolding change from the still shot to the street view exploration. I hope the walking is straightforward. I will have to explore that more now that we have a location. It looks like people would walk from this area because all of the apartment and hotels say "within walking distance of the Kremlin."
I also ordered our foreign funds today. It should be available the week before we leave. I gave them extra time because we need 'like new' bills for all of the US currency.
Small steps each day. Here we go again!
http://www.booking.com/hotel/ru/weekend-apart-arbat.en.html
This seems like a newer place because the reviews aren't numerous, but the ones that are there are great. Plus, it's within walking distance of the Red Square, the Kremlin AND our medical appointment offices. We may still have to pay the agency for a driver the day of the medicals because I think they come with us as a translator, but we might not have to for sight seeing - if it is still daytime.
The google streetview shows the building covered in scaffolding and construction, that's why I think it's new. The signs under the scaffolding change from the still shot to the street view exploration. I hope the walking is straightforward. I will have to explore that more now that we have a location. It looks like people would walk from this area because all of the apartment and hotels say "within walking distance of the Kremlin."
I also ordered our foreign funds today. It should be available the week before we leave. I gave them extra time because we need 'like new' bills for all of the US currency.
Small steps each day. Here we go again!
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