Day 5 Moscow

The clinic visits were successful... phew!  The hospital felt like a fancy bank as it was all marble and crown molding, really swanky and non-sterile feeling.  Our translator was great and very assuring for both of us.  We saw 7 different specialists, one doctor counted for two signatures, and got our chests x-rayed.  It took about 4 hours.

After, we celebrated.  We walked the Arbat pedestrian street, which is a touristy area close to our apartment, and just checked it all out.  We ate at the Moscow Hard Rock Cafe and relaxed.  After dinner we went to one of the pubs across from our apartment and stayed on the patio into the night.  It felt good to sit and talk about so much that was non adoption related.

People keep asking me how I can seemingly hold it together.  I did cry once we were all done yesterday, but I can say it is because she isn't mine yet.  I have to be guarded.  Even if I am 99% in love with her I have to have that 1% that I could cling to if it all fell apart.  If I didn't have that small portion of doubt inside me, I would be completely crushed if something went wrong.  Even though it feels wrong to stay guarded, (trust me, I don't feel it when we are with her) I have to be so in order to keep going.  When she is in my arms in the rocking chair in her room, I will let everything wash over me 100%.  so, this is why I am seemingly composed.  Survival.

Gods I miss her already.  I hope she misses us too.