Jan. 9th: We had our social worker visit today and it went swimmingly, or course. She was a little shy at first but then D was able to see her be silly in a comfortable environment. The visit was so we can report on Dania's physical, social, and emotional growth. We had to report on our ENT visits and update them with the date of the surgery.
NOTE: Now, I did not post anything too far in advance of the surgery just because (like not buying clothes before she was ours) I didn't want to jinx anything. I have been saving my drafts with all my fears and anxiety and EVERYTHING that has to do with the operation.
We also got the phone call about the surgery date today, just after I said to Mike, "well, they haven't called and wouldn't 2 weeks before, right? So, it must be next month." WRONG! Apparently this woman did not have our right phone number - which has been properly attached to Dania's health card since September as I have confirmed it at every one of her appointments... Whatever, we just need to wait for the package in the mail and spend a whole day in pre-op. It is scheduled. I was instantly nervous.
Jan. 16th: We received the pre-op package today. It contains hospital instructions as to parking, staying for a few nights, and procedure on the day of the operation. We also have our schedule for the pre-op day on the 23rd. It will be a loooooong day; they estimate 8 - 3:30. Guh. No nap that day - she will be a pill for the last appointment for sure! Poor kid. More needles, x-rays, and being taken to 3 different offices where none of her toys or anything familiar will be. I have been getting a slowly growing pit in my stomach. I know the whole procedure will be harder on Mike and me than it will on Dania. I am scared for her frustrations at having her arms braced. I am already sad for her because, as we all know, when something is different in your mouth you constantly poke it with your tongue and it is going to hurt. It will be different for her to eat, talk, and BREATHE! Our basic human instinct of breathing is going to feel so foreign and possibly scary because her nose and mouth won't feel like they are taking in as much air! I am also preparing for the after care and hoping that no one will come visiting until she is comfortable again. It is hard to not visit someone so precious when she is hurting, but we really will need our space at the beginning.
Jan. 23rd: Today was preop day. First of all, I have to say that she was an amazing trooper and I cannot believe she wasn't melting down after 7 hours when we got to our last appointment. We woke her before 7 am and left the pediatrician's office at 3pm. GUH! Our first appointment was in the oral maxillofacial clinic. We signed the consent forms, went over her history and had some pictures taken of her cleft.
Then we went to the second building to meet the nurse that will be there for her on Monday. He was so nice. We got the tour of day surgery and the low down about where we will be staying after the surgery. We were told how there should be a liaison nurse going back and forth between the OR and the waiting room and were shown the phone that they call as soon as a surgery is finished. They expect anyone waiting to pick it up and pass along the news that the surgeon will be coming out to speak to so-and-so. We then wait until she wakes up and is stable before we can see her. We will probably get there at 7 am and get to see her around lunch, as long as everything goes as planned.
Then we went and got her blood work done (the only real tears of the day) and went to talk to the surgeon again. He was just as nice as I remember and thorough and seemed pleased to be able to help. He laughed when I asked about brushing her teeth after; I said I had not seen anything about it in all the literature we were given. He said it is because this is normally done before the teeth are present and laughed. He said it was a good question and addressed it right away. He went over pain control and antibiotics and how this is just the primary closure...it could always lead to more operations down the line as she heals and grows. It was a lot of the same but it was good to hear it all again.
We then had a lunch break where she charmed the waitress at Smitty's - still in a good mood. After lunch we went to the pediatrician and waited forever. All 3 of us looked tired at this point. We waited a good while just to have the pediatrician tell us this was actually an unnecessary visit really. Just what we want to hear as she is being robbed of her nap! She has a runny nose but her lungs are clear so the pediatrician cleared her and completed the required forms and sent us on our way. She said the anesthesiologist will make the final call Monday morning since he is the one putting her to sleep; sometimes he can be really picky about runny noses or the chance of cold. She asked how we thought she was attaching and adapting and I told her how Dania blows my mind with how well she is understanding us and handling everything. That was when she said, "well, that is really you. You should congratulate yourself because it is not always like this for orphans and if she is blooming so successfully it is because she watches you and imitates you." That felt amazing to be told we have modeled a good routine and showed her the right attention and affection. I mean, I know we are doing well and have a wonderful situation, but to have this seasoned professional say it made me want to cry... and I was tired.
She crashed almost as soon as we were on the road. What a good kid.
On an almost different note, our magazine interview was published and another local couple looked up this blog and contacted me. They brought their little girl home a month before us and had a cleft lip and pallet surgery last fall. Their girl is from a different city, about half way between Moscow and Ufa, but the timing and overlap between sources of information seems to be similar. We are going to meet up after Dania is heeled and ready for play-dates again.
Well, 4 more sleeps and it is go-time. We appreciate the love and well-wishes but respectfully request that there are no drop-ins and visits from anyone at the hospital and none after discharge until we say she is up to it. This is important as we don't know if this could cause any setback in her development and she is going to be pretty friggin' miserable. We don't show up and try to hug you when you are feeling gross, can't talk, spitting blood, and dopey... offer her the same respect even though she is tiny, please!
Showing posts with label home study. Show all posts
Showing posts with label home study. Show all posts
Thursday, January 23, 2014
Monday, October 14, 2013
Busy Week for Dania
This week started with a visit from the social worker. She was a total doll for D! She came in the morning and stayed for almost 2 hours. She probably didn't need to stay that long but she was obviously happy for us and I was excited for D to meet Dania. She actually said that she could sit there all morning and just watch me and Dania play because we there was such positive and happy energy from us all!
She took notes and asked a lot of the standard questions about what the leave situation is like, how much is our monthly income, what's our schedule like. Then she kept asking about Dania and, well, I just couldn't stop talking! She asked about her likes and dislikes, habits, how she has changed, what medical plans we have, how she reacts to people and surroundings and the animals. It felt great to keep relaying how awesome this kid is! Really! It may all hit the fan when she decides to rebel because "you're not my real mom" but for the time being, this kid is wonderful!
The next day we had an ophthalmologist appointment. This older gentleman took one quick peak in her eyes with the lighted scope and said, "yes, she is near-sighted." I asked how he could tell and he replied, "you see that plaque in the hall that says I've been doing this for 36 years? That's how." Oh my! How we all laughed! I liked him instantly. He also kept proclaiming how cute Dania is. He held a few items in his hand at different distances and then tried to get her to look at a lighted cartoon dog across the room and she definitely didn't focus on it. He wants us to come back on Nov. 4th and do a more extensive test with the dilating drops just to make sure there isn't anything more going on. I think she will be so adorable with glasses and was a little disappointed that we didn't get to try glasses on right away!
Thursday we had the pediatrician visit. This lady said she used to see all of the international orphans at one time because GPs tend to be weary about drawing some conclusions for these children and would feel more comfortable with an expert. She told us this after she asked us what concerns we had and I said I didn't have any! She also said that she is the pediatrician at the IWK (children's hospital) in the Ear, Nose, Throat clinic and was shocked we had not been contacted by them for an appointment yet. She said that a cleft like hers would normally be treated after two years old (one year if she was born here) because the tissue heals better when it is older. She asked us to call her on Wednesday and she will check on Thursday about Dania's appointment. Jackpot! Dr. S said she was going to keep Dania's file open but that she did not have any concerns. Dania was extremely well-behaved, even gave a fecal sample almost on cue. She wanted us to come back at 2 years just so she can keep tracking her measurements. Dania has gained a pound since the GP visit (18.5 by official scales) and she is proportionate. There was one oddity, her head circumference went down from 1 year to now... Dr. S seems to think this is not accurate but we will double check progress at her 2 year appointment. The female growth spectrum chart had Dania in the bottom for everything so she will probably always be petite, but, again, no concerns. She even settled my concern that Dania wasn't drinking enough milk (she totally is) and Mike's concern that she doesn't eat enough (again, she totally is).
Then she had Thanksgiving dinner with all of Mike's side of the family! Uncle Jon is the favourite because he can lift her the highest! She loves being able to touch the ceiling. She also was given cheesecake again and went nuts. She was spinning around and being a super zombie. It was so funny! She wore a cute dress and was pretty well behaved. Starting getting a little cranky at the end of the night but that was expected. If she has a frisbee that she can push around on the ground or bang on hard floors she is a happy camper. She liked the turkey too - and cranberry sauch!
As for my personal observations from the week, she is starting to make different sounds, finally. She actually was trying to mimic 'hello' while we were playing peed-a-boo. She kind of sounded like a dove, it was so cute. She is also indicating specific pictures in books or more specific items (and less of just the general direction of 'over-there') and making a sound after as if she is saying what it is. She can indicate toes and knees, and tries shoulders but she cannot touch them without my help; she touches her armpits LOL. She is trying hard to jump and has gotten off the ground a few times - this stems from her want to dance and not the fact that she knows what jumping is. She sings aloud whenever I play Sarah Slean - it is instant. Most other musicians she will start by swaying and then, maybe, make a little coo here or there. She must love Sarah Slean as inherently as I do! She also lights up as soon as she hears the Muppet Show theme song!
We travel this week. I'm a little nervous about the plane because it could bring back memories and feelings from the looooong flight from Moscow. Although, if she is similar to how she was on the flight from Ufa to Moscow we will be fine! I know my family has gotten everything she could possibly need for when we visit so that is a huge relief and I feel lucky, again, to have such great family! I also went shopping with a friend, M, and he picked out the dress that Dania will wear for my cousin's wedding! She will be adorable!
She is almost always adorable!
Here is my favourite pic of the week:
-Still waiting for the permanent resident card.
-Printed the photos for our post placement report that we have to mail tomorrow. We also have to get the money order for that. D will mail her report directly from her social work business.
-Booked an appointment with speech pathologist next month.
-Need to phone Dr. S. to investigate Dania's ENT appointment.
Here we come Ontario!
xoxo
She took notes and asked a lot of the standard questions about what the leave situation is like, how much is our monthly income, what's our schedule like. Then she kept asking about Dania and, well, I just couldn't stop talking! She asked about her likes and dislikes, habits, how she has changed, what medical plans we have, how she reacts to people and surroundings and the animals. It felt great to keep relaying how awesome this kid is! Really! It may all hit the fan when she decides to rebel because "you're not my real mom" but for the time being, this kid is wonderful!
The next day we had an ophthalmologist appointment. This older gentleman took one quick peak in her eyes with the lighted scope and said, "yes, she is near-sighted." I asked how he could tell and he replied, "you see that plaque in the hall that says I've been doing this for 36 years? That's how." Oh my! How we all laughed! I liked him instantly. He also kept proclaiming how cute Dania is. He held a few items in his hand at different distances and then tried to get her to look at a lighted cartoon dog across the room and she definitely didn't focus on it. He wants us to come back on Nov. 4th and do a more extensive test with the dilating drops just to make sure there isn't anything more going on. I think she will be so adorable with glasses and was a little disappointed that we didn't get to try glasses on right away!
Thursday we had the pediatrician visit. This lady said she used to see all of the international orphans at one time because GPs tend to be weary about drawing some conclusions for these children and would feel more comfortable with an expert. She told us this after she asked us what concerns we had and I said I didn't have any! She also said that she is the pediatrician at the IWK (children's hospital) in the Ear, Nose, Throat clinic and was shocked we had not been contacted by them for an appointment yet. She said that a cleft like hers would normally be treated after two years old (one year if she was born here) because the tissue heals better when it is older. She asked us to call her on Wednesday and she will check on Thursday about Dania's appointment. Jackpot! Dr. S said she was going to keep Dania's file open but that she did not have any concerns. Dania was extremely well-behaved, even gave a fecal sample almost on cue. She wanted us to come back at 2 years just so she can keep tracking her measurements. Dania has gained a pound since the GP visit (18.5 by official scales) and she is proportionate. There was one oddity, her head circumference went down from 1 year to now... Dr. S seems to think this is not accurate but we will double check progress at her 2 year appointment. The female growth spectrum chart had Dania in the bottom for everything so she will probably always be petite, but, again, no concerns. She even settled my concern that Dania wasn't drinking enough milk (she totally is) and Mike's concern that she doesn't eat enough (again, she totally is).
Then she had Thanksgiving dinner with all of Mike's side of the family! Uncle Jon is the favourite because he can lift her the highest! She loves being able to touch the ceiling. She also was given cheesecake again and went nuts. She was spinning around and being a super zombie. It was so funny! She wore a cute dress and was pretty well behaved. Starting getting a little cranky at the end of the night but that was expected. If she has a frisbee that she can push around on the ground or bang on hard floors she is a happy camper. She liked the turkey too - and cranberry sauch!
As for my personal observations from the week, she is starting to make different sounds, finally. She actually was trying to mimic 'hello' while we were playing peed-a-boo. She kind of sounded like a dove, it was so cute. She is also indicating specific pictures in books or more specific items (and less of just the general direction of 'over-there') and making a sound after as if she is saying what it is. She can indicate toes and knees, and tries shoulders but she cannot touch them without my help; she touches her armpits LOL. She is trying hard to jump and has gotten off the ground a few times - this stems from her want to dance and not the fact that she knows what jumping is. She sings aloud whenever I play Sarah Slean - it is instant. Most other musicians she will start by swaying and then, maybe, make a little coo here or there. She must love Sarah Slean as inherently as I do! She also lights up as soon as she hears the Muppet Show theme song!
We travel this week. I'm a little nervous about the plane because it could bring back memories and feelings from the looooong flight from Moscow. Although, if she is similar to how she was on the flight from Ufa to Moscow we will be fine! I know my family has gotten everything she could possibly need for when we visit so that is a huge relief and I feel lucky, again, to have such great family! I also went shopping with a friend, M, and he picked out the dress that Dania will wear for my cousin's wedding! She will be adorable!
She is almost always adorable!
Here is my favourite pic of the week:
-Printed the photos for our post placement report that we have to mail tomorrow. We also have to get the money order for that. D will mail her report directly from her social work business.
-Booked an appointment with speech pathologist next month.
-Need to phone Dr. S. to investigate Dania's ENT appointment.
Here we come Ontario!
xoxo
Monday, October 7, 2013
Week 7
Can you believe that is all it has been??? I'm soooo antsy for that permanent resident card!
Well, this is a big week coming up. We have our social worker 'play date,' (we've been calling it that because we both know that there aren't any issues and this added first report is unwarranted) tomorrow. We have the eye doctor on Tuesday and the pediatrician on Thursday. I'm hoping the pediatrician will have a better idea for a timeline for the ENT doctor since my GP said he really doesn't know or have a patient reference. He just sent the referral to the hospital at the same time he sent the pediatrician and eye doctor.
We've been putting sunglasses on her to try and get her used to wearing something. It will be interesting as I'm sure she will need glasses... Oh! My favourite is when I get her dizzy during our prebedtime dance parties and her one eye goes all wonky from being unable to focus! WoW! The first time I saw that I kind of had my heart jump into my throat! Hilarious now, though!
Ok, so this week we took her to the community pool to try her out and she loved it. I had a HUGE round of "oh, she's so small," in the women's locker room. Sigh. Just the beginning. I told them the quick version on her story and she pointed out her eyes and they all forgot how small she was. Beautiful. I suspect we will get a lot of that now that we are going out more with her. Just have to say that aunt Candy made her a monkey hat and it was almost too small so she's not THAT small! (Such a cute hat too! Dania could pull the ears when asking where her ears were!)
We also had our first round of strangers mentioning genetic looks too! LOL! We went to vote and she received a future voter sticker, which she was completely enthralled with, and just sat quietly and played in a chair off to the side with whomever wasn't in the booth, and the lady running our poll was so impressed with Dania's calmness. Then Dania started 'flirting' a little - her definition of flirting is to show you where her hair is and ask for a fist bump. The lady kept telling her how pretty she was and made comments about whose side the looks came from... we just smiled and laughed. As I buckled Dania into the car I conspiratorially stated how we were going to fool a lot of people in the future and it will be our joke to giggle at afterwards! I think that's the angle I'm going to go with for those situations where we don't bother explaining since it really doesn't matter to a 2-minute stranger.
We also went to our first party with her. This was a birthday party for our friends' daughter turning 3. Dania had met 3 of the kids that would be there and we dressed her up in a cute outfit (now that some of the bigger clothes are fitting!) and went over wondering how she would react since it was the first big crowd of little kids since the orphanage. Well, she spent the night trying to kiss the dogs (3 of them ranging in size from 6 pounds to 85 pounds), slowly circling the whole scene, and playing beside a kid who would sit still for a few minutes. I was soooo happy and, again, impressed with how well she did! She honestly did not seem upset in the least and also didn't seem like she was out to please anyone (a coping mechanism I'm on the look out for) and just had fun! She had no problem going to sleep after and also didn't shy away from people. She is so amazing. Yes, I'm biased, but I really have to wonder what's going through her head, and I know others think that too, but she is just so chill! She also expressed an affinity for the kid-sized foam chairs so we had to go get her one. I was looking up where to buy them and at one place they happened to be on sale so we just went for it and I am so excited for her to find it in the morning! She sat and bounced herself in it for a long time. I'm hoping she will sit with her books in it.
She is starting to point to thinks in her books now. She loves flipping pages and is pretty rough with the cardboard books but she will point to something specific and say, "ghka-ghka," and wait for me to say the name of the picture and then turn to another. Things like that make me antsy to get to the ENT doctor but I have to remember that she was losing her Russian and then gaining her English. A normal human, on average, wouldn't start the 'ga-ga-ing' at specific thing like she is saying what it is at 7 weeks. She really could still just be absorbing. She makes the L, M, K, G, H, sounds so it's just a matter of practice and exposure.
Ok, That's all for tonight... well, it's morning now, but we spent the Sunday night at our friends' playing board games and we put her down there and then do the sleep transfer after a few hours and I just HAD the need to blog right now! I wanted to get this stuff in before all of the appointments. This will be a big week for entries, I'm sure.
xoxo
Well, this is a big week coming up. We have our social worker 'play date,' (we've been calling it that because we both know that there aren't any issues and this added first report is unwarranted) tomorrow. We have the eye doctor on Tuesday and the pediatrician on Thursday. I'm hoping the pediatrician will have a better idea for a timeline for the ENT doctor since my GP said he really doesn't know or have a patient reference. He just sent the referral to the hospital at the same time he sent the pediatrician and eye doctor.
We've been putting sunglasses on her to try and get her used to wearing something. It will be interesting as I'm sure she will need glasses... Oh! My favourite is when I get her dizzy during our prebedtime dance parties and her one eye goes all wonky from being unable to focus! WoW! The first time I saw that I kind of had my heart jump into my throat! Hilarious now, though!
Ok, so this week we took her to the community pool to try her out and she loved it. I had a HUGE round of "oh, she's so small," in the women's locker room. Sigh. Just the beginning. I told them the quick version on her story and she pointed out her eyes and they all forgot how small she was. Beautiful. I suspect we will get a lot of that now that we are going out more with her. Just have to say that aunt Candy made her a monkey hat and it was almost too small so she's not THAT small! (Such a cute hat too! Dania could pull the ears when asking where her ears were!)
We also had our first round of strangers mentioning genetic looks too! LOL! We went to vote and she received a future voter sticker, which she was completely enthralled with, and just sat quietly and played in a chair off to the side with whomever wasn't in the booth, and the lady running our poll was so impressed with Dania's calmness. Then Dania started 'flirting' a little - her definition of flirting is to show you where her hair is and ask for a fist bump. The lady kept telling her how pretty she was and made comments about whose side the looks came from... we just smiled and laughed. As I buckled Dania into the car I conspiratorially stated how we were going to fool a lot of people in the future and it will be our joke to giggle at afterwards! I think that's the angle I'm going to go with for those situations where we don't bother explaining since it really doesn't matter to a 2-minute stranger.
We also went to our first party with her. This was a birthday party for our friends' daughter turning 3. Dania had met 3 of the kids that would be there and we dressed her up in a cute outfit (now that some of the bigger clothes are fitting!) and went over wondering how she would react since it was the first big crowd of little kids since the orphanage. Well, she spent the night trying to kiss the dogs (3 of them ranging in size from 6 pounds to 85 pounds), slowly circling the whole scene, and playing beside a kid who would sit still for a few minutes. I was soooo happy and, again, impressed with how well she did! She honestly did not seem upset in the least and also didn't seem like she was out to please anyone (a coping mechanism I'm on the look out for) and just had fun! She had no problem going to sleep after and also didn't shy away from people. She is so amazing. Yes, I'm biased, but I really have to wonder what's going through her head, and I know others think that too, but she is just so chill! She also expressed an affinity for the kid-sized foam chairs so we had to go get her one. I was looking up where to buy them and at one place they happened to be on sale so we just went for it and I am so excited for her to find it in the morning! She sat and bounced herself in it for a long time. I'm hoping she will sit with her books in it.
She is starting to point to thinks in her books now. She loves flipping pages and is pretty rough with the cardboard books but she will point to something specific and say, "ghka-ghka," and wait for me to say the name of the picture and then turn to another. Things like that make me antsy to get to the ENT doctor but I have to remember that she was losing her Russian and then gaining her English. A normal human, on average, wouldn't start the 'ga-ga-ing' at specific thing like she is saying what it is at 7 weeks. She really could still just be absorbing. She makes the L, M, K, G, H, sounds so it's just a matter of practice and exposure.
Ok, That's all for tonight... well, it's morning now, but we spent the Sunday night at our friends' playing board games and we put her down there and then do the sleep transfer after a few hours and I just HAD the need to blog right now! I wanted to get this stuff in before all of the appointments. This will be a big week for entries, I'm sure.
xoxo
Her new "uh-oh" face.
After swimming.
Daily walks with sunglasses now.
Being pulled around by Erik at the party.
Friday, September 13, 2013
Needles, and Grampa, and English, oh my!
What a week! We had our first major flashback or horror (at least, I think it was!). We went to the doctor on Monday to get our referrals for the pediatrician; ear, nose, and throat specialist; and ophthalmologist. She also was given her 18-month needles. She did not like that. She was as could be expected in the office and then off for the rest of the day. That night she would not sleep. She woke up screaming and would not stop. I picked her up and she couldn't even look at me and just kept screaming and thrashing her head and hands around. I had to hold her close to me and I rocked in the chair and sang for a loooong time. Nothing seemed to be working. I really think the needles brought back memories from her medical exams in Russia. It was so not her normal crying. Eventually, I had to put her back in the crib because she was getting so hot and sweaty. I rubbed her hair and kept singing and she kept screaming. Then, she turned her head and looked at me, actually looked at me, and poked her fist up at me for a fist bump. There was my girl! She was still upset but calmed down after that! Phew!
My dad came to visit on a whim too! That was great for me to watch him watch her. He looks at her like she is a scientist. She is very inquisitive and observational and takes it all in and then does it! I felt bad he had to see her out-of-sorts because of the needles, but she was her giggly self once her legs didn't hurt her anymore! Dad now knows the train songs and her circuit of the main floor here. He saw her in the tub, pretty much swimming, and we pushed her up and down the driveway in her car (a purple Flintstone-style car that her legs are too short to work). Dad got to see her learning her new game. 3-2-1-Kaboom! All I do is count down from 3, say kaboom and she squeels and falls on her butt. Over and over again. It made me realize she is recognizing my words better.
We started to teach her some body part words. Hair, nose, eye, teeth, neck, ear. She knows these ones. She also "says" (more like hummmms) them with the same inflection that I do. She is so freaking smart! Everything we were told by our Russian training said she shouldn't have lost her Russian yet but she is already recognizing and trying to speak the English! She listens (sometimes) when we say 'no,' like, when she unrolled the toilet paper; she hasn't tried again.
Speaking of being told by the Russians, guidelines and rules have changed yet again! We now have to submit a 3 month post-placement report before the formerly initial 6 month one. I shake my head but we will do it because we have to. It just means paying for an extra set of document translation and certifications, postage, and the social worker visit. If this money actually went to Russia I would say it was a cash-grab, but it does not.
Lighter notes: Other things I've noticed this week are, she still likes her moon. She says 'ha-ka' for anything she wants. She is faster coming down the stairs. Her hair has gotten darker and curlier. She is getting bolder with the dog and approaches both pets a lot more. She enjoys laying in the tub water now; relaxing with her ears under the surface. She is bigger but she looks a lot bigger because we were handed-down a bunch of clothes that don't fall off her shoulders or need to be pinned. She is getting quicker at talking to new people. She can work her talking Russian dog by herself - and has totally worn out the mechanism inside as it now plays 1 and a half phrases out of the 6 or 7 it initially spoke! She can walk 3/4 of the way around the block. She motions to be picked up in the kitchen so she can 'ha-ka' the arrowroots we keep on the counter... clever girl.
Jeans that fit and a sticker from the doctor.
My dad came to visit on a whim too! That was great for me to watch him watch her. He looks at her like she is a scientist. She is very inquisitive and observational and takes it all in and then does it! I felt bad he had to see her out-of-sorts because of the needles, but she was her giggly self once her legs didn't hurt her anymore! Dad now knows the train songs and her circuit of the main floor here. He saw her in the tub, pretty much swimming, and we pushed her up and down the driveway in her car (a purple Flintstone-style car that her legs are too short to work). Dad got to see her learning her new game. 3-2-1-Kaboom! All I do is count down from 3, say kaboom and she squeels and falls on her butt. Over and over again. It made me realize she is recognizing my words better.
We started to teach her some body part words. Hair, nose, eye, teeth, neck, ear. She knows these ones. She also "says" (more like hummmms) them with the same inflection that I do. She is so freaking smart! Everything we were told by our Russian training said she shouldn't have lost her Russian yet but she is already recognizing and trying to speak the English! She listens (sometimes) when we say 'no,' like, when she unrolled the toilet paper; she hasn't tried again.
Speaking of being told by the Russians, guidelines and rules have changed yet again! We now have to submit a 3 month post-placement report before the formerly initial 6 month one. I shake my head but we will do it because we have to. It just means paying for an extra set of document translation and certifications, postage, and the social worker visit. If this money actually went to Russia I would say it was a cash-grab, but it does not.
Lighter notes: Other things I've noticed this week are, she still likes her moon. She says 'ha-ka' for anything she wants. She is faster coming down the stairs. Her hair has gotten darker and curlier. She is getting bolder with the dog and approaches both pets a lot more. She enjoys laying in the tub water now; relaxing with her ears under the surface. She is bigger but she looks a lot bigger because we were handed-down a bunch of clothes that don't fall off her shoulders or need to be pinned. She is getting quicker at talking to new people. She can work her talking Russian dog by herself - and has totally worn out the mechanism inside as it now plays 1 and a half phrases out of the 6 or 7 it initially spoke! She can walk 3/4 of the way around the block. She motions to be picked up in the kitchen so she can 'ha-ka' the arrowroots we keep on the counter... clever girl.
Friday, April 19, 2013
visas
They arrived today! Yeah!!!
I guess I never really looked at them before but they have our names in Russian. It looks cool.
I also had a conversation with our social worker regarding the update we need. Nothing big has changed; still intending to adopt from Russia. She was excited for us too.
We also went down to the police station and requested new police checks.
so exciting!
I guess I never really looked at them before but they have our names in Russian. It looks cool.
I also had a conversation with our social worker regarding the update we need. Nothing big has changed; still intending to adopt from Russia. She was excited for us too.
We also went down to the police station and requested new police checks.
so exciting!
Tuesday, April 16, 2013
More Documents!
We just received word we need an update from our social worker and new police reports since both are dated for April 30th, 2011, and will be expired for court. I sent out the emails to the social worker and will go to the police station tomorrow. I'm also going to get a chest x-ray tomorrow and hopefully save a few dollars when we visit.
My mum also gifted me the book "Instant Mom" by Nia Vardalos. I started reading it in Starbucks today, before my doctor's appointment. I was in tears by the end of the prologue. I will NOT be able to read this one in public. In the next part, page 2, Nia says something that I think every person struggling with becoming a parent should know: "Anyone who ever wondered how much they could love a child who did not spring from their own loins, know this: it is the same."
My mum also gifted me the book "Instant Mom" by Nia Vardalos. I started reading it in Starbucks today, before my doctor's appointment. I was in tears by the end of the prologue. I will NOT be able to read this one in public. In the next part, page 2, Nia says something that I think every person struggling with becoming a parent should know: "Anyone who ever wondered how much they could love a child who did not spring from their own loins, know this: it is the same."
Thursday, October 4, 2012
The Wait is Over!
Well, this wait, at least!
We received the amended pages for our homestudy. They came in the mail - that's why the wait was longer! I had actually emailed our social worker yesterday and asked if they had given her a time frame when she submitted her report. She wrote back to say that we should be hearing soon. I expected a phone call, like last time, but this was a bonus. Happy Anniversary to us! They will probably be receiving our final police checks, the amendments, and the last two signed pages for the Ministry of Education of Bashkortostan on our anniversary Thursday.
I think it's the last signatures... I know it's not the last of the money orders!
This is really exciting! It's not the end of September timeline I had in my mind, but it is damn close!
I am in a community theatre group doing a pantomime. This will help pass the wait time up to Christmas... I should start making plans for after that!
YEAH!
Saturday, September 29, 2012
Only One More Piece
We got our police checks-again. We are just waiting on the hone study to be returned. I expect it soon; it was 3-4 weeks the first time and that is right where we are now.
I am thinking we are just going to send in the immigration stuff as is. I will attach a cover letter and explain why we are doing this first part only.
I think I contemplated how to mail this waaaaaay too long.
Sent from my HTC
I am thinking we are just going to send in the immigration stuff as is. I will attach a cover letter and explain why we are doing this first part only.
I think I contemplated how to mail this waaaaaay too long.
Sent from my HTC
Monday, September 10, 2012
It's Been Awhile...
Guess what? We're waiting for a document... surprise, surprise!
Ha!
Seriously though, we have only the amended home study left to wait on. We got our new passports. They came in a week! I'm so glad I didn't pay to get the rush order.
Once we have the amended study we have to get another police check (they expire every three months). Then we mail it off with the 9 new forms we have to sign (all for the Russian Consulate and Ministries).
I have all the immigration forms filled out. Just waiting a bit before paying the fee. sigh. So many fees.
I am still hopeful for having it all sent off by the end of this month.
20 days left.
Tuesday, June 19, 2012
I Feel Even More "Broken"
I recieved an email today, from CHOC, telling me that the mental health issues are a real concern. We have to have additional medical forms filled out, revise our homestudy to omit any details and descriptions, and hope for the best... I don't like it. I feel like it's another diagnosis telling me I'm not having kids.
The medical form asks the doctors if we suffer from a list of diseases. If we have any 'yes' answers I was told Russia will not accept us. They take the mental and physical health of the prospective parents very seriously. I feel like yelling back, "I take MY health seriously too!" The category that could break us is listed as Mental Disease. Yes or No. That's it. I guess I have to see if my doctor considers what I have a disease or not. Myself? I do not. It's a condition which is very manageable, much like acne or male patterned baldness. I had a good bout of depression nine years ago, but I never had a "Major Depressive Episode" as described in many Government of Canada health reports (and wikipedia) - I just googled and read so much because this is so upsetting to me and I wanted to see if minor depression is repeatedly cited as a disease. I will have to discuss this with my doctor and hope for the best outcome... because the current outcome isn't looking so hot.
And even if he does fill it out in my favour, Russia might still say 'no.' I have emailed CHOC and asked about their experiences with couples like Mike and I being denied. I'm scared as hell to read that answer. I have to stay proactive though - if I don't I might actually accquire a mental disease because blind hope might drive me mad.
The medical form asks the doctors if we suffer from a list of diseases. If we have any 'yes' answers I was told Russia will not accept us. They take the mental and physical health of the prospective parents very seriously. I feel like yelling back, "I take MY health seriously too!" The category that could break us is listed as Mental Disease. Yes or No. That's it. I guess I have to see if my doctor considers what I have a disease or not. Myself? I do not. It's a condition which is very manageable, much like acne or male patterned baldness. I had a good bout of depression nine years ago, but I never had a "Major Depressive Episode" as described in many Government of Canada health reports (and wikipedia) - I just googled and read so much because this is so upsetting to me and I wanted to see if minor depression is repeatedly cited as a disease. I will have to discuss this with my doctor and hope for the best outcome... because the current outcome isn't looking so hot.
And even if he does fill it out in my favour, Russia might still say 'no.' I have emailed CHOC and asked about their experiences with couples like Mike and I being denied. I'm scared as hell to read that answer. I have to stay proactive though - if I don't I might actually accquire a mental disease because blind hope might drive me mad.
Thursday, May 3, 2012
Likeness
I got a little sad today when I realized I won't have that seeing-the- "likeness" between Kid and our baby pictures. That is one thing that I love seeing in kids and their parents... the genetic resemblences. I love how quickly it changes - like when Sophie was born and how she looked so much like the women from Tori's side of the family, but now she looks so much like Eric. It's amazing what genes can do. I loved genetics best in biology class and learning about dominant traits and how they can be passed with recessive too. I know that because Mike was blonde as a kid and I am blonde now any genetic kid would have had blonde hair (can only be present when two recessive genes are present, therefore we can only each pass on a recessive gene creating the recessive gene in kid), and the same goes for blue eyes. (Yes, I probably really dumbed that down and someone like Tori, who is a genius when it comes to this stuff, could point out flaws. Just go with it, k?) I got sad, almost like a nostalgic sad, when I thought of how I wouldn't be able to say, "that's Mike's impish grin," or, "the shape and colour of his eyes are the same as mine." This is part of the loss with which I have to deal. I figure Kid will eventually look like us anway because he'll adopt our mannerisms and people can say, "look at how he stands. That's so Jessa." Just as long as he doesn't hand talk as much as Mike! I just wanted to share because I said I would share as much as I can about this whole process and well, I've got nothing but time to think now.
Our Homestudy was hand delivered to the Provincial Goverment today. Now awaiting the stamp of approval.
Our Homestudy was hand delivered to the Provincial Goverment today. Now awaiting the stamp of approval.
Friday, April 27, 2012
Allow me to Elaborate
Allow me to try and better explain how amazing I feel:
It's like we've been trying for three years to get pregnant and just found out I am! I never doubted that we would be recommended for approval for adoptive parents, but there was always the possibility that something mundane or crazy would delay it or create an obstacle. After so much proving that we would be good parents it's an affirmative that a respected social worker declares us just so! This is literally the last thing we can do to create that possibility of Kid. I see it the same way as conception, after months and months of trying, it is your moment where you say, "it worked!" Yes, there is still tonnes of prep work before you meet your baby, but the point is that your baby is there.
Kid is now more of a reality than before because we have the recommendation that will allow us to eventually meet him.
So, our next steps are to await the province's stamp of approval so we can forward the homestudy to CHOC. Then CHOC compiles our dossier and sends it to Russia. We fill our Immigration sponsorship forms out and wait... and wait... and wait... but at least now the waiting has a point because we know once our province stamps the approval there's nothing stopping us!
It's like we've been trying for three years to get pregnant and just found out I am! I never doubted that we would be recommended for approval for adoptive parents, but there was always the possibility that something mundane or crazy would delay it or create an obstacle. After so much proving that we would be good parents it's an affirmative that a respected social worker declares us just so! This is literally the last thing we can do to create that possibility of Kid. I see it the same way as conception, after months and months of trying, it is your moment where you say, "it worked!" Yes, there is still tonnes of prep work before you meet your baby, but the point is that your baby is there.
Kid is now more of a reality than before because we have the recommendation that will allow us to eventually meet him.
So, our next steps are to await the province's stamp of approval so we can forward the homestudy to CHOC. Then CHOC compiles our dossier and sends it to Russia. We fill our Immigration sponsorship forms out and wait... and wait... and wait... but at least now the waiting has a point because we know once our province stamps the approval there's nothing stopping us!
Thursday, April 26, 2012
Feels so Good!
When I held the small packet of photographs in my hand I teared up because that was the last thing we needed for our homestudy.
After our meeting with our social worker today I can't stop tearing up because it's done now! Our homestudy is a few short edits from being completed and will be submitted by the end of the month. She is recommending our approval and has enjoyed getting to know us. I can't thank her enough or all of our references. She has been so assuring and positive and has made this homestudy an unstressful process.
Holy moly! It feels so good to be done this step!
After our meeting with our social worker today I can't stop tearing up because it's done now! Our homestudy is a few short edits from being completed and will be submitted by the end of the month. She is recommending our approval and has enjoyed getting to know us. I can't thank her enough or all of our references. She has been so assuring and positive and has made this homestudy an unstressful process.
Holy moly! It feels so good to be done this step!
Monday, April 23, 2012
Triggers
This is a hard one to wrap my head around because it can be so unexpected. This whole adoption process can trigger hard feelings in Kid, Mike and me, and others around us. The night terrors in all the kids of our co-students were all result of a trigger. One was going to daycare for the first time, one was after a surgery, all were seemingly normal things to the parents but all triggered an unsafe feeling in the kids. These possible triggers are carried forever too. There was an adoptee who, in her late 20's, went back to visit her orphanage to find out about herself and was instantly brought back to it all by the smell of the orphanage. Amazing.
For my own possible triggers I have to look into the future and see how Kid might possibly grow. I have to realize that when Kid has a kid it might be even harder for me since I couldn't now. There were stories of how the adoptive mum couldn't even listen to her kid talk about her growing pregnancy because of how it would trigger her own feelings of inadequacies. Another thing I never thought of but I can see me having troubles with that as I hate 'failure' and no matter what not being able to get pregnant has me feeling like I've failed someone. I feel better being forewarned about this possibility so I can hopefully not struggle so much when and if this situation occurs.
The triggers in those around us was nothing Mike or I had considered and now we are quite worried. We have someone close to us who was adopted and it never once crossed our minds that this process could trigger problems for her. We were both shaking after watching the video about Jenny's struggle to deal with who she was before she was a Fero. She had so much supressed anger since her adoptive parents didn't want to talk about her adoption or who could possibly be her biological parents. She felt a constant need to succeed and please others because she didn't want to not fit in or be seen as a failure. She clearly did a lot of things that she thought she should do but things that didn't make her happy. Without the honesty between her and her parents, Jenny kept that anger repressed and acted out through substance abuse, promiscuity and spending lots of money on clothes. Mike and I are both scared that as this person close to us watches Kid go through a similar situation it could either trigger more problems or make her want to stay at a distance. If anything does happen we hope it's that this person will help our kid understand how to better handle not-knowing. I hope we cause more good than harm with the whole adoption... it's just another part of the big picture which we did not consider and we don't want to hurt anyone.
On a more positive note, we have our last meeting for our home study this Thursday morning! It's so exciting to think we are just that much closer to having our name in Russia!
For my own possible triggers I have to look into the future and see how Kid might possibly grow. I have to realize that when Kid has a kid it might be even harder for me since I couldn't now. There were stories of how the adoptive mum couldn't even listen to her kid talk about her growing pregnancy because of how it would trigger her own feelings of inadequacies. Another thing I never thought of but I can see me having troubles with that as I hate 'failure' and no matter what not being able to get pregnant has me feeling like I've failed someone. I feel better being forewarned about this possibility so I can hopefully not struggle so much when and if this situation occurs.
The triggers in those around us was nothing Mike or I had considered and now we are quite worried. We have someone close to us who was adopted and it never once crossed our minds that this process could trigger problems for her. We were both shaking after watching the video about Jenny's struggle to deal with who she was before she was a Fero. She had so much supressed anger since her adoptive parents didn't want to talk about her adoption or who could possibly be her biological parents. She felt a constant need to succeed and please others because she didn't want to not fit in or be seen as a failure. She clearly did a lot of things that she thought she should do but things that didn't make her happy. Without the honesty between her and her parents, Jenny kept that anger repressed and acted out through substance abuse, promiscuity and spending lots of money on clothes. Mike and I are both scared that as this person close to us watches Kid go through a similar situation it could either trigger more problems or make her want to stay at a distance. If anything does happen we hope it's that this person will help our kid understand how to better handle not-knowing. I hope we cause more good than harm with the whole adoption... it's just another part of the big picture which we did not consider and we don't want to hurt anyone.
On a more positive note, we have our last meeting for our home study this Thursday morning! It's so exciting to think we are just that much closer to having our name in Russia!
Wednesday, March 21, 2012
Photo Dilemma!
How do you portray your life in 20 photos or less?! And it's actually only 18 because there's one of the front of the house and one of the backyard. I've been going through all the ones I sent to CHOC (92!) and narrowing it down. This set is for our homestudy for the province only. We don't have to include as much because the social worker is Nova Scotia's eyes. It's so hard to pick the 'right' ones.
Our social worker is halfway through the references and says she's really enjoyed talking to our friends and family! Thanks so much again - I don't think I'll ever be able to say it enough!
Adoption school in three weeks...
Our social worker is halfway through the references and says she's really enjoyed talking to our friends and family! Thanks so much again - I don't think I'll ever be able to say it enough!
Adoption school in three weeks...
Tuesday, March 13, 2012
One of Those Strange Coincidences
Growing up, Katie, Dad, Mum and I all used to sing this Kate Bush song called "Babushka." Dad loves Kate Bush tunes, I think Mum enjoys her too but I'm pretty sure Katie and I just thought it was a funny word. I know Katie and I still sing that song. We also had what we called "babushka" dolls AND whenever we were wrapped in a towel after swimming or bathing, you know, completely wrapped so only your face is showing, Mum and Dad would call us their little babushkas.
Babushka is grandmother in Russian!!!!
Mum aka Nana, will be a Babushka! I absolutely ADORE that connection. I got so excited when I figured it out. I waited up all night so I could call her and tell her hahahaha. I think it's a mouthful and she will probably still be Nana but after years of being called her little babushka I can now make her one too!
Moving along in the process, our social worker has started calling our references for follow up interviews. I assume she compiles most of her notes from the written survey and then makes additions/clarifications from the phone calls. Assuming... But when I got messages from two different friends tonight I burst into tears in the backroom at work - we just got THAT much closer to being done this step!
Thank you Jen and Rob and Pat and Mel for taking the time to talk with her! We love you! xoxo
Babushka is grandmother in Russian!!!!
Mum aka Nana, will be a Babushka! I absolutely ADORE that connection. I got so excited when I figured it out. I waited up all night so I could call her and tell her hahahaha. I think it's a mouthful and she will probably still be Nana but after years of being called her little babushka I can now make her one too!
Moving along in the process, our social worker has started calling our references for follow up interviews. I assume she compiles most of her notes from the written survey and then makes additions/clarifications from the phone calls. Assuming... But when I got messages from two different friends tonight I burst into tears in the backroom at work - we just got THAT much closer to being done this step!
Thank you Jen and Rob and Pat and Mel for taking the time to talk with her! We love you! xoxo
Tuesday, February 21, 2012
Safety Inspection
We had our third social worker visit this past Friday. She did our home safety inspection and concluded we have a safe home (excepting the sword hanging in mike's office). She was impressed with the waterline in Kid's room too!
After the inspection we discussed parenting strategies and how we would like to raise our child and how we think it will be difficult with the language barrier and the special needs of an orphan. We tossed around a lot of hypotheticals and we will go over more at the international adoption schooling in April. She mentioned that the school is especially beneficial because we don't think of things like nipples for bottles being a different shape in North America and therefore making it hard for a baby to eat. Makes perfect sense but I never would have thought of that!
We also went over our finances and I am just waiting for one tax assessment reprint and then all of our paperwork is in place! I went and got a letter written from my psychiatrist saying that I don't have a trigger for my depression (ie stress) and that I was always a functional member of society and sought out help to get better whenever my episodes got bad. The social worker said that with that letter and her observations from my stories and surveys the depression will not be an issue. She said as of right now the only hold up for processing our home study would be if we needed another piece of paperwork for proof of something... so we should be good once she calls all of our references.
She's received three and an email saying the longest distance reference is on its way! Once she has them all she will call all of the people (wow, that was a lot of double ls) and discuss their responses to compile another part of her report. Probably only one more visit but this one will have a big wait because of calling everyone.
I'm hoping that our report is submitted to the NS government by the end of April and then we should be approved by the end of June and our name in Russia by the end of summer! We also have realized we don't know what the breakdown of the "russian fees" are and therefore don't know how much of it will be doubled if we get two kids! That may put a kink in the hope for siblings and a quicker adoption... I have written CHOC and await their response. I don't think their fees will have any difference because all of the work they do is before we have an invitation and a name, or two. It will be everything overseas and then the immigration documents that need doubling... I hope it's not completely doubled! Eep!
We got our first home made clothing. Gramma Lolly knit the cutest cardigan and hat set. She made it bigger so I hope we get a child young enough to fit it, but it will look cute on a teddy if not! Bright primary colour stripes on a cream background makes it great for boy or girl. Where ever you are Kid, you are so loved already!
After the inspection we discussed parenting strategies and how we would like to raise our child and how we think it will be difficult with the language barrier and the special needs of an orphan. We tossed around a lot of hypotheticals and we will go over more at the international adoption schooling in April. She mentioned that the school is especially beneficial because we don't think of things like nipples for bottles being a different shape in North America and therefore making it hard for a baby to eat. Makes perfect sense but I never would have thought of that!
We also went over our finances and I am just waiting for one tax assessment reprint and then all of our paperwork is in place! I went and got a letter written from my psychiatrist saying that I don't have a trigger for my depression (ie stress) and that I was always a functional member of society and sought out help to get better whenever my episodes got bad. The social worker said that with that letter and her observations from my stories and surveys the depression will not be an issue. She said as of right now the only hold up for processing our home study would be if we needed another piece of paperwork for proof of something... so we should be good once she calls all of our references.
She's received three and an email saying the longest distance reference is on its way! Once she has them all she will call all of the people (wow, that was a lot of double ls) and discuss their responses to compile another part of her report. Probably only one more visit but this one will have a big wait because of calling everyone.
I'm hoping that our report is submitted to the NS government by the end of April and then we should be approved by the end of June and our name in Russia by the end of summer! We also have realized we don't know what the breakdown of the "russian fees" are and therefore don't know how much of it will be doubled if we get two kids! That may put a kink in the hope for siblings and a quicker adoption... I have written CHOC and await their response. I don't think their fees will have any difference because all of the work they do is before we have an invitation and a name, or two. It will be everything overseas and then the immigration documents that need doubling... I hope it's not completely doubled! Eep!
We got our first home made clothing. Gramma Lolly knit the cutest cardigan and hat set. She made it bigger so I hope we get a child young enough to fit it, but it will look cute on a teddy if not! Bright primary colour stripes on a cream background makes it great for boy or girl. Where ever you are Kid, you are so loved already!
Saturday, January 21, 2012
Home Study part 2
Me to Mike: "I'm sorry I busted you on your trying marajuana."
Mike to me: "I'm sorry I didn't praise you as much as you praised me."
Three hours earlier...
Our social worker showed up at 1pm and we thought with the discussions and home safety inspection we'd be about two hours. We didn't even have time to do the inspection. We had so much good discussion and some laughs and I really feel relieved after this visit. Before this I was worried that my depression would be something that could count against me. I figured anyone looking at my file would see that it's something I will have to be medicated on forever and will more than likely grow accustomed to my meds and have to change when I start to become unstable. When Donelda discussed all this with me and I flat out asked her if that would be a negative strike towards us she made me feel a gajillion times better by saying that from what she sees in me should would say that, if anything, my history has made me more self aware and more attuned to what others are feeling. It doesn't seem that I have a trigger, such as piling on the responsibility of kids, it's just something I have and have control of. Man! That made me feel so much better to have her describe me like that! She said that if I had brushed off the fact that I had depression and tried to make light of the fact I will always have it she would have then been concerned.
We discussed the surveys Mike and i filled out about our upbringings and our values, etc. She said from what she can see we have very similar pasts and seem to have a good understanding of each other. She liked that Mike described himself as a piler and me as a filer. And speaking of descriptions, one of the survey questions was to check off all the descriptions that you would use to describe your spouse. I checked off all that applied, and as she was reading them out Mike looked embarrassed. Then before she could read his answers he says, "um, just so you know, I didn't check ALL of them, just the top ones." I had to laugh at that. Very predictable and logical (which are ones I ticked on his descriptions).
And then the discrepancies between our surveys: "How long were you and your partner together before establishing a marriage or domestic relationship?" Mike had 3-4 years and I had less than a year! Mike didn't finish reading the question hahaha! He thought it was only about marriage. The other discrepancy was when i checked that we both had used marajuana. Mike didn't check anything on his self. He looked shocked and when I said, "you told me you tried it!" he replied, "oh ya, I forgot!" Oh, Mikey!
During this visit we also were given separate surveys to fill out and discuss individually. These were questions about any possible illegal or criminal activity we may have been involved in, victims of, or started. These are done privately in case one partner has kept this silent from the other. I can understand that and feel fortunate that neither of us has anything like this. I had to laugh and share the story from Nana and Papa's anniversary where Tori thanked our uncles for never molesting us! She laughed too. And this was an awesome segway into when how awesome and close I am with family members. She looked at the photo on the living room wall of the Mikloses from Katie and Fil's wedding and loved it. Nana and Papa, she says you look like a gorgeous couple!
After three hours of discussions like this we finally had to call it quits and schedule the next meeting. It will be the 17th of February and this one will have the home tour. In the meantime, she will email us another survey. She will also be emailing out a survey to our references soon and then when she receives them back she will call!
I feel good. I feel like progress has been made.
Mike to me: "I'm sorry I didn't praise you as much as you praised me."
Three hours earlier...
Our social worker showed up at 1pm and we thought with the discussions and home safety inspection we'd be about two hours. We didn't even have time to do the inspection. We had so much good discussion and some laughs and I really feel relieved after this visit. Before this I was worried that my depression would be something that could count against me. I figured anyone looking at my file would see that it's something I will have to be medicated on forever and will more than likely grow accustomed to my meds and have to change when I start to become unstable. When Donelda discussed all this with me and I flat out asked her if that would be a negative strike towards us she made me feel a gajillion times better by saying that from what she sees in me should would say that, if anything, my history has made me more self aware and more attuned to what others are feeling. It doesn't seem that I have a trigger, such as piling on the responsibility of kids, it's just something I have and have control of. Man! That made me feel so much better to have her describe me like that! She said that if I had brushed off the fact that I had depression and tried to make light of the fact I will always have it she would have then been concerned.
We discussed the surveys Mike and i filled out about our upbringings and our values, etc. She said from what she can see we have very similar pasts and seem to have a good understanding of each other. She liked that Mike described himself as a piler and me as a filer. And speaking of descriptions, one of the survey questions was to check off all the descriptions that you would use to describe your spouse. I checked off all that applied, and as she was reading them out Mike looked embarrassed. Then before she could read his answers he says, "um, just so you know, I didn't check ALL of them, just the top ones." I had to laugh at that. Very predictable and logical (which are ones I ticked on his descriptions).
And then the discrepancies between our surveys: "How long were you and your partner together before establishing a marriage or domestic relationship?" Mike had 3-4 years and I had less than a year! Mike didn't finish reading the question hahaha! He thought it was only about marriage. The other discrepancy was when i checked that we both had used marajuana. Mike didn't check anything on his self. He looked shocked and when I said, "you told me you tried it!" he replied, "oh ya, I forgot!" Oh, Mikey!
During this visit we also were given separate surveys to fill out and discuss individually. These were questions about any possible illegal or criminal activity we may have been involved in, victims of, or started. These are done privately in case one partner has kept this silent from the other. I can understand that and feel fortunate that neither of us has anything like this. I had to laugh and share the story from Nana and Papa's anniversary where Tori thanked our uncles for never molesting us! She laughed too. And this was an awesome segway into when how awesome and close I am with family members. She looked at the photo on the living room wall of the Mikloses from Katie and Fil's wedding and loved it. Nana and Papa, she says you look like a gorgeous couple!
After three hours of discussions like this we finally had to call it quits and schedule the next meeting. It will be the 17th of February and this one will have the home tour. In the meantime, she will email us another survey. She will also be emailing out a survey to our references soon and then when she receives them back she will call!
I feel good. I feel like progress has been made.
Monday, January 16, 2012
S.A.F.E
The first questionnaire is all about security and family/relationship interactions. It is 12 pages long with many, many options from which I can choose my descriptors. The questions start with describing my childhood and who raised me and how they raised me. It goes on to ask what my individual values are now, what my spouse's are and how we interact with eachother. I really wish I could have checked off that when we have a disagreement we resolve it by trying to 'outwit' each other!
I was discussing with a friend how I dislike surveys because you can easily tell which are the 'good' answers and the 'bad' ones. For example, a bad answer to the above disagreement situation would be 'throwing things, pushing, or hitting.' My friend talked about how surrveys like this often will relate to one another and they are really looking to see if there are inconsistancies over the different surveys within similar situations. I guess that would show if I was actually reading the questions or just checking off the positive descriptors. That would be a red flag for sure.
It would also be a red flag if Mike and I had very different answers... but any smart couple would discuss things and would want to establish common understanding of ambiguous phrases. I made sure Mike and I sat down and read through them together before filling them out. I hate when ambiguous questions could count against you if we each had answered according to a different understanding. Another example: the question 'how frequently do you have arguments with our spouse' really needs to have 'argument' clarified. Do they mean every time I get exasperated by having to repeat myself and then Mike getting defensive is an argument? Because that happens every time we cook together hahaha! He will ask how to cook something and I will say, "the same way I told you to do it last week," and that will cause a defensive reaction. I could just give up and tell him everytime how to do it but if he can remember where every hidden gem or clue is in a video game he can remember how to cook the beans when I say "pan fried beans." That whole situation could be considered an argument but it usually lasts less than 30 seconds and neither of us cares by the time it's over. Or is an argument bigger than that? When does it become a fight? Bah! Either way, we agreed on a definition and will hope for the best.
In the end, I know there is nothing that can count against either of us that would stop the province from approving us as adoptive parents. I just wish we could do all of the surveys at once and hurry it up!
I also drew up our fire escape plan (see Tori, we were in the norm for having done these with our family as kids!) and our letter of guardianship for Kid if anything should happen to us. The latter was a reality check. Poor Kid will have to move again if something happened and we couldn't give the proper care! It was good knowing that we have wonderful options and are pleased knowing our choice is similar to Mike and me and would be great at keeping Kid in touch with both sets of grandfolk.
Speaking of grandparents (wait for it, the transition will make sense, I promise)... there have been some fantastic kid reactions to our situation. Some are inquisitive to the point of catching their parents in some of those 'white lies' that can be told - "I don't understand how there can be kids whose parents don't want them, I thought you said only if a Mum and Dad love each other a lot then a baby be made." There have been questions as to why Mike and I in particular are in this situation - "why do you have to go to Russia, why can't you buy a kid here?" and - "how come you can't have a baby? Maybe if you were more girly..." I have adored all of the kid questions and stories from my friends about their kids' reactions. It's a different situation and their questions or suggestions can help me think about how I will help Kid know where he came from and how he ended up with me and Mike! They have all been wonderful but my favourite has come from back home and was just told to me two days ago. My cousin Chaundra has been wonderfully helpful from the start of our troubles and she has twin girls whom we both get a huge kick out of. It was just recently that Chaundra and my sister were discussing this adoption and the girls approached them with some questions. In summary: "Jessa and Mike will be a mum and dad, right? So, that means Mary will be a grandma? And Jim will be a grandpa? Well, Mary doesn't look like a grandma but Jim looks like a grandpa!" I LOVE this!!! I miss you girls! I cannot wait to have fun anecdotes from my own Kid!
I was discussing with a friend how I dislike surveys because you can easily tell which are the 'good' answers and the 'bad' ones. For example, a bad answer to the above disagreement situation would be 'throwing things, pushing, or hitting.' My friend talked about how surrveys like this often will relate to one another and they are really looking to see if there are inconsistancies over the different surveys within similar situations. I guess that would show if I was actually reading the questions or just checking off the positive descriptors. That would be a red flag for sure.
It would also be a red flag if Mike and I had very different answers... but any smart couple would discuss things and would want to establish common understanding of ambiguous phrases. I made sure Mike and I sat down and read through them together before filling them out. I hate when ambiguous questions could count against you if we each had answered according to a different understanding. Another example: the question 'how frequently do you have arguments with our spouse' really needs to have 'argument' clarified. Do they mean every time I get exasperated by having to repeat myself and then Mike getting defensive is an argument? Because that happens every time we cook together hahaha! He will ask how to cook something and I will say, "the same way I told you to do it last week," and that will cause a defensive reaction. I could just give up and tell him everytime how to do it but if he can remember where every hidden gem or clue is in a video game he can remember how to cook the beans when I say "pan fried beans." That whole situation could be considered an argument but it usually lasts less than 30 seconds and neither of us cares by the time it's over. Or is an argument bigger than that? When does it become a fight? Bah! Either way, we agreed on a definition and will hope for the best.
In the end, I know there is nothing that can count against either of us that would stop the province from approving us as adoptive parents. I just wish we could do all of the surveys at once and hurry it up!
I also drew up our fire escape plan (see Tori, we were in the norm for having done these with our family as kids!) and our letter of guardianship for Kid if anything should happen to us. The latter was a reality check. Poor Kid will have to move again if something happened and we couldn't give the proper care! It was good knowing that we have wonderful options and are pleased knowing our choice is similar to Mike and me and would be great at keeping Kid in touch with both sets of grandfolk.
Speaking of grandparents (wait for it, the transition will make sense, I promise)... there have been some fantastic kid reactions to our situation. Some are inquisitive to the point of catching their parents in some of those 'white lies' that can be told - "I don't understand how there can be kids whose parents don't want them, I thought you said only if a Mum and Dad love each other a lot then a baby be made." There have been questions as to why Mike and I in particular are in this situation - "why do you have to go to Russia, why can't you buy a kid here?" and - "how come you can't have a baby? Maybe if you were more girly..." I have adored all of the kid questions and stories from my friends about their kids' reactions. It's a different situation and their questions or suggestions can help me think about how I will help Kid know where he came from and how he ended up with me and Mike! They have all been wonderful but my favourite has come from back home and was just told to me two days ago. My cousin Chaundra has been wonderfully helpful from the start of our troubles and she has twin girls whom we both get a huge kick out of. It was just recently that Chaundra and my sister were discussing this adoption and the girls approached them with some questions. In summary: "Jessa and Mike will be a mum and dad, right? So, that means Mary will be a grandma? And Jim will be a grandpa? Well, Mary doesn't look like a grandma but Jim looks like a grandpa!" I LOVE this!!! I miss you girls! I cannot wait to have fun anecdotes from my own Kid!
Wednesday, January 4, 2012
Medical Madness
Phew! Finally finished all my tests for the medical portion of the home study. I will finalize the final document on Tuesday with my family doctor. I have felt relief at the amount of needles being FAR less than when I was doing the hormones! Today should be the last for a looooong time. Now I have two more documents to draw up tomorrow and then we should be done our initial needs for the study. I just have to get in contact with the social worker and schedule a next appointment (home safety inspection) and find out what is up with the surveys we are supposed to be filling out.
In the meantime, I've been dreaming about Kid's bedroom decor... *big smiles*
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