A Whole Lot of Anxiousness (3 weeks of drafts)

Jan. 9th:  We had our social worker visit today and it went swimmingly, or course.  She was a little shy at first but then D was able to see her be silly in a comfortable environment.  The visit was so we can report on Dania's physical, social, and emotional growth.  We had to report on our ENT visits and update them with the date of the surgery.

NOTE:  Now, I did not post anything too far in advance of the surgery just because (like not buying clothes before she was ours) I didn't want to jinx anything.  I have been saving my drafts with all my fears and anxiety and EVERYTHING that has to do with the operation.

We also got the phone call about the surgery date today, just after I said to Mike, "well, they haven't called and wouldn't 2 weeks before, right?  So, it must be next month."  WRONG!  Apparently this woman did not have our right phone number - which has been properly attached to Dania's health card since September as I have confirmed it at every one of her appointments... Whatever, we just need to wait for the package in the mail and spend a whole day in pre-op.  It is scheduled.  I was instantly nervous.

Jan. 16th:  We received the pre-op package today.  It contains hospital instructions as to parking, staying for a few nights, and procedure on the day of the operation.  We also have our schedule for the pre-op day on the 23rd.  It will be a loooooong day; they estimate 8 - 3:30.  Guh.  No nap that day - she will be a pill for the last appointment for sure!  Poor kid.  More needles, x-rays, and being taken to 3 different offices where none of her toys or anything familiar will be.  I have been getting a slowly growing pit in my stomach.  I know the whole procedure will be harder on Mike and me than it will on Dania.  I am scared for her frustrations at having her arms braced.  I am already sad for her because, as we all know, when something is different in your mouth you constantly poke it with your tongue and it is going to hurt.  It will be different for her to eat, talk, and BREATHE!  Our basic human instinct of breathing is going to feel so foreign and possibly scary because her nose and mouth won't feel like they are taking in as much air!  I am also preparing for the after care and hoping that no one will come visiting until she is comfortable again.  It is hard to not visit someone so precious when she is hurting, but we really will need our space at the beginning.

Jan. 23rd:  Today was preop day.  First of all, I have to say that she was an amazing trooper and I cannot believe she wasn't melting down after 7 hours when we got to our last appointment.  We woke her before 7 am and left the pediatrician's office at 3pm.  GUH!  Our first appointment was in the oral maxillofacial clinic.  We signed the consent forms, went over her history and had some pictures taken of her cleft.

Then we went to the second building to meet the nurse that will be there for her on Monday.  He was so nice.  We got the tour of day surgery and the low down about where we will be staying after the surgery.  We were told how there should be a liaison nurse going back and forth between the OR and the waiting room and were shown the phone that they call as soon as a surgery is finished.  They expect anyone waiting to pick it up and pass along the news that the surgeon will be coming out to speak to so-and-so.  We then wait until she wakes up and is stable before we can see her.  We will probably get there at 7 am and get to see her around lunch, as long as everything goes as planned.

 Then we went and got her blood work done (the only real tears of the day) and went to talk to the surgeon again.  He was just as nice as I remember and thorough and seemed pleased to be able to help.  He laughed when I asked about brushing her teeth after; I said I had not seen anything about it in all the literature we were given.  He said it is because this is normally done before the teeth are present and laughed.  He said it was a good question and addressed it right away.  He went over pain control and antibiotics and how this is just the primary closure...it could always lead to more operations down the line as she heals and grows.  It was a lot of the same but it was good to hear it all again.

We then had a lunch break where she charmed the waitress at Smitty's - still in a good mood.  After lunch we went to the pediatrician and waited forever.  All 3 of us looked tired at this point.  We waited a good while just to have the pediatrician tell us this was actually an unnecessary visit really.  Just what we want to hear as she is being robbed of her nap!  She has a runny nose but her lungs are clear so the pediatrician cleared her and completed the required forms and sent us on our way.  She said the anesthesiologist will make the final call Monday morning since he is the one putting her to sleep; sometimes he can be really picky about runny noses or the chance of cold.  She asked how we thought she was attaching and adapting and I told her how Dania blows my mind with how well she is understanding us and handling everything.  That was when she said, "well, that is really you.  You should congratulate yourself because it is not always like this for orphans and if she is blooming so successfully it is because she watches you and imitates you."  That felt amazing to be told we have modeled a good routine and showed her the right attention and affection.  I mean, I know we are doing well and have a wonderful situation, but to have this seasoned professional say it made me want to cry... and I was tired.

She crashed almost as soon as we were on the road.  What a good kid.

On an almost different note, our magazine interview was published and another local couple looked up this blog and contacted me.  They brought their little girl home a month before us and had a cleft lip and pallet surgery last fall.  Their girl is from a different city, about half way between Moscow and Ufa, but the timing and overlap between sources of information seems to be similar.  We are going to meet up after Dania is heeled and ready for play-dates again. 

Well, 4 more sleeps and it is go-time.   We appreciate the love and well-wishes but respectfully request that there are no drop-ins and visits from anyone at the hospital and none after discharge until we say she is up to it.  This is important as we don't know if this could cause any setback in her development and she is going to be pretty friggin' miserable.  We don't show up and try to hug you when you are feeling gross, can't talk, spitting blood, and dopey... offer her the same respect even though she is tiny, please!