S.A.F.E

The first questionnaire is all about security and family/relationship interactions.  It is 12 pages long with many, many options from which I can choose my descriptors.  The questions start with describing my childhood and who raised me and how they raised me.  It goes on to ask what my individual values are now, what my spouse's are and how we interact with eachother.  I really wish I could have checked off that when we have a disagreement we resolve it by trying to 'outwit' each other! 

I was discussing with a friend how I dislike surveys because you can easily tell which are the 'good' answers and the 'bad' ones.  For example, a bad answer to the above disagreement situation would be 'throwing things, pushing, or hitting.'  My friend talked about how surrveys like this often will relate to one another and they are really looking to see if there are inconsistancies over the different surveys within similar situations.  I guess that would show if I was actually reading the questions or just checking off the positive descriptors.  That would be a red flag for sure. 
It would also be a red flag if Mike and I had very different answers... but any smart couple would discuss things and would want to establish common understanding of ambiguous phrases.  I made sure Mike and I sat down and read through them together before filling them out.  I hate when ambiguous questions could count against you if we each had answered according to a different understanding.  Another example:  the question 'how frequently do you have arguments with our spouse' really needs to have 'argument' clarified.  Do they mean every time I get exasperated by having to repeat myself and then Mike getting defensive is an argument?  Because that happens every time we cook together hahaha!  He will ask how to cook something and I will say, "the same way I told you to do it last week,"  and that will cause a defensive reaction.  I could just give up and tell him everytime how to do it but if he can remember where every hidden gem or clue is in a video game he can remember how to cook the beans when I say "pan fried beans."  That whole situation could be considered an argument but it usually lasts less than 30 seconds and neither of us cares by the time it's over.  Or is an argument bigger than that?  When does it become a fight?  Bah!  Either way, we agreed on a definition and will hope for the best. 

In the end, I know there is nothing that can count against either of us that would stop the province from approving us as adoptive parents.  I just wish we could do all of the surveys at once and hurry it up! 

I also drew up our fire escape plan (see Tori, we were in the norm for having done these with our family as kids!) and our letter of guardianship for Kid if anything should happen to us.  The latter was a reality check.  Poor Kid will have to move again if something happened and we couldn't give the proper care!  It was good knowing that we have wonderful options and are pleased knowing our choice is similar to Mike and me and would be great at keeping Kid in touch with both sets of grandfolk.

Speaking of grandparents (wait for it, the transition will make sense, I promise)... there have been some fantastic kid reactions to our situation.  Some are inquisitive to the point of catching their parents in some of those 'white lies' that can be told - "I don't understand how there can be kids whose parents don't want them, I thought you said only if a Mum and Dad love each other a lot then a baby be made."  There have been questions as to why Mike and I in particular are in this situation - "why do you have to go to Russia, why can't you buy a kid here?" and - "how come you can't have a baby?  Maybe if you were more girly..."  I have adored all of the kid questions and stories from my friends about their kids' reactions.  It's a different situation and their questions or suggestions can help me think about how I will help Kid know where he came from and how he ended up with me and Mike!  They have all been wonderful but my favourite has come from back home and was just told to me two days ago.  My cousin Chaundra has been wonderfully helpful from the start of our troubles and she has twin girls whom we both get a huge kick out of.  It was just recently that Chaundra and my sister were discussing this adoption and the girls approached them with some questions.  In summary:  "Jessa and Mike will be a mum and dad, right?  So, that means Mary will be a grandma?  And Jim will be a grandpa?  Well, Mary doesn't look like a grandma but Jim looks like a grandpa!"  I LOVE this!!!  I miss you girls!   I cannot wait to have fun anecdotes from my own Kid!