Before I dive into the Skype session, I want to mention that I sat and chatted with out social worker today. It was great to hear her jokingly say, "wipe that smile off your face." Do you think people can tell I'm excited?
Gut wrenching excited.
Our first video session was initially a justification as to how this course differs from other adoptive training courses. Good to know that it will be VERY Russian specific as to the laws, process, environment, etc.
We then began to discuss our motivations for becoming an adoptive parent. She went over many character traits and considerations that an adoptive parent must have, which are, most of the time, above and beyond a biological parent. She said openness to loving friends as much as family is a sign of a good adoptive parent candidate. (I think we have that one in the bag considering we consider so many friends a part of our family!) She also said that adoption needs to be approached with a rational and emotional sense of decision making skills. She said she could tell from our report answers that Mike was rational and I was emotional and she was glad we were working together! One of the traits she mentioned was advocacy. She mentioned how you have to advocate for your adoptive child more than a biological one. You have to ensure that they are understood, ie explaining behaviour or odd remarks to a teacher. Most of these traits were discussed in the provincial course but she just put so much more emphasis on adopting the institutionalized child.
She is a child psychologist and has also been helping facilitate adoptions for almost 20 years. She spoke next about the signs of adjustment disorders and was able to give many personal experiences for examples. She also enforced the fact that unless many of the signs are present at the same time the child usually will adjust in a reasonable amount of time. She said trust is the biggest problem because they have no consistency in an institution and therefore can't trust that the person who put them to sleep will be the person to wake them up, etc. She said showing that consistency of presence at home is so important. She also mentioned the children could hoard food, regressing in habits (in Russia, it is mandatory for kids to use the potty and feed themselves with a spoon by 12 months! It's mostly because they don't have time to deal with all of the children over a year old who are completely capable of walking to the potty on their own.), over eating, and resisting rules and love. Interesting fact about resisting us as new parents: the child is more likely to distance herself from the male while still in the institution, and then the female once they are moved home - but only when the male isn't present.
After discussing the signs and special needs of the children we talked about what a good parent needs to provide; again, things we discussed in our provincial course.
She talked about what questions to ask when we go over there regarding their history. She spoke about how important it is to ask about the psychological history as well as the medical history. She also explained how some children are classified as 'foundlings' and do not have a history because when they were found abandoned the police essentially started the history right there. We will be asking right away if she was a foundling or not. It is Russian law that once custody is given to us (hopefully) the social services have to have signed consent from the biological parents if they are known. This is the 30 day appeal period. Russia wants every chance to keep their citizens in their country. If her parents are known, I'm hoping they realize we can help her by loving her and repairing her cleft pallet and, even though we take her to Canada, keeping her aware of where she came from.
It was a really enjoyable lecture/discussion. She told us this next part is all about the law and it is the boring part LOL! She said we will be quizzed after but there is no passing grade; we simply discuss the answers. She said she tried to make it as relevant and to-the-point as possible.
I do have to leak one of my fears here, since it is becoming more relevant now. When we first started there was a lot of talk over my mental health. We were bounced around by CHOC because they weren't convinced Russia would want to work with us. The medicals is where we will be 'cross examined' about this, if it is an issue for them. It simply states I had a major depressive episode 10 years ago and am on medication to stabilize my mood - and this doesn't mean I am sad without the pills... it just means that everything makes me cry! Happy, sad, surprised, scared... everything is just felt so much more because my middle ground isn't there. I hope beyond hope that this is not an issue. The woman tonight also mentioned how Russian doctors like to over diagnose everything. We will see what happens. All I can do is show the judge how much she already means to Mike and me and how this 'problem' isn't even a nuisance for either of us.
She talked about being prepared for over there... I do feel prepared - with undertones of being scared! It is all in a good way though. The excitement over shines everything else. As I said, once we ask about her parents (hopefully the first big sigh of our trip) and go through the medicals (second big sigh) the only one left for the second trip is the court hearing (and if we don't get that first big sigh, this turns into a 30-day-on-the-edge-of-my-seat-with-puckered-everything kind of expectation). .
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