We will be finishing our last full day in Russia, hopefully!
Today started out with me reading in the waiting room. Clearly I didn't learn the first time and decided to publicly cry by reading about when Nia sees her daughter for the first time. I get my chest X-ray and proceed to shop for some wedding cards to mail.
I am now standing in Chapters staring at the kids blankets, books, baby shower gifts, etc. with a trembling lower lip and the threat of more tears. I can't even bring myself to touch all the super soft animals! I admit to myself I am terrified.
I am so scared that something will go wrong with Dania. I keep pushing away this cloud of terror but it has overtaken me today. I want this to work so badly that it makes me want to throw up. I ache to hold her. I felt that instant connection to her picture that wasn't there with Mak. INSTANT! I am so happy at the thought of her that I want to tell every stranger I see about our upcoming adventure but I am so scared to love her as much as I already do. That scares me to the core because it is a set up for extreme heart break.
Now I am at home, after driving home through tears and sniffles, and I don't even know what to think. I want it to be a month from now so the first trip is done. I want to have a court date with a known end date of thirty days after that!
I want her!
I want to be a mom.
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