Deep Breath

Three months ago was when we sent off our dossier to Russia.  This was when we first expected to possibly hear something.  What a past few months!

Today was the first day I started to feel like "before this bad business."  Funnily enough, it was listening to my boss and my British coworker exchange meanings of culturally derived slang.  They both were saying the same word but didn't realize it and I had the pleasure of hearing the whole thing.  It was just the pronounciation of the a (as in apple vs. all) that was different but my boss thought there was a silent t and she couldn't understand him at all!  I was almost doubled over laughing at them trying to say it in the opposing person's familiar manner.  All over ONE syllable!

It has also helped talking things out more to Mike and letting him know how ANGRY I have been.  This really is the first time in this whole process that I have felt really bitter over some people that have kids when I can't.  Angry to the point where I'm biting back comments and shaking at the restraint to not lash out at the person screaming at her kid or putting cola in his bottle.

I also went to see my psychiatrist.  I was so afraid to because than the visit is on my medical record and Russia already sees me as 'tainted' somehow because I have depression and mood problems that have been under control for the past 7 years... Trust me, if I was an out of control depressive than I would have lost it by now.  She refereed me to some counseling options through Mike's work that I wasn't aware existed.  I just need grief counseling essentially.  It seems as if the one stage I can't get past is, you guessed it, anger! LOL!

Soon.

I've started a new positive project for this journey and look forward to seeing the results in a few weeks.  I will, of course, share them as soon as I have them.

Thanks for listening.