A Step Back

Well, here is our new hiccup.  Mak's mom has applied for him back.  It is sad, yes, but hopefully she can prove she is capable so that he doesn't wait out this process to just go back on the list.

I just received the email and it was very upsetting (want to throw up in a different way now) but I was thankful my mum and sis were here.  I am also thankful this didn't happen after we met him.  We were told things like this can happen but CHOC was still upset and concerned for us.

The ministry of education didn't have any appropriate other candidates at this time so we wouldn't have to cancel our plans.  We have to wait again now.

I hope the new year means more candidates will have spent the appropriate amount of time on the national lists and can now go international.  I feel awful saying that I feel better not feeling so rushed but obviously this has happened for a reason.  Maybe some little guy is there who doesn't have a mom that was able to fix herself up and care for a child so fate needs us to see to him and not Mak... I still say two year old boy... it's what I saw.

It's just very upsetting I won't have a chance to make those sad, brown eyes smile.  He is still so much in my heart that I am worried this hiccup for him won't work out.  He always will be in my heart.  This was Mike's and my first glimpse at being parents and it was so special.  We may have lost him but he is hopefully getting his real mom back because of our loss.

Thanks for all the kind thoughts and wishes and keep sending out the good vibes.  It all started faster than expected so maybe my original inclination that June was the time will still be correct...

Sigh.

We love you Mak!