We did all of the new readings for the next part of our training. Only the first 5 pages were about Russian law; the rest was about child development, language barriers, sexual identity, risks for issues regarding health and skill development, and the stress shaped brain.
I knew a lot of the info about development because of teachers' college. It never hurts to reread anything though. I also felt I was quite aware of many of the issues that could occur and the delays that are to be looked for because of coming from the institution -moreover, not just aware, able to work with a child with any of these delays.
For example: Kid is not an English second language person. Kid is replacing what she has already learned with a whole new language. She is a regular English language learner, just learning it a year and a half later than everyone else her age. I feel able to support Kid with this and making sure that teacher's realize Kid is actually a year behind the other kids in her class when she starts kindergarten.
I really enjoyed the info about the stress shaped brain. A child growing up in a stressful situation, whether the institutional setting or a neglectful family setting, actually has a brain that develops differently than one in a nurtured environment. It has a lot to do with the fact that the brain doesn't keep producing the 'happy' feelings because it is always on guard.
I would really like to go into more details but it would take way too long. Two things that struck me the most were that a child who has a stress shaped brain doesn't feel physical pain as instantly as a different child. The stress brain has blocked the feeling receptors by always having it on the 'look out' so it doesn't notice the pain of getting cut or hit until you point it out. This can cause a child to play more rough or dangerously without learning it is not good. I also liked the analogy of how a stress shaped brain can freak out at the smallest question because of how it is always on guard. The brain defaults to fight/flight/freeze when it is on guard. They used the image of a person running from a bear. The person running is onguard from the bear and if you tried to stop him and ask him a question he wouldn't be ABLE to answer... not just that he isn't answering. The stress shaped brain is always running from the bear...
We have to really work to show that we are here for Kid and allowing her to let down her guard.
We do an assignment together tonight. I like that Mike is getting a better understanding of child development.
Eleven sleeps until take off. Barf.
Tuesday, April 30, 2013
Friday, April 26, 2013
A Mental 180
I really don't know what has changed. Nothing, as far as I can see, is different. I picked up my chest x-ray today, so that is ready to go but, somehow, all of the determination I had has been pushed aside and been replaced with this fear, and feeling of dread, that this isn't going to work for us.
Maybe this is a self-protection mode that I have forced myself into... I never really thought it wouldn't work the first time. Maybe it is intuition of some sort. Maybe it is completely irrational. It doesn't matter - it's there. I sincerely don't think I have ever been so frightened in my life. And, if this first trip actually happens, this fear will seem like child's play compared to what will be felt before the court date and for the ENTIRE 30 day appeal period.
I'm not afraid of being a mom (please don't confuse this statement with the sentiment that I think I am entirely ready to be a mom - I don't think anyone could be). I'm not afraid of waiting. I'm afraid of us getting hurt - worse than the first time.
I still have hope. It's there deep down. I still picture her here in our house, backyard, and lives. I just worry about the flip-side to that hope. I worry about the stamina and heart to try a third time if this falls through like the first time; especially if we make it to custody and then have someone come out of the woodwork afterwards.
I don't see myself sleeping until autumn.
Maybe this is a self-protection mode that I have forced myself into... I never really thought it wouldn't work the first time. Maybe it is intuition of some sort. Maybe it is completely irrational. It doesn't matter - it's there. I sincerely don't think I have ever been so frightened in my life. And, if this first trip actually happens, this fear will seem like child's play compared to what will be felt before the court date and for the ENTIRE 30 day appeal period.
I'm not afraid of being a mom (please don't confuse this statement with the sentiment that I think I am entirely ready to be a mom - I don't think anyone could be). I'm not afraid of waiting. I'm afraid of us getting hurt - worse than the first time.
I still have hope. It's there deep down. I still picture her here in our house, backyard, and lives. I just worry about the flip-side to that hope. I worry about the stamina and heart to try a third time if this falls through like the first time; especially if we make it to custody and then have someone come out of the woodwork afterwards.
I don't see myself sleeping until autumn.
Wednesday, April 24, 2013
Video Session #1
Before I dive into the Skype session, I want to mention that I sat and chatted with out social worker today. It was great to hear her jokingly say, "wipe that smile off your face." Do you think people can tell I'm excited?
Gut wrenching excited.
Our first video session was initially a justification as to how this course differs from other adoptive training courses. Good to know that it will be VERY Russian specific as to the laws, process, environment, etc.
We then began to discuss our motivations for becoming an adoptive parent. She went over many character traits and considerations that an adoptive parent must have, which are, most of the time, above and beyond a biological parent. She said openness to loving friends as much as family is a sign of a good adoptive parent candidate. (I think we have that one in the bag considering we consider so many friends a part of our family!) She also said that adoption needs to be approached with a rational and emotional sense of decision making skills. She said she could tell from our report answers that Mike was rational and I was emotional and she was glad we were working together! One of the traits she mentioned was advocacy. She mentioned how you have to advocate for your adoptive child more than a biological one. You have to ensure that they are understood, ie explaining behaviour or odd remarks to a teacher. Most of these traits were discussed in the provincial course but she just put so much more emphasis on adopting the institutionalized child.
She is a child psychologist and has also been helping facilitate adoptions for almost 20 years. She spoke next about the signs of adjustment disorders and was able to give many personal experiences for examples. She also enforced the fact that unless many of the signs are present at the same time the child usually will adjust in a reasonable amount of time. She said trust is the biggest problem because they have no consistency in an institution and therefore can't trust that the person who put them to sleep will be the person to wake them up, etc. She said showing that consistency of presence at home is so important. She also mentioned the children could hoard food, regressing in habits (in Russia, it is mandatory for kids to use the potty and feed themselves with a spoon by 12 months! It's mostly because they don't have time to deal with all of the children over a year old who are completely capable of walking to the potty on their own.), over eating, and resisting rules and love. Interesting fact about resisting us as new parents: the child is more likely to distance herself from the male while still in the institution, and then the female once they are moved home - but only when the male isn't present.
After discussing the signs and special needs of the children we talked about what a good parent needs to provide; again, things we discussed in our provincial course.
She talked about what questions to ask when we go over there regarding their history. She spoke about how important it is to ask about the psychological history as well as the medical history. She also explained how some children are classified as 'foundlings' and do not have a history because when they were found abandoned the police essentially started the history right there. We will be asking right away if she was a foundling or not. It is Russian law that once custody is given to us (hopefully) the social services have to have signed consent from the biological parents if they are known. This is the 30 day appeal period. Russia wants every chance to keep their citizens in their country. If her parents are known, I'm hoping they realize we can help her by loving her and repairing her cleft pallet and, even though we take her to Canada, keeping her aware of where she came from.
It was a really enjoyable lecture/discussion. She told us this next part is all about the law and it is the boring part LOL! She said we will be quizzed after but there is no passing grade; we simply discuss the answers. She said she tried to make it as relevant and to-the-point as possible.
I do have to leak one of my fears here, since it is becoming more relevant now. When we first started there was a lot of talk over my mental health. We were bounced around by CHOC because they weren't convinced Russia would want to work with us. The medicals is where we will be 'cross examined' about this, if it is an issue for them. It simply states I had a major depressive episode 10 years ago and am on medication to stabilize my mood - and this doesn't mean I am sad without the pills... it just means that everything makes me cry! Happy, sad, surprised, scared... everything is just felt so much more because my middle ground isn't there. I hope beyond hope that this is not an issue. The woman tonight also mentioned how Russian doctors like to over diagnose everything. We will see what happens. All I can do is show the judge how much she already means to Mike and me and how this 'problem' isn't even a nuisance for either of us.
She talked about being prepared for over there... I do feel prepared - with undertones of being scared! It is all in a good way though. The excitement over shines everything else. As I said, once we ask about her parents (hopefully the first big sigh of our trip) and go through the medicals (second big sigh) the only one left for the second trip is the court hearing (and if we don't get that first big sigh, this turns into a 30-day-on-the-edge-of-my-seat-with-puckered-everything kind of expectation). .
Gut wrenching excited.
Our first video session was initially a justification as to how this course differs from other adoptive training courses. Good to know that it will be VERY Russian specific as to the laws, process, environment, etc.
We then began to discuss our motivations for becoming an adoptive parent. She went over many character traits and considerations that an adoptive parent must have, which are, most of the time, above and beyond a biological parent. She said openness to loving friends as much as family is a sign of a good adoptive parent candidate. (I think we have that one in the bag considering we consider so many friends a part of our family!) She also said that adoption needs to be approached with a rational and emotional sense of decision making skills. She said she could tell from our report answers that Mike was rational and I was emotional and she was glad we were working together! One of the traits she mentioned was advocacy. She mentioned how you have to advocate for your adoptive child more than a biological one. You have to ensure that they are understood, ie explaining behaviour or odd remarks to a teacher. Most of these traits were discussed in the provincial course but she just put so much more emphasis on adopting the institutionalized child.
She is a child psychologist and has also been helping facilitate adoptions for almost 20 years. She spoke next about the signs of adjustment disorders and was able to give many personal experiences for examples. She also enforced the fact that unless many of the signs are present at the same time the child usually will adjust in a reasonable amount of time. She said trust is the biggest problem because they have no consistency in an institution and therefore can't trust that the person who put them to sleep will be the person to wake them up, etc. She said showing that consistency of presence at home is so important. She also mentioned the children could hoard food, regressing in habits (in Russia, it is mandatory for kids to use the potty and feed themselves with a spoon by 12 months! It's mostly because they don't have time to deal with all of the children over a year old who are completely capable of walking to the potty on their own.), over eating, and resisting rules and love. Interesting fact about resisting us as new parents: the child is more likely to distance herself from the male while still in the institution, and then the female once they are moved home - but only when the male isn't present.
After discussing the signs and special needs of the children we talked about what a good parent needs to provide; again, things we discussed in our provincial course.
She talked about what questions to ask when we go over there regarding their history. She spoke about how important it is to ask about the psychological history as well as the medical history. She also explained how some children are classified as 'foundlings' and do not have a history because when they were found abandoned the police essentially started the history right there. We will be asking right away if she was a foundling or not. It is Russian law that once custody is given to us (hopefully) the social services have to have signed consent from the biological parents if they are known. This is the 30 day appeal period. Russia wants every chance to keep their citizens in their country. If her parents are known, I'm hoping they realize we can help her by loving her and repairing her cleft pallet and, even though we take her to Canada, keeping her aware of where she came from.
It was a really enjoyable lecture/discussion. She told us this next part is all about the law and it is the boring part LOL! She said we will be quizzed after but there is no passing grade; we simply discuss the answers. She said she tried to make it as relevant and to-the-point as possible.
I do have to leak one of my fears here, since it is becoming more relevant now. When we first started there was a lot of talk over my mental health. We were bounced around by CHOC because they weren't convinced Russia would want to work with us. The medicals is where we will be 'cross examined' about this, if it is an issue for them. It simply states I had a major depressive episode 10 years ago and am on medication to stabilize my mood - and this doesn't mean I am sad without the pills... it just means that everything makes me cry! Happy, sad, surprised, scared... everything is just felt so much more because my middle ground isn't there. I hope beyond hope that this is not an issue. The woman tonight also mentioned how Russian doctors like to over diagnose everything. We will see what happens. All I can do is show the judge how much she already means to Mike and me and how this 'problem' isn't even a nuisance for either of us.
She talked about being prepared for over there... I do feel prepared - with undertones of being scared! It is all in a good way though. The excitement over shines everything else. As I said, once we ask about her parents (hopefully the first big sigh of our trip) and go through the medicals (second big sigh) the only one left for the second trip is the court hearing (and if we don't get that first big sigh, this turns into a 30-day-on-the-edge-of-my-seat-with-puckered-everything kind of expectation). .
Monday, April 22, 2013
Reservations Done
Booked our apartment for the stay.
http://www.booking.com/hotel/ru/weekend-apart-arbat.en.html
This seems like a newer place because the reviews aren't numerous, but the ones that are there are great. Plus, it's within walking distance of the Red Square, the Kremlin AND our medical appointment offices. We may still have to pay the agency for a driver the day of the medicals because I think they come with us as a translator, but we might not have to for sight seeing - if it is still daytime.
The google streetview shows the building covered in scaffolding and construction, that's why I think it's new. The signs under the scaffolding change from the still shot to the street view exploration. I hope the walking is straightforward. I will have to explore that more now that we have a location. It looks like people would walk from this area because all of the apartment and hotels say "within walking distance of the Kremlin."
I also ordered our foreign funds today. It should be available the week before we leave. I gave them extra time because we need 'like new' bills for all of the US currency.
Small steps each day. Here we go again!
http://www.booking.com/hotel/ru/weekend-apart-arbat.en.html
This seems like a newer place because the reviews aren't numerous, but the ones that are there are great. Plus, it's within walking distance of the Red Square, the Kremlin AND our medical appointment offices. We may still have to pay the agency for a driver the day of the medicals because I think they come with us as a translator, but we might not have to for sight seeing - if it is still daytime.
The google streetview shows the building covered in scaffolding and construction, that's why I think it's new. The signs under the scaffolding change from the still shot to the street view exploration. I hope the walking is straightforward. I will have to explore that more now that we have a location. It looks like people would walk from this area because all of the apartment and hotels say "within walking distance of the Kremlin."
I also ordered our foreign funds today. It should be available the week before we leave. I gave them extra time because we need 'like new' bills for all of the US currency.
Small steps each day. Here we go again!
Saturday, April 20, 2013
Assignment #1
Please write down 3 – 5 sentence answers
to the questions below and e-mail the completed assignment to me:
- What has drawn you to consider the adoption of a child from Russia?
- What do you know about the adoption of a child from Russia?
- Do you know someone who has adopted a child either from Russia or from another country?
- If so, what has been their experience?
- What is your fantasy of the child you would like to adopt?
- How do you imagine your adopted child fitting into your family?
- What challenges do you think you may face adding a child to your family?
- What do you think may be some of the challenges for your adopted child?
- What life experience or knowledge do you have that makes you feel prepared to manage these challenges?
- What behaviors or problems would you consider intolerable, unacceptable or beyond your capacity to manage?
- What if your child manifested some of those problems, would you still be committed to them? So, I am an over achiever and wrote WAY more than 3-5 sentences. I went back and edited my answers to not look crazy LOL! It took me two hours! I never had to think about my answer, just started typing. I love this. I'm leery about publishing my answers because I share other people's stories to which I have no right to publish. I will save everything for Kid though. There will be no hiding our hopes and fears and dreams for Kid!
Friday, April 19, 2013
visas
They arrived today! Yeah!!!
I guess I never really looked at them before but they have our names in Russian. It looks cool.
I also had a conversation with our social worker regarding the update we need. Nothing big has changed; still intending to adopt from Russia. She was excited for us too.
We also went down to the police station and requested new police checks.
so exciting!
I guess I never really looked at them before but they have our names in Russian. It looks cool.
I also had a conversation with our social worker regarding the update we need. Nothing big has changed; still intending to adopt from Russia. She was excited for us too.
We also went down to the police station and requested new police checks.
so exciting!
Thursday, April 18, 2013
FLIGHTS BOOKED!!!!!
AHHHHHH! It feels amazing but this is when shit hit the fan last time. I KNOW I shouldn't think that, but if I hold a little of that terror in perspective than if it does fall apart we won't be so heart broken as if we were SURE. (Even though I am secretly sure. I even had a dream family showed up to appeal the custody, an aunt and cousin, but it was denied because the judge still thought we would take better care of her).
OK, before I get into flight details I must pass along a wonderful email I received. I save every email I have in regards to this adoption - it is all to show Kid how much support was there BEFORE anyone knew who she was! This was one that especially struck me. This is from a good friend who has been a huge supporter from the start - funnily enough, she even wrote in my yearbook that I would probably have more kids than anyone one of 'us'... maybe not more, but clearly the most public process!
"I noticed something today in your words. You sound so much like a "traditionally" expectant mom. So excited and wanting to tell everyone about your upcoming arrival, just as a pregnant woman displays and rubs her tummy, just so people know it's a baby and not a big lunch. Overwhelming fear that something will go wrong. Crying uncontrollably. Aching to hold her. And finally at the very end, just desperately wanting it to be a month ahead so you can just begin your life together. As emotionally draining as it is, I'm so thrilled that you're experiencing all these things :-) "
She is a mum x2 so this feels great and is sincerely not something I had considered before. I am pretty sure every lady I knew who was pregnant wishes that last month to fly by... LOL! Just another fun juxtaposition.
OK, back to flights.
We booked because Mike got the confirmation email that our visas were in the mail. Hello? Murphy's Law? You mean we could have made the appointment on April 23rd? LOL! I am glad we have more time to still get stuff sorted out. Especially because it gave me the time to get a chest x-ray, sort out the update on our home study (phone conference tomorrow), and research places to stay in Moscow (still not booked as of now).
We fly out of Halifax on May 11th (transfer in Toronto, transfer in Istanbul) and land in Ufa on the morning of the 13th. Our appointment with the Ministry of Education is on the 13th at 1pm. Then we drive to the baby home and stay there until the night of the 16th.
We fly to Moscow on the 16th. Our medicals are all day the 17th. We spend one extra day on the 18th in order to save 900 each on our flights home, the morning of the 19th.
We return on the 20th.
Phew!
EEEEEEEEEEEEE!
OK, before I get into flight details I must pass along a wonderful email I received. I save every email I have in regards to this adoption - it is all to show Kid how much support was there BEFORE anyone knew who she was! This was one that especially struck me. This is from a good friend who has been a huge supporter from the start - funnily enough, she even wrote in my yearbook that I would probably have more kids than anyone one of 'us'... maybe not more, but clearly the most public process!
"I noticed something today in your words. You sound so much like a "traditionally" expectant mom. So excited and wanting to tell everyone about your upcoming arrival, just as a pregnant woman displays and rubs her tummy, just so people know it's a baby and not a big lunch. Overwhelming fear that something will go wrong. Crying uncontrollably. Aching to hold her. And finally at the very end, just desperately wanting it to be a month ahead so you can just begin your life together. As emotionally draining as it is, I'm so thrilled that you're experiencing all these things :-) "
She is a mum x2 so this feels great and is sincerely not something I had considered before. I am pretty sure every lady I knew who was pregnant wishes that last month to fly by... LOL! Just another fun juxtaposition.
OK, back to flights.
We booked because Mike got the confirmation email that our visas were in the mail. Hello? Murphy's Law? You mean we could have made the appointment on April 23rd? LOL! I am glad we have more time to still get stuff sorted out. Especially because it gave me the time to get a chest x-ray, sort out the update on our home study (phone conference tomorrow), and research places to stay in Moscow (still not booked as of now).
We fly out of Halifax on May 11th (transfer in Toronto, transfer in Istanbul) and land in Ufa on the morning of the 13th. Our appointment with the Ministry of Education is on the 13th at 1pm. Then we drive to the baby home and stay there until the night of the 16th.
We fly to Moscow on the 16th. Our medicals are all day the 17th. We spend one extra day on the 18th in order to save 900 each on our flights home, the morning of the 19th.
We return on the 20th.
Phew!
EEEEEEEEEEEEE!
Wednesday, April 17, 2013
april 17 part 2
OK. Just had a panic attack. I don't think I've ever had one before. I have panicked, but this time I couldn't breathe, my chest hurt, I was seeing spots, I couldn't stop crying.
On top of all the emotion today I go to do my daily flight price check, flights there went up a few grand over night. I've been watching since we knew our new date and they just keep going up. Only one option is under 1500 - this is for just one of ticket to Russia, nothing within or home. The other options were about 2200- until today. We are looking at an average of 3300 and Expedia's lowest cost was now 7900! That would be just under 16 grand for us to just get there. That would make this near impossible.
This has to work out. It has to.
We need our visas so we can book before we go broke. I need to know we will be OK. I just can't imagine what I would think if this doesn't work.
BIG sigh.
A short time later...
The power of the blog works. Cousin L read this post and messaged me about how these online travel sites store your history and up the prices each time. I was my own worst enemy there for checking everyday. I cleared my history and suddenly Expedia was about 6 grand cheaper. HUGE relief. Thank you! So, we are still more than last december but more likely to not blow the budget I made two weeks ago. I think I will sleep better tonight now.
OK visas, you better come next week so I can put this part behind me!
On top of all the emotion today I go to do my daily flight price check, flights there went up a few grand over night. I've been watching since we knew our new date and they just keep going up. Only one option is under 1500 - this is for just one of ticket to Russia, nothing within or home. The other options were about 2200- until today. We are looking at an average of 3300 and Expedia's lowest cost was now 7900! That would be just under 16 grand for us to just get there. That would make this near impossible.
This has to work out. It has to.
We need our visas so we can book before we go broke. I need to know we will be OK. I just can't imagine what I would think if this doesn't work.
BIG sigh.
A short time later...
The power of the blog works. Cousin L read this post and messaged me about how these online travel sites store your history and up the prices each time. I was my own worst enemy there for checking everyday. I cleared my history and suddenly Expedia was about 6 grand cheaper. HUGE relief. Thank you! So, we are still more than last december but more likely to not blow the budget I made two weeks ago. I think I will sleep better tonight now.
OK visas, you better come next week so I can put this part behind me!
This Time in a Month...
We will be finishing our last full day in Russia, hopefully!
Today started out with me reading in the waiting room. Clearly I didn't learn the first time and decided to publicly cry by reading about when Nia sees her daughter for the first time. I get my chest X-ray and proceed to shop for some wedding cards to mail.
I am now standing in Chapters staring at the kids blankets, books, baby shower gifts, etc. with a trembling lower lip and the threat of more tears. I can't even bring myself to touch all the super soft animals! I admit to myself I am terrified.
I am so scared that something will go wrong with Dania. I keep pushing away this cloud of terror but it has overtaken me today. I want this to work so badly that it makes me want to throw up. I ache to hold her. I felt that instant connection to her picture that wasn't there with Mak. INSTANT! I am so happy at the thought of her that I want to tell every stranger I see about our upcoming adventure but I am so scared to love her as much as I already do. That scares me to the core because it is a set up for extreme heart break.
Now I am at home, after driving home through tears and sniffles, and I don't even know what to think. I want it to be a month from now so the first trip is done. I want to have a court date with a known end date of thirty days after that!
I want her!
I want to be a mom.
Today started out with me reading in the waiting room. Clearly I didn't learn the first time and decided to publicly cry by reading about when Nia sees her daughter for the first time. I get my chest X-ray and proceed to shop for some wedding cards to mail.
I am now standing in Chapters staring at the kids blankets, books, baby shower gifts, etc. with a trembling lower lip and the threat of more tears. I can't even bring myself to touch all the super soft animals! I admit to myself I am terrified.
I am so scared that something will go wrong with Dania. I keep pushing away this cloud of terror but it has overtaken me today. I want this to work so badly that it makes me want to throw up. I ache to hold her. I felt that instant connection to her picture that wasn't there with Mak. INSTANT! I am so happy at the thought of her that I want to tell every stranger I see about our upcoming adventure but I am so scared to love her as much as I already do. That scares me to the core because it is a set up for extreme heart break.
Now I am at home, after driving home through tears and sniffles, and I don't even know what to think. I want it to be a month from now so the first trip is done. I want to have a court date with a known end date of thirty days after that!
I want her!
I want to be a mom.
Tuesday, April 16, 2013
More Documents!
We just received word we need an update from our social worker and new police reports since both are dated for April 30th, 2011, and will be expired for court. I sent out the emails to the social worker and will go to the police station tomorrow. I'm also going to get a chest x-ray tomorrow and hopefully save a few dollars when we visit.
My mum also gifted me the book "Instant Mom" by Nia Vardalos. I started reading it in Starbucks today, before my doctor's appointment. I was in tears by the end of the prologue. I will NOT be able to read this one in public. In the next part, page 2, Nia says something that I think every person struggling with becoming a parent should know: "Anyone who ever wondered how much they could love a child who did not spring from their own loins, know this: it is the same."
My mum also gifted me the book "Instant Mom" by Nia Vardalos. I started reading it in Starbucks today, before my doctor's appointment. I was in tears by the end of the prologue. I will NOT be able to read this one in public. In the next part, page 2, Nia says something that I think every person struggling with becoming a parent should know: "Anyone who ever wondered how much they could love a child who did not spring from their own loins, know this: it is the same."
Thursday, April 11, 2013
Clinic Appointments Made
OK, our last appointment for the first trip is now made. We go for the medicals in Moscow on the 17th. So, potential timeline is: leave here on the 10th, land in Ufa on the 12th, meeting with the ministry on the 13th and the onto the orphanage, 4 days in the orphanage city, back to Moscow night of the 16th, clinicals all day on the 17, fly home either late that night or early 18th morning. Boo yah!
I also want to mention that the couple I speak to, D & S, just got an offer for a girl too! We don't think they can get their visas in time to visit simultaneously but we are very excited for them and hope our paths cross soon! They are going to be very helpful with the list of questions regarding the trip! Ie, does the couple we stay with have voltage converters? What are Russia's standards on car seats since we won't have one over there? Lol!
I'm also looking forward to the new round of training. I loved the course and how it made Mike and I think. The course we took was very Chinese-based so a Russia specific will be nice. It will also help us with the Russian culture and help us with how to help Kid understand her background.
Added two hours later: we just received the info about the training course. It sounds very much like a college soc/psych course that is very Russian specific. There are five hours of video conference and 45 hours of online coursework. CHOC employees had to go through training in order to become an accredited authority to the Russians. Of course, there is a fee, sigh, but it is much less than anything else and sounds reasonable considering the personalization and "marking" they will do. The course is organized by a different employee of CHOC but it will still be nice to have a "face-to-face" meeting with someone from the agency! The information email said they really spent time making this course to accommodate all clients who didn't live in the GTA. We appreciate that!
I also want to mention that the couple I speak to, D & S, just got an offer for a girl too! We don't think they can get their visas in time to visit simultaneously but we are very excited for them and hope our paths cross soon! They are going to be very helpful with the list of questions regarding the trip! Ie, does the couple we stay with have voltage converters? What are Russia's standards on car seats since we won't have one over there? Lol!
I'm also looking forward to the new round of training. I loved the course and how it made Mike and I think. The course we took was very Chinese-based so a Russia specific will be nice. It will also help us with the Russian culture and help us with how to help Kid understand her background.
Added two hours later: we just received the info about the training course. It sounds very much like a college soc/psych course that is very Russian specific. There are five hours of video conference and 45 hours of online coursework. CHOC employees had to go through training in order to become an accredited authority to the Russians. Of course, there is a fee, sigh, but it is much less than anything else and sounds reasonable considering the personalization and "marking" they will do. The course is organized by a different employee of CHOC but it will still be nice to have a "face-to-face" meeting with someone from the agency! The information email said they really spent time making this course to accommodate all clients who didn't live in the GTA. We appreciate that!
Wednesday, April 10, 2013
More Training
Russia has set forth regulations for adoption training more specific to the Russian regulations. The course has to be minimum 30 (and up to 80) hours of training with
certificate, and a confirmation should be provided that the provider of
the courses is authorized to conduct them (copy of the provider's
license/authorization letter).
Topics to be covered include:
*The decision to adopt internationally
* What is international adoption like for a child?
* Building the family together and resolving emotional issues
* Understanding and building attachment
* Managing behavior and building new skills
* Addressing educational issues
* Parental survival skills
* Professional medical and psychological help for your child
Luckily, CHOC has designed a course specific to Russia and it can be done via Skype. They will be contacting us when they set up a time, hopefully over several evenings ora few weekends.
In the meantime, I have made our budget... more than we thought. Sigh. I don't understand why flights are more now than at the end of last year. I over guesstimate always' though' so maybe it won't be as bad as we think.
No tickets booked yet, but we probably leave one month today!
certificate, and a confirmation should be provided that the provider of
the courses is authorized to conduct them (copy of the provider's
license/authorization letter).
Topics to be covered include:
*The decision to adopt internationally
* What is international adoption like for a child?
* Building the family together and resolving emotional issues
* Understanding and building attachment
* Managing behavior and building new skills
* Addressing educational issues
* Parental survival skills
* Professional medical and psychological help for your child
Luckily, CHOC has designed a course specific to Russia and it can be done via Skype. They will be contacting us when they set up a time, hopefully over several evenings ora few weekends.
In the meantime, I have made our budget... more than we thought. Sigh. I don't understand why flights are more now than at the end of last year. I over guesstimate always' though' so maybe it won't be as bad as we think.
No tickets booked yet, but we probably leave one month today!
Tuesday, April 9, 2013
New Dates
May 13 is our new appointment with the Ministry in Ufa! I am so glad we are in the middle of the month and not at the end. CHOC is now looking to make our clinic appointments in Moscow for the 17-ish.
Time to make new budgets and order foreign currency and prepare to meet Dania!l
Time to make new budgets and order foreign currency and prepare to meet Dania!l
Thursday, April 4, 2013
GAH!
The visa centre guarenteed that we will NOT receive our visas in time for our appointment on the 24th. I am so upset. GAH! Russia and Canada need to fast track their communications for situations like this - no espionage anywhere near us!!!
Mike spent some time on the phone with the visa centre so we are 100% sure we cannot do anything to rush receiving them before the 24th. TWO DAYS!
It's ok. Breathe. Think of the Counting Crows song that you were crying to in the car on the way home from work today, "Round here she's always on my mind. Round here, hey man, I got lots of time."
CHOC has emailed their reps that this appointment must be changed and the visa situation is completely out of our hands. Of course, I freak out and think this will count against us somehow. I had to email CHOC back and make sure Dania wouldn't be re-proposed to a couple that could make it there sooner. Mike spoke with our rep at CHOC and said she was very empathetic to the situation and new we must be upset that this couldn't work our right now. I was too upset to call and talk!
Better now. Breathing now. Stomach not in knots waiting to see if our visas will make it.
I am pissed because I was going to make up our budget of US cash and Roubles needs tomorrow but now I fully can't because I don't know how many days we will be needing to pay translators, housing, drivers, etc. GAH!
Our hope is that we can keep our medical appointment on the 29th and make that the beginning of the trip. That is a HUGE hope though since Russia goes on vacation May 1 - 6 and the 9th. We would need a whole stable of horses' horseshoes up our asses!
What progress has been made? Well, Mike and I both got our HIV tests for the visas. We also got a few other tests so we can hopefully save a bit of money at the medicals in Moscow. Mike was able to get a chest x-ray too so that should help too; maybe with the extra weeks I will be able to get one too.
I will keep schooling and keep crocheting and hope that the next appointment is not too late in May - I just want to meet you Dani!
GAH! More waiting!
ps. The meow mix song does nothing. This glass of wine does though...
Mike spent some time on the phone with the visa centre so we are 100% sure we cannot do anything to rush receiving them before the 24th. TWO DAYS!
It's ok. Breathe. Think of the Counting Crows song that you were crying to in the car on the way home from work today, "Round here she's always on my mind. Round here, hey man, I got lots of time."
CHOC has emailed their reps that this appointment must be changed and the visa situation is completely out of our hands. Of course, I freak out and think this will count against us somehow. I had to email CHOC back and make sure Dania wouldn't be re-proposed to a couple that could make it there sooner. Mike spoke with our rep at CHOC and said she was very empathetic to the situation and new we must be upset that this couldn't work our right now. I was too upset to call and talk!
Better now. Breathing now. Stomach not in knots waiting to see if our visas will make it.
I am pissed because I was going to make up our budget of US cash and Roubles needs tomorrow but now I fully can't because I don't know how many days we will be needing to pay translators, housing, drivers, etc. GAH!
Our hope is that we can keep our medical appointment on the 29th and make that the beginning of the trip. That is a HUGE hope though since Russia goes on vacation May 1 - 6 and the 9th. We would need a whole stable of horses' horseshoes up our asses!
What progress has been made? Well, Mike and I both got our HIV tests for the visas. We also got a few other tests so we can hopefully save a bit of money at the medicals in Moscow. Mike was able to get a chest x-ray too so that should help too; maybe with the extra weeks I will be able to get one too.
I will keep schooling and keep crocheting and hope that the next appointment is not too late in May - I just want to meet you Dani!
GAH! More waiting!
ps. The meow mix song does nothing. This glass of wine does though...
Monday, April 1, 2013
Determination
Now that the dates are "set" I feel like this is more real. We are playing it safe and waiting until we have a better idea from the visa centre about timing before we purchase tickets. I feel like it WILL work though. I have this over riding sense of determination. It was not apparent the first time because I was so excited and naively happy with the situation. Now, I'm a bit smarter and I know what could happen, there is this determination that is growing from the pit of my stomach. I want this to work SO bad!
It may sound like I'm setting myself up for heart ache again but, if Dania does fall through, I will have learned something else besides caution and trust in fate. I will probably curse fate and not know what this new found knowledge is until I calm down and stop hurting, but I will have learned.
In the meantime, I have been trying to firm up our budget for the first trip. We will need to buy Roubles to pay for the clinic in Moscow and we will need US cash for everything else. I have asked CHOC to double check that no fees have changed with the turn of the new year. She will return the info to me on Wednesday.
I also have a doctor's appointment to obtain the blood work requisitions for my rushed HIV test and for the other possible Rouble saving tests we can get here for free.
I also keep monitoring flights. They are more expensive now than at Christmas - what the? The money difference is not as big of a setback since, hopefully, we will not need a return ticket for Kid!
It may sound like I'm setting myself up for heart ache again but, if Dania does fall through, I will have learned something else besides caution and trust in fate. I will probably curse fate and not know what this new found knowledge is until I calm down and stop hurting, but I will have learned.
In the meantime, I have been trying to firm up our budget for the first trip. We will need to buy Roubles to pay for the clinic in Moscow and we will need US cash for everything else. I have asked CHOC to double check that no fees have changed with the turn of the new year. She will return the info to me on Wednesday.
I also have a doctor's appointment to obtain the blood work requisitions for my rushed HIV test and for the other possible Rouble saving tests we can get here for free.
I also keep monitoring flights. They are more expensive now than at Christmas - what the? The money difference is not as big of a setback since, hopefully, we will not need a return ticket for Kid!
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