Spoke too soon...

Ummmm, so ALMOST completely normal feeling.  I have not stopped crying since I woke up today.  This must be my hormones finally fixing themselves.  Every cute photo of kids' valentine's to their folks has me bawling.  I watch SMASH and she reads a letter to the mother of her adoptive child and I'm a blubbering fool.  We get the phone call that our adoptive training is booked and I can hardly speak on the phone.  I go to the store to buy a small gift for Steve and Shelly's new baby and I weep at every single item in there.  The only thing that didn't make me cry was the drilling at the dentist (too nervous).  There's a lot of love being expressed today and it's hitting me to the core.

I wrote a letter to Mike... my home made valentine, if you will.   I cried while composing it (of course)

Happy Valentine’s Day.

I cannot thank you enough for your love.  Seriously, I never could finish giving you the proper gratitude for your understanding and compromising – especially over the last year.  I have a lot of love to give and share but so do you and we both deserve to share it with kids.  Unlike me, you have the ability to naturally carry and process challenges and change and that is the best gift you have given me.

If I didn’t have someone like you I wouldn’t have been able to handle my diagnosis.  I wouldn’t have been able to speak my mind, despite my gut wrenching fear of scaring you away.  I wouldn’t have the strength or means to pursue the path I want to in order to build my family.  If I didn’t have someone like you… I wouldn’t have YOU. 

I truly believe that the moment we decided to adopt our child was chosen for us – similar to the moment of conception.  Every move we make now is just leading us to that child.  Every hiccup or delay has a reason.  Every seemingly unfair situation or lack of an option is just a detour heading in his direction.  I am sorry you will not watch him grow from the beginning, but we will have more anniversaries with him and so many momentous “birthdays” to romanticize and celebrate. 

I am so grateful to have you. 

I love you.