Christmas 2014

Christmas was so different for Dania this year!  She understands who Santa is, doesn't quite get that he comes and brings presents on only one night.  She understood the decorations and appreciated all the neighbourhood lights and our tree.  She understood how to open presents this year too!  We made her the dollhouse and that was definitely from Mama and Daddy (are you kidding me?  I want credit for making that.  Santa didn't do anything there!) and she had a few gifts from Santa.  We didn't do stockings because she doesn't really understand that Santa fills stockings and pillow cases.   She had so much fun playing with the new toys and was only a little overwhelmed with everything on the big day.  So much to choose from!  

Something that has really struck me was her love of the Christmas music.  She is such a musical little girl and Christmas songs are so easy and simple that I would hear her singing them and know exactly what she was singing.  I am also told that she dances the whole day long at daycare.  She is doing really well there and even talks about one of the girls.  It's so funny to hear.  This is a little girl that cries a lot, which furthers my theory that Dania is very empathetic.  Daycare is having the effect that I wanted because we were at a friend's house for a party and there were a bunch of kids running around and she was only hesitant for about an hour instead of the entire time.  She even started playing a game of catch with two of the girls, which I had never seen her do before!  It was so cute to watch her figure out how to play and how the older girl encouraged Dania to do well.  I was not the only person who was impressed with how it all went down.  I even had a friend get a little teary-eyed... she was quite far into the wine, but I loved how proud she got over Dania because of course that's how I feel too.  

Now, as she is becoming more independent she definitely is challenging us more and more.  She is so quick to just scream if we say no.  We are actually having to use time outs on a daily basis to calm her down.  She is also purposely not listening to us when we ask her to do some things.  It can be quite infuriating but I know it's part of development in all kids.  I still can't believe HOW different she is from last year at this time when she hardly said anything, not interacting very much with people other than Mike and me, and completely clinging to me in a larger group.  She's so awesome.  She even made us our first Christmas presents through school.  We got the classic mold of her hand and a couple ornaments.  AND!  She will be getting her second hair cut this week.  It's been over a year since her first but it has finally grown thick enough and long enough that it needs a shaping.  I'm looking forward to the new year and all the new growing and developing she will do!

Pantomime Time

For the fourth year in a row, I've participated in the annual pantomime at a local community theatre.  No, not MIME... pantomime.

Pantomime (informally panto), is a type of musical comedy stage production, designed for family entertainment. It was developed in England and is generally performed during the Christmas and New Year season. Modern pantomime includes songs, slapstick comedy and dancing, employs gender-crossing actors, and combines topical humour with a story loosely based on a well-known fairy tale. It is a participatory form of theatre, in which the audience is expected to sing along with certain parts of the music and shout out phrases to the performers. (Thank you Wikipedia).

Anyhow, it's the reason I've been missing several nights a week from home and super busy and unable to update.  Once the show opened, I am the busiest I get all year.  This year, I was excited to bring Dania to a dress rehearsal to see Mama on stage and to hear some of the songs.  The kid doesn't sit to watch anything longer than 15 minutes so I didn't want to bring her to an actual performance and leave an empty seat for the majority of the show.  She totally blew my mind and stayed for 1 hour 16 minutes!  That was the entire first act and 2/3 of the show!  She LOVED it!  I have to say, I loved seeing her from the stage and it was adorable how she wasn't quite heavy enough to keep the folding seat down completely.  Whenever a song started, she'd start dancing and the seat would fold up and down.  I come out on stage and hear her say, 'Mama!'  Adorable.  She would even participate when encouraged...it might have come late, but she still did.  For example, "Say 'hi' to Lightning everyone!" (Lightning is the horse) and 5 minutes later you could hear her say "HI LIGHTNING!"  The other actors kept telling me about stuff she'd do or say while they were on stage.  She also loved the dog puppet one actor always had on him.  Every time he came on stage I could hear her repeat "baby dog" and say 'hi' to it.  She kept talking about it at home too.  I had to tell her that he wasn't a baby because his name was Ol' Feller.  Well, he became Ol' Baby Dog from that point on.  She would also tell everyone "Mama blue eyes, Mama play" because I had sparkling blue eye shadow on as my character's name was Sapphire.  After she saw me on stage, she actually got excited when I would prepare to leave in the evening.  'Mama sing, Mama dance, Mama play' and then constantly repeat Ol' Baby Dog over and over and sing the name.  She talked about Ol' Baby Dog so much I had to bring her in before the show one night so she could see and talk to the puppet personally.  My coactor was so awesome and sat with her and the dog for a good bit of time while Dania just kept hugging and kissing and petting the dog.  She still sings his name every day!  

I gotta say, this kid LOVES to sing.  She has even become obsessed with the song Let it Go from Frozen.  Now, she hasn't watched the movie, but she will watch the music video 21 times back-to-back no problem.  I was even told in the grocery store that she was a good singer as another lady recognized the song... I wasn't even prompting Dania, she was all on her own.  

She is also loving Christmas music.  Mike always has it on in the car and of course every store plays it.  She is always bopping her head or dancing.  I'm actually very excited for Christmas this year.  I have put over 250 hours into building her a doll house.  I started in July.  Photos will come when I can show off the WHOLE thing.  

She also just had a visit from Gramma for a few days.  It was great watching them together.  Plus, she got Christmas gifts early, not that she gets what Christmas is, she just got excited because she got new stuff!  Above is her Elsa and Olaf and she also got a scooter.  She carries Elsa everywhere.  So cute.

Proud to be Canadian!

It's official!  Dania is Canadian!  We got the certificate in the mail yesterday and it was issued November 12!   Only 4 days shy of 15 months of her landing on Canadian soil and she is now Canadian!  I was so happy when I walked in the door and Mike said, "guess who is Canadain?!?!"  She had no idea why I was making her hold the certificate and smile but she did it anyway and looks SO proud!

Transition

A lot has happened and that is why it has taken so long to post again!

Firstly, I received a letter from Canadian Citizenship Services asking me to mail her actual permanent resident card as it gets sent back to immigration officials once citizenship is granted.  This must mean I filled out the forms correctly!  Yeah!   It was definitely not a document asked for in the initial package (just a certified true copy) and if they are asking for it now, I would think that would mean they are ready to grant it but, just like an old passport, they can't have a legal document flitting around that could be misused.   It is now in the self-addressed envelope (postage not paid with a fancy government prepaid stamp grrr) ready to be dropped in the mailbox.

We also had a followup eye appointment.  This went okay.  She def didn't want to sit still for the evaluations this time, probably because she can see all the cool stuff in the office now.   We have some homework from them.  I have the kids version of the letter eye charts (house, apple, circle, square) and I am to work on those with her at home while covering one side of her glasses at a time.  The worry is that because her prescription is much stronger on the one side that she might only really be using one side to look at things.  Basically, I have to first get her used to having one glasses lens covered and then work up to having naming lines on that eye chart.  We go back in January for them to look at this specifically.

Halloween was an interesting experience for her.  She had no idea what it all meant and won't remember it, but totally had fun knocking on doors and saying trick or treat.  Daddy collected the candy for her so I don't even think she really understood that she was getting candy.  She doesn't ask for it now with the bag sitting in Mike's office.  She just liked that she could finally go touch all the pumpkins on everyone's porch!

She has now also transitioned into daycare one day a week!  I really needed the day and I needed her to learn to be in a big group because she just shuts down if it is a group bigger than four or five kids.  By shutting down I mean standing and staring, and not taking-it-all-in staring... zombie staring where she isn't focused on anything.  It's obvious anxiety or feelings of some sort being stirred up from when she was in the orphanage and I want that worked out before she can go to preschool in 3-1/2 months!  We got into one where she knows one boy (who will be moving up to preschool at the end of this month so he can't become a crutch) to help her out and she clearly was happy about that!
     We did a transition week where I stayed with her the first day and we played for 2 hours.  She took in the room and the kids and was clingy but she definitely wanted to participate.
     The second day I stayed for an hour and then left here there for 2.  She cried a lot.  I could tell when I picked her up that she'd been crying (she is going to be an ugly crier.  Instant red blotches and super puffed up eyes).  I guess she had kept saying, "I need Mama!"  Heartbreaker!
     Day three had me dropping her and leaving right away and her staying for lunch.  The ladies told me she cried for a little at the beginning but then settled in and participated in the crafts and stories.  Got a little sad outside because they think she thought she was going home when they got her dressed for outdoors, but she cheered up and ran around.  Then she ate a good bowl of quinoa and many handfuls of grapes.   She was very excited to see me and we have now worked out that when she gets said and says, "no Mama go," that I ask her if Mama comes back, to which she responds, "yeeeaaaaa," in a sad voice.  Hahaha!  I also noticed that she has started to ride her scoot-around at home by standing on the back wheel rod and holding the handlebars and kicking with her one leg so it is more like a scooter.  I noticed that a lot of the kids do this on the playground so she obviously took that to heart!
     Day four she cried for about 5 minutes when I left her and then was fine.  She stayed for nap this day too.  They said she got upset when she woke up, understandable though since she's never waken up here before!  I picked her up shortly after nap time was done and she was quite gibberish-full on the way home!
     The last transition day, her first full day, they said she cried for about 30 seconds and then had a great day.  She did art and participated in the stories, napped, ate some lunch (good to hear that it's not just us that she doesn't want to eat her whole meal for!), and had a great time.  She is definitely more vocal since this week (screeching! grrrr) but my hope was that it helps her speech develop and I think that will come very quickly for her.  My other hope is that it helps her stick up for herself and become more assertive.  Right now, she lets herself have her toys taken from her, gives up her places in line on playground equipment (even if she is sitting at the top of the slide she will move if she sees another kid is halfway up the ladder) and her turn in games.  She lets herself be pushed and doesn't say anything and I don't like that.   I don't want her to turn into a mean kid, I just want her to know that everyone gets a turn equally and that includes her!

She is singing a lot more and even making up her own songs.  She's starting to get into jigsaw-style puzzles.  She is still pretty combative with me over anything that sounds remotely like me trying to get her to speak properly, but is also picking up on my emotions and becoming sympathetic to moods other than sad and crying.  She is getting her colours down and definitely has all her letters now.  Getting much better at telling us when she has to go to the bathroom.  She is a lot of fun and still makes me smile every morning when she says, "hi Mama!"

Speech with Glasses

We had our first speech pathology with glasses on and it was fantastic.  The speech pathologist was so impressed and ecstatic with her attention and participation and (still blows my mind) patience.  She was clearly watching the lip and tongue directions and trying to mimic in a more intense manner.  The speech pathologist even jumped to different activities now that Dania wasn't bending so close and clearly could see flash cards and books better.  Dania was awesome.  The B and P is becoming much more deliberate.  Still not as tolerant at home if I ask her to try again.  Next will be the D and T.  We have to work on getting her to stick her tongue out when she attempts to say those sounds because that will get it out of the back of her throat and then we can get her to retract the tongue once she is doing that consistently.  It's too hard to explain to her to put it behind her teeth at the top of her mouth... she can't see us doing that.  We are also to start working on three-word sentences.  Already have been doing so, but she gave us a whole bunch of scenarios to incorporate.  She also blew bubbles for the first time.  Well, blew bubbles with her mouth and not her nose for the first time ahahaha.  I don't know if it was the glasses and she could see what we were doing better or if she just finally put 2 and 2 together and figured out she could make more bubbles that way.  I was happy!  Still won't do the harmonica at home... just holds it in her mouth and hums!

Aside from speech, her little temper is starting to become the wonderful terrible two's temper.  Everything I suggest is met with NOOOOOO! with a full-body tense up and tipping her head to the side to shout it over her shoulder.  Sigh.  She's starting to understand options and conditions we are putting on things; you can have more cereal if you eat this piece of pear.   She is blowing my mind with letter recognition.  Now that she can see she is pointing out letters on signs all over the place and accurately stating which letter it is.   She got very excited at the F in the word "fresh" at the store today.  She picks her alphabet cereal out of the bowl and knows the letters perfectly too.

Her seasonal obsession right now is pumpkins.  SO excited when she sees them on people's steps during our Leia walks.  What is with the sudden barrage of white pumpkins this year?  They are out in equal numbers to the orange... weird.  She pats and kisses every pumpkin close enough to touch - the outside displays at the grocery store take about 20 minutes to walk past hahaha.  It's cute.  I've started to just tell her they are too heavy for us and she leaves them.   That's a new word for her, 'heavy.'  Except she uses it for anything that is difficult.  If she can't get up the stairs alone, they are heavy.  If she cannot put the box of cereal in the cupboard because she is trying to do it sideways, it is heavy.  Puzzle piece not fitting?  Heavy.  I'm trying not to say 'hard' when I correct her because hard is a texture we are working on too!  I always laugh when she says heavy because it makes me think of in Back to the Future when Marty McFly keeps saying things are heavy, in keeping with his 80's slang, and Doc Brown thinks there is something different with the gravitational pull in the future because of these comments.

Swimming lessons are getting better!  I think the water was just too cold and the place was too chaotic for her on that first lesson.  She is enjoying them now and kicking and falling off the wall to us in the water.  She had a pool party on the weekend for a friend's birthday and she had a ball there.  Our local pool is a wave pool so you can sit up in the shallow end and let the waves knock you around.   Water in her face?  Yes, please!  Weirdo hahaha.  Man, I love her.

She doesn't always need the waves to knock her over as she loves to fall down all on her own hahaha.

The only other thing going on now is that because our adoption agency is defunct (just disappeared after a year of no work) we have this contract with Russia saying we would provide post-placement reports for the next 2 years, but now have no one to send them too.  Asking around online, some people are doing them up themselves and then sending them to their orphanage's regional Ministry of Education but on the other hand, we had given the agency a bunch of money in trust to complete this for us and ensure proper translation, legalization, and delivery of the document.  I'm of one mind that if Russia doesn't want us to adopt their kids anymore than they can't be that concerned about how she is doing presently.  I feel a bit bad because we said in court that we would do this and our judge was so nice, and the money we gave the agency would have been spent on this anyway so it would have been gone (just being spent over a longer period of time instead of disappearing all at once) so we don't have that amount to 'double spend', and our social worker has retired now.   The other mind I have is that maybe providing successful post-placement reports will help to lift the ban of adoption as they see how great all their kids are doing.  I also do want the orphanage to know how she is doing as we donated a bunch of money on her behalf to help others with clefts and other physical ailments.  Big sigh.  It's like the government 'threat' will hang over me for a long time now!

Postop Followup

We had a postoperative followup with both of her surgeons and the audiology clinic.  As always, she enjoyed riding the elevators all over the hospital.  She did get very quiet when seeing the cleft palate surgeon because I do think she remembered him and what he meant (pain) to her.  After we just talked and he let her slide down the dentist chair instead of sitting in it!  He peaked in her mouth with the mirror while she sat with me and that was all he needed.  He told me he was extremely pleased with how it looks.  The palate is raising up like it should (I never thought of it as doing that, but I look in there almost everyday), and the scars are looking like they should and no stretching or pulling.  He was also happy to hear her making so much noise and asked about her speech progress as a whole.  We also talked about her nasal regurgitation.  I told him how it only comes out of one nostril now and only when it is something more liquidy.  He explained that her swallowing and chewing will take a long time to change as she was so used to holding her tongue one way to help her swallow and she is probably still doing it.  He is confident it will change and remedy the regurgitation.

Next we headed off to the ENT Clinic and met with the surgeon who put in her tubes.  She didn't really care about his presence because he never looked in her mouth!  The tubes were perfect and they had no concerns.  We will see them again in 6 months and then they might even be able to come out!  Then she can have bubble baths again because the soap won't cling to the plastic tubes and cause ear aches from clogging up as it dries!

Lastly, we had a hearing check that was finally successful.  I laughed when the ENT Clinic told me her files from the other office we have tried to get her hearing checked said she wasn't cooperative.   The kid normally sits on my lap and makes no sound.  The first time she cried because it turned out she had a slight ear infection.  At the followup she did't make a peep but they didn't have adapters that were small enough to fit in her ears.  She would sit there and as the test was going on the tube would slowly work its way out and fall in her lap.  The third attempt was the same with the tubes not fitting.  The woman even said to me that they didn't have tubes small enough to stay in her ears and then made a followup for a month later (I remember thinking, how are the tubes going to fit in a month if they don't fit now!?).  I missed the fourth attempt and they never called to say I missed it or make a followup.  It is the same office that I go to every 3 weeks for speech pathology but I'm starting to wonder if they actually scheduled that last attempt or if I imagined that phone call!  Either way, this time she sat on my my lap perfectly and didn't flinch at the tubes being put in (ones that were small enough because they didn't budge once they were fit) and she passed with flying colours.  The woman said the volume response is just below ideal but she thinks it is because her canals are so narrow because everything else was perfect.  This was good to know to finally have a baseline for her hearing!

So, that was 6 months from the last visit.  We will probably go to 12-month intervals after the next one.  She is best case scenario for them all! (Us too!)

5 and 7

Well, just got back from the doctor's office.  It is official that she grew 7 inches and gained 5 pounds in a year hahaha!  Wish I only gained 5 pounds in a whole year...

A Whole New World

We picked up her glasses today and it was amazing to watch her response.  I was so curious to see what would happen because she can see things, just not clearly.  As soon as they were on and she took a look at the lady who just fitted her, she started nodding her head up and down to see through and then above the lenses.  We all giggled.  The lady then took the glasses off because she realized the arms were too long.  She couldn't find shorter arms, so they are on order, but she got a head strap and put the glasses back on her and made it so they wouldn't slide down her bridge-less nose.  She ran around a bit and then she stood up and it kind of dawned on her that it was different on a bigger scale.  Her mouth actually dropped open and she was looking around the store as a 'big picture' for the first time.  SO ADORABLE!  We went for a walk in the mall and went under the skylight and when she was looking she said, "woooOOOOoow!" because she could see the details of the clouds through the skylight!  She also ran to a store that had a shelf of stuffed animals on a front display - like, ran from far away because she saw what it was!  I let her play with those for a bit and then wanted to take her to the book store.  She sat on the ground and opened a book and did the "wooOOOOooow!" again.  She doesn't always do this for books but I cannot say whether it was for the new clarity and being able to take in a page as a whole or if it was because there was a shiny spot on the page; either way, she didn't keep hitting herself with the pages while she looked at the book because she wasn't as stooped over!

Now, after a whole weekend, I can say that they have made a bigger difference then I imagined.  She giggles and laughs SO much more now - which I adore!  She can see our expressions better and mimics so much more.  She stood under a tree on a walk and just stared up (I'm assuming noticing the layers of leaves for the first time), she saw all the fun stuff at the waterfront at the same time Mike and I saw it, she pays attention to things for a longer time in general!   She watched the small tv we have in the upstairs for the first time ever!  I took her downstairs and she sat in a chair instead of standing directly in front of the big screen - not for a very long time though.  What can I say?  Old habits die hard!  She skyped with my family and giggled more at their faces because she could see them clearer too (and also at the little face of her in the corner because THAT was now like looking in a mirror for her).  She has not tried to take them off herself since we left the store on Friday morning.  She asked once to have them off but when I shot her down she just kept doing what she was doing without a fuss.  I think it's the strap on the back of her head pushing her hair that bothers her more than the actual glasses.  She has not fought us once when we put them on after waking her up in the morning or at nap.  AND, my fav, she can actually lay in bed beside me while we read bedtime stories.  She doesn't have to sit up each time I turn the page to see the smile on Gerald's face that she knows is there!  Then, she also doesn't cause a stink when we take them to say goodnight.  It has been an absolute joy to watch her with her new eyes.  

(crap, I thought I'd get through that whole thing without tearing up and there I go on the last sentence.)

Vindicated!

I got a call yesterday from the Eye Clinic saying they had a cancellation today and could we make it at 9:45?  Heck yes, we can!  I have been waiting for this because as she grows more and does not stop looking at things close up, I feel more and more that she needs glasses.  I know she can see far away shapes, like, she knows a slide is a slide... but she never really looks at things unless she can hold it to her nose.  

Long story short - she needs glasses... big time.  The doctor looks in her right eye with a lens and says, "oh my, are you ever myopic!"  She is -7.5 in one eye and -5 in the other and then has astigmatism on top if it.  This kid has NEVER seen anything in the distance in focus!  I am SO excited to take her for her first walk or to even look at a book and not have her bend right over it and block the text!  They said kids with myopia are usually the ones that keep their glasses on without trouble because they are actually SEEING now!  This is also something that she will live with forever so it's best that we got on top of it now.  I dropped her prescription off and got her fitted for baby glasses on the way back from the appointment and they should be ready in a week and a half!  I'm hoping that by next weekend my baby girl will see!

Long story long... and it's gonna be long because I find it SO fascinating!

First of all, I was worried she was going to be cranky because she, like me, is not a morning person.  She wants to be left alone to enjoy her coffee (cereal) and then do something quiet (read) until she wakes up.   I got her a muffin and she was fine.  Even hugged the muffin before eating it.  When we get to the hospital she is excited because she remembers the elevators - better than remembering the surgery!  Ha!  We ride up 6 floors, register, and after a quick "WooOOOOOwwww!" at the fish tank and before she can even play with the toys they are calling her name.  We go into the room and I sit her on my lap in 'the chair' and she gets quiet.  I notice the Sesame Street finger puppets and start playing with her while the optometrist came in to do the initial evaluation.

I was really keen to know what they did since I knew babies can't say their answers... she started with pupil reaction to light, then to reacting to light from different angles.  She did some focus testing by having her look through a prism at an image that has now been split into 2 images to see if she flicks focus back and forth between the two.  She had a flashlight with an end that had 1 one light, 2 green lights, and 1 red light in a diamond pattern and put on the red-green glasses and had her point to the lights (she even counted them aloud).  She did distance testing by turning a television on and off.  She had these slats that were grey with a square that was made of grey and white lines located somewhere on it.  The slats started with very wide lines, making the square very obvious.  She would (blind to the location herself so as not to unintentionally suggest the answer) flip the slat over and have Dania point to the square.  She nailed it.  LOL!  They also did some perception testing with 3D images... Dania didn't like those very much, or, at least, wouldn't touch the images.  She would say her sound for 'ball' and point but not actually try to touch the 3D ball - I guess that happens a lot with little kiddos.  She did some other light testing that I have no idea what it did because I saw the back of her head and it didn't look any different from the initial testing - it might have been different coloured lights and the pupil reaction.  So, all in all?  This part took about 30 minutes and she sat so well and they kept commenting on that.  They also took an oral history from me and I told them about the adoption and that it was noted in her info given to us.  I told them that I have always noticed she looks at things closely and doesn't pay attention to things farther away for very long and that my gut said it wasn't attention span because she will sit and play with her Leapfrog reader for an hour!  I told them how it was my family doc that referred us to the eye doctor and how we saw him once, he told us to come back with the drops, and then he told us she was near sighted and referred us to the people that can deal with kids properly.  Then she had to put the dilating drops in her eyes.  Enter the tears - that I think were more from boredom and sitting still than anything.  Now we had to go to the waiting room and wait for the drops to kick in.

She played, happily, and seemingly unaffected by the drops.  She was not walking weird or seemingly having a messed up depth perception from the drops.  She did disregard the books quickly and opted for staring at the fish tank at length.  After about 30 minutes she asked me for Pocoyo.  Now, this is a show on youtube that we watch sometimes and I wasn't about to say 'no' when I had no idea how much longer we were going to be.   I also knew her vision must be screwy by now so I pull out my phone, find the show, press play, and her name is called.  So, we are now going into this next part with an anticlimactic Pocoyo experience...

She was so good!  It blew my mind her patience!  She wouldn't have this for me at home but she is also an inquisitive girl and was fascinated by the new activities going on close to her.  She did ask for Pocoyo in between every lens trial though!  So, this new session involved the Ophthalmology fellow and a student.  They were both so nice and very patient and clearly used to working with kids (automatically lowered their chairs, put smiles on their faces and raised the tones of their voices).  This was the part where an adult sits behind the big lens machine and looks at the alphabet chart (I know it has a real name) and tells the doc if number 1 or number 2 is more focused.  For a kid?  They have mum sit Kid on her lap and gently keep her head forward (I say gently because I'm sure for the 3 times I had to adjust Dania that others have had to do 30 or just brace their child's head).  I think she has this fear/reverence for doctors.  She has a love/hate relationship with them because the first bit of her life was composed of a lot of poking and prodding - especially in the mouth and ears - but has now experienced long-term results and 'get's it.'  Anyway!  He started with her right eye, chose a lens strength that was to an extreme (I don't know what extreme!) and holds it to her eye with a light scope and looks at her inner eye reaction.  This is where he exclaimed, "oh my!  Are you ever myopic!"  He then tries a bunch of different strengths and just like with adults, flicks back to the one he thinks is right while going to extremes and ever-so-slight variances.  He finds the one he thinks is good and then starts on the adjustment for her astigmatism.  After about 15 minutes, he finds the right combo for the right eye.  This whole time she has sat so still on my lap and listened to every direction from the doctor.  He would say, 'oh, chin down,' and I knew he was talking to me but she would then put her chin to her chest and he would laugh, 'oh, not that much!' and she would bring it up a little.  He kept telling her how smart she was.  Made me really proud!  It takes a bit longer for the left eye because she's done this all before now.  He starts getting her eye to look at the right spot by saying, 'HEL-looooo!'  To which she immediately says it back.  The student is laughing off to the side and making his hand creep up on her and making faces - he's going to be good with little ones!  After about 35 minutes total, the doc has the right combo and writes me a prescription and we sit and chat about what it means and I ask all my questions about what it was he was actually doing so I understood it enough to tell it here!  At this point, I do put Pocoyo on the phone for her to watch!  They laughed at the dancing that ensued.

The fellow told me that this was something that couldn't be corrected.  She will need glasses forever.  Ok, no big deal.  I had initially thought it might be correctable but I am not as concerned with her keeping them on because she will wear sunglasses outside for a long time and I wear glasses and she points that out a lot.  I think about how my prescription has a similar astigmatism to Dania's but that my eyes are 7 times and 5 times better than hers and I get major headaches if I sit at the computer without them.  What does she get?!?!  It makes me wonder if she has ever seen far away to understand near and far!?  After a lot of my questions were answered, the fellow goes to get the ophthalmologist and she comes in to talk to us.

She sits down and immediately begins asking about Russia.  What region is she from?  How much history do you know?  What tests did she have over there?  How come it took so long to get here?  Okay, the last one?  Not a Russia thing... that was the Eye Clinic and Canadian health care system.  I made sure she knew that  (and please, I am not knocking it at all!  I LOVE our healthcare.  I just felt slightly off put because of this sudden barrage of questions and nothing to do with the eyes!).  She takes a big breath after she asks what age we brought her home and then tells me that was the same age her son was when she brought him home from Moscow!  HOLY MOLY!  Seriously?!?!?!  What are the odds?!?!  It's been 6 years for her now since her adoption but as soon as she told me that she instantly warmed up and seemed so involved and concerned.  She explained that her region was important because of ethnic physical features (wider set eyes, flatter bridge of nose, almond eyes) to be taken into consideration but also because she was curious about our knowledge of hereditary syndromes.  It's none, by the way.  She said that there are syndromes from that region related to cleft palate and myopia that would be worth considering for the long run.  She asked if I would be okay with a referral to genetic medicine for testing to see if the 2 problems are genetically related or not.  I have no problem with that!  I was excited when she said it!  So fascinating!  I do a lot of genetic transcriptions in my job and was giddy at the thought of being part of this unique world;  moreover, it would almost be like being given a link to her past that we don't know!  This would be something that, if relevant, would affect any biological offspring and her long-term healthcare.  Such syndromes, the most obvious being Stickler's syndrome, which I had heard of (thank you new job!) can progress quickly without intervention and treatment (aka, eyesight and hearing getting worse without aid) and can affect connective tissues and cause joint pains/arthritis in the long run.  Despite what it can cause, just knowing can help with future healthcare needs.  I have to wonder if this ophthalmologist hadn't adopted from Russia herself if Dania's file would have stuck out in her immediate thoughts like this (remember, only yesterday she was given the file)?  I mean, I do not doubt that this connection would have been brought up eventually by one of the many specialists but now that we have these 2 conditions to work with and a woman who recognized the regional relevance, we have a starting point for possible special action.  SO DANG FASCINATING!

So much of Dania has seemed 'meant to be' in this process... this is a scientific aspect that I never could have predicted!

As I said, we went to the glasses store that was recommended as specializing in little ones and would also consider the flat bridge of her nose and we had frames within 10 minutes of walking into the store.  I didn't expect a wide array of choice with what is considered 'baby' frames.  I got to choose dark copper versus gold and then the colour of her plastic arm cover that wraps around her ears.  Either way, the store kept proclaiming how good she was and she only had to sit for a total of 2 minutes (three times with different widths of glasses and twice for the pupil distance measure).  At this point, she was asking for the ice cream I promised her for good behaviour.  HAHAHAHA!  We did get a pumpkin pie blizzard to share, but we also walked away with the order of glasses to be delivered in a week and a half!  SO EXCITING!  Seriously, like, beyond exciting to think that she will really see for the first time because she was worse than I had thought!  She won't have to stop and work to see things and will be able to catch things at a glance or in dimmer lighting!  WOW!  I can't wait!  I can't even explain to her what she is about to experience!  HOLY MOLY!

A Star is Born

Dania nailed her first audition!  Yeah!  Seriously though, I'm not one of those dance moms or pageant moms (although, I'd make a pretty awesome Olympic mom!), it was my audition and since Mike was away, I knew she would have to come with me - so, why not work her into the audition?  I go out for the pantomime (not a mime, pantomime.  It's British, look it up) and since it's goofy in nature anyway, a toddler who can't really carry a tune but loves to sing and dance is just about a perfect fit.  She threw up her arms and threw back her head and let out a 'yeeeaaaaah' right when she was needed and then danced her but off while I sang the rest.  I got a part, by the way. Hahaha.

It just amazes me that she was willing and able to do such an audition.  Last time Mike went away she would have just clung to my leg as she panicked and asked to be picked up while I would have tried to pretend she wasn't there for the sake of the audition.  She has changed SO much in the last month.

Mike did come home for this weekend.  She was quite excited to see him this time, which made me feel even more warm inside since last time, she didn't want to leave my arms for his.  I love hearing her exclaim, "Ga-ga" (still can't do the D sound).

Our latest speech pathology appointment went really well though!  She was even being patient with me (though, since leaving the office, not so much) and I could tell the speech pathologist was quite pleased with the progress.  The B and P sounds are becoming more frequent.  Not only is she consistently doing them on not initial sound (apple, Abby), she is doing them consistently with certain vowel sounds, ie. Bee (the long e produces an initial B sound every time).  She loves taking Leia for a poop (cooP) and even cheers her on as she does it.  Makes me even not mind picking up said cooP!

Emotional One.

I wanted this one to be separate from the previous post because it means a lot to me.

First, and mostly because it won't make me cry as much (...as much!), I have a friend who is moving away; and I mean moving away... like, to another country away, and this is her first time moving out.  That coupled with this time of year - Back to School - always makes me remember when I moved out.  I was insecure, depressed even though I didn't know it then, and very guarded.  I had to tell S that I am looking at her moving from my remembered perspective and from a mum perspective.  Seemingly everything now has me flashing forward to when it could happen to Dania instead of when it happened to me.  I had to tell S that if Dania is similar in the self-assuredness, strength, and character S has (and I don't mean as a knight!), then I honestly don't think I would worry so much about her moving out.  I remember that I found 'me' in university and I was quite self-conscious at the end of high school.  It was with a lot of friends and familial support in second and third year that I figured stuff out.  (This is also not inspired in anyway by the recent news of Robin Williams, either... ya, right).  I worry that Dania will have trouble finding 'her' when she doesn't necessarily have the knowledge of her past that she might want.  Oh, goodness, the worry spiral... I thought it was bad before... now, I'm a Mom.  This is the type of content that was touched on in adoption training but can never be properly addressed because it is so individually tailored.  It was great that they gave the info about finding international adoption-specific psychiatrists.  I feel like that wasn't something that was given out in the past because being adopted and different wasn't addressed as readily as it is now - seriously, who isn't different?  Anyway, I have a few people that I look to and hope that Dania can one day embody some of their greatness.  I look at my cousin and my good friend who each raised 2 girls who are about to hit the decade mark and are wonderful to be around and hope Dania is as well adjusted as these girls.  I hope Dania finds role models in her personal life like I have!  And to my friend about to embark on a new adventure, bravo!  I don't feel a shred of friend worry for you... it's only mom worry hahaha.

The moment in Ontario that took me by complete surprise was with my own mum.  Now, I have mentioned many times and to many people that Dania can throw fits.  I have had one group of friends see an 'almost-there' level of fit (even Mike hasn't seen the worst!) but I had one overheard in Ontario.  I don't know what the trigger was for this and she literally screamed-inhaled-screamed-inhaled on repeat for I don't know how long.  She was exhausted, she was given food, she had bed and stories and Elmo... who knows?  When she finally stopped and fell asleep (a loooooooong time later), I was reading and Mum came in and asked if that was what I meant by a tantrum.  You bet.  She then asked if I was ok.  That was not what I expected.  I don't know why exactly, maybe because no one has really witnessed one of her huge fits and maybe because I feel inadequate, but I felt like I was bound to be told what to do instead of what I had done as opposed to questioned that I was okay.  Ten days later... I'm hugging Mum goodbye and about to get into the car to go to the airport when she tells me I'm a good mum and she doesn't know where I got my patience from.  Woah.  That struck me hard being told by my own mum, who I respect hugely for a gajillion reasons, that I'm a good mum when I don't feel that way in situations like that.  It's true, I don't have a lot of patience usually; I'm quick to jump to worse case scenario and conclude the 'only' way a situation can turn out but when it comes to Dania?  Anything goes.  I don't know what's going on in that head of hers, so I have to just go with my gut and do what I do.  Thanks Mum.  Thanks for the upraising and the complement.

Home, Sweet Home

I only just realized that our recent trip to Ontario had us flying back to Halifax on the exact day, but one year later, that we landed in Halifax with Dania.  I remember bringing her home that night and giving her a bath and putting her to bed and checking on her a few times (before crashing so hard that I didn't hear her cry in the night!).  This time it was Dania who had the wonderful feeling of coming home because she understands what a home is now.  It provides comfort for her!  She even says now, "me, home!" and nods her head enthusiastically.  If I hadn't been so tired at the airport, I probably would have been a bit more nostalgic and emotional!  Ha!

The travelling was fine other than having too much stuff and not enough arms since Dania's aren't going to carry anything!  She was not shy around Aunty Kitty and Grandpa when she saw them right away and even performed all her wacky dance moves for their entertainment.  She went down to sleep okay (I do not think she ever slept really deep because she was always very tuckered out from all the excitement and has been sleeping 12+ hours a night here AND 2+ hour naps in the afternoons).   In the morning, she wasn't shy around Gramma either and made herself right at home.  She even surprised me by walking around the next day asking, "where Meeko?"  She had already adjusted to a different dog and learned to say his name!  We went to the beach with Grampa and visited her Great Grandparents and then headed North to my favourite place - the cottage.

Uncle Fil was an excellent driver and I will never be able to thank him, Kitty, and Mum enough for the constant availability of a car for us (and for the delicious lunches and dinners!  I dreamed about those burritos and will totally make her next grilled cheese like the lumberjack).  We hit the rock in the early evening and she grasped the fact that she needed to wear a life jacket in order to be by the water in a timely manner.  She LOVED the boat ride over to the cottage and throwing rocks into the lake!

But she did not love the water!  I thought for sure she would be fine but I think it was the fact that she couldn't touch or see the bottom that frightened her because she didn't even like it when Katie or I jumped in.  She actually refused to say 'go' for us to run and jump.  She completely tensed up if we put her in unexpectedly and just cried when she was expecting it.  I did make her go in everyday though.  Floated around with her to different things and tried to make it happy but didn't push it for more than 10 minutes each day.  She was quite content to sit in the boat and watch us.  She also gets cold so flipping fast!  I mean, c'mon, her limbs are as thick as bananas!

We did discover the game 'where's Elmo?' at the cottage and we would hide him all over the place and she learned to look up and down and in all kinds of different spots... also to follow some verbal clues if she was struggling.  It was hilarious to watch her and she played it for hours each day and got progressively MORE excited each time she found him.   She slept pretty good up North.  Everyone does though.  It's the air - it makes you sleepy.

After the cottage trip, we just stayed at my childhood home and visited people and places within the city.  I would have loved to venture further to visit more people but I knew that with her it would be harder.  I also didn't want to over 'schedule' us and wear myself out too.  I will never have enough time with 2 weeks to see all the awesome people back home!  We did travel to Mississauga and have a lovely dinner on a yacht - I felt fancy there!  It was pretty and sounded so nice when you were in the downstairs of the yacht (yes, downstairs; there were 3 floors) and the water lapped at the sides making nice ambient noise.  Dania liked this boat too.  I'm pretty sure she wanted to jump off (even though you couldn't see the bottom... I don't think she registered that and just saw the water!).  It was something different and enjoyable and I can't wait to brag to Mike!

We went swimming at the Gretzky Centre with GG Miklos, went to friends' homes and met two gorgeous new little boys and played with their older siblings, impressed people with her gymnastic skills, ate a lot of chicken wings, started saying all kinds of new words (she said 'Howie' after seeing a grey striped cat!  I was so touched that she clearly missed her kitty!), went to the zoo and kissed a lot of animals and reptiles!

Seriously, the woman from Ray's Reptiles wanted to keep Dania as part of the show!

We got lost in Brantford because so many intersections have changed, hesitated to hug people goodbye but never to kiss people goodbye, ate blizzards on Children's Wish day, and discovered the greatest place on Earth:  A splash pad.

Water shooting in my face from a million different angles?  Yes, please!

My favourite part of this trip home was seeing how much she remembered from the last one - which was baffling to me.  She went there 2 months after landing in Canada and wasn't understanding English fully yet, hadn't really laughed until that trip (C and K were the laugh-riot trigger!) but still remembered where the 1 toy at my Nana and Papa's place was or the mini-trampoline and how she used it before she could even jump!

Other fun developments that have happened since this trip include her playing the crowd now (she changes the tone of her voice and everything), SINGING!, and starting to recognize emotions.  Man, she really is adorable...especially when singing... I just have to say...

Now that we are home (which included a crash lawn mow, unpack, laundry, weeding, and grocery shop) she is starting to get into her clingy mode because Daddy isn't here... He called the other night, completely unexpected, and she was so confused because she is so used to Skype that she kept looking for him but couldn't see him and only sat there and said "Ga-Ga" (her Da-Da since she started that before the cleft repair).   It was funny.   He actually called twice and I have to say that I probably sounded like that drunk girl at a party because I was so rapid-fire full of stories of all she has done and interspersed with sappy "I love you's" that I'm sure I could have been an SNL character.

Now that we are back though, I have checked the status of her citizenship package and am happy to say that it is being processed (now, that could mean processed and then sent back because of an error or processed because it is good) so, it is at least there in the correct facility.   I have also called the ophthalmologist since it has been over 3 months since we were referred to the Kids' Hospital eye doctors... the receptionist told me that her file shows the referral and that this clinic has a habit of only contacting you a month before your appointment.  I figured something had been misplaced because I'm used to having a call with the appointment date being eons away.   So, those are my serious sides of Dania tasks and they have been done.  Now?  Back to chalk drawings of Elmo, great books, and somersaults on the lawn!

Last Big Step

Today, we got the certified true copies for her citizenship application!!!  I will mail the whole package tomorrow morning.  I have added sticky notes to every page indicating what it's intended use is.  I also included 3 different head shots to choose from (2 of each, of course) and 2 different copies of my receipt of fee payment (1 filled out, one not... I had entered my address and such online but nothing printed out on the receipt except my name and all the blanks are there so I filled one out and included another fresh off the press).  I'm so paranoid about it being sent back after the back and forth I played with Immigration to get the approval letter to be foreign adopted parents!  My biggest concern with this is they will not like the affadavit of the translator because it is at the bottom of each translated page and because the photocopy is slightly skewed the bottom of the last sentence is cut off... still don't even have to guess at what it says, just literally showing two thirds of the letters.  I also worry that it will be a problem when I've included 1 certified true copy of a document that is to be used for both official forms (the proof of adopted parents' citizenship and the grant of a minor [adopted] citizenship), for example, the proof of guardianship via the adoption certificate; there is 1 copy to be used for both forms.  I hope, hope, hope that everything is okay so we don't keep sending things back and forth.

The lady at the courthouse doing the certified true copies today was a hoot and totally enamoured with Dania.  She looked at the first copy and said, "well, I didn't expect I'd be reading Russian today!" and then asked about everything as she stamped and signed all my papers.  She also way undercharged me which I totally appreciate.  A few pages were stapled together (translations and document) and should have counted as 2 copies each but she only counted them as 1.  She was still shocked at the total being $90 but I laughed and said while we were sending Russia documents, it was $60 a document for translation and certification as opposed to $13.50, so I was happy with that total!

So, now I have a brown paper package on the dining table that is to be sent tomorrow morning!  YEAH!!!!

On different notes, Dania had some good strides in the clingy department where she slept at Mima's house here without Mama and Daddy putting her to bed or being there when she woke up.  She did great!  All in prep for Mike leaving again and me being in a wedding in August so she will be staying there again.  She has also been doing really well with trying the b and p sounds as not initial sounds.  She is saying 'maybe' and 'up' all the time now.  She even said 'Rob' when pointing to our friend Rob.  I have been so impressed.  She is clearly watching our mouths closely still... but must be practicing in secret in all the mirrors in her room hahahaha.  She has even been holding her hands on her lips when trying to say 'Big Bird' because I pinch mine together with my hands to show her.  What a kid.

We are also about to embark on a trip to Ontario and my favourite place in the world - The Cottage.  So many childhood memories so I hope to start creating them for her - tomorrow!

Love these 1-year-later shots.  Thanks again to Jenine at Blue Vine Photography!

Another Anniversary!

One year ago today, Mike and I were granted custody of Dania and we were taking this photograph as our first official family photo:

Now, one year later:

she still has about the same amount of hair.

Wow.   I often get asked if I can remember life before her... yes, I can.  It was just so much quieter and different and not as much love and worry busting out of me 24/7.   I can remember life without her... just don't necessarily want to go back to that life!  I also get asked a lot if we are going for number 2 now... well, I always  said that if we adopted again I would want Dania to be old enough to weigh in on the matter.  She might be more bothered over the fact that she was adopted than we could realize (this doesn't mean she doesn't see us as her parents, it just means she has internalized that she began by not being wanted by someone) and if going through the process would bother her then I don't think I could do it.  If by some miracle I got pregnant, then that's another story.  But in all honesty?  I am so happy with just one to love and cherish with every morsel of my soul.   I do hope that "Russia" will open it's mind and allow adoption to Canada again for the sake of all those little ones out there.  I still think of Mak in the baby home and I have so many other faces that I saw everyday while there too!  My beautiful girl is here though.  Her citizenship is almost ready to be sent (by the end of next week is my goal).  

We did the photo shoot with Blue Vine photography and wonderful Jenine in order to celebrate this remarkable milestone.  I thought it was more for me to send to my family back home but when I saw the last photograph she took of me and Dania I started to cry.  And I cried every time I thought about it for the next few days.  A loving confidant asked me why I cried... I had to think about it and I realized it was because I still fear that she can be taken from me for political reasons.  We struggled to get her and there was so much angst over the court day and so much precaution over dotting all the i's and crossing all the t's that I think I still felt like it wasn't permanent.  This is a different feeling from the irrational fear that she will stop breathing at night since she sleeps with a blanket over her face (she's kind of like the bird in a cage that way, just have to move her and put the blanket back and she will settle) or that she will run into the street when I'm not looking for a second... it's so much scarier than that.  It's so hard to put into proper words for me to convey to everyone else.  It's just that I didn't realize it was there before, this deep-seated fear that since she is still not a Canadian citizen (hence my meltdown when I couldn't find her PR card!) that she is susceptible somehow - and I didn't really realize it until I saw that picture.  Then it hit me when Jenine showed me (crying again right now) that this photo completely represented my reality.  It was her and me and no one else around to intrude.  We were in the middle of a field wearing coronas of sunlight and that is it.  We are not inhibited by being out in the open and we are enjoying each other.  That's it.  Simplicity at its best.  And it's my simplicity now.  

For as long as I live, I may not have a photo that means as much to me as this one.  Mama loves you Dania!

She Just Blew My Mind Again.

Ok, let me set the stage for the normal, everyday:  temper, temper, temper.  This kid has a short, short fuse and it usually has to do with us trying to get her to do something like eat or speak a new sound.  She will lash out and hit us, then start screaming, then throw herself on the ground and cry.  The day might as well end there because it's a struggle for the rest of the day coming.  It's usually me getting smacked in the face because I'm home all day with her.  I have been trying soooo hard to get her to do the 'buh' sound and to have her not use the 'nnn' sound for when saying milk.  These are old habits to break... and her temper is breaking me.  I feel so bad because we encouraged the compensated sounds before the surgery (ie. Gaga for Dada) and now we say it isn't right and she loses it.  Once she has temper tantrumed once, every little thing for the day does it, bumping her stroller while she is walking Elmo, not being able to use her fork properly, not getting something to stay in just the right spot.  Nothing will make her happy.  So, with this being said, I was dreading our latest speech pathology appointment, picturing her hitting the speech pathologist, screaming, and just getting angry the whole hour.  Dania sat quiety, listened to what she was told, responded and tried sounds and words that she never would for us, and didn't throw any fit when she was denied a toy until she attempted the sound.  For the whole hour.  I think I sat there with my jaw hung open.  She even let the speech pathologist touch her face and push her lips together!  Unbelievable.  I was so blown away when we left that appointment.  She still doesn't have that patience with me now that I KNOW she can do it hahaha.  She has a better time with the P and B being the start of the second syllable (apple, elbow).  That is now the angle we are approaching things as opposed to initial sounds.

One thing that isn't making her frustrated, and that I am being impressed with, is the potty training.  She still is unable to tell us when she has to pee and she doesn't look different or dance or give any body language to indicate that need yet, but she has been pooping on the toilet daily now.  She is even pointing to her bum and walking to the toilet and going (twice in the last week!) instead of me just putting her on around her usual time and waiting.  We let her play with the tablet on the toilet... her lap isn't big enough for books to not fall off!... and that allows her to relax and then she gets a few chocolate chips as a reward.  It's working for both of us so I'm happy.  Once she is consistent for a whole week I will try her without the diaper and start working on telling us when she has to pee.

Other than that, we are just outside as much as possible and enjoying the nice weather!

She Sucks!

Literally!  The surgery worked!  She can suck through a straw now!!!!  It was 5 months to the day of her surgery (Jan. 27) that she finally used a straw and has continued to do so.  Of course it was a double-caffeinated beverage that I was drinking and said, 'sure, you can have some because you can't use a straw,' and she takes a giant gulp as I watch the liquid go up the straw!  I yelled out in surprise and startled her.  We then got her a chocolate milk with a straw right away and I kept raising my arms and yelling in happiness and had to explain to the lady at the counter that she had been physically unable to do this before and had surgery and now - SUCK!  She didn't seem to care ha ha ha!  It was funny because just the day before I was forcing her to poise so I could take  a pic of the roof of her mouth to see what progress the dent has made with filling in (if any!).

I love that you can see the scar around the toothline that shows just how much was filled in!

I know it was three days before I posted, but the days are busy now that we are always outside!  This most wonderful news definitely couldn't wait long though ;)

She is proving to love summer and water just as much as me.  And boy, oh boy!  Her skin is going to be dark.  Her region generally had the darker skin tones and she is going to follow suit for sure!  She fights me with the sunscreen in the morning (mostly just the back of the neck which furthers my theory that she didn't like the bucket hats because they touched the back of her neck with their brims) but we get it on and reapply if we get wet but she is still going to be very obviously of darker than me (and Mike, well, he is always pale though so I'm not counting him) and I said it might be the first times that strangers might think she is not our biological child.  I always LOVE playing along with people who say she has my smile or looks just like Mike.  It's easier than explaining the whole story to a total stranger! LOL!  Meanwhile, anyone who knows genetics would know that two blue-eyed people could not produce a dark brown-eyed child.  Genetics was my favourite part of science in school!  As her hair is growing in it is getting lighter though and might be more of a golden brown than a chestnut brown that I thought she would be.  We shall have to wait and see!

Longest. Month. Ever.

I was astounded when I saw it has only been a month and 6 days since I last posted.  I swear to gods this was the longest month ever.

First, Mike went back to work, so there was that adjustment to only having a helping hand in the evenings.  Then he went to sea for 3 weeks so I went to being a single parent with Dania having only 2 weeks transition before he went away and absolutely no concept of what I mean when I saw Daddy will be back in 20 sleeps.  The first week went alright.  I was tired and let a lot of housework slide... then the weekend hit and all hell broke loose.  Dania started trying to change her own diaper.  Three full bedding washes and 4 days while double checking EVERYTHING in her room for any hint of eau de poop.  Back into a onesie while she sleeps has worked so far since then.  Then the dog decided to become insanely jealous or protective or something else stupid and unnecessary, but while we were playing in our next-door-neighbour's back yard, she must have continuously thrown herself against the patio screen door until knocking it off the tracks.  The back yard is fenced in, but that doesn't mean the cat can't jump or climb it and run away.  I was more pissed than anything at first because I know the cat is smart enough to come home.  Then it started to get dark and still no Howie.  We have a coyote population in this neighbourhood.  Howie is an aggressive cat and would get eaten.  I started to get upset.  Just when I full on panicked and posted a help add on our neighbourhood facebook group, I hear the collar bell ringing and he jumps back over the deck and into my arms.  PHEWF!  THE NEXT DANG DAY!  Leia decides to run away after barging out while Dania and I are coming inside.  Seriously?!?!  I just bought you a new squeak toy and a new ball that we can kick for you without you biting a hole in it!  Ungrateful bitch.  She's female... it's allowed.  She ran around for over an hour and a half until a neighbour caught her.  She will NOT come when you call her and you can't chase her because then she thinks it is a game.  Plus, I have Dania and can't just leave her while I run after Leia's darts here and there.  I got a pretty bad sunburn from this unexpected jaunt outside.  (On another note, Mike is home now and she did run out again today as she went after the UPS guy when I had my hand full with the package he delivered and he stepped back for that one split second to shut the door - zoooom.  Seriously, I'm over her.  Anyone want a dog?)

Week 2 began with Dania suddenly not asking for Dada anymore.  I thought that was weird.  Then when someone she knew came over she went bananas and started scrambling up me wanting to be held, crying, screaming 'mamaaaaa,' and hyperventilating to the point of puking.  This wasn't a stranger either.  I thought maybe it was a one time event until she did it two more times with people coming over, and with me talking to someone on the street, AND with her Mima who comes to play with her every Wednesday morning.  I  honestly think she was panicking about Mike suddenly not being here and her not wanting me to go the same way.  She may not remember leaving the orphanage exactly but it was the same thing, her familiarity GONE.  The adoption training touched on this saying that the kids don't have specific memories but they still have the feelings associated with change and upset and she probably just didn't know how to deal with them.  I had to keep assuring her over and over that I wasn't leaving.  I also just kept saying Daddy was coming home but she doesn't understand that.  It broke my heart.  I pretty much carried her or at least held her hand constantly for week 3 of Mike's deployment.  We went to other people's houses and she was great there, but did not like the thought of me out of sight.  Even Mike's homecoming was marred by her confusion over not wanting to leave me but excited to see him.  I think she was thinking she only gets one or the other of us now.

It's been one week of mike being home - and taken that long to feel like I have caught up on things.  She is doing alright now.  She still gets clingy when tired, but otherwise is her old self.  She is loving the warmer weather and wants to be outside all the time.  She discovered how much she loves slides and even makes them for her stuffed animals.  She back flips off her bed, can go downstairs by herself if there are rungs to hold on to, and learned the sign language for cereal all by herself by watching it on Baby Einstein.  Mike and I had no idea what she kept trying to tell us and then one day I saw the video clip and put it all together.  She is telling us she wants cereal... clever girl.

Her last speech pathology was kind of a bust because she wanted just to hold on to me (it was while Mike was away) but she is definitely comfortable at that office now and next month should prove more successful.  We missed her hearing appointment yesterday... oops, my bad... but they haven't even called to tell me I missed it.  We will see what happens.  Perhaps I wrote it down wrong and we have yet to miss it but will again since I don't know when it is...  We are also still waiting on her referral to the eye clinic at the kid's hospital.  If it hits the 2 month mark, I will call the eye doctor for another referral.

I'm getting excited because we will be swimming in the lake pretty soon!  It is still just a tad too cold right now, but we can still play on the shore and in the sand!  She LOVES sand and gravel.  Each time I have to tell her not to throw it because (I swear this is what it is!  I can see her devious mind churning) it's not the same handful I just told her she couldn't throw.  After a bit, she gets it and just drops it after a 3-2-1 countdown.  I had to make her shorts out of a bunch of old tights since her waist is still fitting in her 3-6 month shorts from LAST summer.  She is all torso!  Almost 33 inches now.  She didn't seem to mind the transition to shorts and no socks.  I think she prefers bare feet like me.  I did find the cutest little sandals for her.  They are actually thongs with a heel strap.  Her ankles and feet are too skinny for any of the strappy sandals.  She kept tripping on them.  We did get one pair to wear in the water but the flip flops are her go-to pair now.  No blistering between the toes and they didn't freak her out because I wear them.  Just like the earrings.

Ok, I think I need a nap.  Here are a couple pics.  xoxo

Mother's Day and 1 Year

March had us beginning our long stretch of annual celebrations.  The next stretch of dates is May 11: 1 year from when we left for Russia the first time, May 13: 1 year to when we met her, May 17: 1 year from submitting our official paperwork for court, and May 19: 1 year from the end of our first trip.  Yeah!!!!

How did I celebrate?  I got her photo taken for her citizenship application!  Yeah!  Hopefully that whole package can be mailed off shortly.  Have to double check everything and pay the fees and then as long as everything is good to go, she will be Canadian officially!

We had dinner with our new friends who also adopted from Russia.  Dania was much more talkative this time around.  She really took a shine to their middle son, aged 7 or 8, and is so happy she can say I's name!  We got to watch their video they made of her trip and look through the photo book they made.  The city they adopted through, Kazan, was sooooo different from Sterlitimak.  It was a big city and had touristy spots and lots to see.  It was okay for them to stay in a hotel and go out on their own hahaha.  Such a different experience that way!

We have had our 6-month followup visit to the eye doctor and now he isn't happy with how her muscles have failed to develop with her.  She is definitely nearsighted now.  She is worse in the right eye.  He had thought it was slight enough before that it would grow with her, but I guess not.  It's funny because I feel like she has fine eyesight now... she sees things far away (like the book the lady reads to the group at the library) and doesn't lean in as close to books now.  He referred us to the kids hospital (again) so we now await an appointment with their eye doctors.  At least she won't need a barrage of blood work for this!  I did forget to submit her requisition at her surgery to double check for rubella and chicken pox vaccinations, and I've been waiting for a reason to go back to the hospital to get it done... eye appointment is a PERFECT reason.

We are also going to be seeing the speech pathologist every 3 to 4 weeks now.  We go again next week.  We shall see what happens now.  We are very much working on getting her to blow with her mouth (working with bubbles, harmonicas, noise makers) and the 'B' sound.  I am curious if it is someone else doing these activities with her if she will be less frustrated; she should benefit from your classic student-teacher relationship.

On top of it all, we just had our first week of big change with Mike back at work.  It went okay.  I need to learn to relax a bit more.  I see a mess and if I can't clean it right away I start to get upset.  For example, Leia was sick on the floor and I had to let it sit there until I could ensure Dania was happy and distracted and Leia was okay.  It sat there for about 45 minutes before I could get to it to clean it thoroughly.  GUH!  I just feel very hurried when it comes to anything not Dania related.  All my time with her though?  HILARIOUS!  She wants to be outside as much as possible and I am SO okay with that.  I love heading out right after breakfast and playing in the sun.  I've been on a few stroller walks with her too (thanks again to everyone who helped gift us that gem!)  Last year I didn't get to go on really long walks but she is okay with it now for sure!  As long as cars pass us every once in awhile lol!  She gibbers away about everything, reads to herself aloud now, tries to sing, pretends to be the dog in more ways than I like, and makes me laugh and feel soooo happy to see the light in those brown eyes.

Oh!  We got her ears pierced!  I was sick of her being called a boy (even with the frilly red coat with the butterfly broach).  I had thought about after seeing a friend's cute pictures of her daughter.  The extra sparkle was just adorable with the round face and cheeks.  I mentioned it to Mike and we went the next day.  She sat there quietly and suspiciously while the lady marked her lobes.  They kept commenting on how small and dainty her features were.  I had never noticed before, but she doesn't have a lot of lobe!  Mike sat on the chair and held Dania on his lap while the ladies lined up the piercing guns.  1...2...3 BANG!  Done.  She gasped, did the silent cry while tears welled, let out the cry, I picked her up, they showed her a bucket of lollipops and she was done crying.  It was about 6 seconds of crying in total.  She then kept pointing to her ears and then to mine.  I really think she understood what had just happened.  I take mine out every night so sometimes in the morning I don't have them in and she will point out the difference, but all in all, she is so fine with it that I'm not even worried about infection from hand transfer.  She did take one out while refusing to go down for a nap.  These are the standard piercing studs that snap into place so she must have pulled HARD!  I woke her up and she pointed to her lobe and said "OOOWWwwwwWWWW."  Right away I knew where to look, the window ledge.  Sure enough, both pieces were on the floor by the window ledge.  She likes to stand and look out her window while she poops or is anti-sleep.  She was a little pissed about having it put back in but that, so far, was the only bad instance of her handling them.  The lady had mentioned they can get pinched too tight and I'm wondering if she did that and then counteracted... she just looks so cute!!!

Oh, also, she is shooting up in height again.  She has grown almost 2 inches since her birthday!  That's almost an inch a month!  GIANT!