As it is now...

As it stands now it is what it is.  The doc appointment didn't leave me with the review I wanted but it is still favourable... And scary.  It has taken me six sleeps to be able to coherently figure out my thoughts and, you know, we still have a solid grasp that hints are right  -  but I also believe that' s parenting.  It#s a big giant grey area.

Ok, so I now have a yes checked on the vital medical form that was only given to us after we submitted our home study and paid six grand.  All of the new info regarding these new forms says we will be rejected.  I am so upset and angry that the agency did not forward this super vital black and white medical exam to us prior to all of our correspondence.  It would have saved then work and us heart ache.  Ok, at this time there is still a few hours left in the Ontario business day for the agency.  We have no answer to emails and no answer to phonecalls...repeatedly...  Like, super major repeatedly.  At this point I have assumed choc has messed up our application.  Why didn't this form come before we paid?  How much will we get back even though we assume an argument will ensue because we signed papers. In our defense we signed things and did things long distantly and concurrently.  If this form had been given to us from the start it would have saved choc work and us heartache.  We are prepared for court to settle this.

Mike is my super hero.  He is on the phone while I am incoherent.  He has already contacted our second choice agency ( he didn't remember it was our second choice but knows they will work out of province.  This is an agency for Bolivia.  He has flat out asked then about my depressive episode and how it would factor in our case.  A return back, within an hour, says it wouldn't.

It is now six our time and we call it quits for contacting Ontario.  We now discuss an age that we finally decide, "ok, enough.  We won't be parents.". Without prior discussion we had both said the same time frame.

Four sleeps later

A different employee at choc has emailed me that our case worker has left.  This accounts for no answers last Friday.  She answers that she doesn't think a region would work with us.  I look at Russia like Canada and see the divisions as provinces.  I know that is not the technical term for them but either way only one light work with us.  One out of 14 or 16 in the biggest nation in out of world thinks I might not be ok to be a mum.  Might!

I tell the new choc contact that I need more than a might in order to continue this process.  I know no adoption is final until the court hearing, but I need to know a region will look at us and accept us as hopeful parents1

This one region will.  She sends all kinds of info that makes it sound hard and scary.  It all sounds like what you would read on aNy tourism website.  It has to list the worst in order to prepare everyone.

We still need to wait on our decision to go ahead.  I know this region will try, but we also now need an 8 medical specialist exam while we are there, including a psychiatrist.  This scares me as it is the only doc that could block us.

I want to know will they be looking at history or how we are prepared to deal with the special needs of an adoptive child... Choc can't give me those answers, they give me phone numbers of other couples who have adopted through this region.   I now wait to discuss with them, mainly the medical exams.