Fate is a Gut-Wrencher

Bashkortostan is the only region that agreed to look at our file and try to work with it.  Mike and I have had a lot of heart-to-hearts and examined as many 'what ifs' as we could think of and decided to go ahead and try.  There has to be a reason that only one region is willing to look at our dossier!


Last Thursday night

I had left messages at the numbers that were forwarded to me by CHOC.  The couple from Richmond Hill phoned back and was so extrememly helpful I probably cried a hundred times.  The first thing I asked about was the 8 specialist exams that we have to go through as it plagues me the most as what can ruin us.  The couple (henceforth referred to as D & S) told us not to include the depression on the medical forms.  I mentioned my doctor couldn't legally refrain from mentioning it because of the current prescriptions.  They then said to mention it as minimally as possible.  My form says, "patient had a depressive episode in 2003, on medication to prevent relapse." I hope that is minimal enough to not warrent concern on their end.  As for the actual exams done by the specialists there, they sound like they are very much a procedural matter and not particular at all (thank gods!)  It sounds like you spend less than 10 minutes with each and then wait for the HIV test results.  Easy... but still, they are nerve wracking for me.

I asked about the orphanage next.  D told me it is run by a group of ladies, and she thinks they might be volunteers, and they obviously care so much for the kids.  She said it was clean and well run and that they were so grateful for the donations of diapers.  She said the kids were well mannered and well fed.  The food is very plain, oatmeal, potatoes, juice, not a lot of milk, but that there is enough that no kid looked hungry.  They were proposed a girl.  She was just over one year old and their process was quite quick and such a lovely experience.

S told me about all the contacts that we would meet if we get the chance to go over.  There are two apartments where we could stay and the drivers and the adoption representatives, and he remains in contact with all of them.  S & D are also going through their second adoption now.  He told me about the court hearing and how it seems intimidating at first (big court room in Moscow, prepared statements, etc) but he said it also seemed as if the lawyers seemed bored as they probably do many of these a day.  D said when she started her statement she brokedown and completely deviated from it to speak directly from the heart.  She said she had the judge in tears.  At the end of it the judge leaves the room to review everything, then comes back in to make her ruling.  It was after hearing this that I decided if we could make it to the judge we would be ok.  The love we have to give and who we are will outshine any marks on our medical records.  S also told me he was told in Russia the stats arethat  if the children are not placed in a good home that they will likely end up in jail or dead by the time they are 25.  He felt that the lawyers knew that.  He also asked CHOC how many adoptions they have had that didn't go through and the answer was three.  Two of those three were because the parents changed their minds.  I like those odds.

We are going to meet with D & S in August.  We will meet their little girl, who is now almost 4, and see photos of the actual orphanage where Kid will hopefully be.  We will see pictures of the city and hear more about their experience.  We have a tentative timeline for the trips and will be able to put it better together once we see and hear about another's experience in the same place.


Present Day:

Big deep breath.

The dossier is being prepared (translated, notarized) CHOC is contacting our provincial government and finalizing the forms we need.  We also have to acquire one last letter from the psychiatrist.

After, all I can do now is hope they accept the dossier as a workable one.

As it is now...

As it stands now it is what it is.  The doc appointment didn't leave me with the review I wanted but it is still favourable... And scary.  It has taken me six sleeps to be able to coherently figure out my thoughts and, you know, we still have a solid grasp that hints are right  -  but I also believe that' s parenting.  It#s a big giant grey area.

Ok, so I now have a yes checked on the vital medical form that was only given to us after we submitted our home study and paid six grand.  All of the new info regarding these new forms says we will be rejected.  I am so upset and angry that the agency did not forward this super vital black and white medical exam to us prior to all of our correspondence.  It would have saved then work and us heart ache.  Ok, at this time there is still a few hours left in the Ontario business day for the agency.  We have no answer to emails and no answer to phonecalls...repeatedly...  Like, super major repeatedly.  At this point I have assumed choc has messed up our application.  Why didn't this form come before we paid?  How much will we get back even though we assume an argument will ensue because we signed papers. In our defense we signed things and did things long distantly and concurrently.  If this form had been given to us from the start it would have saved choc work and us heartache.  We are prepared for court to settle this.

Mike is my super hero.  He is on the phone while I am incoherent.  He has already contacted our second choice agency ( he didn't remember it was our second choice but knows they will work out of province.  This is an agency for Bolivia.  He has flat out asked then about my depressive episode and how it would factor in our case.  A return back, within an hour, says it wouldn't.

It is now six our time and we call it quits for contacting Ontario.  We now discuss an age that we finally decide, "ok, enough.  We won't be parents.". Without prior discussion we had both said the same time frame.

Four sleeps later

A different employee at choc has emailed me that our case worker has left.  This accounts for no answers last Friday.  She answers that she doesn't think a region would work with us.  I look at Russia like Canada and see the divisions as provinces.  I know that is not the technical term for them but either way only one light work with us.  One out of 14 or 16 in the biggest nation in out of world thinks I might not be ok to be a mum.  Might!

I tell the new choc contact that I need more than a might in order to continue this process.  I know no adoption is final until the court hearing, but I need to know a region will look at us and accept us as hopeful parents1

This one region will.  She sends all kinds of info that makes it sound hard and scary.  It all sounds like what you would read on aNy tourism website.  It has to list the worst in order to prepare everyone.

We still need to wait on our decision to go ahead.  I know this region will try, but we also now need an 8 medical specialist exam while we are there, including a psychiatrist.  This scares me as it is the only doc that could block us.

I want to know will they be looking at history or how we are prepared to deal with the special needs of an adoptive child... Choc can't give me those answers, they give me phone numbers of other couples who have adopted through this region.   I now wait to discuss with them, mainly the medical exams.

Not looking promising anymore

'nuff said.

Fwd: Another sigh.

Sent from my HTC

----- Forwarded message -----
From: "q_mik@yahoo.com" <WgzwsLIlZ/xE7uUNLr2heg==
>
To: <jessmik.russia@blogspot.com>
Subject: Another sigh.
Date: Mon, Jul 9, 2012 6:08 pm


It looks like certain regions in Russia will not accept you if you are medicated for anything.  Me with my mood disorder, or asthma, thyroid etc.  Wow!  I'm very upset by this but I know I have to keep moving forward with the process and keep hoping... It is just getting hard when I keep having curveballs thrown at me.   Bah!  Still waiting to hear from my doctor now...




Sent from my HTC

Jessa 3.0

30th birthday today.

It's just a number... but I find myself sad.  I think it's because I truly expected to be a mother by this age.  Especially because I met Mike at 23 and KNEW with all my heart that this was a man I wanted to marry and have kids with him. It didn't turn out that way... it's ok, I'm just bummed.

We are also looking at a later timeline for our name getting to Russia.  Mike had his appointment with the base doctors and they ticked off 'yes' under mental disease on our additional forms.  The form I previously mentioned that if a 'yes' appears it won't even be a considered application... shit.  I got quite upset that day.  Mike is supposed to be the easy one for that form!  He is, of course, appealing to the doctors and telling them why we need it to say 'no.'  His appointment is at the end of August - the time when I wanted our whole dossier being sent to Russia.  Sigh.  At least CHOC is doing their job by ensuring we aren't going to pay to apply just to be denied.  God, I hope this works out.

I had some follow up appointments with some specialists in regards to trying to find out why I can't conceive.  Still no answers but I officially had the funniest/strangest comment said to my by a doctor.  The doc who did my cervical biopsy last year had me in to double check there were no changes.  It was quick and easy but as she was leaving, with one breath, she says, "well, you have a great cervix and a great purse.  Bye!"

Who says that in the same sentence?!?!

So, I can at least take heart knowing that if Russia doesn't like my head problems I have a great cervix and purse.