A Star is Born

Dania nailed her first audition!  Yeah!  Seriously though, I'm not one of those dance moms or pageant moms (although, I'd make a pretty awesome Olympic mom!), it was my audition and since Mike was away, I knew she would have to come with me - so, why not work her into the audition?  I go out for the pantomime (not a mime, pantomime.  It's British, look it up) and since it's goofy in nature anyway, a toddler who can't really carry a tune but loves to sing and dance is just about a perfect fit.  She threw up her arms and threw back her head and let out a 'yeeeaaaaah' right when she was needed and then danced her but off while I sang the rest.  I got a part, by the way. Hahaha.

It just amazes me that she was willing and able to do such an audition.  Last time Mike went away she would have just clung to my leg as she panicked and asked to be picked up while I would have tried to pretend she wasn't there for the sake of the audition.  She has changed SO much in the last month.

Mike did come home for this weekend.  She was quite excited to see him this time, which made me feel even more warm inside since last time, she didn't want to leave my arms for his.  I love hearing her exclaim, "Ga-ga" (still can't do the D sound).

Our latest speech pathology appointment went really well though!  She was even being patient with me (though, since leaving the office, not so much) and I could tell the speech pathologist was quite pleased with the progress.  The B and P sounds are becoming more frequent.  Not only is she consistently doing them on not initial sound (apple, Abby), she is doing them consistently with certain vowel sounds, ie. Bee (the long e produces an initial B sound every time).  She loves taking Leia for a poop (cooP) and even cheers her on as she does it.  Makes me even not mind picking up said cooP!

Emotional One.

I wanted this one to be separate from the previous post because it means a lot to me.

First, and mostly because it won't make me cry as much (...as much!), I have a friend who is moving away; and I mean moving away... like, to another country away, and this is her first time moving out.  That coupled with this time of year - Back to School - always makes me remember when I moved out.  I was insecure, depressed even though I didn't know it then, and very guarded.  I had to tell S that I am looking at her moving from my remembered perspective and from a mum perspective.  Seemingly everything now has me flashing forward to when it could happen to Dania instead of when it happened to me.  I had to tell S that if Dania is similar in the self-assuredness, strength, and character S has (and I don't mean as a knight!), then I honestly don't think I would worry so much about her moving out.  I remember that I found 'me' in university and I was quite self-conscious at the end of high school.  It was with a lot of friends and familial support in second and third year that I figured stuff out.  (This is also not inspired in anyway by the recent news of Robin Williams, either... ya, right).  I worry that Dania will have trouble finding 'her' when she doesn't necessarily have the knowledge of her past that she might want.  Oh, goodness, the worry spiral... I thought it was bad before... now, I'm a Mom.  This is the type of content that was touched on in adoption training but can never be properly addressed because it is so individually tailored.  It was great that they gave the info about finding international adoption-specific psychiatrists.  I feel like that wasn't something that was given out in the past because being adopted and different wasn't addressed as readily as it is now - seriously, who isn't different?  Anyway, I have a few people that I look to and hope that Dania can one day embody some of their greatness.  I look at my cousin and my good friend who each raised 2 girls who are about to hit the decade mark and are wonderful to be around and hope Dania is as well adjusted as these girls.  I hope Dania finds role models in her personal life like I have!  And to my friend about to embark on a new adventure, bravo!  I don't feel a shred of friend worry for you... it's only mom worry hahaha.

The moment in Ontario that took me by complete surprise was with my own mum.  Now, I have mentioned many times and to many people that Dania can throw fits.  I have had one group of friends see an 'almost-there' level of fit (even Mike hasn't seen the worst!) but I had one overheard in Ontario.  I don't know what the trigger was for this and she literally screamed-inhaled-screamed-inhaled on repeat for I don't know how long.  She was exhausted, she was given food, she had bed and stories and Elmo... who knows?  When she finally stopped and fell asleep (a loooooooong time later), I was reading and Mum came in and asked if that was what I meant by a tantrum.  You bet.  She then asked if I was ok.  That was not what I expected.  I don't know why exactly, maybe because no one has really witnessed one of her huge fits and maybe because I feel inadequate, but I felt like I was bound to be told what to do instead of what I had done as opposed to questioned that I was okay.  Ten days later... I'm hugging Mum goodbye and about to get into the car to go to the airport when she tells me I'm a good mum and she doesn't know where I got my patience from.  Woah.  That struck me hard being told by my own mum, who I respect hugely for a gajillion reasons, that I'm a good mum when I don't feel that way in situations like that.  It's true, I don't have a lot of patience usually; I'm quick to jump to worse case scenario and conclude the 'only' way a situation can turn out but when it comes to Dania?  Anything goes.  I don't know what's going on in that head of hers, so I have to just go with my gut and do what I do.  Thanks Mum.  Thanks for the upraising and the complement.

Home, Sweet Home

I only just realized that our recent trip to Ontario had us flying back to Halifax on the exact day, but one year later, that we landed in Halifax with Dania.  I remember bringing her home that night and giving her a bath and putting her to bed and checking on her a few times (before crashing so hard that I didn't hear her cry in the night!).  This time it was Dania who had the wonderful feeling of coming home because she understands what a home is now.  It provides comfort for her!  She even says now, "me, home!" and nods her head enthusiastically.  If I hadn't been so tired at the airport, I probably would have been a bit more nostalgic and emotional!  Ha!

The travelling was fine other than having too much stuff and not enough arms since Dania's aren't going to carry anything!  She was not shy around Aunty Kitty and Grandpa when she saw them right away and even performed all her wacky dance moves for their entertainment.  She went down to sleep okay (I do not think she ever slept really deep because she was always very tuckered out from all the excitement and has been sleeping 12+ hours a night here AND 2+ hour naps in the afternoons).   In the morning, she wasn't shy around Gramma either and made herself right at home.  She even surprised me by walking around the next day asking, "where Meeko?"  She had already adjusted to a different dog and learned to say his name!  We went to the beach with Grampa and visited her Great Grandparents and then headed North to my favourite place - the cottage.

Uncle Fil was an excellent driver and I will never be able to thank him, Kitty, and Mum enough for the constant availability of a car for us (and for the delicious lunches and dinners!  I dreamed about those burritos and will totally make her next grilled cheese like the lumberjack).  We hit the rock in the early evening and she grasped the fact that she needed to wear a life jacket in order to be by the water in a timely manner.  She LOVED the boat ride over to the cottage and throwing rocks into the lake!

But she did not love the water!  I thought for sure she would be fine but I think it was the fact that she couldn't touch or see the bottom that frightened her because she didn't even like it when Katie or I jumped in.  She actually refused to say 'go' for us to run and jump.  She completely tensed up if we put her in unexpectedly and just cried when she was expecting it.  I did make her go in everyday though.  Floated around with her to different things and tried to make it happy but didn't push it for more than 10 minutes each day.  She was quite content to sit in the boat and watch us.  She also gets cold so flipping fast!  I mean, c'mon, her limbs are as thick as bananas!

We did discover the game 'where's Elmo?' at the cottage and we would hide him all over the place and she learned to look up and down and in all kinds of different spots... also to follow some verbal clues if she was struggling.  It was hilarious to watch her and she played it for hours each day and got progressively MORE excited each time she found him.   She slept pretty good up North.  Everyone does though.  It's the air - it makes you sleepy.

After the cottage trip, we just stayed at my childhood home and visited people and places within the city.  I would have loved to venture further to visit more people but I knew that with her it would be harder.  I also didn't want to over 'schedule' us and wear myself out too.  I will never have enough time with 2 weeks to see all the awesome people back home!  We did travel to Mississauga and have a lovely dinner on a yacht - I felt fancy there!  It was pretty and sounded so nice when you were in the downstairs of the yacht (yes, downstairs; there were 3 floors) and the water lapped at the sides making nice ambient noise.  Dania liked this boat too.  I'm pretty sure she wanted to jump off (even though you couldn't see the bottom... I don't think she registered that and just saw the water!).  It was something different and enjoyable and I can't wait to brag to Mike!

We went swimming at the Gretzky Centre with GG Miklos, went to friends' homes and met two gorgeous new little boys and played with their older siblings, impressed people with her gymnastic skills, ate a lot of chicken wings, started saying all kinds of new words (she said 'Howie' after seeing a grey striped cat!  I was so touched that she clearly missed her kitty!), went to the zoo and kissed a lot of animals and reptiles!

Seriously, the woman from Ray's Reptiles wanted to keep Dania as part of the show!

We got lost in Brantford because so many intersections have changed, hesitated to hug people goodbye but never to kiss people goodbye, ate blizzards on Children's Wish day, and discovered the greatest place on Earth:  A splash pad.

Water shooting in my face from a million different angles?  Yes, please!

My favourite part of this trip home was seeing how much she remembered from the last one - which was baffling to me.  She went there 2 months after landing in Canada and wasn't understanding English fully yet, hadn't really laughed until that trip (C and K were the laugh-riot trigger!) but still remembered where the 1 toy at my Nana and Papa's place was or the mini-trampoline and how she used it before she could even jump!

Other fun developments that have happened since this trip include her playing the crowd now (she changes the tone of her voice and everything), SINGING!, and starting to recognize emotions.  Man, she really is adorable...especially when singing... I just have to say...

Now that we are home (which included a crash lawn mow, unpack, laundry, weeding, and grocery shop) she is starting to get into her clingy mode because Daddy isn't here... He called the other night, completely unexpected, and she was so confused because she is so used to Skype that she kept looking for him but couldn't see him and only sat there and said "Ga-Ga" (her Da-Da since she started that before the cleft repair).   It was funny.   He actually called twice and I have to say that I probably sounded like that drunk girl at a party because I was so rapid-fire full of stories of all she has done and interspersed with sappy "I love you's" that I'm sure I could have been an SNL character.

Now that we are back though, I have checked the status of her citizenship package and am happy to say that it is being processed (now, that could mean processed and then sent back because of an error or processed because it is good) so, it is at least there in the correct facility.   I have also called the ophthalmologist since it has been over 3 months since we were referred to the Kids' Hospital eye doctors... the receptionist told me that her file shows the referral and that this clinic has a habit of only contacting you a month before your appointment.  I figured something had been misplaced because I'm used to having a call with the appointment date being eons away.   So, those are my serious sides of Dania tasks and they have been done.  Now?  Back to chalk drawings of Elmo, great books, and somersaults on the lawn!