Last Big Step

Today, we got the certified true copies for her citizenship application!!!  I will mail the whole package tomorrow morning.  I have added sticky notes to every page indicating what it's intended use is.  I also included 3 different head shots to choose from (2 of each, of course) and 2 different copies of my receipt of fee payment (1 filled out, one not... I had entered my address and such online but nothing printed out on the receipt except my name and all the blanks are there so I filled one out and included another fresh off the press).  I'm so paranoid about it being sent back after the back and forth I played with Immigration to get the approval letter to be foreign adopted parents!  My biggest concern with this is they will not like the affadavit of the translator because it is at the bottom of each translated page and because the photocopy is slightly skewed the bottom of the last sentence is cut off... still don't even have to guess at what it says, just literally showing two thirds of the letters.  I also worry that it will be a problem when I've included 1 certified true copy of a document that is to be used for both official forms (the proof of adopted parents' citizenship and the grant of a minor [adopted] citizenship), for example, the proof of guardianship via the adoption certificate; there is 1 copy to be used for both forms.  I hope, hope, hope that everything is okay so we don't keep sending things back and forth.

The lady at the courthouse doing the certified true copies today was a hoot and totally enamoured with Dania.  She looked at the first copy and said, "well, I didn't expect I'd be reading Russian today!" and then asked about everything as she stamped and signed all my papers.  She also way undercharged me which I totally appreciate.  A few pages were stapled together (translations and document) and should have counted as 2 copies each but she only counted them as 1.  She was still shocked at the total being $90 but I laughed and said while we were sending Russia documents, it was $60 a document for translation and certification as opposed to $13.50, so I was happy with that total!

So, now I have a brown paper package on the dining table that is to be sent tomorrow morning!  YEAH!!!!

On different notes, Dania had some good strides in the clingy department where she slept at Mima's house here without Mama and Daddy putting her to bed or being there when she woke up.  She did great!  All in prep for Mike leaving again and me being in a wedding in August so she will be staying there again.  She has also been doing really well with trying the b and p sounds as not initial sounds.  She is saying 'maybe' and 'up' all the time now.  She even said 'Rob' when pointing to our friend Rob.  I have been so impressed.  She is clearly watching our mouths closely still... but must be practicing in secret in all the mirrors in her room hahahaha.  She has even been holding her hands on her lips when trying to say 'Big Bird' because I pinch mine together with my hands to show her.  What a kid.

We are also about to embark on a trip to Ontario and my favourite place in the world - The Cottage.  So many childhood memories so I hope to start creating them for her - tomorrow!

Love these 1-year-later shots.  Thanks again to Jenine at Blue Vine Photography!

Another Anniversary!

One year ago today, Mike and I were granted custody of Dania and we were taking this photograph as our first official family photo:

Now, one year later:

she still has about the same amount of hair.

Wow.   I often get asked if I can remember life before her... yes, I can.  It was just so much quieter and different and not as much love and worry busting out of me 24/7.   I can remember life without her... just don't necessarily want to go back to that life!  I also get asked a lot if we are going for number 2 now... well, I always  said that if we adopted again I would want Dania to be old enough to weigh in on the matter.  She might be more bothered over the fact that she was adopted than we could realize (this doesn't mean she doesn't see us as her parents, it just means she has internalized that she began by not being wanted by someone) and if going through the process would bother her then I don't think I could do it.  If by some miracle I got pregnant, then that's another story.  But in all honesty?  I am so happy with just one to love and cherish with every morsel of my soul.   I do hope that "Russia" will open it's mind and allow adoption to Canada again for the sake of all those little ones out there.  I still think of Mak in the baby home and I have so many other faces that I saw everyday while there too!  My beautiful girl is here though.  Her citizenship is almost ready to be sent (by the end of next week is my goal).  

We did the photo shoot with Blue Vine photography and wonderful Jenine in order to celebrate this remarkable milestone.  I thought it was more for me to send to my family back home but when I saw the last photograph she took of me and Dania I started to cry.  And I cried every time I thought about it for the next few days.  A loving confidant asked me why I cried... I had to think about it and I realized it was because I still fear that she can be taken from me for political reasons.  We struggled to get her and there was so much angst over the court day and so much precaution over dotting all the i's and crossing all the t's that I think I still felt like it wasn't permanent.  This is a different feeling from the irrational fear that she will stop breathing at night since she sleeps with a blanket over her face (she's kind of like the bird in a cage that way, just have to move her and put the blanket back and she will settle) or that she will run into the street when I'm not looking for a second... it's so much scarier than that.  It's so hard to put into proper words for me to convey to everyone else.  It's just that I didn't realize it was there before, this deep-seated fear that since she is still not a Canadian citizen (hence my meltdown when I couldn't find her PR card!) that she is susceptible somehow - and I didn't really realize it until I saw that picture.  Then it hit me when Jenine showed me (crying again right now) that this photo completely represented my reality.  It was her and me and no one else around to intrude.  We were in the middle of a field wearing coronas of sunlight and that is it.  We are not inhibited by being out in the open and we are enjoying each other.  That's it.  Simplicity at its best.  And it's my simplicity now.  

For as long as I live, I may not have a photo that means as much to me as this one.  Mama loves you Dania!

She Just Blew My Mind Again.

Ok, let me set the stage for the normal, everyday:  temper, temper, temper.  This kid has a short, short fuse and it usually has to do with us trying to get her to do something like eat or speak a new sound.  She will lash out and hit us, then start screaming, then throw herself on the ground and cry.  The day might as well end there because it's a struggle for the rest of the day coming.  It's usually me getting smacked in the face because I'm home all day with her.  I have been trying soooo hard to get her to do the 'buh' sound and to have her not use the 'nnn' sound for when saying milk.  These are old habits to break... and her temper is breaking me.  I feel so bad because we encouraged the compensated sounds before the surgery (ie. Gaga for Dada) and now we say it isn't right and she loses it.  Once she has temper tantrumed once, every little thing for the day does it, bumping her stroller while she is walking Elmo, not being able to use her fork properly, not getting something to stay in just the right spot.  Nothing will make her happy.  So, with this being said, I was dreading our latest speech pathology appointment, picturing her hitting the speech pathologist, screaming, and just getting angry the whole hour.  Dania sat quiety, listened to what she was told, responded and tried sounds and words that she never would for us, and didn't throw any fit when she was denied a toy until she attempted the sound.  For the whole hour.  I think I sat there with my jaw hung open.  She even let the speech pathologist touch her face and push her lips together!  Unbelievable.  I was so blown away when we left that appointment.  She still doesn't have that patience with me now that I KNOW she can do it hahaha.  She has a better time with the P and B being the start of the second syllable (apple, elbow).  That is now the angle we are approaching things as opposed to initial sounds.

One thing that isn't making her frustrated, and that I am being impressed with, is the potty training.  She still is unable to tell us when she has to pee and she doesn't look different or dance or give any body language to indicate that need yet, but she has been pooping on the toilet daily now.  She is even pointing to her bum and walking to the toilet and going (twice in the last week!) instead of me just putting her on around her usual time and waiting.  We let her play with the tablet on the toilet... her lap isn't big enough for books to not fall off!... and that allows her to relax and then she gets a few chocolate chips as a reward.  It's working for both of us so I'm happy.  Once she is consistent for a whole week I will try her without the diaper and start working on telling us when she has to pee.

Other than that, we are just outside as much as possible and enjoying the nice weather!

She Sucks!

Literally!  The surgery worked!  She can suck through a straw now!!!!  It was 5 months to the day of her surgery (Jan. 27) that she finally used a straw and has continued to do so.  Of course it was a double-caffeinated beverage that I was drinking and said, 'sure, you can have some because you can't use a straw,' and she takes a giant gulp as I watch the liquid go up the straw!  I yelled out in surprise and startled her.  We then got her a chocolate milk with a straw right away and I kept raising my arms and yelling in happiness and had to explain to the lady at the counter that she had been physically unable to do this before and had surgery and now - SUCK!  She didn't seem to care ha ha ha!  It was funny because just the day before I was forcing her to poise so I could take  a pic of the roof of her mouth to see what progress the dent has made with filling in (if any!).

I love that you can see the scar around the toothline that shows just how much was filled in!

I know it was three days before I posted, but the days are busy now that we are always outside!  This most wonderful news definitely couldn't wait long though ;)

She is proving to love summer and water just as much as me.  And boy, oh boy!  Her skin is going to be dark.  Her region generally had the darker skin tones and she is going to follow suit for sure!  She fights me with the sunscreen in the morning (mostly just the back of the neck which furthers my theory that she didn't like the bucket hats because they touched the back of her neck with their brims) but we get it on and reapply if we get wet but she is still going to be very obviously of darker than me (and Mike, well, he is always pale though so I'm not counting him) and I said it might be the first times that strangers might think she is not our biological child.  I always LOVE playing along with people who say she has my smile or looks just like Mike.  It's easier than explaining the whole story to a total stranger! LOL!  Meanwhile, anyone who knows genetics would know that two blue-eyed people could not produce a dark brown-eyed child.  Genetics was my favourite part of science in school!  As her hair is growing in it is getting lighter though and might be more of a golden brown than a chestnut brown that I thought she would be.  We shall have to wait and see!