Movement.

Holy Moly!  The first month after our visit flew by!  The last two weeks?  CRAWLED like a dehydrated snail!

I had emailed CHOC a few times and asked if there was a standard notice time, ie. if our appointment was July 20, would we hear 2 weeks before?  3 weeks? 

There is no standard.  Blah.

I had a little cry on a cousin's virtual shoulder yesterday.  I miss her more than I let on.  I'm sad because I'm forget the way she feels and sounds and smells.  I want to bink my nose on hers to make her giggle.  I want to be her mother, dangit!

That aside, today we received an email from CHOC saying that the embassy has received a letter confirming Dania is eligible for immigration!  Yeah!  This letter, unbeknownst to us, had to be processed in London, England and then sent back.  So, four different recipients along the way, in 4 different time zones, makes for a long transaction.  This letter states that there is nothing medically that should exclude Dania from immigrating.  With that, and the Letter of No Objection from Canada, we should be good to get our date soon!  I didn't even know we had to have this other document.  It makes sense (now) that they wouldn't schedule a custody hearing for a child if they are unaware if she is allowed to immigrate!  She is!  Yeah!  So, we signed the document and just posted it so CHOC will receive it on Tuesday and then they can send it off right away.

The downside to today's email... I have been SO organized and on top of the dates of our documents and what needs to be done and payments and everything!  I blew it!  HUGE!  $6000 huge!  To go into financial detail of this process (just for the fees, mind you) the agency fee is $6500.  That pays for the people at CHOC, their time, their building, their knowledge and their trust.  There were a few fees on top of that for individual documents, etc.  The Russian fee is $18,000 USD.  First, we sent the agency their fee when we started the process and sent them our full application.  Our second lump of $6000 was made when we sent our completed home study, and therefore our approval from Canada, to CHOC for them to translate and send to Russia (hence the Russian fees).  The next chunk of $6000 was upon acceptance of a proposal, so, this was done up in November with the first proposal, and then sat in the bank until we were ready to actually go over.  We handed that to the Rep in Ufa, for her to pay Russia.  Now, in my own pitiful defence, Mike was in the same frame of mind as me.  We've paid 18000... not remembering that the first lump was for just the agency... GAH!  I feel awful that I let that get overlooked.  Our guardian angel helped again, big time.  The cheque has been written, and by Tuesday the funds will be there.  I feel like the asking for the final chunk of fees means that Russian wheels are turning... this will be lawyer fees, court fees, translator fees, the social worker who observes us for a day, etc, etc, etc... always more etc...

Big breath.

It's in the mail, it's being handled, it's never going to feel like we can thank the people who have helped us out enough!  The extra support is unbelievable and so, so appreciated.  As I said in a previous post, I imagine sending thank you cards from her when this is all said and done... and that scares me to think that because she's still not ours until 30 days AFTER court. HOPEFULLY!

Letter of No Objection

I received an email from CHOC saying (my heart was beating soooo fast because I thought 'this is it!') that they have received the 2 Ontario references with the new dates - thank you for your expediency - and also a Letter of No Objection from our provincial government.  This was the last big ticket item needed for court.  It basically states that our province and government recognizes we are pursuing this private adoption, they have looked at the child's files, and they have no problems with us raising her as our own.  It felt really good to see that.  Affirming.  I would post a photo but it says right on the letter that it is only to be shared with us and the involved legal parties due to the sensitive info contained within.  Just know it has a big shiny seal and our names and Dania's name!

The rest of the references and the last two documents needed will be in the mail tomorrow.  Boo ya.  Prepared.

Now, give us a court date for next month, puh-leeeeease!

More Paperwork...

...it never ends!  As a matter of fact, it won't end until 3 years after the adoption is finalized!

I woke up feeling like this is the week we will hear (so, we probably won't).  I also knew we had gathered a bunch of documents last summer around the start of the Olympics, which means at the end of next month they would all expire in the eyes of Russian court.  I emailed CHOC to ask about these and she sent me back 7 pages of documents that need redoing.  These are letters from employers and letters of reference about our characters. 

I wanted to make this as easy as possible for those who kindly wrote us letters last year in July.  I retyped them (in case they weren't saved on their computers) word-for-word, only changing ages and time references.  I then emailed each reference their letter and asked for them to print them out, sign them, and mail them to CHOC.  I feel bad hounding people again, but (HAHAHA  just got a text from my sister saying she mailed hers just now!) we need to get these documents gathered in case we need to use them.  Gathering them now is important because they will then have to be sent to be legalized and translated (even though they are almost exactly the same!) and then mailed to our lawyer in Russia.  CHOC says we will gather these and hold off on getting them legalized until we have the court date, because if it is between the 10th and 20th of July we won't need them. 

My cousin pointed out that Murphy's law has been all over this process!  She predicts that the date will be just after August 1st since that is the latest dated document we are redoing.  I figure we won't hear for another two weeks, CHOC will send them off to be legalized, we will pay for that, and then the date will end up being on time and we will scramble to get flights!  Over prepared is still better than not at all and having to wait even longer.

The other couple messaged me today asking if I had heard.  They know we are ahead of them so as soon as we hear they should be hearing too.  He still reminded me that even he was told between the 20th and 25th of July, so that's still not too far away!  Although, Vladmir did say that the next appointments after that time aren't until October! GAH! 

I am REALLY starting to feel antsy about not having a date...and I swear it's been ever since I called it her room upstairs!  THIS is the worst waiting because I have a face, a plan, but no definitive point to look towards!

happy father's day

I want to wish my husband a happy father's day because he will be a good father some day.    Also, while telling him this, I gave him a gift and told him he could put it in her room.  Yikes!!!  I called it her room!  I instantly felt like I jinxed it!  I have always still called it Kid's room!

I got him a Beanie Boo of a pink turtle with sparkly pink eyes because it has the same birthday as Mike!  It was fate! ( I really wanted it because of the eyes!)

Last Training Session

Thursday night we finished the Russian adoption training course!  My favourite quote of the night was, "adoption is like marriage without the dating."  How true!

This last session focused on survival skills and psychologist's recommendations for dealing with the five archetypal coping behaviours.  The survival skills were relatable to many situations but the main point that was repeated was, "don't blame yourself."  Just like everyone has bad hair days, we are entitled to bad adoption days where we all get frustrated and nothing right seems to happen!  A lot of information pertained to reminding ourselves that we keep on living our lives but we have to adapt to her special needs and be aware of how others react to her.  For example, she might not want to be spoken to directly, it might cause her to freeze up, so we have to speak for her in advance.

We also explored some case studies of young adoptees.  All of these kids were under 3 years of age and had a family age of less than 6 months.  It was interesting to hear about how even a 9-month-old girl could become a 'rock' by just curling up and refusing to react to any stimulus.  In each case, the psychologists went showed the parent how to teach and practice proper family behaviour with their child.  It took time and, in some cases, they regressed when entering daycare, but then the parent had the knowledge with how to deal with the coping mechanisms and could do so for any regression. 

I really, really enjoyed this course.  It had a lot of general knowledge that I think all parents should hear and it made you think in advance about situations we might not have even considered.  It is so much more about adopting a child from an institution now as opposed to a child from Russia. 

There were a lot of tips about Russian culture that would help us relate to the probable routines in the orphanage.  We were told Russian families often have a 'tea party' at the end of the day with the whole family.  This lets everyone get together and enjoy each others' company before going your separate ways the next morning.  I think we can certainly do this considering, Dania included, we all like tea!

Totally Selfish!

I just spent a few wonderful days back home with the family.  I had a cousin getting married down south and was unable to afford to attend so my father offered to fly me out to keep him and his parents company.  Unfortunately, the grandparents were unable to attend due to insurance difficulties, so we all celebrated simultaneously with the southern bunch!  Congratulations A & C!!!

Home has left me feeling soulfully elated.  It was so weird for me to keep hearing how great of a thing I'm doing.  I never know what to say when something like that is said to me.  I mean, for example, my dad was speechless.  Anyone who knows my father will know that that is a huge thing.  He is always of an opinion.  He couldn't form words to tell me what he wanted to say.  He also said he was on the phone with his sister and she was the same way.

Honestly, this is not about saving a child.  I'm doing this for purely selfish reasons.  I'm doing this because I want to be a mum and I don't want to go through IVF.  To me, this is my only option.  It's all about the feeling I get thinking about holding her and playing with her.  Totally selfish!

I'm also beginning to get more frightened by the fact that I feel like she is ours already.  I hope that I don't jinx myself.  I want her so bad!  I'm making plans, I'm writing thank you cards from her, I'm visiting people.  That scares me so much because she isn't yet even mine!  I guess this scariness has been counteracted with the good feelings from the folks and the grandfolks because right now I just feel good.

I found the orphanage on Google Earth.  I will post satellite pictures but I must do a few adjustments to keep the anonymity since it doesn't really have an address.  It is hidden amidst some apartments and not visible from the street.

We also have our last training session tomorrow night!

Solo Selfie!

Yup, I'm about to post a self portrait.  Sorry, couldn't do the duck face.

I did it because I thought this biological side of things was interesting. Prepare yourself, it's all about hair, so skip this post now if that's boring to you!

Back in 2008:  I started growing my hair in January for our wedding in October.  It was the first time I'd ever had longish hair.  I started by cutting it short and just let it go with trims to shape it and keep it healthy.  Come October, I had "mermaid" hair that was just past my shoulders.

Early 2009: This is when we started to try and get pregnant.  I stopped the pill and had stopped thinking about my hair.  I just pulled it into a pony tail and went to work.  It was easy and it kept getting longer.  Now, when I stopped the pill I also stopped getting a period.  Enter the hormones!  First I was on hormones just to help me get a period.  After a few months, when it was clear it wasn't going to work, I started on the heavier hormones.  This was the summer of the best hair of my life!  It was the perfect smoothness, and thick and healthy.  It was a good length, mid-back, for mermaid curls and I almost always liked what it looked like.  I kept letting it grow.  (I would also like to interject that my nails began to grow crazy fast too.  This is all very similar to what I hear pregnant people say about their hair and nails). 

Summer 2010:  This is nearing the end of my hormones, after it's clear that they aren't working.  I am pissed that it didn't work and have totally forgotten about the good hair.  Again, up into the pony tail and throw myself into work. 

Now:  This is the first time I've had anytime to notice my hair.  I have recently been trying to wear my hair down again but it never felt like it did in 2009/2010.  I kept trying different products, different ways of styling and drying, but it always felt "gross" to me.

It hit me today that it was because the last time it was this long and felt good I was on the hormones!

Solution?  Go shorter!  I would say 7-8 inches came off today.  I still wanted to be able to pull it back so that I look familiar when I visit Dania - I don't want to be a stranger again!  (But, I bet the teeth will be enough of a reminder!)  Either way, this is the first time, since January 2008, I've seen space above my shoulders when my hair was down.  I can still pull it into a pony tail (with some bobby pin help) which was how Dania saw me everyday.  It feels better, still not as nice as it did when I was on the hormones, but it feels a lot healthier. 

I just thought it was neat to look at some of the biological differences of this process, as opposed to the sociological ones!

A Cute Tidbit of Info

The couple from Ontario, D and S, are done with their trip to the orphanage.  They messaged and said they delivered Dania's photos and papers for passport and visa to Moscow.  They also said the lawyer asked them to tell us that when he took Dania to the photographer she kept pulling at his moustache.  Cute!  D and S were told their court will most likely be between the 20 and 25 of July, so now we both wait...