The Appointment

I just returned from my appointment with my GP.  He looked at the form and said he wanted to review all the details in my file so he can fill it out so it's most positive for me.  He also said that there "is obviously nothing here that will prevent [me] from being a parent."  Well, that felt good to hear! Thank you!

I did kind of wish he just ticked the boxes and signed his name and license number, assumedly so Russia can check that he's a credible doctor!  I understand that he wants to make an informed and accurate report.  He said he will call when he is completed.  Waiting?  Pshaw!  A week is nothing!

I will hopefully hear from the social worker soon to see if she has had discussions with CHOC yet.  Mike has his appointment with his doctors too... his will be be a quick tick of the boxes and he'll be done.

And we're moving forward again.

My Intention...

I was given "ohm work" at yoga.  My instructor said I had to write down my intention and see what happens.  During tonight's practice I had made my intention "acceptance."  I had been looking for help within myself for accepting my circumstances.

Let me back track just a little first...

The room we painted for kid had hardly been stepped in for the first year we lived here.  Once it was blue I kept sitting in there and wishing it had harder floors for me to practice yoga.  The want to practice yoga more lead me to join an actual yoga studio and not just take classes at the gym.  The studios are blue.  A very similar blue to what I have chosen to decorate with...

My intention is acceptance.

I already have accepted that I am inexplainably infertile.  I need to accept that if I am denied because of my mental health issues it wasn't meant to happen with this country (I just REALLY feel like Russia is where Kid is).  I accept that it is all a big "what if" right now and I need to stop looking so far into the future and focus on the next step.  I need to accept that I can't help who I am and that I am OK.

My intention is acceptance that I WILL be a mother...

I Feel Even More "Broken"

I recieved an email today, from CHOC, telling me that the mental health issues are a real concern.  We have to have additional medical forms filled out, revise our homestudy to omit any details and descriptions, and hope for the best... I don't like it.  I feel like it's another diagnosis telling me I'm not having kids.

The medical form asks the doctors if we suffer from a list of diseases.  If we have any 'yes' answers I was told Russia will not accept us.  They take the mental and physical health of the prospective parents very seriously.  I feel like yelling back, "I take MY health seriously too!"  The category that could break us is listed as Mental Disease.  Yes or No.  That's it.  I guess I have to see if my doctor considers what I have a disease or not.  Myself?  I do not.  It's a condition which is very manageable, much like acne or male patterned baldness.  I had a good bout of depression nine years ago, but I never had a "Major Depressive Episode" as described in many Government of Canada health reports (and wikipedia) - I just googled and read so much because this is so upsetting to me and I wanted to see if minor depression is repeatedly cited as a disease.  I will have to discuss this with my doctor and hope for the best outcome... because the current outcome isn't looking so hot.

And even if he does fill it out in my favour, Russia might still say 'no.'   I have emailed CHOC and asked about their experiences with couples like Mike and I being denied.  I'm scared as hell to read that answer.  I have to stay proactive though - if I don't I might actually accquire a mental disease because blind hope might drive me mad.

GAH!

We got the money order, had the package sealed and dropped it in the mail.  We get home and there's a phonecall saying that the Dept. of Community services has our Criminal Record checks still!!!  I don't know what they have because we had embossed pages that said we had no criminal records.  Mike will pick them up from the office tomorrow and we'll see if they look different.  It just bites that it might be a split shipment therefore doubling the chances of something getting lost.

and the depression bites me in the ass again...

We hit hitch number one today.  Our social worker called to say that she has found out Russia may have a problem with the mental health aspects of our medical assessments.  We both have battled depression but I will always be on medications and my psychiatrist noted as such.  She also noted there was nothing leading her to believe that I couldn't parent a kid.  In the long run I don't think this will really stop our adoption but it was my biggest concern that my mental health history would be a hindrance.  It looks like CHOC will decide if we need more medical forms filled out once they have reviewed our dossier.  GAH!  just another hiccup that i caused...

I got the money order today though... tomorrow we mail out the package once we write a cover letter to ask that they pay attention to the mental health issues and get us the forms that need to be filled out.  Our social worker did say we could open the packcage.  I have our approval letter!!!! It is clearly just for us and not something we need to forward to CHOC.  Is it weird I want to frame it?

After it all sunk in...

Ok, It didn't really hit me until a few hours after we got the phone call.  I think we were both just taken so unawares because we had received an email that said our criminal record checks appeared to be copies and not originals.  We decided to just get them redone instead of tracking down the originals and I had mine but we were waiting on Mike's.  Looks like the office found them though!

I picked up the package yesterday.  It felt AMAZING.  It's on the kitchen table now; I get to see it every time I walk through the main floor.  I emailed the agency and they were excited that we got the approval quickly.  Next week we send the dossier off to CHOC along with thier adoption fees - thanks to my helper again!  After they receive it I will ask about their current case load and how long they think it will take to process for Russia.  Their timeline says it can be anywhere from 6 to 16 weeks.  End of August is an ok assumption and fits with my hoped for timeline.

After filling out the immigration forms I think I am going to enlist the help of an outside source to help me ensure I have everything.  It's confusing because some forms only ask for one sponsor, and I am the primary sponsor, but then I wonder if we should each be filling one out.  Over and over the guides warn you that if it's not filled out fully they will mail it back.  I don't want that to happen.  I have a whole page of questions to ask and I'm hoping the 1800 number will help but I get the feeling they are there more to just direct you to which forms you need and not to help you fill them out.  I did figure out where to get things notarized but I don't know now if all copies need to be or not... so many what if's! 

Heck Ya!

We are now approved to be adoptive parents in the province of Nova Scotia!

YEAH!