Homestudy Step One

Denied! Due to inclement weather!

Yes, I was a tad upset this morning at this news.  Now we are delayed two weeks to the start of our home study.  I will list off the required documents we need by the time this whole thing is complete.  Most are filled out upon the initial meeting but many are things we have to send away for from different governmental departments. 

-4 references (only one family) - these will be called or mailed surveys to complete
-2 medical checks - they provide the forms that must be filled by our doctors and forwarded directly to social worker
-2 police checks - separate from the ones we just did for public adoption
-2 child abuse registry checks - ditto above
-2 revenue canada notice of assessments
-a financial statement
-fire exit plan for our house
-home safety checklist done by social worker (it even lists the type of first aid kits we should have!)
-copies of: marriage certificate, auto and house insurance, life insurance, birth certificates, family pictures
-Signed Discipline Agreement - a government document saying we agree that discipline is important but not in a punitive manner (duh!)
-adoption training classes

Ok, we have to go through all of this rigmarole in order to help a homeless child - how do I get the job that requires me to do this check up (or even just the home safety, background checks, and discipline agreement) for all the families out there that have kids the natural way?  I understand why they need to do it, but why isn't more in place to help kids born to idiot parents, other than observing and documenting serveral instances and then finally stepping in after much neglect or damage has been done? Ugh!  I'm sure I'm just extra down because we've hit our first delay of which I'm sure there will be many.  Until the end, I will just live vicariously through friends!  Congrats Jen and Rob on your wonderful viking baby!  xoxo

Reactions

When this process started I was warned by two people to be wary of judgement and negative reactions from those who don’t agree with my choice to adopt internationally.  It never crossed my mind that people would be anything but ecstatic but I guess that is a valid concern considering the family dynamic is a touchy subject with so many.  I am lucky that no one has expressed any prejudices about cultural differences or pressing me to do everything medically possible to keep trying the “normal” way.  I am also pleased that I have had four family members offer to maim or harm anyone who is opposed to our process!  And each offered to carry this out in a different manner… I have creative and loving guardian angels for Kid already!  Although, there have been a few guarded reactions.  I don’t see my announcement any different from if I was announcing I was actually pregnant.  I wonder if those guarded reactions would have been so if that really was the case.  See?  Family dynamic is a touchy thing.

I feel that if you are happy for someone it doesn’t matter.  I have spent the last few years celebrating all the majority of friends and family members announcing pregnancies and bringing life into this world and the whole time I knew it would be difficult for me to conceive.  I hope like hell none of you were guarded with your own excitement when telling me!  It doesn’t matter my situation because it was yours in the spotlight.  I can honestly say I never once felt sorry for myself after your announcements.  I feel sorry for myself when I see idiots out in public manhandling their kids or clearly neglecting their kids’ well-being because those idiots do not deserve kids and I do!  I was recently told by an expecting friend that there was nervousness when telling me but my reaction took it all away because I was clearly happy for him!  Bring on the stories and photos because I love knowing my friends are happy!

So, I wonder if those who felt the need to stifle their celebration with me for the sake of others can put themselves in my shoes and understand that, after years of trying and all the comments and questions about 'when are we having kids?' and constant negative results from doctors but watching what felt like everyone around me have joy, that I have earned this feeling of elation and I am not hiding it from anyone.  I don’t bring it up constantly or only talk about this subject but I already know that having this light at the end of the tunnel to look towards has put a spring in my step and an enthusiastic twist on everything I do; the same as I would be affected knowing I was pregnant.  My family dynamic does not see it as different; Mike and I are still going to be parents!  Just like the song most of us learned as a kid: if you’re happy and you know it, clap your hands!  And I’m clapping damn hard! 

Funny how Things turn out...

I spent many years working towards a P.B.Ed. in Ontario and a B.Ed in Nova Scotia and I never wanted to really teach.  I applied for Practical Nursing a year ago because I want to help people heal.  I had wanted to be pregnant and have a child by next September so that I could take a year of maternity and start towards my LPN in 2013.  As any good teacher knows: things don't go as planned.

I was accepted into my program.  I thought they might make me brush up on some sciences first but they didn't list any conditions.  Awesome.  Although, now I need the tuition for something more... a calling that I was never in denial about.  I think about how I would have reacted to such an abrupt change a few years ago - not well, to say the least. And now? I am proud that if I can't go to school in two years to do what I really want career-wise that I will be doing something more important!  I also figure that if they accepted me now they will accept me in five years.  Or maybe this adoption process will open up a new way I can help heal people by helping them complete their families.  It's just like the when and the age of Kid - who knows?

I'm Clearly an Eager Beaver

After downloading and reading all of the guides and forms required for immigration it turns out I can't send them in until we are approved by the province as adoptive parents.  I guess I was just rushing ahead, but you can understand why!  I want to be a mum!   On the plus side, I think we acutally only have to fill out two of the 7 forms for the sponsor part of the application.  I am the primary sponsor, Mike is the co-signer, Kid is the primary applicant.  I have to keep that in mind while reading the forms or I start to fill in my information where no information is required since it is unknown who Kid is.

I was speaking to the lady in charge of international adoption applications for the province and asking her about training programs.  Most places require the PRIDE program but NS has made a new International Adoption training program.  It was first made because China required this training for their applicants as it had more information specific to international issues as well as standard adpotive family issues.  The feedback from the fall session was great and now the province has decided to make it manadatory for all international adoptions.  The big difference between China and Russia in regards to applications is that China requires the parents to complete this course before they can apply whereas she was fairly certain Russia didn't have that stipulation.  The province simply requires it is complete before the child comes home.  She is going to get back to me with a for sure on that but if her inclinations are the case than that is one less hold up for us since we can go ahead with the home study and not worry about having to first wait for the next training session!  This will also help pass the wait time since it can be done in between steps.

In the meantime I keep filling out forms and saving them for when it is time.  I keep emailing and calling several different contacts to ensure I am not missing anything.  I feel like I'm going to annoy some people with the amount of questions I have!  

Belly Pics

A good friend made the connection that these posts are equivalent to my progression of belly growth!  I love taking maternity pics so this is a perfect fit for me hahaha! 

I read through the three guides to filling out immigration documents today.  Yup!  THREE guides!  And even after reading them I still have questions about a few areas - good thing I have an agency checking it all over.  I hope that when all the forms are in front of me they make more sense.  Six forms about us, three or four about our unknown child, and that's only the first two steps. 

I have also looked into the Russian course I picked up for Mike and me.  I completely forgot that the Russian alphabet is not comprised of the same characters as ours!  It's more Greek based as opposed to Latin based and has even more characters.  I can't even sound the words out!  This will be fun/hard.  Dad told me he knows one word and one phrase that he picked up from The Great Escape: 'no' and 'I love you.'  Perfect!  What else do you need to know for a little kid, right? 

Daydream

The daydream that constantly brings tears to my eyes is this:  Mike and I are on the plane coming home from Russia.  There is a little blonde haired boy in the seat between us.  He looks to be about two.  He's slumped over sleeping on Mike's arm and Mike is tilted towards him sleeping too.  I can't stop smiling.

It's a Small World

As I've been sharing the news with family and friends I've been discovering more and more people who are in the same process.  And more who are also using CHOC!  My cousin Chaundra has an office mate who is waiting to go to Russia the second time in his process... the trip that lets you bring home your child.  He is lucky to have found a 15 month old girl.  I cannot wait to see what fate brings Mike and me!

I bought a learn to speak Russian program today.  Mike and I will be students together.  I'm also starting to read up on the cities we could end up visiting.

We have our first homestudy session booked for November 24th.  We will know more once we meet her but right now we have a lot of emails with attachments to read through!  I'm stoked that we were able to start this process sooner than later and that she has worked with CHOC before!  In the meantime, our next step is to apply for child sponsorship from Immigration Canada.  I shall download the forms shortly and we will be filling them out this weekend.  So much paper work, so many possible hold ups but I feel like the numerous possibilties of who our child(ren) will be makes light work of everything that comes before!  Uncle John said it right: it's an adventure!

The New Beginning

I'm starting this blog on the request of my cousin.  It had never crossed my mind but the jouney I'm about to embark on will prove to be interesting, difficult at times, and so rewarding in the end that others may benefit from knowing the process... so why not?

After trying to get pregnant for almost two years, and being deemed inexplainably infertile, we have decided to pursue adoption.  We looked into IVF as that was the last option the doctors could offer me.  I was the one who decided 'no.'  I know my husband wanted to try but I also know my own sanity wouldn't survive the process.  I have battled depression for years and failure is my biggest trigger.  I know that after putting a fertilized embryo inside me (what we've been trying for for so long!) that if it didn't take I wouldn't be able to handle it.  I had a hard enough time being told I was infertile... I don't want to be that low ever again.

We began to pursue adoption through our provincial government for domestic and international adoption but the wait lists are huge and the wait times are even more huge.  Plus!  You can only apply to one country at a time and they can't give me any information as to the stats on certain countries or which have a faster adoption rate, etc.  I was very upset by this hiccup and woke up one day last week deciding that I wouldn't accept more delays or excuses.  If there was a way to get my kid I was going to do it!

We started by emailing a bunch of private adoption agencies in Ontario, as there are none in NS.  I now want to know why there aren't any and how one would get started, but that's a side project to fill in my wait time!  Two companies emailed back saying they would work with us from our location!  Finally!  A BIG FAT YES!

I feel like I'm announcing I'm pregnant!  I will be adopting a child from Russia through Caring Homes for Orphan Children (CHOC).  www.chocadoption.com  Our government has worked with them before and says they have a good working relationship (another good turn!).  I also have loved how quickly they have responded to any questions and how helpful they are.  Yes this will be an expensive venture but it is very importnat to both of us to start our family.  I have agreed to delay anymore schooling and use funds for this instead, and I have had a wonderful offer of help from a marvelous person.  We will make this happen... well, it IS happening!

As soon as we got the yes from CHOC I filled out the registration form, contacted our Department of Community Services to let them know of our pending venture, phoned a private social worker to set up and begin our home study, photographed all the rooms in our house and compiled a smattering of photos of Mike and me for CHOC to send to Russia, gathered photocopies of important documents and we will be getting our criminal record checks tonight.  All of this will be forwarded to CHOC and then we just keep preparing and complete the homestudy.  I will have more information about this when I talk to the social worker some more.

There is a huge list of steps and documents needed and I will do my best to keep up with all of them so all of you can know what's happening.  It seems like multiple steps are done in one short spurt of time and then we wait for some sort of approval from someone (it could be NS, CHOC, or Russia) and that's when we would start the next spurt of steps.

It is very exciting and I'm pleased to announce that we have requested a child aged 4 or younger with no preference of gender and we are not opposed to siblings.  To put all this in a nutshell: I'm going to be a mum!  It may take me as long as it takes an elephant (hence the background) but I know it will happen!